Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

As The Days Grow Darker, We Are Each Small and Grand

My footsteps crunch in the snow, causing the only noise around. I breathe in. Out. Find myself standing on and of the earth, aware of my smallness and greatness. I stand taller, my shoulders more relaxed. “This is what I meant,” I said. Nobody but the puppy was there to witness. As the days grow darker, Colorado air is crispy. The air in Virginia gets crispier, too, of course, but there’s something about Colorado air, at least for me.

It feels like home. There’s probably a better way to describe it, but I suppose describing the way air feels as you breathe is like describing the scent of the ocean to somebody who’s never been. Your description comes close, but until they experience that particular scent themselves, your words can’t do justice to reality.

As The Days Grow Darker, We Are Each Small and Grand

Standing in the Colorado air reminds me of perfect nights, which are never as perfect as they are in our memory.

***

As the days grow darker, it’s impossible to not worry about those who stand under the stars, hoping for asylum in the United States. I think about them, standing in the dark, feeling small and grand. I imagine they wonder “Will we ever get there? Will we ever be safe?” while also thinking “Thank God we’re doing this. There was no other way, and one day, my children will tell our story of how we became free.”

There’s nothing more grand than risking everything to give your children a future. Small and large. We each tell the story of success and failure to ourselves each day.

We’re each small and grand. I wonder whether traveling so slowly brings them mindfulness of the changes in the air. Or whether their survival instincts are on such high-alert that such things remain unnoticed, a far-away second to finding water, food, foot-protection, and shelter for a few hours.

We each tell the story of success and failure to ourselves each day

***

It’s November, and the days are darker. It’s dark when we wake, and it’s dark when we share our dinner. It’s hard to not feel darker on the inside, too. My body is tired earlier than it was just weeks ago, when I had to shut the blinds in order to block the sun from the very seat I sit in now at the same hour.

Robert’s working a crazy schedule and is in bed by 7:30 p.m. Home around 5:30 or 6:00 p.m. It’s only for ten days, but as the days grow darker, we are each small and grand. I’m small for being angry that he’s not here when he’s here, but I know he’s working on grand things. It’s dark when he leaves. Dark when Tucker, the puppy, and I get up.

But it’s also a grand time. We’re in Colorado. With a new puppy named Nugget (!), and love, and a home we’re making ours after discovering not everybody is as grand as we are when turning over their keys.
***

It’s November, and the days are darker in politics, but there’s hope in this upcoming election, I think. It’s hard to know. I saw a bunch of flyers today (junk mail addressed to our home’s former owner), and every single thing one particular flyer had bulleted out “Here’s a checklist of your candidates!” as a “yes” I thought “OMG no!!!!!”

And yet, I tell myself that we are each small and grand. Each one of us must have greatness too, right? We all stand under the stars, feel our feet on the earth, remember there are feet on the opposite side of the planet, living the best ways we can.

***

The world feels smaller than it did to me a few years ago. But there is still incredible greatness and love, I promise. Only recently, I was able to witness it first-hand at the Be Beautiful, Be Yourself event. It was life-changing (not just because Colin Farrell touched me), and made the ridiculous and ignorant flyers I got in the mail today seem like maybe, people against humanity, will see humanity.

PSA: Whether you feel small or grand, please vote. And remember feeling small rather than grand when you do so, as that’s the way to change the world. Vote.

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s prompt, brought to you by my co-host Kenya Johnson of Sporadically Yours and yours truly, is “As the days grow darker…”

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  • Kenya G. Johnson - This mid term election feels like playing the lottery except if you early voted the in-between time before the results is longer. But in the in between time there’s mountain high hopes of (what you would do with the money) or mountain high hopes of what the results could mean for the country. I hope we’re not all “sick” next Wednesday. We need a big break!

    I know what you mean about not being able to explain the air. On Wednesday we had a beautiful day here. And after all these years of “weathering” I knew what people meant by 78 degrees being nice. It was only 37% humidity that day and it WAS nice! The next day the same temp was not so nice and more normal for us at 88% humidity. Yuck. I had to I had to close the windows and turn on the air.November 2, 2018 – 8:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I so hope we’re not all sick next Wednesday too! Here’s hoping. I feel like our country has gone backwards. Maybe some compassion in the government will help turn it back around.
      I can’t believe it’s still almost 80 degrees there and you’re so right – the amount of humidity has TONS to do with it feeling nice or not. I’ve found that’s true with the cold too – it’s more tolerable when it’s not so humid.November 2, 2018 – 4:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - I love what you say about the air and I agree. I love living where I do in Ontario, for the way the air changes in weight and scent and temperature through all four seasons. I loved it in Yukon and out east just last month. Well done in your descriptions, like the sea.

    I cannot vote, of course, living in Canada. I just cross my fingers and my toes and hope things turn around, starting on November 6th. Your contry needs it and so do the rest of us.

    I miss October already, but I love the cool air as winter approaches.November 3, 2018 – 10:53 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Today’s the day! I voted and have my fingers crossed. I’m nervous. I love the cool air as winter approaches but am with you completely on missing October.November 6, 2018 – 4:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel the Alien - My cousin has a dog named Nugget! He is an odd dog. She used to take him for walks in the woods, and after a while he was acting like his ears hurt all the time, so she took him to the vet. It turned out that he’d gotten some grass seed in his ears, and it had rooted down and started growing. His ears hurt because he was literally growing grass in them! Of course the name of your new puppy is my favorite thing about your blog entry… the rest of it is very important, but… you know… puppies.November 10, 2018 – 3:29 amReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - Oh, friend, this is so beautiful, so true, so powerful.November 11, 2018 – 7:58 amReplyCancel

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