Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

The year 2059

It’s easy to say “I will be better.” It’s not as easy to get there.

Think about if, right now, you had five whole hours to do anything in the world – there are no kids that need you, you’re not hungry, and you’re not under a deadline. You’re not tired, and you’re showered. You’re satiated in all of the to-do list ways. You were a good parent today. You were a good producer/earner/contributor today.  You have five hours. Your hours.

What would you spend them doing?

It’s a hard question.  One that leads to what you want to be doing for the next 30-50 years, and which things you want to check off of your bucket list prior to dying.

Some of the items on my bucket list include:

Visiting Alaska in the middle of the winter so that I can see the Northern Lights at their brightest and their fullest.

I want to scuba dive with my son. Diving needs no language, and takes us to a place that is both foreign and familiar. There is nothing like floating at the edge of an abyss that brings home how small and how important we are, wrapped up into the same.

I hope to write a book that is read by every single person who needs to read it, for every reason and for all of the whatever reasons. I want to share our experiences because there are people who are exactly-me-me, a mere nine months ago. Looking for a tribe.  Looking for understanding. Looking for moms who know about terrifying doctor’s visits, evaluations, frustration, and worry. Moms who feel all of those things, sometimes to the point of depression and bad dreams and feeling like a complete failure.  Hearing that your baby is delayed, accepting it and rejecting it 1001 times over the past year…that matters. Finding people who get it matters. I want to share the heartbreak and the hugs. I want to celebrate that different is okay. That different is good. Normal.

I will advocate for a special needs/autism teacher-program that is on a different salary track and never, ever, ever has the gigantic lack of resources and aides that it does today, so that Tucker and all of the Tuckers coming after him (1 in 50 now, friends) never experience a classroom more concerned with standardized testing, not being able to fire the fucking idiots, and focuses instead on teaching EVERY child in the way that he needs to be taught in order to learn. I want a classroom where kids are encouraged to contribute.  To feel value for themselves and for their ability to change the world, regardless of their physical or mental abilities.  Because. They. Can. And they will, people.  They will. Our kids – my kid – will change the world.   They will make it better and more perfect. I promise.

I want all of those things.  But above everything else, what I’d like to be able to do before I die is to live the following scene, in the year 2059.

I want to meet my son

I’ll be almost 91 years old, and after celebrating Tucker’s 50th birthday with him, I wish that I’m able to tell his children – my grandchildren – about how, once, many years ago, their daddy called airplanes “ninees.” I want to infuse their smiles with laughter and awe and I want them to ask for more stories about their daddy, when he was still my young little boy.

I want to tell them about how we didn’t have cell phones or the Internet when I was their age. I want them to think I’m fibbing when I tell them stories about trying to refold paper maps.

I want to be seated in the Grandma Chair, perhaps with a blanket around my legs because I’ll get cold those days, while my grandchildren bicker and vie for my attention.

I want to see them get sleepy by my feet while my son’s amazing wife brings me a hot cup of tea, or a glass of scotch, depending on the occasion.

I want to know that Tucker is living a full life. I want to know that he is living a life filled with love, and children, and meaningful everythings. Laughter. I want to know that most of his life was filled with me. I want to wish him a happy birthday on his 50th and I want to blow out a candle with him, wishing him the same fulfillment and pride in watching his own children grow up that I celebrated with him.

I want him to know how much he made me better. Made everything better.  And I want him to know that whether he is a grocery bagger or an engineer, that I am blessed, beyond all of the beyonds, to be his mom.

I want to be here in 2059.  I want my son to know that all of the most important moments mattered because of him. I want to see for myself in which way he chose to change the world.

That’s my bucket list.

What’s yours? Tell me?

