Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

1st World Problems & 5 Ways to Aid Hardship

“It’s gonna snow tomorrow? Crap! That means I’ll have to take the bus.” I was 19 or 20, and the days when the weather prevented me from riding my bike to and from work were a hardship. Cycling with work clothes and deodorant in my backpack 13.5 miles each way was good exercise. It was also free.

As a student who worked full-time and made around $500/month, a third of that eaten by rent, spending an extra dollar for transportation meant that I’d need to skip lunch. Often, because bad weather is rarely a one-off, it meant that I’d skip lunch all week.

I thought I had it rough.
I whined. Grumbled.
I said things like “This is so unfair!” and “Why didn’t my dad buy me a car like my friend’s dads did?”

For all of my whining and grumbling, most of it was done internally. I guess I always knew that I didn’t need actual, for-real help. Not the way that some do.

First world problems. Privileged problems. I had a home. A family who let me come over and do my laundry each Sunday afternoon. Friends. Shoes. Clean water.

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“But I want him to go to the community co-op Montessori school. Maybe he’ll start talking this summer and we can forget about Preschool Autism Classroom. I don’t think it’s autism anyway.”

I whined. Grumbled.
I mourned for the little boy I’d imagined. I thought “This is so unfair!” and “Why can’t he just talk like all of the other three-year-olds?”

For all of my whining and grumbling, most of it was done internally. I guess I always knew that I didn’t need actual, for-real help. Not the way that some do.

First world problems. Privileged problems. I had a home. Access to special education for my son that included the world’s most wonderful teachers, ABA therapy, and a husband who does my laundry each Sunday afternoon. A perfect little boy. Shoes. Clean water.

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“I can’t do this. It’s just too much and I need…” sobbing, the girl went on to say that she never expected having to do it alone, that she never expected that the baby would cry so much. That he’d wake so much. That she’d doubt her milk, and that she’d consider giving her baby away.

For all of of her whining and grumbling, not enough of it was done internally, but that was okay. She may need actual, for-real help. Still, not the way that some do.

First world problems. Privileged problems. She and the baby have a home. Access to family, love, and free laundry each Sunday afternoon. A beautiful baby. Shoes. Clean water.

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“They travel how many miles to freedom?”

“They’re doing what to them?” “Burning?”

“What do you mean they make gay people walk off of buildings?”

“What do you mean they kill mommies and babies?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT MORE ARE DYING?”

“They have hostages?”

“No, I can’t watch the news.” “Just tell me. How many?”

“How many?”

The answers have brought me to my knees. The answers continue to floor me, over and over.

Hundreds of thousands of people have lived through or are NOW living with true hardship.

I am not one of them. While I’m thankful to have experienced broke studenting, and have been able to make a choice between bus fare and lunch, I know that I am not somebody who has experienced hardship.

And, I want to help.

Whatever your beliefs are concerning accepting refugees into the US, Food and Cancer, Obama Care and Health Care, Welfare and Sick Children, God’s Will and and and the millions of Other and Multiple Ands, the fact is that there are humans out there right now, who need us.

First World Problems & 5 ways to aid hardship - findingninee.com

Here are 5 Ways to Aid Hardship today. Because this is, after all, about 1st World Problems & 5 Ways to Aid Hardship:

Help a sick child
Help a sick child’s family to be near him during treatment
Supply Syrian refugees with health and hygiene supplies
Give blood
Support victims from the latest terrorist attack on France

It doesn’t matter how you help. It just matters that you want to and that you do. Because #lovewins. Friends of mine, let’s change the world.

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This is a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence is “The hardship I’m most thankful for…”
Hosts:
Me (Kristi of Finding Ninee)
Reta and this week’s sentence thinker-upper of Calculated Chaos
and Vidya of Collecting Smiles

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  • Allieq - Great post Kristi! And it’s so true, we get caught up in our “problems.” I was at Cammy’s karate graduation tonight,and I honestly thought they were making too big a deal out of it (and charging me, cha-ching, for him to “participate”). Fact is, he’s the baby, I’ve been to so many “ceremonies” and mom was tired.

