A letter to Creepy Ass

Dear Elf,

Get a life. I think everybody knows by now that I’m a novice blogger. And prior to writing this, I had no idea how many people were talking about you. I didn’t realize that there was this whole divided camp thing going on between moms who have nothing better to do than stupid shit like tear up their own homes really spirited cheerleader moms and the rest of us lazy moms who have lives to live outside your creepy existence.

Today, I was in Store (actual name not necessary because you are bloody everywhere) and my adorable, sweet, smart little boy saw your sorry pimpin’self. On a shelf (symbolic? Vomit.). For $30. He pointed to your scary mug and said “OOH!” I said “Oh hells to the &%#$NO Oh no, honey child of my heart, that elf dude is scary. Let’s go look at the airplanes.”

Which of course distracted him. He’s a sucker for airplanes. And trucks. And construction equipment.

So it’s your fault that my impressionable baby now owns a(nother) new (thankfully tiny) ninee. It’s your fault that because I wanted to avoid bringing your Pennywise self home to hide in my drain and maybe kill us while we slumber that Tucker’s very limited (sarcastic) air fleet now includes one more.

Thanks a lot. Jerk.

With no love,

Kristi

I’m sad to report that Spoiled Rotten’s fleet is not fully pictured here. I just grabbed the immediate airplanes for this post as I was too lazy to look further. But. There. Are. More. And Creepy Elf made it even bigger. Some of these are remote controlled by the way, which are the only ones that I personally enjoy.

by Kristi Campbell

20 comments

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Emily - Hi Kristi, I found your website via Stephanie who recently gave you the Beautiful Blogger award. I love your blog and can see that your award is well-deserved! I too had a son who had developmental delays…he is now 15 and in high school and is doing great. I am looking forward to following your blog!December 10, 2012 – 1:29 pmReplyCancel
- admin - Hi Emily, I’m so glad you visited my blog! And thank you so much for commenting and for the encouraging words that your 15 year old son is doing great. I hope that’s what I’m saying in 12 years from now. I can’t wait to check out your blog, too! 🙂December 10, 2012 – 6:20 pmReplyCancel
Angela C - lol. That creepy elf gives me the creeps too, my five year old is creeped out by it too. My friend and I both have the same opinion too about the creepy little guy and she stayed with me last week before jetting off to the UK and she tried to buy one so she could hide it in my house to find, thankfully she never found one, phewDecember 11, 2012 – 3:15 pmReplyCancel
- admin - Angela, thanks for the comment! That would have been funny if your friend did find one just to creep you out. Luckily she never did! But that would be the only funny way. I hope none of my friends read this and sneak one into the house…December 11, 2012 – 5:44 pmReplyCancel
Stephanie @Mommy, for real. - Oh this made my day. I love a good writer who uses profanity so perfectly … 😉December 11, 2012 – 3:29 pmReplyCancel
- admin - Aw thanks Stephanie, I love YOU!December 11, 2012 – 5:44 pmReplyCancel
Deb - hahahahahaha – oh how funny. I have an Elf on the shelf, but I am really getting tired of it. Mainly because of the overkill going on across the internet.December 11, 2012 – 3:32 pmReplyCancel
- admin - Deb, lock your bedroom doors!December 11, 2012 – 5:43 pmReplyCancel
Kenya G. Johnson - I have to be honest, that I don’t usually like to read a post with bad words. HOWEVER, I HATE THE ELF – so I hung in there and that was very funny. From the fleet I am guessing your son is above 4 or 5. We’ve been there. Mine will be 8 this week and sometimes he builds the fleet out of boredom 😉

P.S. I’m no goody two shoes, I say dang and crap A LOT!December 11, 2012 – 5:29 pmReplyCancel
- admin - Kenya, when I first started this blog, I never swore. But that dang elf IS REALLY scary! I hope I didn’t offend you! Most of my posts contain no swears, I promise! Some do. But not most.December 11, 2012 – 5:43 pmReplyCancel
  - Kenya G. Johnson - No offense taken, if you dig deep in my blog you might find one or two going to the gym related or seeing a snake bad words 😉December 11, 2012 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel
    - admin - Ooh! A challenge! 🙂December 12, 2012 – 9:41 amReplyCancel
Marcy - I gotta agree. I find the elf creepy and am glad he wasn’t around when mine were small. And the season can be plenty busy and stressful without one more thing these poor parents feel like they have to do every night! Visiting from TALU.December 11, 2012 – 6:48 pmReplyCancel
- admin - Yay for us! I think it could maybe be fun to make the elf do something, like, twice. But he’s so ugly!December 12, 2012 – 9:41 amReplyCancel
mdbc77 - love it! we bribed the kids out of mcdonald’s and into pizza hut with a toy just last week!December 12, 2012 – 7:20 amReplyCancel
- admin - Awesome! Nothing wrong with a bribe! Now if I could find the toy that would get Tucker to poop in the potty, I’d be in luck!December 12, 2012 – 9:42 amReplyCancel
Anne Kimball - The few. The proud. The people who don’t allow The Elf into their homes.

I’m standing shoulder to shoulder with you here, Dude.

Thanks for linking this up with the TALU!December 12, 2012 – 7:51 amReplyCancel
- admin - Love the comment. And glad I’ve got a few of you on my side! The few. The very proud!December 12, 2012 – 9:43 amReplyCancel
Trish - Amen, sister! That elf is a creepy little thing…even more so because Santa gave us pencils back in the sixties with the SAME DAMN ELF on them. Does he never age? 🙂 But if it makes you feel any better, I can testify that the Elf is not impervious to Golden Retriever chewing.

TALU!!December 12, 2012 – 6:25 pmReplyCancel
- admin - Trish,
  The ugly doll is perfect as a chew toy! Thank you so much for the comment!!December 25, 2012 – 9:46 amReplyCancel