Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

So much more than a dog

This dog of mine. So much more than a dog. His gentle soul housed in a majestic, strong, beautiful body.  There’s something awe-inspiring about making friends with an animal that could actually kill you if he chose to but instead buries his head in your lap to offer comfort and know when to make goofy faces at you when you need to laugh.

Chief and I met when he was a little less than two years old.  He’d been living in a no-kill shelter in Evergreen, Colorado.  I’d been living in a crappy duplex in Denver, still licking my wounds from a divorce and the resulting financial mess.

It was love at first sight.  He has been so much more than my dog.  He has been my friend.  My protector. My keeper of secrets.

Chief’s magical stress-reducing powers have never been a disappointment. Rubbing his head and running my fingers along his soft puppy-furry ears has soothed my soul for 10 years now.

10 years my friend and I have walked in the rain, snuggled on the sofa and explored the woods together.

For 10 years, I have enjoyed my silly, stinky, loving, pooping, shedding, beautiful and beloved and amazing dog.  So much more than a dog.

When Tucker was born, I worried about how Chief would react.  Silly me.  This gracious dog of mine immediately accepted my human son.  He loved him before he was even born.

Tucker came home and disrupted Chief’s life, interrupted his schedule, messed up our pecking order, and Chief forgave him.  Loved him.  He forgave me for cutting our walks short when I needed to.  He gracefully accepted becoming number two.

Chief has never not been in Tucker’s life.

Chief has never not been in Tucker’s life until now.  Until today.

It is with a heavy heart and swollen eyes that I write about having just left the vet’s office.  Just minutes ago, I held my dog’s head in my lap while he took his last breath.  Just minutes ago I walked away from his body.  Although I am home now, just minutes ago, I looked for him.

There’s a Chief-shaped hole in my life.

I keep having random thoughts.  I wonder what I’ll tell my son when he comes home and Chief isn’t here.  Will he notice?  Which is worse – having to explain death to a three year old who doesn’t have the language to understand it or not having to explain because he doesn’t seem to notice the Chief-shaped hole?

Did Chief understood my last words to him?  I hope he heard me when I told him that he will always be so much more than a dog.  That he will forever be my keeper of secrets.

I hope he understood  me when I said thank you.  Chief , my friend, thank you for sharing my home, my life, and my memories for the past 10 years.

Thank you.

 

Chief
2001 – April 19, 2013

           


by Kristi Campbell

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  • Stephanie (www.whencrazymeetsexhaustion.com) - Oh, Kristi. My heart just aches for you. I had to read this through flowing tears and swipes at my snotty nose because I GET IT. My dogs are my second (first?!) kids, and I do not look forward to the day that I have to say goodbye to them. Chief was a handsome dog and I’m sure your family will miss him more than words can say. But these words were really, really beautiful. Hang in there, lady. Hugs, StephApril 19, 2013 – 2:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thanks, Stephanie. I really appreciate it. Somebody needs to invent a dog that lasts as long as we do…April 19, 2013 – 2:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh Kristi, I’m so sorry 🙁April 19, 2013 – 2:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Oh Kristi, my heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for those of your beloved, Chief. He sounded like a wonderful and amazing dog. Thank you for sharing this truly can’t even begin to imagine how you are feeling right about now. Just know my thoughts and prayers are with you right now.April 19, 2013 – 3:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thanks so much Janine, I appreciate your kind words. He really was an amazing dog.April 19, 2013 – 4:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - I can hardly type through my tears. I am so very sorry, friend. This was beautiful, and such an amazing testament to his importance in your life and role as a member of your family. Thinking of you…April 19, 2013 – 3:29 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Stephanie, I appreciate the thoughts. A lot. Thank you.April 19, 2013 – 4:29 pmReplyCancel

  • K - I am so, so sorry.April 19, 2013 – 4:00 pmReplyCancel

  • MJM - That is very sad…and I’m very sorry to hear of your loss.

    I know the feeling…when I had to put my cat down (Pervis) who I’ve had from birth…it was very hard…probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

    These furry guys become more than pets…they become part of the family…just another one of the kids.

    I must say that what you wrote about Chief was beautiful…made me feel as if I knew him personally. Very well done…and such a great way to honor him.