    Then one instructor, from a different Dojo franchise, stood up before his class took the stage to say they were dedicating their ceremony to a family their Dojo had lost. It was a single mom, who had a child who had Aspergers. She killed her son and then killed herself. He broke down. I was in shock, but needed to hear that story, because they were asking for help for families who have special needs children. They went on to explain how…but you get what I’m trying to say. I will never feel put – out to attend anything for my children again. ANd I will help families who need respite, any way I can.November 19, 2015 – 10:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The thing about “our problems” is that they are ours and here and LOUD right now. OMG to the ceremony about the boy who had been killed by his mom and then she killed herself. FUCK.
      LOVE YOU SO MUCH.November 20, 2015 – 9:53 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - OOOO, Kristy,
    my heart is heavy & the world is falling apart and I’m really sad about it.
    The good news is: We can be part of the solution to change the world!!

    xxx Kiss from Duluth.November 19, 2015 – 10:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - My sweet Kim, my heart and life is heavy too.. but you’re so right. WE CAN CHANGE the whole wide world. You are. We are. xo big.November 20, 2015 – 9:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Vidya Sury - Even with third world problems where we’ve gone hungry some days and broke before the 20th of the month most of the time, when we are in a better place, we want to “give” in every way we can, Kristi. I grew up somewhat poor, but we always spared food for anyone who came to our door. Today, I am better off and I am doing all I can to contribute to making the world a better place. It makes my blood boil when people differentiate when it comes to who they help. We are all humans and that’s all that matters.

    Thank you for such a wonderful post today. Turning the TV on these days is turning on the tears. But tears won’t help, action will. Very close home, our neighboring city is in floods and parts of the city are cut off because they’re practically submerged in water. So heartbreaking to lose lives and homes in an instant like that.

    Hugs! Thanks again! Thrilled we’re cohosting together this week!November 20, 2015 – 1:59 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, Vidya, I love your stories about feeding the world as best you can… and yes, we are all humans and and and… Turning on the TV sucks. Action matters and huge HUGS to you. So many thank yous for hosting with me this week, and the weeks that you do. You are amazing.November 20, 2015 – 9:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Organ - Thank you for this reminder AND for the links. Such helpful informationNovember 20, 2015 – 8:59 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Well said, my friend.November 20, 2015 – 9:52 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - It’s so true how we need to remember that despite our own challenges, others have it SO MUCH WORSE. Thank you for providing this much needed perspective!November 20, 2015 – 11:12 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I hate that others have it worse. I hate that we have to feel guilty when our lives suck. I am ug to all of it. I know you get that. xoxoxoNovember 20, 2015 – 9:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Michele - This last week has hurt my heart so much. And perspective is everything, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing yours, and for helping your readers to do more good in the world through these links.November 20, 2015 – 2:31 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ahhh perspective. So much that it’s everything and thank you Michele!November 21, 2015 – 7:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @Menopausalmom - The news lately has been heartbreaking. I can’t even watch anymore. It makes me wish I had millions so that I keep help every single child who is living in these hellish times.November 20, 2015 – 8:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Marcia,
      Me too. Sigh. Me, too. Here’s to your book becoming a movie and getting the millions to help all of the kids. It’s so heartbreaking.November 21, 2015 – 7:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy - Your compassion is beautiful. As is your global perspective. Love does win and yes, let’s change the world!November 20, 2015 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - As always, you manage to speak most beautifully. This echoes some of the thoughts in my own post – which I have to finish and post, I know. Hardship is relative, it’s personal. And at some point, everybody experiences it in some form.
    xoxoNovember 21, 2015 – 12:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Lisa. I loved your post and you’re so right – hardship is relative and very very personal and we do experience it. Still, mine feel less-than when I see families hiking for 100+ miles to try and get out of a war zone. 🙁November 21, 2015 – 7:31 pmReplyCancel

      • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - My Grandfather used to say, “No matter how bad you think things are for you, there is always someone worse off.” I think that is very true. And that doesn’t mean our own trials and sufferings are less, it just helps put things in perspective. I can’t go out for dinner? OK, some moms can’t feed their family at all tonight. I think that makes me more conscious of what else is out there. And more grateful for what I do have. xoNovember 21, 2015 – 9:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I have to keep reminding myself that for all the evil in this world, there is more good. It doesn’t always make the news, but it’s there. Your posts often help me remember that.November 21, 2015 – 2:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - There so is more good. Always always. XO Speaking of good, so looking forward to writing with you next month! Thank you again.November 21, 2015 – 7:32 pmReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - Kristi,

    I am going to dare to descendent from your opinion. The USA has third world problems that are hidden.