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence was “My bucket list includes…”
Your lovely hosts:
Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic (Twitter, Facebook)
Can I get another bottle of whine? (Twitter, Facebook)
Mommy, for Real (Twitter, Facebook)
Dawn’s Disaster (Twitter, Facebook)

 


by Kristi Campbell

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  • Emily - If you didn’t include the drawing of you wearing a Metallica t-shirt, I’d be bawling my head off right now. You nailed this post and I loved every word.August 2, 2013 – 4:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Oh seriously Krisit, you really know how to make me tear up. Such a wonderful post and really do hope that you get your wish and be grandma to tell this story to your grandkids. Thank you so very much for just being who you are and it really does shine through with each and every post you write. And also can’t thank you enough for joining us each week and excited for next week and the weeks to follow now!!! 🙂August 2, 2013 – 4:59 pmReplyCancel

  • GirlieOnTheEdge - Allfuckingrightthen. Most excellent post and…. I’m decided.
    See, I’m familiar with Oakton. Before moving to FL in 2003, I lived not more than a hop, skip and jump from there. Cross over Rt. 50 (other side of the tracks? lol)and you’ll find a little old neighborhood that goes by the name of Greenbriar. We lived there for many a year. Small world as they say:)
    So-o if the tiniest thread of this job offer I’m waiting to hear on by month’s end comes through and we find ourselves once again living in NOVA, we’re simply going to have to meet. What say Kristi?August 2, 2013 – 5:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Considerer - You really are one of life’s ‘WOW!’ people, ya know that? I hope your future grandchildren get to know that 🙂

    Absolutely stunningly beautiful…and then that illustration :pAugust 2, 2013 – 5:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Rich Rumple - Okay, Kristi, you’ve done it again. From the laughter we’ve become accustomed to the heartfelt wishes of a mother that loves. 2059, huh, let’s see, I’d be 105 then. The cats will never let me live that long. I do hope you get your wish. Just don’t be fumble fingered and spill the damn tea!!! 🙂August 2, 2013 – 7:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
    Thank you for noticing the Metallica t-shirt. You’re the bomb diggity.
    —
    Janine,
    Aw, thanks. I’m really excited about being a host, too! Like REALLY excited!!!
    🙂
    —
    Girlie,
    HELLZ yes we’re hanging out if you move to NOVA. Please move to NOVA? That would be so cool. I hope you get the job. Not sure where Greenbriar is but we’re not in the fancy part of Oakton, FYI.
    —
    Considerer,
    I think you’re pretty WOW people yourself, you. And thank you, I hope my future grandchildren get to know it as well.
    —
    Rich,
    Start bribing Gabriela with catnip now. Maybe she’ll have mercy on you. I hope you live to be 105. And I think I decided the tea will be scotch, instead, no matter the occasion. At almost 91, I’ll deserve a stiff drink.
    —August 2, 2013 – 8:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Sylvia - I’ll be 100 in 2059! I’ll probably be long gone by then!

    On my bucket list:
    I want to travel the US including and especially Hawaii.
    I want to relocate to NC and buy/build two tiny houses connected by a covered deck which will be my outdoor room! A main house and a mancave/green house for my husband!August 2, 2013 – 8:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - If everyone in the world was loved the way your son is loved, can you imagine how wonderful things could be?

    Yes, the Metallica shirt kept me from dissolving into a puddle, but also this: “stories about trying to refold paper maps.”

    How DID we do it??August 2, 2013 – 8:45 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - Have fallen way behind today, only posted my FTSF at, like, 3 pm.

    I came here first (but not before I published my Post) because of the amazing semi-synchronicity that I often see between your treatment of a theme and my own, which can be fun in an alternately disturbing and ego-pumping sort of way.

    I originally wrote a Comment that consisted of maybe 5 words, ‘I enjoyed reading your Post’. While it is a true statement, I did not ‘scan’ (I think that is a literary term of some sort).

    I read this (your) Post as ‘the expression of a clark as reflected by another’. Translation: we feel we can (and should be) more than we think we are, but we immediately recognize, in the love of another, the part of ourselves that we hope is there.

