Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

I could have had Kevin Costner’s baby

In IMing some party-on excellent friends earlier, Don suggested that I write about nothing, the way he often does. However, lacking his hilarity, beer, and ability to sit in a chair outside all day while drinking and making fun of the neighbors, I wasn’t sure about whether I could pull it off. I would like to say, however, that we put up a Christmas tree today (I know, I’m impressed that it’s so early as well).

Tucker was so excited when he came home from school, and made the whole adventure (and me worrying whether there are dormant ticks in it, who will hatch when they warm up inside the house, and *shudder*) totally worthwhile. Unless the tick thing turns out to be a valid concern, in which case this tree will be on the lawn in flames before you can type the word “tick” with one hand, ancient ornaments and all. 

Tucker tree

Wanna hear about Kevin Costner now?

So, when I was in high school, my mom was dating this camera guy, or whatever. Back then, it was hard to keep track of her escapades in addition to my own, so it’s possible that he was a screen-writer or something else instead. Anyway, this dude of hers scored us some spots as extras in the film American Flyer. It basically meant that we stood around doing nothing for hours, and then jumped up and down while yelling “Whoot!” during the 30 seconds when the actors all rode by us on their bicycles.

It also meant getting up at 0:ass30, and standing around while a bunch of unorganized morons figured out where to put the food table. So, on day two, after scoring my free donut, I told my mom that I wasn’t feeling well and went inside near the fire to take a little nap. Alone.

Until I woke up, and realized I was asleep on a random dude’s arm. I didn’t even think to look for drool tracks before doing the nice thing and apologizing. Anyway, we started talking a little, and I noticed that he had a huge scrape on his leg. I asked what happened, and he said that it was fake, and explained they made it out of this Corn Flake looking stuff. It looked totally real, friends!

Anyway, I then was all “Oh, they gave you a fake wound? So, like, do you have lines and stuff?” He replied that he did, indeed have some lines, and we were called back to jump up and down and cheer and all that official stuff. I pretty much forgot all about my conversation with him, because, although he was super nice with hunky legs, he had a pornstache.

American Flyers pornstache

That is, I pretty much forgot about it until my mom and I went to see the movie. We might have missed some scenes in the beginning of the film, as we were busy stuffing our faces with popcorn and Milk Duds, looking for glimpses of ourselves on screen and making sure that all the people around us realized that we were looking for ourselves on-screen because we were Official Extras.

It was, oh, around the time that he fell off his bike and got a wound on his leg that I realized that I knew that wound. That was the wound that was made out of whatever it was that reminded Dude of Corn Flakes. And, that was Dude.

The guy’s arm that I woke up on was, like, one of the stars in the movie.

Back then, none of us really knew him. Today, we know him as Kevin Costner.

The moral? Girls, don’t let a mustache dissuade you from getting to know somebody. Because who knows? I could have had Kevin Costner’s baby.

Maybe he was thinking about me, here...

Maybe he was thinking about me, here…

 


by Kristi Campbell

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  • Tamara - This is a fantastic story! I’m so curious as to how you wound up sleeping near a fire, and then sleeping on his arm. Did he arrange you that way because you’re awesome? Did you sleep walk to him?
    Then I realized, who cares? It’s Kevin Costner!December 20, 2013 – 5:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Tamara,
    Inside the lodge, there were these benches all around a free-standing fireplace. At 6am or whenever, I was alone in there. When I woke up, I was on his arm and there were tons of people! Eep!!!December 20, 2013 – 5:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - That is very good advice, Kristi. I met this guy with a pornstache years ago, and I saw beyond the ‘stache, and married him. Fortunately it’s long gone, but the guy is still around. He’s no Kevin Costner, but we can’t all be you.December 20, 2013 – 6:47 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - damn!

    I enjoyed reading your Post!*

    I never knew that about corn flakes, though I did know that about the fascinating world of movie extras.
    I did not have a pornstache back in the day, for one thing you need to have brown hair and shit and for the second thing, I had like a goatee thing going (think evil Spock only not a social able).

