Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Summertime Change, Grief, and a Hero Name Tag

This summer has been different from most summers in that we’ve had a lot of summertime change, grief, and a hero name tag.

Summertime Change, Grief, and a Hero Name Tag
Summertime Change

Change of scenery, of home, and of where the drawer that holds my silverware is. It’s the summer we moved from Northern Virginia (a suburb of DC) to Colorado, where I was born. While I recognize I’ve complained about the humidity and bugs out east, and bragged about how Colorado is a place where you can stand at the playground and not need to constantly fan gnats from your face, Colorado is also new-ish in a way.

I grew up in Denver, but Colorado Springs is foreign and new. New to me, and also new, where we live. When I was a kid, this home I live in now was fields and the home to coyotes, mice, and birds of prey.

Today, it’s a shade-less development with good schools and more square feet for the dollar.

A known place for a new place.

A bigger home with a larger yard but without a gas stove and closet space. Also? They took the towel racks.

Summertime Grief

This is a summer of remembered loss and renewed grief. It’s the summer that’s one year past our unexpected grief and watergun magic.

Grief that it’s already and only been one year. How does the world still spin since I sat with two mamas on porches, remembering their sons? We saw butterflies.

And yet, how can the world not still spin, with loved ones in it?

I saw the grandma and the mama of Tucker’s friend this week. They’re on a trip Out West. It was beautiful to see them. And also a time to remember this month is hard. It’s already been almost a year.

Grief too, that my Facebook feed was full of reminders that I sat in church, remembering Brad (my ex-husband). I’m so glad I went to the funeral. I wasn’t sure about it — feeling like he was no longer “mine” to grieve, but learned that our people – past and present – are always ours to grieve.

His mama and I went on a walk. We saw butterflies.

She’s in Colorado. That feels like blessings and family and another place for love.

This is a summer of welcome.

I’d forgotten how friendly neighbors and mail carriers are out west. Everybody says hello, and would never pass you by on a sidewalk while you’re carrying a newborn.

This is a summer of memories.

For as much as I’ve missed Colorado the past 15 years, it’s also the place where I lived when my mom left my dad for my brother’s hockey coach. It’s where I lost my virginity, and, sometimes, my dignity.

It’s where my ex-husband and I bought our home and then sold it. It’s where I was pregnant and then wasn’t.

Virginia is where I had my son.

Colorado reminds me of awkward high school days, and two lost boys named Ricky. I connected with Ricky One on Facebook recently. Either he doesn’t remember, or he doesn’t want to say.

A Hero Name Tag

Tucker’s had developmental delays and a speech and language issue since well, ever. We didn’t know about it until he was two years old, but there were whispers of it before then.

In Colorado, this summer, we were driving to Lego Robotics camp one day, and he started to cry. Hard.

Remember the loud kid tears that break your heart and remind you of the three-year-old he used to be? Those tears.

“OMG Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t go,” he said.
“Can’t go to Lego camp?” I said. “But they’re putting motors in Legos, and when you saw it online, you said it looks awesome!”
“But nobody will know my name,” he said.
“Honey! I don’t understand. Why won’t they know your name?”
“Because I stink at words and they’re going to think my name is Taco.”
“No. No they won’t,” I said. “I’ll go in and tell them your name.”

He told me about a substitute teacher that thought his name was Joshua. Then guessed. How kids thought his name was “Taco,” rather than Tucker, because he can’t yet say the “r” at the end of his name.

“Hey buddy,” I said. “What if we tell them to call you ‘Tux’ or “Tuck” because lots of your friends call you that!”
He continued to cry.
Hard.

I promised him that if we went in and the camp guide didn’t understand his name that we’d leave.

We got there and guess what? They had nametags.

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week, our prompt is “It was the summer of…” Kenya Johnson of Sporadically Yours and I host each week.

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  • Linda Atwell - I love the ending of this! But I also love the beginning and the middle. This is a year of new stuff (with varied memories and meanings). They will all blend together and eventually you will create new memories.

    When I worked in the Colorado Springs area (well over 10 years ago), I found the people in the are to be awesome. I do hope I make it your direction before you decide to move back to the east coast!

    I can’t wait to hear all the new posts about this new adventure. I know you are going to have so many awesome experiences…well, once you are finally really and truly settled. Hugs!!!August 3, 2018 – 1:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Linda! So far, the people we’ve met seem really nice (if young). It’s so pretty here too. I love seeing Pikes Peak again! And yes, come anytime. Now is fine too if you can ignore a bunch of mess and boxes. 🙂August 3, 2018 – 10:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - That’s a lot, all stirred up in here. Thank GOODNESS for name tags. Sounds like the little things bight be pulling together for you.