    This is not to say Tucker is simply validation or proof of what you would be, far from out. He is, in a sense, from a certain perspective the objective manifestation of what you know is within yourself. You can see it in how he looks at you… how he ‘regards’ you.

    In looking at this Post and my Post I see a similar sense of the desire to know that you have accounted for yourself (and by extension Tucker and the rest of the family) as well as anyone could hope.
    I think I am saying something similar, but more from the perspective of not seeing the objective manifestation of making the most of life.

    I enjoyed reading your Post.August 2, 2013 – 8:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - You, with the always making me blubber and sniffle at my computer!! Meeting my grandchildren… I mean, yeah, that has to be on the bucket list.

    The answer to your first question, though, the 5 hours one? Write, run and nap.

    xoAugust 2, 2013 – 9:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Golden spoons - Kristo, this is absolutely beautiful! I just don’t know what else there is ti say!August 2, 2013 – 9:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah | LeftBrainBuddha - Now I know what crashed the Internet today ~ the awesome power of all these amazing posts about what we want to do with our one single life. This is fantastic, Kristi, just absolutely amazing. I hope you do write that book because it will be touching and inspiring, just like this post. Wowzers.

    {And I love grandma in her Metallica shirt. And also, in my ‘research,’ seeing the Northern lights and scuba diving were also in the top 20. It’s made reading these posts so interesting!}August 2, 2013 – 9:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth @ Rocks, No Salt Mommy - Fabulous, indeed Kristi. You have opened my eyes to the world of children with developmental delays. I’ve always struggled with the idea of having a child with a developmental delay. Before I was even a mom, I was scared that my children wouldn’t be “perfect.” But through my experiences as a teacher and reading your blog {and a lot of growing up}, I realize that there is no “perfect.” Each child is “perfect” for who he is and why he is in this world. I love your honesty and your openness – you’re not afraid to sugar coat the tough stuff, but you’re also open to showing the wonderful, positive side of your life with Tucker. I love, love, love all your posts, but this one in particular. It shows your hopefulness, your expectations, and your plans for Tucker’s future. And not to mention, it made me both laugh and tear up. The folding up the map detail was a perfect addition!August 2, 2013 – 9:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Perfect. I don’t really think about a bucket list, but now I want exactly what you drew and said as the only thing on it. Except I’ll be wearing a Wicked t-shirt instead, and my grandchildren will most likely be brunettes. Did I mention this was perfect?August 2, 2013 – 9:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - You must write that book. If this post is even a glimpse of what will be in that book, you must write that book!August 2, 2013 – 11:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. - OK, how is is possible that you can bring tears to my eyes and then make me laugh at the same time with your Metallica T-shirt? It’s a gift, friend. Thanks for that- an absolutely beautiful post.August 2, 2013 – 11:43 pmReplyCancel

  • K - I say this every time, Kristi, but this is so beautiful. PLEASE write a book…I would read it in a heartbeat! And Tucker has already changed the world for me.

    I love your bucket list. (and you’ve managed to move me to tears again)

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, as always.August 3, 2013 – 12:17 amReplyCancel

  • karen - *sobbing and wiping my tears* I can’t stop crying woman…that is such an amazing and sweet post. I want that too…wow…I can’t even focus through the tears. Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting grandchildren…I know my parents waited and waited for me to have Dino…I hope I get to see him as a dad… *sniffles*August 3, 2013 – 6:44 amReplyCancel

  • Shay - Kristi…this post simply took my breath away. I had tears in my eyes at the scene that you illustrated, and I also got a good little chuckle in there with your choice of shirt. Seriously, Kristi…this was just awesome.

    On my bucket list? I don’t want to sound like one of THOSE annoying people, but I really make sure to live life to the fullest and cross off bucket list things as much as I can daily. What I would love to do is focus not so much on myself, but on others. I don’t think I help people enough, and there is so much helping that can be done!