    God bless my friend…and if you need anything don’t hesitate to let me know.April 19, 2013 – 4:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Aw thanks, Mike. You are so right that these furry little guys become so much more than pets. I’ve had Chief in my life longer than I’ve had my husband or my son in it.
      I’m glad you got to know Chief a little bit. And I will definitely let you know if I need anything. Thank you. So much.April 19, 2013 – 4:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Dawn - I’m so sorry to hear about your dog! Thank you for still taking the time to link up with #FTSF!April 19, 2013 – 4:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thank you so much, Dawn. I appreciate you commenting.April 19, 2013 – 4:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh, hugs to you, Kristi. I have lost two best dogs in my life. I will give you this comfort, we had Baxter YEARS before we had Allie. He died a couple of years ago after a long-loved life. Allie still remembers him. Sadly, she kind of compares Bailey the crazy puppy to Baxter her true friend. Bailey gives Boo all the love and protection she needs, so I understand your fear of hurting Tucker. I swear the loss of a pet is just as hard as a loss of any “real” person.

    I am sorry for the loss, but thankful for the love he gave you. Sending every comforting thought your way.April 19, 2013 – 4:32 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Kerri,
      Thanks for the hugs and the comfort – it helps to know so many of you understand. I keep thinking “oh I should fill his water bowl.” Ouch.
      Funny that Allie compares Bailey the crazy to Baxter…but awesome that she still remembers Baxter.April 19, 2013 – 4:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Melissa@Home on Deranged - They do become our friends and confidantes. I remember when my little cocker spaniel died, my first pet after college. Too many tears. I dread the day we lose our Labs, who are already 9 years old. Thanks for sharing, even if you did make me teary.
    Oh, and you were cool for getting Chief 🙂April 19, 2013 – 4:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Melissa,
      Yeah, getting Chief was one of the best things I’ve ever done. And thanks for sharing about your cocker spaniel…these fuzzy buddies really become family members.April 19, 2013 – 4:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Daughter of Maat - OMG, I know exactly how you feel. I lost both of my dogs, within the past three years. They died a year apart. I was actually just thinking about how much I missed Lady and Dickens when I woke up this am, and then I read your blog. I’m so sorry! Its amazing how our animals become a part of us, Lady and Dickens had their own personalities and were so much a part of this family. The house feels so empty without them. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to think about them and not cry my eyes out.

    I can tell you that dogs are so intuitive, they know us better than we know ourselves I think. Chief knew exactly how you felt when he left this world.

    I’m so sorry. I just want to give you a hug because I know how badly you’re hurting right now. Just know that although you’ll never get over this, and the pain never gets any easier, but you do find a new normal.

    Truly it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Despite the pain I feel, I would never give up what I had with Lady and Dickens.April 19, 2013 – 7:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Daughter of Maat,
      Oh wow. I’m so sorry that you lost both of your dogs within such a short period. Our animals SO become a part of us. It’s amazing and beautiful and wonderful. And I think that you are right – dogs ARE very intuitive, and that they know us. Know us well. Thank you for saying that he knew us. And yes. My house is empty. It has a huge Chief-shaped hole in it.
      I wouldn’t give it up either. Thanks, friend.April 19, 2013 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Surprise Mama - I am hugging you across the miles and I am crying. Your story about your other baby is moving and I feel like I knew him. He will always be a part of your family and I hope that though you will always miss him, the pain will soon subside.April 19, 2013 – 7:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thanks huge, Surprise Mama. Really. You guys are helping. A lot.April 19, 2013 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Jessica - Aww…. I am soo sorry! It hurts when a pet heads off to pet heaven :(. I think that’s why I couldn’t get a dog for awhile after my dog died :(. My thoughts are with you and the family.

