Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

A Farewell Letter to Summer

Somehow, someway, September came. What once loomed and doomed with too-far-awayness is suddenly here. And with that realization, I feel the need to write a farewell letter to Summer. You see, I wasn’t very nice during certain moments to Summer and I feel that I owe her an apology.

Dear Summer,

Back in June, I didn’t want to see you. The thought of you, and Tucker having shortened school days, and then having no school days during most of August, filled me with worry. With doubt. With ugly mind-whispers that sounded like I can’t do this. I cannot work, and write, and play with my little boy and there’s not enough time and why am I paying a sitter to do fun things with Tucker when it should be me doing the fun and there is never any time for a shower except at 1am and… I. Can’t. Do. This. There’s not enough time. I don’t have enough time. I am not enough.

I’m sorry, Summer. I’m sorry, because I was wrong. It’s September, today, and you’re leaving me and all of a sudden, I’m sad. I’m sad because I realize, now that it’s too late, exactly how good we were together. I realize that work, and writing, and magical moments, and language building, and fun, and yes, even showers, they all accidentally happened. And that maybe there were days when I was sad because I felt like I was doing it wrong and wondering why I was paying a sitter to do something fun with my little boy so that I could work but that it all worked out. That I did, and I was, and that I was enough. We were enough. You’re leaving us. I apologize for not appreciating you when you were here.

To make up for silently wishing you away and for thinking that I can’t wait for school to start again, I’m here to ask for your forgiveness. I’m here to say that I’m thankful for all of the moments and the magic that we shared together this year. I’m here to say that next year, I will be nicer about welcoming you into our lives with open arms. Next year, instead of greeting you with a groan, I’ll instead say “Hi, Summer. I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.”

Thank you, Summer. Thank you for giving me moments that I’ll remember forever in spite of the fact that I didn’t always realize they were happening when they were happening. Thank you for giving me those moments in spite of myself. Here are the things that I’ll look back on with the widest heart and the biggest of smiles.

  1. Thank you for giving us the beach for Tucker’s fourth birthday. This summer of Four will always be our “Happy to You” Summer. Thank you for that.
  2. Tucker has a friend. Not only that, on the days when he’s said no to the playground, no to going outside, no to everything, the mere mention of his friend is enough to change the no to excitement. You will always be the Summer of Tucker’s First Real Friend.* For that, I am grateful.
    Tucker and his friend
  3. Our sitter.  We found her because you came before I thought I was ready for you, Summer. While there were days in which I was resentful that I paid for her to have fun with my little boy rather than having that fun with him myself, I am thankful that she is kind. That she loves my son. That my son loves her back. That she is excited about Outside and Fun and Doing Things Together. You will always be the Summer that brought us our first loved sitter. And for that alone, my work thanks you. My writing thanks you. That I have (mostly often) shaved armpits thanks you.
  4. Thank you for all of the weekend days that Robert realized that I was up too late at night, fighting the I Can’t Do-It’s by actually Doing and allowing me to sleep in the following morning.
  5. Summer, as I wrap up this list of thanks and apology to you, I’d like to thank you from the whole of my self that, on your final August evening, my worry and doubt and overall angst about transitioning Tucker to a bigboy bed in a bigboy room was for naught. That he welcomed his new room and his new bed with excitement and glee rather than with “I like my old room and my old babybed.” Thank you for that. You will always be the Summer in which we realized that Tucker has become a Big Little Boy. That he’s not a baby and that he handled moving to his bigboy place with ease and wonder.

Helping Daddy set up the Bigboy bed      bigBoy Bed

So, Summer. Like I said, next year, I promise to do better and be better about saying hello with kindness rather than with trepidation and ICan’tDoThis thoughts. We did do it, Summer. We can, and we did. Together. I’ll miss you, my friend. Thank you for giving us love and sunshine and magical, peaceful, busy, wild, and messy mornings and afternoons. Although not all of our moments together this year were perfect, or ideal, they were enough. And they were ours.