    Thanks again for a great post.August 3, 2013 – 10:09 amReplyCancel

  • clark - Saturday Morning…. (visual from the cult movie ‘The Warriors’)

    “…hey Kristi…come out and playyy”

    lolAugust 3, 2013 – 10:35 amReplyCancel

  • Jen - You made me cry! QUIT IT! You are so awesome, and I know you WILL WRITE THAT BOOK! I know you will, and you will help so many people! I think of how far you have come since I met you, you are a force to be reckoned with lady! And you will rock that Metallica shirt in grannydom!August 3, 2013 – 12:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Alaska is pretty much my biggest, but I never considered winter before. I’ve been more interested in the height of summer and the eternal sunshine, and the moose and whales. Northern lights is also high up on my list. And I’d like to write a book, and see the kids grow and..so many things.August 3, 2013 – 8:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - Oh, Kristi, this was simply beautiful and filled with the hopes and dreams for a mother and her child. With a mom like you to guide him, I am pretty sure he will make the world a better place.August 3, 2013 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Sylvia,
    The two houses with the covered deck connecting them sounds amazing! Build it! They will come!
    —
    Lori,
    Paper maps. Right? They’ll likely be worth a fortune on eBay someday…
    —
    CLARK.
    Dude. So much better. And yes. I enjoyed reading yours as well, my friend.
    —
    Deb,
    I took the nap out of it on purpose because that’s what I’d do the whole time. 🙂
    —
    Lisa,
    Thank you.
    —August 4, 2013 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Sarah,
    Your comment might just be my favorite one ever, in the history of time. Thank you, friend. And (sidenote) the whole internet breaking was bloody well weird, right?????? UGH.
    Also, I did a much-needed back-up so maybe that was a good thing?
    —
    Elizabeth,
    I had an amnio because I did not want a “different” baby. I totally get what you’re saying…I should IM you separately about it. I did not realize that every child is perfect until I had my own imperfect perfect one. I think it’s the way I always knew it would be…which is likely why I was so afraid of it (and you may have just given me a post about it).
    —
    Dana,
    Awesome to the t-shirt though, right?August 4, 2013 – 9:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate - I would totally buy your book. And you can use book money to go scuba… it all will impact the other 🙂August 4, 2013 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Seriously, you had to go serious with this one! Oh my friend, I think you have the best, ultimate best list. How could you not live to be 91 years young and embarrass Tucker 🙂

    I am totally with you on the advocacy. When people who work at Walmart make more than the people who work with our children, well there is just something wrong with that (no offense to Walmart employees).

    I say we plan that trip to Alaska in the winter with our kiddos and explore the wonder of the Lights.August 5, 2013 – 7:53 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Roy - That was amazingly beautiful Kristi. And you are an amazing mom. I wish all of those things for you and Tucker. xxxAugust 5, 2013 – 11:48 amReplyCancel

  • Lance - I can’t wait for my grandkids to say “there goes Paw Paw talking about seeing pearl Jam at the Fox in Atlanta for the 200th time”.

    I really like the tone of your post and how you look at life. Thanks, I needed this one.August 5, 2013 – 3:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy - This is great! I wish to be old and telling stories to anyone who will listen, whether my children chose to have grandkids or raise lamas or whatever! I would love to write a book, it’s hard to picture in my crazy, busy, can’t-finish-a-thought life right now, but that WOULD be awesome. Great post!August 6, 2013 – 1:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandra Sallin - I sincerely hope your dreams and wishes come true. Beautiful reading this. So heartfelt.December 29, 2013 – 2:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Jhanis - Beautiful Kristi! Wishing all of these things for you! And I think you will be a really awesome grandma!January 15, 2015 – 5:25 amReplyCancel

  • Meredith - That’s kind of what we all want right? I mean, I would love to see my grandkids some day and be able to tell them all my stories. That’s why I blog too, because I’m afraid I’m going to have no memory of these younger years. 🙂January 15, 2015 – 9:49 amReplyCancel

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