    JessicaApril 19, 2013 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Jessica,
      Yeah, I’m pretty sure I won’t be ready for a dog for a long time. Part of me wants a puppy RIGHT NOW though…thanks much.April 19, 2013 – 9:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Oh Kristi, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am sure that Chief understood you perfectly as you said goodbye. My heart is heavy for you and your family. Hugs to you!April 19, 2013 – 8:31 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Dana,
      Thank you. I hope you’re right. So hard. Hugs back, I appreciate the support. Lots.April 19, 2013 – 9:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Annie Swingen - I am so sorry for all of you – what a friend, family member and snuggly guy. xoApril 19, 2013 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Annie,
      thanks. He was definitely a hugely massively snuggly guy.April 19, 2013 – 10:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate Hall - Oh Kristi, I am so sorry about Chief. This is such a beautiful post that honors him. I’m crying with you. So sad.April 19, 2013 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Kate,
      Thank you. I’m so sorry about Chief, too. Sucks. But I appreciate you crying with me.April 19, 2013 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Alana Terry - Love the new blog look, love the pictures, but hate that you had to say goodbye to your dog. So sorry.April 19, 2013 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Alana,
      I love the new blog look too. And hate that I had to say goodbye to Chief. Thanks for the comment and your kind thoughts.April 20, 2013 – 8:43 amReplyCancel

  • Courtney - Oh, I am so sorry. Praying for you. How tough. Your sentiments and photos are beautifulApril 19, 2013 – 10:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Tom Rieger - You totally did the right thing Kristi! Chief, just like Arthur, depended on you to make the terribly difficult decision… to let him go… when it was time.

    It doesn’t make us fell better, it never will…but love is truly eternal. Chief thanks you for an excellent life… just as you get to thank him for yours.

    I will miss Chief! I always knew when I wasn’t around Chief was there to protect my big sister. I think Chief, like Arthur, saved your life… just like you saved his. Love is a wonderful, beautiful, painful, and curious circle. Chief will always be in our family. I love you Chief! Thank you so much!!!!!!!April 20, 2013 – 3:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thanks, Little Brother. I appreciate your support and reassurance that I did the right thing. It was time. You should have seen the poor guy 🙁 I love your words that Chief thanks me for an excellent life as I get to thank him for mine. Well said. And yes, love is indeed a wonderful, beautiful, painful and curious circle. When did you get so wise, anyway? Oh. Right. You’ve always been wise. Love.April 20, 2013 – 4:46 pmReplyCancel

  • The Sadder But Wiser Girl - 🙁 We had a kitty, his name was Gabriel and while he had some screws loose he was our “original” kitty. We got him when we were first married and working different shifts, that way we would never be alone in the house. When we moved to our new house he got very sick and eventually we had to make the decision to put him down. He had no quality of life anymore. It is a hard decision, but one that sometimes has to be made. I’m so sorry Kristi!April 21, 2013 – 12:04 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thanks, Sarah, and I’m so sorry about Gabriel. It’s so hard.April 21, 2013 – 9:33 amReplyCancel

  • Mama Meerkat - I am so sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking. Pets really are part of the family! My cat who had been my very first cat died when Mini was a baby, and I still have a picture of her up on the fridge with all the other family snapshots. Big hugs.April 21, 2013 – 1:48 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Mama Meerkat – they really really do become such a huge part of the family. I can’t even put his dog bowls away yet. I should, but I just don’t want to…thanks so much for the big hugs. I appreciate them.April 21, 2013 – 4:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle Liew - I’m sorry to hear this……:( I lost my Jack Russell to cancer last year, and understand only too well. In my prayers.April 22, 2013 – 12:37 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Oh Michelle, sorry to hear about your Jack Russell. Thanks for the understanding and the prayers.April 22, 2013 – 8:06 amReplyCancel

  • Joy - I am so, so very sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. 🙁 He sounds like the best dog ever and he was such a beauty. I am crying right now.

    Sending you all the love that I can and hugging you tightly! xoxoApril 22, 2013 – 8:23 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thanks, Joy. I really appreciate your sweet sentiments. Although I’m really sorry I made you cry!
      I really appreciate the love and hugging me tightly. Truly. A lot.April 22, 2013 – 8:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Christina Morley - I was having such a good-feel read until the unhappy end! Not fair! Such a lovely dog. I’ve done a few posts about our adopted dog. He’s so good-natured that he won’t even chase a rabbit or a cat and both animals are very tempting to dogs. He’ll let himself be bullied by our neighbor’s cat. I hope you find a new dog to adopt. There are always precious dogs needing a good home. Don’t be too quick with your choice, because not all dogs are alike, as I’m sure you know. Chief will be hard to replace. 🙂