Love,

Kristi

*I need to clarify something about Tucker’s First Real Friend. Tucker does have another very special friend. One whom he has known since he was six months old. His mother, a woman named Shalini, is amazing and wonderful and really really busy because she just started her own business.  Also, her daughter is “typical” and as they aged, she and Tucker spent less time together. This is mostly because Tucker started school when Shal’s daughter didn’t need to, and life, and we’re busy, and also mostly totally my fault. I am going to make time for her this week. That’s a promise. I’m thankful for my friend Shalini and her daughter. 

This farewell letter to summer has been a Ten Things of Thankful post. While you may see actual numbers adding only to five, I do hope that you are able to recognize that there are definitely more than ten thankful things in this post. I mean, the bigboy bed thing? The First Real Friend thing? Those, alone, are totally worth five in themselves.

Tell me, friends. What are you thankful for from this summer? How do you feel about the fact that September is here, already? Are you relieved? Saddened? Both?

Ten Things of Thankful
 Your hosts
A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall, Considerings, Finding Ninee, I can say mama, I Want Backsies, Steps into Parenthood, Thankful Me, The Wakefield Doctrine



by Kristi Campbell

email a friend

  • Emily - I love your whole list, but especially #2 — I know the absolute joy in seeing your child bond with a peer, especially when you worry about that happening. When I dropped my teenage son off at sleepaway camp this past summer. I watched a group of girls RUN to say hello to him.And they HUGGED him! I never thought I’d witness something like that, and while some parents might not be so happy about 10 girls (in bikinis no less) surrounding their son — I was thrilled. I was equally thrilled when one of his bunkmates came over to greet him with a huge smile. Nothing beats that in my book.September 1, 2013 – 6:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Considerer - That’s truly been a summer of wonderfulness, and I love this so much, most of all how you learned that it can all come out alright in the end, and yes, it was effort, but you got through it and got everything (mostly) done. The important things – the Big Boy Bed, the First Friend, the time you spent with him – they were done and done well 🙂 The sitter sounds like a wonderful person to look after T while you attend to the unavoidables and the inevitables – a good find, chosen carefully.

    Props to Robert for letting you sleep in so you could get Done with Things. You’ve kept up admirably, and I have massive respect for the part he played in this.

    Summer is my absolute favourite season. The warmth, the sunshine, the light evenings and long, lazy days. The sparkle of waves at the beach, the neon of light through tree canopies, the way everyone shrugs off their worries as the sleeves get shorter. The bright colours of summer clothes, the scent of suncream, the optimism and hope which pervades everyone’s spirit while the skies are blue and the air is hot and scented with baking earth…

    …but the nights are drawing in and already the air has begun to cool. The dark begins to creep up ever closer to those precious hours of daylight, shortening the time spent outside with friends, bringing gloom and a feeling of impending dankness. Before long the brightness of summer will moulder into browns and oranges, shining ugly beneath slick drizzle and glaring streetlights as the warmer clothes get pulled down from the top shelf and the cold tightens its grip.

    I mourn the loss of summer and have little excitement for the bone-creeping damp and that clutching chill which not even the beauty of frost or the promise of snow’s novelty can dispel.September 1, 2013 – 6:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Dyanne @ I Want Backsies - I get a little depressed and mournful during those in-between weeks when school has already started but summer isn’t completely over. I think about how quickly time is slipping away when we are starting yet another school year.

    But fortunately, once the crisper fall weather begins and the leaves start to change, I round a corner and my sadness turns to excitement. I love the fall. It makes up for sweltering hot summer days and icy cold winter ones.

    The Big Boy bed is, indeed, worth at least 5 thankfuls, as is the real friend!September 1, 2013 – 6:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Summer’s end brings the promise of cooler weather, for which I am grateful. It also brings the return of a school schedule, which is a mixed blessing. I choose to focus on the positive, but an honest answer to your question would be “both.”September 1, 2013 – 6:48 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - what an excellent Post.

    to do many things in a post is not so hard, mostly punctuation. to convey a feeling in a Post is much more difficult (for many of us) but not amazing.

    this post is amazing in the different feelings, insights, appreciations and fears and concerns you have invited us Readers to ‘witness’* a part of your life.

    what the hell! lol

    I won’t say that your writing provides me with an example of a goal to achieve or a level of skill to strive for… that is too remote. however, that I can identify with you in your Post gives me something that I did not have and that gives me hope.

