Today’s Our Land author has elected to remain anonymous. She’s amazing, lovely, talented, and is bringing this series a new perspective about something I hadn’t previously heard of – Schizotypal Personality Disorder. I thank her for sharing her story with us today. I think you will, too. Today’s Our Land – Schizotypal Personality Disorder.
Our Land, Our Magical Land
I appreciate the chance to write this post anonymously. The desire for keeping my identity unknown comes not from my own discomfort, but rather from respect of my child. The diagnosis is hers, and the sharing of that diagnosis should be hers, as well. However, I will introduce you to our land of schizotypal personality disorder. If you live in the land of SPD, maybe by reading this, you can feel less isolated. If you are a visitor to our land, hopefully you can understand the locals a bit better.
Our land is truly a magical land. Creativity abounds, and anything is possible. My daughter easily taps into her artistic side, whether that is in arts, music, or poetic prose. She can throw together clothing items I would never consider, and come out with a cute outfit.
Schizotypal personality disorder is not usually diagnosed until the late teen or early adult years. The magical thinking of my daughter makes her seem much younger than her years, though. My heart aches for her when she answers well-meaning questions about her future. She wants to attend a college that resembles Hogwarts, or that is located near hobbits or dwarfs. The shoe that Mother Goose’s Little Old Woman lives in provides a blue-print for my daughter’s dream home.
All is not unicorns and rainbows in our land, however. If my daughter can imagine it, it is possible—however unlikely “it” might be. She fears she has cancer. If a dog is barking in the neighborhood, she is convinced it is being tortured. She frequently notices CIA and FBI agents driving around in unmarked cars. We must sometimes speak in whispers, so “they” can’t hear us.
Though she does have friends, they are sometimes confused or hurt by her actions. She “has a gift” of being able to read the thoughts and intentions of others, and unfortunately, she reads those thoughts and intentions as being negative towards her. As a result, social interactions often cause her much anxiety and stress.
Fortunately, medication helps control the most severe symptoms. She no longer hallucinates. Her bedroom walls, once torn up in her quest to check for hidden cameras, have been repaired and remain so.
She realizes that I am real.
My dream is for understanding. My child is not her symptoms. She is a tender-hearted, kind person who needs reassurance. I appreciate her friends’ continued efforts to involve her in social activities. I appreciate adults who have also befriended her, and have invited her to help them with various projects. I appreciate my friends who do not judge my parenting choices—I might seem like an unusually strict parent for limiting TV and computer time for a late-teen child, but by limiting her access, her paranoia also decreases. My daughter is aware of how she is “different.” I appreciate everyone who sees beyond the idiosyncrasies and notices her heart. She has a lovely spirit, and I’m so lucky to be her mom.
by Kristi Campbell
Jessica - You sound like such an awesome mom, recognizing your daughter’s strengths and battling with her through the difficulties. It must be so hard to deal with something that we don’t know much about, but I am so glad the medication is helping. I hope it continues to work, and I hope there will be a day when we understand more about these sort of symptoms and can really help people live their best lives. It sounds like you’re doing a great job helping your daughter do that.February 12, 2014 – 10:29 am
Kristi Campbell - I agree that she’s an excellent mom, Jessica and appreciated learning about something that I’d never before heard of. I hope that we will understand more and more to help people live in Our Land. Thanks for coming!February 12, 2014 – 10:55 am
Emily - That was a beautiful post and very clearly explained what it is like to have Schizotypal Personality Disorder. You sound like you have created such a loving and supportive environment for your daughter so that she continues to thrive and not let her disorder hold her back.February 12, 2014 – 10:30 am
Kristi Campbell - Emily,
I agree that it’s a beautiful post and that she’s done a great job of creating a supportive environment.February 12, 2014 – 10:57 am
Mandi - Such a personal and eloquent post. I can see how much you both adore and love your daughter in your words, but more than that, you respect her, and so many mothers tend to forget that we need to respect our children. Thank you for sharing your story. She’s lucky to have you, too.February 12, 2014 – 10:44 am
Kristi Campbell - Mandi,
Such a great point about respecting our children. I agree that they’re lucky to have one another.February 12, 2014 – 10:57 am