    A year! Its been a year?! My goodness.

    Hope your day has butterflies xxAugust 3, 2018 – 1:49 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank goodness indeed for nametags! I worry about school though… A YEAR!! And we did see a butterfly on our walk yesterday to his new school. A gigantic yellow and black one! 🙂August 3, 2018 – 10:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - YAY for name tags. Walking into/starting a new thing, whatever it is, is scary. Anything that makes it easier is a blessing. I think Tuck sounds cool though. Hope you and yours enjoy the rest of this summer and many more in your new home Kristi.August 3, 2018 – 2:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yeah, walking into a new thing is scary. Especially if everybody won’t know your name and you’re completely convinced of that. Poor kid. I think Tuck sounds cool too! And thanks for the warm wishes. I have so many unpacked boxes… sigh.August 3, 2018 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - As a current Virginia resident, I’m slightly jealous that you don’t have to deal with all the gnats. I recently had one fly up my nose, and that was a traumatizing experience.

    And I’m so glad that Tucker ended up going to LEGO camp and that they had name tags so he didn’t have to worry. I’m kind of sad I’m too old to go because that sounds like a blast!!August 3, 2018 – 2:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re in Virginia? We just moved from Oakton. I miss our neighbors a LOT but not so much the gnats. Or mosquitos. Or other random bugs flying in my face. Gnats up the nose are no joke! Ugh! LEGO camp was fun for him. They added motors to stuff and had a blast. Maybe you could teach one!!!August 3, 2018 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Pat B - Returning to an area with so many memories can be both good and bad. I hope that as you settle in, Tucker will feel more comfortable with his new home and his activities, and make new friends.

    Moving can be hard.

    Going for a walk and seeing butterflies presents such a peaceful scene.

    Name tags can be a good thing for all ages.

    Wishing you a good week ahead.August 4, 2018 – 12:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I hope so too, Pat. Thanks. I’m hopeful that school starting soon will help – he’ll be shy of course but I really hope he’ll find some friends who accept him as he is quickly. We have a meet-up with a boy who will be in his grade and Cub Scouts on Tuesday morning and I’m very hopeful about that relationship. Just one friendly face in the cafeteria makes such a difference!August 4, 2018 – 12:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - You made my eyes tear up with the last part. A sob out of nowhere would break my heart. You have to write the part two, how he enjoyed lego camp. So glad they had name tags.

    I get it about being in a “new” place even though you grew up there. It’s a long way from here.. Except for the few years in Japan, I’ve always lived in some part of the south east so even though they were new places a lot of it was the same – weather, people, accents etc.

    Not sure if I would want to trade gnats and bugs for mice, rodents and flying prey. That’s a tough one.August 4, 2018 – 8:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He did enjoy Lego camp but wow, that was rough – hearing him feel so sad and insecure. Regarding the mice, rodents, and flying prey – we really haven’t seen any of them so far. My mom’s in Montana and has three small dogs – they have to watch them really closely because of the bald eagles! If we get a dog, I’ll get one that’s too big to carry away. 🙂August 4, 2018 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi Lewis - I remember when Sammi couldn’t say the letter “R.” I thought it sounded so cute, and I loved it, but the speech therapist in third grade said other kids were struggling to understand her, so we did it. I didn’t think Sammi had an opinion about it one way or another, but later, she said she hated listening to recordings of herself because she had no “R.” It made me so sad! Because of that, I think I can understand how Tucker might feel. I love the idea of calling him “Tuck,” actually. Have you ever read the book Tuck Everlasting? https://www.amazon.com/Tuck-Everlasting-Natalie-Babbitt/dp/1250059291August 4, 2018 – 9:37 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s so hard – of course their voices are so precious to us but then they’re hard on themselves. Tucker’s been in speech since he was two years old and he’s come a long way but now is more aware of it, if that makes sense. I’ve not read Tuck Everlasting. I’ll have to check it out – thanks!August 4, 2018 – 12:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Trina - Such a nice depiction of Summertime. I still remember my childhood, we used to play games outside the house. Those times were golden.August 6, 2018 – 12:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - It’s been a summer of change for you, for sure. And Tucker, which makes it doubly hard for you as his mother. Thank goodness for name tags, butterflies, and taking the time to grieve and remember.August 6, 2018 – 2:08 pmReplyCancel

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