Future Dental Bills

Call the bad parenting authorities.  I didn’t make Tucker brush his teeth for two nights in a row.  I know it’s disgraceful, and I’m an asshole* for not making it happen.

Here’s the thing.  Tucker hates having his teeth brushed.  He really, truly hates it.  He fights us, he gags, he clamps his jaws shut, and he spits his toothpaste on me. He whines and pouts and tries to run away saying “No teeth!!!”  He has about eight different really cool toothbrushes, both manual and electric, ranging from Thomas the Train to Lightning McQueen to fire-truck to Spider Man themes.  He loves them all in theory, and enjoys pretending he’s going to brush his teeth.  He sets up the stool in front of the sink, turns on the water and then refuses to actually brush.  We’ve also tried every kind of baby-friendly, toddler-no-poison toothpastes on the market.  Same result.  We have exhausted all suggestions known to us, from brushing our teeth with him, to letting him try it himself, to bribes, and then allowing 20 minutes of water play in the sink beforehand.  We get the same result – he will not willingly brush his teeth.

Usually, Robert holds him and I squat down in front of him and just make it happen.  For the struggle he puts up prior to this, you’d think he was about to be tortured for 30 minutes.  We’re usually done in two minutes.  However, for the past two nights, Robert’s had to work well past Tucker’s bedtime. Both nights, I’ve spent 45 minutes trying to assume daddy’s part of the bedtime routine while listening to “Dad, whereareyouuu?”
I had to take Tucker downstairs to show him that Robert’s car was gone.  I then listened to him ask for “Teeth!” which was him just messing with me, as he ended up fake crying and saying “No teeth!”  In the end, I just gave him hugs. I’ll do an extra good job fighting the plaque monsters tonight.  I was able to fall asleep last night taking comfort in the fact that these baby teeth are specifically engineered to fall out anyway.  And all of us are sure to have mastered the teeth washing skills by the time anything permanent comes in, right?

* Please be aware that I think it’s funny for me to call myself an asshole.  Not so funny to hear it from others.  Just saying.

Here’s Robert restraining Tucker in preparation for teeth brushing torture.  Tucker’s pajamas look like a prisoner outfit.  Hopefully we’re not creating future bondage issues.