    cool

    * in a non ceremonial or otherwise sense, meant to convey that I have had a glimpse into another’s life, the degree of that glimpse is a function of my capacity to empathize.September 1, 2013 – 7:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Oh you already know how sad I am that summer is coming to an end and how my whole post pretty much dealt with thos feeling. So trust me you are preaching to thechoir on this. But so happy that Tucker did do so well last night and know from our tweets how worried you were. So seriously hearing he did so well put a huge smile on my face tonight. Here is to summer ending slowly though and bit more time before it is completely gone (at least I think this is better then blinking and it being December).September 1, 2013 – 7:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - So poignant, Kristi! Why does this always seem to be the way that it goes? Wishing our lives away, only to feel like we didn’t do enough with the time that we had! I’m glad you wrote this list. When you start to feel like you needed more time, go back and read it again. You had a fulfilling, beautiful summer!!September 1, 2013 – 7:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Natalia Frost - What a beautiful post!!! =)
    I am so happy for Tucker having a friend!!! Great job on the transition from baby bed to big boy bed.September 1, 2013 – 7:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Linda Roy - Such a sweet post, Kristi. Sounds like you and Tucker had a wonderful summer!September 1, 2013 – 8:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Courtney - This is sweet. Yes, we often don’t see the gifts until they are gone. Summer with autism is tough, but it also can be fun! Glad you found the fun! Sounds like a great summer for you!!September 1, 2013 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

  • GirlieOnTheEdge - No, no, no. We see the numbers 1-5 listed in ascending order.
    What we read, Kristi, amounts to much more than 1+1+1+1+1.
    This was a lovely post. Thank you for sharing your 5X __ TToT =DSeptember 2, 2013 – 6:59 amReplyCancel

  • jhanis - what a lovely post. I miss summer so much and next time it comes around i will be better prepared with a list of dun things to do with the kids.September 2, 2013 – 9:16 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Mostly shaved armpits. That sounds about right. Accidentally or not, I’m glad it all happened for you and I think you’re showing an awful lot of appreciation and memory. To fall. It will be its own special being. Summer will forgive you. Summer is so forgiving.September 2, 2013 – 12:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Natalie - Kristi, I loved this post. It has been such a magical summer in so many ways, and I am already sad it’s come to an end. You’re so right, some of the best moments, you don’t even realize have happened, until they have happened! But even though it’s coming to an end, we still have the wonderful memories.
    (Love Tucker’s big boy bed too) 🙂September 2, 2013 – 3:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Josie Two Shoes - This was a good summer for you and for Tucker, especially! Those are blessings far too big to count with numbers, they will count for the rest of his life!!!September 2, 2013 – 5:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - This is such a perfect Ten Things Thankful post! It so perfectly reflects my own hopes and fears as the time is approaching for me to start looking for work. It was very comforting and heartwarming and I am thankful for that. I am waiting for Ben to make a friend. I’m so happy Tucker did!September 2, 2013 – 6:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Joell @ Red Van Ramblings - LOVE! Love! Love! Tucker has a FRIEND? AND a Sitter that he loves and that you love and trust to love on your baby?? Totally counts as 10, apiece!! YAY! That is awesome and the stuff of HOPE for more friends and more people who will love your baby like you do! Not much is more precious than that right there!

    Hope Fall is as magical as Summer was!September 2, 2013 – 7:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Lanaya | Raising Reagan - I’m sure that Summer appreciated the apologies 🙂
    Fall is going to be amazing – Tucker is amazing and you are an amazing mama.
    At least you put all the knives away after transitioning Tucker to his big boy bed right??

