Coming Out

The day I birthed this blog, I clapped my hands in a room by myself, so excited to have two live posts, along with “The Blogess” section and a banner image that took me hours. Since then, I’ve remained crazily excited about Finding Ninee but strangely hesitant to share it with more than a few people. I think that when you’re admitting to your own tiny world (and to yourself) that there’s something bigger going on than shyness and late bloomerness, it’s, well…sad. I am at peace with who my son is, and believe that I’ve let go of my fantasy of Imaginary Tucker. The Tucker that I thought he’d be once upon a time. But, perhaps not completely. I have very high hopes that Tucker will catch up to his peers by the time he’s in a school situation with children mature enough to understand their differences.

In an effort to expand Finding Ninee’s reach, I created a Facebook page with the intent that I’ll link to it from here. But when instructed to be the first person to “Like!” my own page, I stumbled. I wasn’t ready to give this much of myself to some of the people I’m friends with on FB. Strange, isn’t it, that I’m so eager to find strangers who can relate to our situation but completely unprepared for comments from people I actually know?

In the end, my desire to share Tucker’s experiences with all of you outweighs my trepidation for the comments that I’ll get. Because here’s the thing: I want comments! I want to read your collective experiences and ideas and successes and not-so-successful attempts. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” And this matters. So, I’m going to share, share, share, and not be silent! But…first, I think I’ll send this blog to my family.

by Kristi Campbell

4 comments

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Sara - Giving up the dreams one has for one’s child is a very hard, very mature thing to do. It’s so crucial though, to give the child room to become who the child wants to be. …My pseudo step-son is on-the-spectrum, but not autistic. The thought (hope?) has always been that he’ll catch up, that his emotional development will eventually catch up with his physical or chronological development. He’s 21 now and he’s still not quite there. He’s made big progress since I met him, but he’s still not there. The thing is, his age seems to always be in flux. There are times when he’s so mature (maybe 20) and other times when he seems closer to 14. But I think that’s how he figures it out: by trying really really hard to be Responsible or Mature, and then regressing back as a relief from the effort. I’m confident he’ll get there, but it will definitely be in his own time.September 24, 2012 – 11:03 pmReplyCancel
Nina - This is wonderfully brave and optimistic and more than that, you are right! It matters!! Write it, link it, share it!September 25, 2012 – 2:32 amReplyCancel
Kevin - Kristi,
I remember clearly the hopes and aspirations I had for my infant son- that he’d be so many things, all the promise this world could hold in his big, blue eyes. Now, twenty years later, I’ve had to learn that what they generalize as the “broad-spectrum autism scale” is vague and has a myriad of definitions. My boy (now grown, but often still very young socially) is almost “mainstream” which is another way psychology and society can label kids like him as “challenged”. As if life isn’t perplexing enough.
While he no longer lives with me full time, spending part of each week with his mom now, I struggle nearly daily with managing my expectations of, and dreams for him. I have had to surrender, and let go of them time, and time and time again: to let him be who he is and work his path out for himself. Yet in some ways I still hold on to them tenaciously… for how can a parent ever not long for the success and acceptance of their child in a big screwy world?
But celebrate his achievements, encourage him over and over, exercising patience whenever you can, ’cause in the case of my son (and many others like him) their “wiring” is different enough that it can take much longer for some concepts to sink in when to compared to mainstream kids.
– Thing to remember always: These kids aren’t defective, or any less than other kids, they are just a little different. It takes love, patience, and perseverance.
– I know you have all of those.
This is just a scratch in the surface of this huge topic, a brief flutter of pages with volumes of material around and in between each line. Let me know if can lend assistance or clarity – anytime.September 26, 2012 – 10:28 pmReplyCancel
- admin - I’m sure I’ll need your assistance and clarity many times. I’m just not sure how, yet. Thank you for a great post.September 26, 2012 – 11:01 pmReplyCancel