Shatter the Shame of PPD and Anxiety

Often, she who sits inside of depression or anxiety cannot see it. She feels alone. Unworthy. Worried. She assumes that she’s less than. A new mother may have an even harder time recognizing the symptoms of PPD and anxiety. She will likely assume that her tears are caused by hormones, leaky breasts, and sleepless nights.

I want her to know that she’s not alone. That she’s not broken, and that she will again see the light around her and inside of her.

Today, I’m honored and excited to announce that I, along with 34 other women, have opened up about our postpartum experiences in the important anthology Mothering Through the Darkness. Together, we hope to help shatter the shame of PPD and Anxiety. 

An excerpt from my essay, His Baby Watermelon Head:

“I knew that parenting might be rough. I’d been warned about sleepless nights, baby spit-up in my hair and on my prized new sofa, and about the wonder and horror associated with breast milk coming in.

I expected to love the unexpected. The stuff that the books didn’t tell me about. I looked forward to it.

And honestly, mostly, at least with hindsight, I know that I held on for the rides. Waking myself with snores at 3:00 am, sitting in his nursing chair with my neck and my boobs dangling down while he slept on my lap was cool with me. I hadn’t read about it, but I figured we won. We slept, anyway.

Still though, there was unexpected ugliness. The type that brought me to my knees, over and over.

I didn’t expect that sometimes, on some days, my brain would turn against my heart, and scream to me about how horrible I was. How the hateful whispers of “YOU DO NOT DESERVE” would make me want to cover my thoughts the way that children cover their ears. I knew that anybody who’d lived the life that I had; full of past binges, a divorce, smoking, and all the other things just didn’t deserve.

Nobody told me that I’d picture my perfect little newborn’s head going “splat!” bright red and broken, like a dropped watermelon on my hardwood floors. That I’d picture his broken head, every single time I carried him.”

If you, or somebody in your life is experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, let her know that she’s not alone.

Help us to Shatter the Shame of PPD and Anxiety. #endPPDmyths

Mothering Through the Darkness was co-edited by the amazing women Jessica Smock and Stephanie Sprenger of HerStories Project, and published by She Writes Press. Meet the contributors.