    I have a sick child. No one helps us. As a matter of fact the government can not stand us. They hate us so before one more person is put in line to receive anything before my son who has been waiting for over a decade and a half….I say, “No, we have our own people, including veterans, who are not getting taken care of first. Obamacare is a huge part of the problem…everyone is covered who is too poor but because those who can afford to pay are refusing there is no access.

    I agree with you five ways to aid hardship but charity begins at home and there are many parts of this country which qualify for third world country status.

    As I sat in a waiting room of a major university hospital in Florida while my son who has been sick for over a month and has a rare disease. The Florida Department of Health refuses to care for medically complex children. You do not know hardship until you have walked that road alone. I did it while providing end stage rectal cancer care for my Mom alone as two oncologists insisted she did not need hospice and then when the finally did agree only a few days before she died the social worker screamed my Mother’s insurance didn’t cover it despite me citing the exact statute to her.

    I was told we were, “Too poor for humanity!”

    So at this hospital I sat next to this woman who had snot flowing from her nostrils which she wiped off with her hands. She was American and she told me she was in her early twenties. She not only had HIV but LUPUS and an upper respiratory infection as well. The government has cut back her food stamps and she can not get enough calories to survive. She was gauntly thin and African American.

    America is a third world country now. It just is not for those the live and work inside the beltway.

    Syrian refugees are not wanted in an of the other Arab States. One has to wonder why the USA, who can not treat it’s own people with humanity and compassion, would have any business taking anyone from any other country until our people are taken care of first including but not limited to our veterans who we ask to make the ultimate sacrifice and then they return to see Syrian refugees living better than veterans or Americans?

    Idealistically, your thoughts are beautiful but realistically our government could very well see the country collapse into a civil war with the Clinton $500 million aid package to Pakistan while Pakistan protected Osama Bin Laden, refugees from Jordan, Turkey, Iraq, Iran, Somalia, etc getting welfare, housing, healthcare and free college educations that far surpass what is accessible to Americans and/or Veterans.

    Refugees see America as the plaza hotel to have a lovely vacation at the expense of the people who have forged and served this country. God knows those refugees will all end up living as fat cats inside the beltway.

    I am glad you has posed this question because it now is clear to me those who suffer outside the beltway mean nothing to those living inside the beltway. The only answer is to over populated, dwindle down all the resources of those living so richly in the third world to be sensitive to those of us outside the beltway living in the third world. When inside the beltway and outside the belt way look the same everyone will finally get it.

    We have no business taking refugees when we can not care for our own people including our veterans.

    Finally, you really think the water you are drinking is clean? How much do you know about water santitation. The people who sued PG&E would completely, disagree with you but most of them are dead.

    I adore you but this and the 2nd amendment scream a serious nativity about the world we live in. The USA outside the beltway is a third world country. Actually, I have seen third world countries with better info structure, healthcare, educational systems. Americans and American veterans are treated like dirt. Until humane healthcare and a first rate of ducational system return to the USA, we have no business taking on refugees.

    Taking on refugees during wars is a haphazard practice.

    The USA needs to put Americans first!

    Or the refugees live and work in the White House limited to only moving inside the beltway. And when there is an attack on DC, then the military stays home and Obama term is over. He is no FDR.

    I love you but I love my neighbors who I see suffer everyday because of a collapsing government spending far too much money on war, sending young men home in caskets never to be Fathers. I have friends and family currently active in the military. We do not need another never ending war to keep bad incompetent weak “so called” leaders in office so they can line their pockets with money from defense or just cheat in the stock market buying before every government contract is awarded…..No More….No Thank…And you think Americans would be taken as refugees? No Way!November 21, 2015 – 4:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - JT,
      I’ll probably go out of order here but yes, I do think that Americans would be taken as refugees by many of the European countries if we needed them to take us. I also think that Canada and Mexico would allow us to flee there if need be. I am in no way trying to imply that things are perfect or even ideal here in the US because they are not. People fight too hard for health care and services, as we both know. I hate that I have to fight for my son to get what he needs. That you need to fight for your son to get what he needs and that he still does not get what he needs. You are doing very important work to try and help your own son and families with special needs members all across the country. I was merely trying to say that while I feel like I’ve had hardships, I have not had to pack up as much as I could into a backpack and hike 100 miles to safety to have my family not be blown up, and then getting turned away anyway. That’s just wrong and as a human, maybe I am naive but I think everybody deserves to not wonder whether they’ll be blown up in their sleep each night. Or beheaded.

