Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Special Ed Support Problems, Some People Suck, & Changes I Want

I wish schools (and life) had every child’s best interests in mind, but they’re limited by staffing inadequacies and are forced to put resources where they’re needed most. I get that. I’m also less than thrilled to be facing this reality at Tucker’s new school.

Special Ed Support Problems, Some People Suck, & Changes I Want

Here’s the part about special ed support problems.

We recently had an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting at our new school, and I didn’t ask for everything I should have. Maybe part of me was in denial about what my son actually needs? Or it could’ve been that IEP meetings suck, and anytime you’re sitting there with nine people from the school who’re already on the same page that you haven’t yet read, it’s intimidating and horrible.

While I understand each school district offers different programs for its community, the fact that special ed support isn’t more universal is a problem. Our previous school has eight special ed in-classroom support staff for 800 students (plus two for the self-contained autism classroom PLUS speech, OT, etc.). Our new school has one (ONE!!!) for 550 students (they do have a speech and OT and social worker TG). This blows my mind and pisses me off.

While Tucker’s doing really well, I believe much of his success is due to in-classroom support he’s had over the years. I’ll always credit his preschool autism classroom teacher for getting him to speak, use the potty, and not lash out at people who enter his personal bubble.

Before we moved, the staff at our former school had an IEP meeting to re-assess his needs. They wanted to ensure when we moved, the new school would see his “Middle World” status, and help him as needed. The team agreed on 19 hours of support each week, which includes speech and OT.

To be clear, in Fairfax County, most of those hours are spent in the classroom, where the SPED (special education) staff is fulfilling hours for multiple students. They put many of the kids with IEPs in the same room (which I didn’t realize for a few years because I think they’re not supposed to tell us). With kids who require hours mostly in the same classroom, when a special ed support person is in the room, she’s likely meeting the hours of many kids. I’m ok with this. They’re still looking at five to eight kids, and they get to know them.

Anyway, back to the recent IEP. I got a few phone calls before the meeting, so I kinda knew where they’d be heading.

“They’re going to tell us he’s fine,” I said to my husband. And that’s pretty much what they did.

Sidenote: the school districts in Colorado Springs are, for the most part, less than ideal. When we moved, we bought a more expensive and larger house than we needed or wanted, because we wanted THIS school district (there is another that’s better but the houses there are more money and were all built in the 50’s and 60’s and need work — been there, done that with the house-gutting stuff). I say this because the district obviously has funding from taxes but digress.

Many of my son’s scores fell in the 30th percentile range, which is “normal” for grade level. Another sidenote, his vocabulary scores are in the 88th percentile and I take total credit for that.

Er, ok, maybe YouTube gets some of it but still.

Problem solving was third percentile, so there are still middle world inconsistencies. Long story shorter, they removed ALL of his hours with the exception of speech and mental health (social skills, positive self-talk, etc. because he’s very hard on himself).

So an hour of speech a week, and an hour of mental health per MONTH. We (for now) lost more than 60 hours of support each month.

Again, much of that was met with the SPED teacher in the class monitoring multiple kids, but still. This is a reality I want to change. I think the problem lies mostly in the lack of staff.

“Well, we can pull him out,” they said. “But he’ll be with kids with much greater needs.”

I said “no” to that, knowing how important role models are and everything. Again, this isn’t over. I spoke to my friend back home yesterday (thank you, R!) and emailed two of last year’s support staff, so we’ll see. At least I feel like I’m doing something.

I really don’t want to homeschool.

Speaking of homeschooling, part of the reason I don’t want to is because of the social aspect school gives kids.

Except, when some people suck.

sorry you suck funny memeMonday, a classmate of Tucker’s mom approached me, wanting to talk. They just moved from Virginia to Colorado, too, so I thought they’d be friends. They sit together at lunch and play on the playground.

Anyway, this mom said a boy had been bullying her son, and told other students her son was the bully, rather than the other way around. I told her I’d talk to Tucker.