    * you write goodDecember 20, 2013 – 6:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa Forever Five Blog - I am SO into Kevin. Field of Dreams is my all-time favorite movie and I can’t believe you slept with him! You should make sure that is mentioned in your eulogy. It’s a big deal. I also love that you and your mom made sure everyone could hear your conversation about how you were IN the movie. Hilarious!December 20, 2013 – 7:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - See? Told you you were totally cool. Loved the story. As for the morale? Theoretically agree, but Movember is still too fresh… 🙂December 20, 2013 – 8:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Wow! Such a great story! You should share more about your formative tears!December 20, 2013 – 9:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - Funny, you just never know who you’re going to fall asleep on, do you? But, I have to say, he looks as bad now as he did then. I guess you could’ve had a few good years there in the middle circa the bomber-jacket-revival era. But I’m going with don’t look past the pornstache, myself. Although, I love a post that uses the word pornstache, regardless of its moral.December 20, 2013 – 9:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Molley@A Mother Life - Wow! I love star stories….How fun!December 20, 2013 – 9:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Dana,
    Your hubs is a man of intrigue, for sure! I mean two different colored eyes is massive cool, ya? Good job seeing past the pornstache. I am saddened by my superficialness back in The Day…
    —
    Clark,
    You’d have rocked the pornstache, but goatees are way sexier.
    —
    Lisa,
    Did you see For Love of the Game? I adore that movie. So much. Field of Dreams kicks butt, too!
    —
    Katia,
    Word of the day = were. I’m old now, and live vicariously 😉 except when it comes to mom stuff…
    —
    Sarah,
    I have, a bit…maybe I need to make that a category! Thanks for the idea!!!
    —
    Rachel,
    HA to not knowing who you’ll fall asleep on!
    Come on…he was HOT HOT in the bomber jacket days. I haven’t seen him recently because I live in a cave controlled by a 4-yo boy…
    —
    Molley,
    Str stories? Do you have some??
    —December 20, 2013 – 10:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Out One Ear - Linda Atwell - Hilarious. I love star stories too! Those close encounters of the most incredible kind.

    As far as the Christmas tree part of your post, I love, love, love fresh Christmas trees. We actually live in the Christmas tree capital of Oregon so it was unthinkable (to me) to ever consider getting a “fake” tree. But after decorating the house this year, then procrastinating the tree portion of our decorations, I realized I no longer enjoyed hunting down the perfect tree on a local farm, getting a blister while cutting it down, hauling it home, trimming the bottom limbs so it would fit in our stand because my husband does (and is good at) many things but not Christmas tree stands. Then recut the trunk so it would drink the water, drag it into the house and make sure it had water. I hated that the needles fell off. And although I loved the fresh cut scent when it first comes in the house, I disliked the dying smell a few days later. And then there are the needles and the take down….and so much more….I broke down and bought a fake tree. And it is perfect. No little bugs came in this year and it already had 1000 lights that I didn’t have to put on. The hardest part was picking this tree but I will not have to do it again for many years. So if you get any ticks (and I doubt it), I highly recommend the fake trees that don’t look so fake anymore. Merry Christmas to you all.December 20, 2013 – 10:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - Well, its never too late! Maybe you should send him some fan mail!December 20, 2013 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Linda,
    I grew up with a fake tree that remained decorated, with lights on, in the 70’s and 80’s, with a sheet to protect it, all year. So really, our tree was up, all year, in the basement, with a sheet.
    —
    Angel,
    HAHA! That ship has sailed, although how funny would it be if he found this, and remembered, huh?December 21, 2013 – 12:17 amReplyCancel

  • Considerer - Ohhh. THAT’S who Kevin Costner is. So, yeah, I could probably fall asleep on his arm NOW and not know who he is.
    And whatever baby you could’ve had, Tucker’s better <3
    You write good and you Vid AWESOME 😀December 21, 2013 – 8:48 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - OH???? So that’s who KC is? Um, ok. He’s like epic awesome and stuff… 😉December 21, 2013 – 11:53 pmReplyCancel

  • zoe - I’m with you with the porn stache…although it was probably just for the movie and made outta cornflakes or poptarts or sumthin.December 22, 2013 – 12:49 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Zoe.
    HAHAHA! About it being fake!December 22, 2013 – 1:02 amReplyCancel

  • Robin (Masshole Mommy) - Hahahahahaha – the mustache TOTALLY would have kept me from talking to him. They creep me out.December 22, 2013 – 5:53 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - Holy crow! Porn stache or not, you got to sleep on Kevin Costner’s arm and that makes you a star in my book! I love him although I have to admit I never saw this movie. Now, I must rent it and not only check out Kevin’s stache but see if I can pick you out of a throng of jumping,whooping people! Lol! Great post!December 22, 2013 – 6:26 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - It really is such a small world after all and totally had me picturing this one, too! Seriously, love that you met svn Costner that way and truly had no idea until the actual movie. Totally classic and priceless!! 🙂December 22, 2013 – 8:14 amReplyCancel

  • christine - You sleep drooled on Kevin Costner!?!??! That is awesome. And hilarious. Gotta say, though. That porn mustache would have completely turned me off, too.
    Congrats on the tree! 🙂December 22, 2013 – 3:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Shay - That is a way cool story, and I feel like I’ve cyberknown you for a while…why in the HELL did it take you so long to tell us this one?! Seriously, I would walk around introducing myself like this if I were you: “Hi, I’m Kristi, a semi-celeb who once drooled on Kevin Costner’s arm.”December 22, 2013 – 3:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!! You did NOT know Kevin Costner let alone SLEEP on his arm!!! NO FREAKING WAY!!!!

    If I had to pick one dude, ONE!!!! KEVIN COSTNER. No brainer. My fantasy husband/lover/husband and lover. And, lover. (Just making sure you understand.)

    I am sooooooo jealous!!! And that is such a CRAZY story!! I have NO good stories like that. Pour pour me.