      The USA does need to do a better job at putting Americans first but I think that we also need to view the state of the world as human affairs. It’s very likely that there will be an attack here in the next year or two. Again.

      I didn’t talk at all about whether to take on refugees but believe that we should. Also three out of five of the links I shared are for help here in the US. Giving blood, for example, is something those of us healthy enough to do so can do even when we cannot afford to help in other ways.
      PS technically, I live outside of the beltway but understood your reference.November 21, 2015 – 7:41 pmReplyCancel

      • JT Walters - First Ms.Campbell, I both hate and live your diplomacy. It must drive hubs crazy in an argument. i agree but in my lily opinion those are UN General Assembly Matters and not USA matters.

        Idealistically, I do not want any family anywhere suffering but do you realize how many fact Syrian dead refugee pictures have been put up of dead children on Facebook? i know because I have worked in the medical field and seem dead children. These children are clearly not dead.

        Realistically, I have sat in the middle of hospital and colleges and been told my son could not have services because those services were reserved for refugees. I have known refugees who have gotten free housing, food stamps and jobs while American veterans were homeless on the street.

        For the record, I know where you live. You know this and i was very clear when I made the statement about the beltway you did not live inside it or I would not have made it. I do actually love you even when I completely disagree with you.

        One final practical matter, I do not think you should tell people your husband does laundry. You may become the envy of the married world!!! You are also setting the bar way to high for the beer chugging coach potato football fan husbands.

        None of us want anyone to suffer. But that attitude has lead to Americans be loathed around the world and giving all their monies for social services, welfare, and healthcare programs to refugees. In 2000 when my son was born with a disability my mother literally said to me, “Cross the border and re-enter the country illegally and your son will live like a KING!” It is very sad but very true about the great state of Florida.

        Canada yes…but I am not so certain about Mexico especially with the drug cartels. Western Europe openly admits they hate us. They endure us but do not like us and I doubt they would take us as refugees unless an asset like a nuclear scientist, engineer, doctor…etc…

        Ugh…you are such a good diplomat Eleneanor Roosevelt!!!😘November 21, 2015 – 8:14 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I wonder if there are studies about cases like special needs children getting better services when they are illegal. An interesting perspective and not something I’ve heard before.November 22, 2015 – 5:53 pmReplyCancel

          • JT Walters - Ugh..Ganhi…you did it again!!! i quit!!🙄November 22, 2015 – 6:16 pm

        • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - JT Walters: Where are you getting your information that American’s are loathed around the world? From personal experience? Because I travel a lot and have not heard (or seen) anyone in the European countries I’ve visited disparage Americans. This is going to sound terrible, but you sound like you watch FOX news and get all your jaded info from that station. Personally, I found some of your statements outrageous, like when you say things like: the government cannot stand us, they hate us…. you should come into the country illegally and your son will live like a king… And many more, ridiculous statements that I just don’t want to waste my time to repeat.

          My husband does laundry, mops floors, scrubs toilets, washes the car, does the yard work, and he’s even learned to make Taco Soup recently (as well as quite a few other great meals)–and not because I make him or have even asked him to do these things. He feels they need to be done. And he loves me and we’ve been married over 33 years. And many of the “guys” in our circle of friends help out around the house too. Obviously your opinions differ greatly from mine. I’m sorry, but you lost me at your first sentence on both comments.November 24, 2015 – 1:29 amReplyCancel

      • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - I totally agree with you Kristi.November 24, 2015 – 1:33 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - It is so hard to forget how many blessings we have sometimes. I whine about my 70s style bathroom and forget that I am blessed to have clean, running water. I complain about packing lunches and rising dinner because I forget that I am blessed to have plenty to feed my family and myself. Thanks for the reminder and the suggestions~November 22, 2015 – 4:54 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - XO Lisa. And you know, I still do think it’s okay to bitch about packing lunches and stuff because pain! But yeah, perspective is so key. xoNovember 22, 2015 – 5:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - YES! Yes. Actual ways to actually help. Not just think or pray. Sigh. I am a bit of a complainer. I guess it’s because I only know things one way or so, and even when I try to wrap my head around certain ways of suffering, I can’t. I only know my own suffering.
    I try to live more in the beautiful moment. And it’s hard.November 22, 2015 – 9:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I can only know my own as well but I want to be better at the world’s.November 23, 2015 – 10:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - I believe love wins too. It has to! And I can’t watch much of the news either anymore. All of the ugliness is so heartbreaking.