    Hugs to you my friend 🙂

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.comSeptember 2, 2013 – 10:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
    OMG I LOVE that the bikini girls were circling your son. YES. I want that, too! (please?)
    So so so awesome.
    —
    Considerer,
    Wow, what an epic comment. Thank you. I, too, mourn the loss of summer but do actually get excited about fall days – the cooler evenings, the leaves (which are amazing here), the school, the feel of new beginnings… while fall is traditionally the winding down of the year on the calendar, when it comes to school, it’s fresh starts and new pencils and awesomeness. Hugs to you. Go to a tanning salon (which we talked about on IM). 🙂
    —
    Dyanne,
    YES, I love the fall too. But sometimes, when I have to say goodbye, I love summer more.
    —September 2, 2013 – 11:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Kristi,
    Yes, the new schedule is definitely a mixed blessing. But it’s sad to say goodbye to summer. Sob.
    —
    Clark,
    I thank you for witnessing my life and for allowing me to do the same in yours. For real, dude. Totally.
    —
    Janine,
    The problem is that we WILL BLINK and it WILL BE December! Yikes!!!
    —
    Rachel,
    I did, indeed. And thank you, my friend.
    —
    Natalia,
    Thanks, so much. Huge, thanks.
    —September 2, 2013 – 11:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Aw, first friend. That is enough to make any mom cry. We all want our children to fit in, be well adjusted. Right???

    xoSeptember 3, 2013 – 12:03 amReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - Like so many of your posts, Kristi, I love this. Such a good reminder to be. here. now.

    And I’m feeling a little inspired by your asking for forgiveness. I would have to ask every single winter of my life for forgiveness for having mean thoughts about it.

    Cute pix of your son and his friend.September 3, 2013 – 3:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Jessica - Just beautiful, Kristi! I am so glad summer ended up being really good for you. I know all about the “I Can’t Do Its” and I don’t have half the pressures that you do. I’m so glad everything worked out for you. 🙂September 4, 2013 – 1:32 amReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - I’m late getting to this. I did start a comment a few days ago, but then someone distracted me or something. But I did want to say I found it a very interesting angle – I’d never thought of writing to Summer! I’m glad your fears about summer were unfounded and you enjoyed it! I can remember thinking I might not be able to cope when my kids were little, but we got through, and had fun. It is good to have a break now and then though, so your sitter sounds like a good idea. So great that Tucker has made a friend too.

    I always feel a bit sad when the school holidays, even though my girls are 15 and 14! (Yes, even teenagers can be enjoyable.) Summer has always been my favourite season, partly because it’s the only season that’s truly warm in Scotland, but mainly because I love the long light days we get and winter is so-o dark. As summer ends I have to keep reminding myself to enjoy the moment and not get caught up in thinking about the miserable dark mornings from November to February! 🙂 I definitely think birds have the right idea.September 4, 2013 – 6:58 amReplyCancel

  • catherine gacad - summer is just starting in san francisco. september and october are always the best months. ironically i am heading to nyc later on this week, so i hope to be spoiled with good weather there and back home.September 4, 2013 – 5:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Cyndi - Aww, when summer leaves, I don’t like it so much: the heat, the sun and the fun times outside. 🙂 I suppose it doesn’t have to stop, does it? Just bundle up a little more?
    How special that Tucker has a friend. You are such a gem and this whole blog post is really about what an amazing mom you are, how Tucker’s best interests are always at the forefront of your mind, that you acknowledge the need to care for yourself a bit, too, even if they are “accidents” in occurrence. You’re freaking awesome.
    Thank you for visiting my blog last Saturday – I’m only now getting to my comments – thank you so much for your sweet words. 🙂September 11, 2013 – 9:04 amReplyCancel

  • Jak - Evening Kristi,
    –
    Sorry I’m so late*
    –
    I didn’t see a post for TToT between this post and this current weekend, but yours are sometimes a bit camouflaged with fancy titles outside the standard TToT titles. I will double check!
    –
    This was a great post, and a touching end to a Summer that seemed to turn out a lot better than you had originally anticipated. I will be keeping tabs as next year rolls around to possibly remind you that you promised not to condemn it 🙂
    –
    It’s awesome Tucker has a True Friend, and that the mere mention of their name is enough to change Tucker’s mind from doing nothing to engaging and socializing. That’s truly amazing and I hope they don’t drift apart like the other friend you mentioned (whom I hope you found some time for).
    –
    Also, it’s a relief there weren’t any transition woes. I know change can be difficult, but it sounds like all went smoothly and he really enjoyed/embraced it!
    –
    *I’m a firm believer of “better late than never” philosophy.
    –
    Jak at The Cryton Chronicles & Dreams in the Shade of InkSeptember 14, 2013 – 11:49 pmReplyCancel

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

*

*

N e v e r   m i s s   a   n e w   p o s t !