Kerri - Wow. This is so powerful. I understand you wishing to keep your daughter’s story her own but be willing to share what you can to educate those who do not know and thank those who do.February 12, 2014 – 10:59 am
Kristi Campbell - I feel really lucky that she shared this story on Our Land. I really do think it will help somebody else along the way.February 12, 2014 – 11:22 am
thedoseofreality - Oh my Gosh, that must be so difficult and scary. I really appreciated the honesty of this post. I have no doubt that you will help someone with this post feel a little less alone.-AshleyFebruary 12, 2014 – 11:05 am
Kristi Campbell - I think she’ll be helping somebody else to feel less alone, too.February 12, 2014 – 8:49 pm
Janine Huldie - I have heard of this from minor in psychology back in my undergraduate work, but truly can’t even imagine now as a mom dealing with this. But I must say you sound (and agree with others here) like a wonderful mom and truly do seem to know for the most part what your daughter does need. Thank you for sharing your story here for all of us today helping us to understand this condition better.February 12, 2014 – 11:06 am
Kristi Campbell - Janine, I’m impressed that you’d heard of this as I hadn’t but I suppose that’s due to your degree. And yes, she seems like the best mom for this particular girl. Maybe, sometimes, God pairs us up, yes?February 13, 2014 – 12:30 am
Dana - This is a disorder that most people don’t know about, and that makes your sharing even more important. I respect your anonymity due to your desire to protect your child, and I appreciate you sharing her(and your) story. I hope your daughter continues to be surrounded by peers, adults, and family who support her.February 12, 2014 – 11:14 am
Kristi Campbell - I agree, Dana, that her anonymity is important and that her story will help others!!!February 13, 2014 – 12:31 am
Mike - Dear author, this is an incredibly beautiful post! I had never read about SPD until now and thank you for your candid, from-the-heart sharing with us. I absolutely love the social interaction your daughter is able to have with other kids. The bond the two you have is also priceless. Your love, patience and understanding is so heart-warming. Sending you all of our deepest thoughts and prayers to everything that can be Right and Perfect for her always 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing her with us also, Kristi! 🙂February 12, 2014 – 12:30 pm
Kristi Campbell - Mike, thank you, and I’d never heard of SPD either (and assumed it was sensory processing disorder which I have heard of) when I first saw the abbreviation. Their bond is amazing. For sure. Thank you for reading!February 13, 2014 – 12:33 am
K - Wow. This is my first time hearing about SPD as well; thank you for this beautifully-written glimpse into your and your daughter’s world…what a powerful post. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!February 12, 2014 – 12:51 pm
Kristi Campbell - Thanks, K!February 13, 2014 – 10:15 am
Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. - Wow- thank you so much for sharing that with us. I really appreciated the line, “My daughter is not her symptoms.” How fortunate she is to have you for an advocate and a mother.February 12, 2014 – 2:17 pm
Kristi Campbell - I love that line too because really, none of us are our symptoms, right? I hope you have an amazing weekend trip, Steph!February 13, 2014 – 10:20 am
Lisa @ Golden Spoons - I had not heard of this disorder before. I appreciate your willingness to share it and I respect your desire to remain anonymous. Your daughter is lucky to have such a loving support system around her!February 12, 2014 – 2:24 pm
Kristi Campbell - I hadn’t heard of it either, Lisa and I agree that mom and daughter are both lucky!February 13, 2014 – 10:20 am
Considerer - I don’t think I’d ever heard of this, either, but I have heard of other things which have left parents trying their best to battle against their children’s imaginations brought real by their condition. I’m glad you’ve worked out ways of supporting your daughter so well, even if some of these ways appear overly strict to others – you know your daughter best and you know how she needs to be supported and encouraged, and it sounds like you’re doing a fabulous job.
So glad you wrote for Our Land – it’s been an education, and I think anyone struggling with SPD or confronting the challenges of trying to parent a child who has it, will find great solace in your words.February 12, 2014 – 3:05 pm
Kristi Campbell - I so agree, Lizzi, that anybody struggling with SPD (parent or child or sibling or friend) will benefit from seeing this author’s beautiful perspective on it. Thanks so much.February 13, 2014 – 10:21 am
Tamara - I’ve never heard of the words that make up the disorder’s name, but I do believe my brother-in-law might have this. He is in treatment for looking for hidden cameras and believing magical worlds are out there.