“Tucker’s big,” she said. “He could pound the bullies.”

“But he won’t,” I replied. “He doesn’t know he could and wouldn’t anyway,” I explained, and told her when he’d been bullied on the bus before, and I said “hit him back,” his reply was “no, Mom, that’s not what you’re supposed to do.”

I asked if her son would like to come over one day this week to play.

“OH! That’d be GREAT!” she said.

“Wednesday?” I asked.

“Perfect,” she replied, and we pulled out our phones to make it so.

I talked to Tucker after speaking with her, and he had no idea about whatever drama was happening between the kids.

I looked for the mama on our route to school the next morning, sure she’d be dying to know what I’d learned, but she was talking with another mom and ignored me. We passed after school that afternoon, and I told her what I’d found out.

She said things were better because she’d gone to the principal, social worker, and was happy with it all.
“Is today still a good day for the boys to play?” I asked.
“OH! I’d forgotten,” she said.

I don’t believe her. I think she no longer sees my kid as useful, or something. She sucks, in other words.

Thank goodness I didn’t tell Tucker he’d been invited. I guess part of me knew. Mama instincts or whatever. Still, further proof some people suck. As if we need further proof after the news for the past two years…

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, where Kenya of Sporadically Yours and I host a prompt each week. This week’s is “A reality I’d like to change is…”

 Loading InLinkz ...


  • Janine Huldie - Aw, Kristi, I am so with you on how people can and do suck. I have totally learned this over the years, especially with parents of my kids’ friends. For this reason, I admit I don’t go out of my way to be too friendly with many of them, as I have indeed learned the hard way to put many at arm’s length after being burned. Let’s just say some people are genuinely not nice and are only out for themselves. That said I am sorry you have had to deal with possibly similar. Just hope you know it isn’t you at all, but them. Because you, my friend are a wonderful lady with a huge heart. Hugs <3October 4, 2018 – 8:13 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH they so can and do suck. Thanks, Janine and I try to remember it’s them and not me but gah it’s so easy to wonder what’s wrong with our own selves right? Thanks for the hugs and the sweet words. I appreciate them and you!October 5, 2018 – 9:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I do adore his vocabulary in his YouTube videos. You get the credit for teaching him too but I’m laughing that he totally sounds like the real deal (a YouTuber) and he didn’t get that from mom.

    I’m sad about the outcome of the potential friend for both you and Tucker. That stinks, that whatever transpired in her meeting made it okay for her to “forget” you both.