    In the past couple of years, John and I have made a commitment to help someone less fortunate every month. We recognize that we have way more than we deserver and/or need. Besides, Lindsey has inspired us with her regular donation to an organization that sponsors kids (she’s been doing this for 16 years and counting!). Because of her comittment, we decided to make a similar one–although we vary our contributions to what feels right each month. This month we are helping a sick child: Alfie. He has an extremely deformed foot and lives in the Philippines. I don’t know if there is enough money in the world to help every single person in need, but we have to start somewhere. And every little bit helps, and for us, it feels right to know that we are trying in our small, inadequate way.

    I totally agree with you. Love will win.November 24, 2015 – 1:13 amReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - Ms. Atwell,

    While I may disagree with the hostess of this sight, I would never personally attack one of its’ participants because I disagreed with them.

    Kristi knows me well but for your edification, I haven’t traveled to other countries. I have lived in them. My information comes from living within the culture of those countries. Western Europe has had many historical critics of the USA including Salvador Dali. Tourists are always told they are loved. Live in another country, speaker their language and get back to me.

    After 9/11, within minutes of the first attack, I shut the TV off. There are a few shows I will watch on demand but I do not watch any news stations. I caught glimpses of the Conneticut elementary school shooting and the Boston bombing because I was in places that tv(s) were on and noticed atleast one of the victims died twice. We have actors portraying the dead on tv so no thank you.

    Speak for your own region of the country because each region is extremely different. I believe Oregon is famous for helping out the homeless. Go to Alaska and see how the homeless are treated or Florida? You do not live where I live. You do not know me. It is absolutely a thousand percent true that undocumented workers are receiving better benefits, kids are going to better schools and have unions in Florida that are illegal unions to encourage more undocumented workers to come here.

    So maybe before you get your 50 stamps in your passport you should get to know your own country better. And maybe instead of attacking another parent of a child with special needs, that is a special kind of evil, you should try to empathesize and understand where that person is coming from? You want Syrian refugees to move here and take all your child’s social services?

    You misconstrued, assumed and with vile disdain, not live, responded with contempt to another parent of a child with special needs to make yourself feel better.

    Congratulations!

    I feel sorry for anyone who gets a beeping helping of your love!

    Per her hubs, I was kidding her and she knew that and that is why your post is filled with self righteous hatred. Great another hateful Democrat from Oregon named Linda Atwell who uses others blogs to be a complete jerk. Had you read my post, which clearly you did not, I said my Mother said it about dragging my son across the border and in Florida it is true but I guess from an Oregon view, who does not deal with the chainsaw beheadings of the Mexican drug cartels, ignorance screams.

    As for your husband, you wouldn’t have to advertise if things were so great! No sale on you or him or your cause. Your post is the anti-marketing of your family.

    Second Amendment must stay just for those who abuse the First.November 24, 2015 – 7:54 amReplyCancel

  • Sandra - Wonderful post! And so true. I work with a woman who has had to take leave because she’s developed lupus. She has 4 children and a husband who didn’t work because he stayed home with the smaller kids. This year my unit is preparing a hamper for her, and we’ve been accumulating money for her and her family. It’s not much, and in the wake of the Syrian refugees I wish there was more to do, but every little bit helps. Thank you for the reminder.November 26, 2015 – 3:56 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Sandra,
      I love that you’re doing something for a woman you work with. That’s where it starts. That’s all of it. If each of us, always, did those things, the world would be so so much better. xo.November 26, 2015 – 10:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love the “I didn’t need the for real help, not like some do.” We/I have so much to be thankful for. And OMG aren’t you blessed with the laundry!November 30, 2015 – 2:01 pmReplyCancel

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