It’s heartbreaking and imaginative and lovely too. He’s a wonderful writer because of this. And it’s also VERY heartbreaking.
Wishing you both much peace in your life.February 12, 2014 – 3:46 pm
Kristi Campbell - Wow, your brother in law might have this? I hope they get him some answers so that he can keep the magical worlds but lose the hidden cameras. I’ll bet he’s an amazing writer.February 13, 2014 – 10:27 am
Yvonne - The way your describe your daughter’s disorder it sounds very similar to my sister’s illness, although her diagnosis is different. Like you, I don’t write about her – at least not on my own blog – in respect for her. My heart goes out to you because I do have some idea of how hard it is – although it is harder for my mother as I imagine it is for you. My sister has no idea she is ill so refuses to take medication. I am glad you and your daughter have been able to find some relief and as the other comments say, you love for her shines through.February 12, 2014 – 5:38 pm
Kristi Campbell - Oh Yvonne, I hope that somebody can find a way to help to convince your sister that her life will be more of her own with medication – that sounds like it must be really hard on your mom. Thanks so much for sharing.February 13, 2014 – 10:32 am
Rachel - Your ability to provide your daughter with reassurance instead of diminishing her fears is remarkable and a true gift to her. It warms my heart to hear that people have rallied around you and your daughter. You seem like a warrior advocate for your daughter. Thank you for sharing your experience.February 12, 2014 – 8:56 pm
Julie Chenell DeNeen - Wow. A brave post and a very difficult diagnosis. Hugs. Your ability to see the whole person and not just the illness is amazing.February 12, 2014 – 9:13 pm
Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama - Thank you for sharing this incredible post with us. I’ve never heard of SPD, but I’m glad you’re raising awareness about it.February 12, 2014 – 9:34 pm
Sandy Ramsey - Until today, I have never heard of SPD. Your courage in sharing this post has educated me and I’m sure will touch many, more people. I love that you said “my child is not her symptoms”. Absolutely! It sounds to me like you are both blessed to have one another.February 12, 2014 – 10:06 pm
Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - And she is lucky to have you for her mother. Your story is brave and beautiful. I have never heard of SPD, but thank you for sharing this information here. I also love your statement that “my child is not her symptoms.” I sometimes want to scream that at everyone who will listen. Too often, we define people – any people – by behaviors or appearances and it is simply not right. We are all so much more than our symptoms.February 12, 2014 – 11:42 pm
Sarah Almond - I’ve heard of the disorder, but didn’t know what it was called. Once again I have learned something from this series! Thank you for sharing this with the blogging community! Your daughter is lucky to have you as a mama!February 13, 2014 – 12:23 am
Kenya G. Johnson - Thanks for sharing this story “mom”. I didn’t know much about this disorder other than how it’s depicted on screen. Great idea limiting television, I can’t look at most things myself before going to bed.February 13, 2014 – 2:13 am
Sue Pekarek - Hi, thanks for sharing your life and I think you are doing an excellent job loving your daughter. She is blessed to have you, other adults who include her and friends at school. So glad that medication is helping too as often that is not the case. February 13, 2014 – 5:37 pm
Chris Carter - Oh precious mama… you are a light in her world. You were SO meant to care for your special child and I am in awe of your strength and courage in your journey to give her the best (and safest most healthy) life she can have. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story, and I am so grateful to gain more information on this disorder and the perspective from which it came.February 14, 2014 – 12:12 pm
Vuokko Laine - One of my pal musicians once said 14 years ago to me that I am living totally in my very own “landic”:DD and she also said that I have “fictations”..So, you may imagine that I couldn’t communicate with her anymore and also I couldn’t anymore imagine her as one of my future friends. So sad and pitiful was to think of her anymore.:(( luckily I found other friends. I was taught to be among many people around me for so long, for ex. to play together with other violinists or in orchestra with other instruments as well. rehesrsals were taking place regularly every week.so, I learned to choose better company after setbacks:DDJuly 21, 2015 – 8:58 am