    Side note, I asked Christopher just this week what he thought about homeschooling. He pretty much shouted NO before I finished the sentence. I wasn’t serious. Since he’s also an only child he definitely needs that social interaction with his peers.October 4, 2018 – 8:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you again for watching his YouTube videos! We’re so behind on them. Yeah, the potential friend stinks. I think she was hoping Tucker could be her son’s protector but when I said he’s a gentle giant who wouldn’t even consider hitting the kid who head butted him in the belly back, maybe she figured she could get better “protection.” Ugh. LOL to Christopher shouting “NO” before you could finish the sentence <---- also Finish the Sentence LOL.October 5, 2018 – 10:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - UGH. She totally sucks and can go.. suck a rotten egg. That fumes me. FUMES, I tell ya. Yeah, I wish people didn’t suck. Actually my post – due to be scheduled at midnight my time – is about some self-serving crap. I hope you’ll like it! Also, Tucker rocks. And he’s MORE useful that he doesn’t pound bullies. UGH again.
    Also, I don’t know why they don’t have children’s best interest in mind. It’s like the DCF here in MA. They’re awful awful people.October 4, 2018 – 9:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree! She so so so SO sucks. I loved your post. And agree that Tucker is MORE useful because he doesn’t pound bullies or anybody. Sorry about the DCF in MA. Sucky people SUCK!!!!October 5, 2018 – 10:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - UGH! That’s truly rotten of her. I’m sorry the woman was such a usey bitch. I hope you find some good ones to make friends with and have Tucker’s social circle grow full of good people. Huge shame about the lack of support for him at school. I hope they sort it out soon.October 5, 2018 – 4:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks. She was SUCH a usey bitch. Thanks, and I so hope to make friends with some good ones too. Sooner than later hopefully. Gah. Tucker, too. And yeah, the difference in support services from one place to another is just wrong.October 5, 2018 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I hope you figure out the school support situation soon…I always felt like the in-school support was a double-edged sword. I was happy he had that “security blanket” of support, but on the other hand, I questioned how much it was actually doing during the school day. We ended up supplementing with after-school, private support, which was draining on our savings, but if you find the right people, it can feel worth it. Ugh – it’s hard though, I get it. You want them to be able to do regular kid stuff after school and not be carted off to speech therapy or OT…anyway, hang in there and your bitchy mom radar totally kicked in with that mom — don’t worry, you’ll find the authentic, empathetic moms too!October 5, 2018 – 7:33 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Emily, me too! We’re already supplementing with after-school support which I’m partly ok with but also resent a bit. I mean, why should we have to pay all this money for services he used to get AT SCHOOL?? Of course, I’m happy to pay (and lucky to be able to mostly to) for services, but I shouldn’t feel that I must, you know? Well, yes, you do know.
      LOL to my bitchy mom radar. Nailed it. 😉October 5, 2018 – 10:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi - I am so sorry that these aspects of your move have been so rough. Getting our kids what they need requires constant vigilance, which is exhausting. We had a lovely 504 plan meeting for my daughter this fall to ensure that she gets some help with her vision issues. Only some of her teachers came to the meeting. Those teachers are super helpful. The ones who didn’t come seem not to know anything about what she needs, despite getting a copy of the 504. Conferences should be fun next week. Not.

    I know what you’re going to have to do, and how hard it will be. Hang in there, Kristi. May they really be able to HEAR you, and may you not need to yell. (But yell if you need to!)October 5, 2018 – 7:55 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you! And yeah, getting our kids what they need is totally exhausting and frustrating and sometimes I think I’ve gone crazy. But I haven’t. None of us have. Sigh.
      I’m sorry to read you’re dealing with similar challenges. UGH to the unfun conferences. Hang in there. Maybe both of us will be pleasantly surprised? (BWAHHAHAHAAH if only)
      Thank you for the reminder that yelling is good when yelling is necessary. We women too often stay too quiet. When it comes to our kids? We ROAR. xoOctober 5, 2018 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - People totally suck! I’m really sorry the school situation isn’t what you hoped or what Tucker needs, and that he gets the support he needs. That other mom? I have nothing encouraging to say about her – users will be users. You both deserve better and you will find it eventually.October 6, 2018 – 4:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Dana. The thing is, I’m not sure whether it’s enough for him or not, although I don’t think it is. He’s got huge anxiety over homework and stuff and ONE special ed support person for 550 students? UGH. Also the other mom sucks. Wish you lived closer. xoOctober 7, 2018 – 8:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Kristi – please hire an advocate. DOn’t wait. go get one. It is totally worth it, I promise. And get all the documentation in the world from Fairfax County. The squeaky wheel and all that!!! Don’t be afraid of what they think. They can hire another person to support Tucker. Cutting 60 hours is unacceptable on all levels. momma! Not good.October 15, 2018 – 8:19 amReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - I’m sorry I’m just seeing this post now. And I’m even more sorry the school is failing your sweet boy and not meeting all his needs. That is UNACCEPTABLE.

    Sigh.

    And that mom? SHAME on her. Pff.

    But Tucker’s heart? OMG WHAT A LOVE.November 11, 2018 – 8:42 amReplyCancel

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

*

*

N e v e r   m i s s   a   n e w   p o s t !