    Thanks for visiting Amanda’s Books and More and leaving a comment on my blog. I can’t believe that you used to skydive. That’s really cool!April 22, 2013 – 3:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Hi Christina,
      Sorry…I didn’t want it to be obvious at the beginning because I wanted people to know what an awesome dog he was. Sorry, though…
      And isn’t it amazing how gentle adopted dogs are? I think they know that we saved them and are forever grateful. I hope that they know that they saved us, as well. Sigh.
      Right now, I can’t even imagine replacing him! But one day, some fuzzy faced little dude or dudette may steal my heart. Probably.
      And you’re welcome – I enjoyed your blog. Skydiving was awesome. But now? Seems like a silly risk to take. Amazing how much more important our own lives get once our little people need us.April 22, 2013 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

  • TheSocialButterflyMom - So sad for you and your family that is now one member fewer. I feel guilty that I get annoyed by our Sophie; girl just wants to be loved. I will remember your post!
    P.S. I’m glad we can still comment here, too, and not just on FB.April 23, 2013 – 7:50 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Social Butterfly Mom,
      Thanks so much. I feel really guilty about all the nights I was annoyed with Chief too. All he wanted was some loves and to go on a walk. Ugh.
      And thanks for mentioning that about the comments! I felt like it was important to be able to link back too. So yay for justification!April 23, 2013 – 7:56 amReplyCancel

  • Becky - I am so sorry for your loss. sounds like you guys have been on a journey together. thinking of youApril 23, 2013 – 10:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Thank you. You know, everybody says their dog is “the best dog in the world.” And I get that. But mine really was. Other people agree. Sad. Thank you.April 23, 2013 – 10:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Eva - Hi stranger 🙂 I found your blog after seeing an update your on LinkedIn profile. I know it’s been a couple of years since we last caught up – but I’m glad to see you’re still in the area and being a great mom to an adorable little boy. I’m so sorry to hear about Chief, he was such a great dog. I’d love to catch up with you in person sometime soon, let me know if you’re interested.April 30, 2013 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Susan Zutautas - Oh my my I’m so sorry for your loss. Chief was such a beautiful dog. Your post brought me to tears as I don’t know how I’d live without mine.May 3, 2013 – 1:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Eva! Wow, how great to hear from you! I often wonder what happened to you! Send me an email – I’d love to catch up!May 3, 2013 – 1:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Susan,
    Thank you. He really was a beautiful dog. I miss him. A lot.May 3, 2013 – 1:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Alison - I am so, so very sorry for your loss.
    Thank you for honoring Memories Captured by sharing him with us.June 14, 2013 – 9:15 amReplyCancel

  • another jennifer - I just found this link via Tamara’s blog. It was my post she was referring to about saying good-bye. We lost my Kona on Friday. It’s so heartbreaking because he was with me and my husband from the very beginning. They will always be with us in our hearts.October 30, 2013 – 9:19 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - Oh Kristi, I had tears in my eyes reading this. Chief sounds like he was an amazing dog!.It’s so hard to say goodbye to our pets because they are truly family. Our whole family was there when our last two pets passed away…one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through, saying goodbye to an animal that I loved so much. Chief will always be with you in your heart! Hugs to you, my friend.June 4, 2014 – 10:46 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Michelle. He really was an amazing dog. It’s been a year now and I think I’m about ready to take the plunge again and find our new four-legged baby. You’re so right that they are truly family. They really really are! And thanks so much!June 5, 2014 – 9:39 amReplyCancel

  • Carol Graham - So many have commented here to tell you how sorry they are for your loss. There are no words we can say that will take the pain away but we all feel so deeply for a fellow dog lover. Last month I wrote 26 posts of dog stories — many of them about loss. It is a pain we will never forget. Although no other dog will ever fill his ‘shoes’, I hope you can find it in your heart to bring another dog into your life to love you and your son. You have so much love to give in return. Please keep us posted. I won’t forget you.

    Carol @ Battered Hope June 5, 2014 – 1:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much, Carol. You’re right that having to say goodbye to a dog is something we never forget. I’m thinking it may be time to bring a new fuzzy baby into the house! I appreciate your kind words and am going to head over and read some of your dog posts from last month. I really appreciate your comment!June 5, 2014 – 9:41 amReplyCancel

  • ivy - Dogs know your soul.. He knows what he means to you. Two years later he still knows. 🙂August 9, 2015 – 12:10 amReplyCancel

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