    Forget the tree… forget EVERYTHING Christmas. Now I’m totally obsessing about Kevin.

    ThankyouverymuchDecember 22, 2013 – 4:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Ilene - First of all, I think it’s safe to say that he totally wanted you. I mean, letting you sleep on his arm and all? Second of all, This is probably hands down the best dating advice I have ever gotten and will take it to heart, next time I let a pornstache stand in my way of saying yes to a date with someone.December 22, 2013 – 8:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri @ Undiagnosed but okay - Sorry my friend, you could not have had Kevin Costner’s baby. You would have been too busy doing the Rebel Yell with Billy. Kevin would’ve been too goody two shoes for you. You would have regretted it for the rest of your life. But you just KNOW you would have gone with the bad boy.

    Thanks by the way for making me happy that I have a fake pre-lit tree. One last tick to worry about.December 23, 2013 – 8:42 amReplyCancel

  • thedoseofreality - I am DYING over this entire post. With laughter. And jealously. Back in The Bodyguard days I was all about some Kevin Costner. And you totally could have had his baby. I bet the pornstache was just for the role, too. Oh, Hollywood, why must you be this way?! ;)-AshleyDecember 23, 2013 – 2:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Well, wow. You slept on Kevin Costner’s arm? So technically you slept with him? Wow.

    But I can totally see why the mustache put you off. But wow.
    And your tree looks good too.December 23, 2013 – 5:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Robin, I’m not alone!!!
    —
    Sandy,
    He is awesome, for sure!!!
    —
    Janine,
    I know, weird, right?????
    —
    Christine,
    Thanks – we were pretty psyched about the tree but continue to look for ticks!
    —
    Shay,
    What can I say? My memory ain’t what it never was…
    —
    Chris,
    AWWWW POOR YOU! Sorry, but really. Look at the stache. Ew.
    —-
    Ilene,
    HA! Yay for me giving great dating advice!!!!
    —
    Kerri,
    Shut up! I could have had his baby. Billy’s too! I’d be an official baby mama then!!!!December 23, 2013 – 11:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Dose,
    YES! Stupid Hollywood!!!! WHY???
    —
    Yvonne,
    HAHA thanks! The mustache was icky.December 23, 2013 – 11:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Bryan Jones - Great story!

    I’ve always found Kevin Costner rather bland. I’m sure you’re hubby is much more interesting, debonair and exciting? (says me speaking on behalf of the ‘ordinary blokes’ union).December 24, 2013 – 7:25 amReplyCancel

  • Bryan Jones - Great story!

    I’ve always found Kevin Costner rather bland. I’m sure your hubby is much more interesting, debonair and exciting? (says me speaking on behalf of the ‘ordinary blokes’ union).December 24, 2013 – 7:26 amReplyCancel

  • Bryan Jones - Sorry Kristi, but I felt compelled to correct my glaring error in grammar!December 24, 2013 – 7:28 amReplyCancel

  • another jennifer - Oh my gosh, you could have totally had Kevin Costner’s baby! I would be telling this story to everyone. I hope you are. 🙂December 24, 2013 – 2:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Eli@coachdaddy - You should probably get blood tested – I read you can get pregnant by nap drooling on someone. The rhythm method is ineffective in preventing this.

    I’m pretty sure as a 12-year-old I impregnated super model Carol Alt at a Denver Nuggets game. I didn’t nap on her, but I drooled, and it was a windy day.December 25, 2013 – 9:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandra Sallin - I’m so stoked that you love Milk Duds and popcorn also. Kevin Costner I hear is longing for you. He keep on relating the story of the princess who feel asleep in his arms but then he had to run away and never saw her again.December 29, 2013 – 6:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Oh, what a funny story! OK, I just googled “Kevin Costner drool” and your post came up on the 2nd page of results. With any luck, Mr. Costner will find this post and be able to add his side of the story! (You know, because don’t we all google our own names and “drool”?) 🙂December 31, 2013 – 11:00 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle Matthews-DeLorge - I would still be kicking myself…January 7, 2014 – 6:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Louise - Apparently we should never judge a man by his mustache!

    What an awesome story. Loved the Rehab song too 🙂January 7, 2014 – 9:31 pmReplyCancel

  • JenKehl - My Skewed View - I am so sorry I didn’t read that when you originally posted. But I was on a blogging hiatus for basically the whole month of December. MEANWHILE I am so glad that I had no idea what you were talking about and that you reposted this because OMG!
    You are so right!!! Although you know you would do it again, because how could you possibly know that behind that pornstache was a hottie? I mean really, he didn’t look like a hottie then. Sorry… if It was John Cusack I probably would have taken my own life.January 9, 2014 – 1:20 amReplyCancel

  • Mike - ARE YOU EFF’ING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! Do you have ANY idea what an actor-woody I have for Kevin Costner?!?!

    Google, “Favorite Kevin Costner Movies” and go to the bottom of that first page. You’ll see my post.

    Now I want some Milk Duds damnit, Kristi 🙂March 2, 2014 – 2:58 amReplyCancel

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