The short answer to the question “Is it ever okay to cheat?” is no. But there are worse cheating digressions than others, certainly.
There’s the obviously obvious. Such as, you know. Don’t cheat on your spouse.
If this song means a little too much to you? Then you need to maybe rethink your life. Or seek therapy. Probably therapy and changing your life. I’m not judging.
Also? If you relate to this cheating song…because if she asks you “Who’s the Blonde Stranger?” and wants to stay up all night with you, you might be a victim of the grass is greener syndrome. The green grass always turns brown on you, friends. Always.
Or on tests. Like the time when I was in high school and went along with my stupid friend Carol’s idea to be the lookout while she stole the test for a history class to impress a stupid boy. I went along with it because Carol was cooler than I was, and the teacher was a complete bitch. We both got suspended for three days. Moral: Don’t get caught Don’t be a follower to a stupid friend who will get too-drunk at your house, make you have to make up cover stories involving food poisoning and a fair that you never went to, only to have her dump you later because you didn’t call her the very minute you lost your virginity.
Anyhoo. We’re talking about cheating and whether it’s ever okay, right?
Again. It’s not okay to cheat. But sometimes, just a little bit, in certain situations, it is actually okay. According to me, anyway. Are you wondering if I’ve ever cheated? Well.
I mean OF COURSE, it’s never okay to cheat. Cheating is for assholes and losers.
Including me.
Like the time when I was in college and my too-old-for-college “boyfriend” had a new girlfriend that I didn’t know about. She came up to me and asked what tips I might be willing to share about my “ex,” as they’d recently started dating. So, obviously, it was totally fair game that when he took me to a party later that week, that I had five-minute love with his hot Columbian exchange student in his room and then dumped him for being a jerk. That kind of cheating almost isn’t even cheating, right? Right!
Also, it’s not really cheating when you blame somebody who exited the elevator for stinking it up when you know that it was you, and your last-night-nachos.
Speaking of nachos…What about cheating on a diet? Certainly that doesn’t hold the same spot in Hell for us that cheating on a spouse would, right? I mean, sometimes, we have to eat stuff that’s bad for us to get through the rest of it all. Or, well, we don’t “have to” but do it anyway.
Nachos are good.
Oh. And the kind of cheating that I did today. Yup. You read that right.
Today, I cheated. I cheated my kid. He wasn’t really feeling that great and we’d already played more than is mind-numbingly possible to count games involving me being a freaking surprise robot who gets off the floor doing robot moves. I thought I’d maybe distract him a bit with a book. And some milk. Books and milk and mommy snuggle time is good right? YES. So I got the book, the horrid too-hot blanket that he loves (it’s this super-ugly Army blanket my husband got while active duty that looks innocent but will leave your pits, ass, and other bits sweaty within about 10-minutes), and read. And read. The same book, over and over. While he wasn’t sleeping. While I wasn’t sleeping.
So I cheated. I started skipping pages just to see whether he’d notice.
He noticed and made me feel like an ass. But still, that kind of cheating is okay. To me, anyway.
However. The moral? Don’t cheat. You’re not even going to do a better job of it than your four year old.
What about you? How did you cheat recently?
This has been a Twisted Mixed Tape Tuesday production, brought to you by my genius friend Jen. Today’s topic was Cheating Songs, which I obviously avoided and am okay with that. If you’re sad and just want me being ridiculous, I sung a song about Caillou! For real!! Did you miss it? Click here!
Like how I kindof cheated at Mixed Tape, too? heh.
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by Kristi Campbell
Considerer - Awwwwwwwh I completely adore this. Your taste in music (or, the music you find for these hops) is so fun(ny). And no *shakes head and looks innocent* I’d never stay up all night with a lovely blonde stranger…
Also LOVE that you got caught out in your attempt to cheat him out of a story. You meanie-pants! :p Bless your boots for trying though – the same story a hundred times is hard work!November 19, 2013 – 2:20 am
Misty - if i could talk to the teenage me, i’d tell her to grow up and be more like kristi than misty. your life experiences have been way cooler than mine! and the cheating stuff was funny, too. it’s so not fair when the kids realize you’re skipping pages!November 19, 2013 – 5:28 am
Kathy at kissing the frog - You’re only cheating yourself when you cheat on your diet, so I guess that’s okay. I skipped many pages last night while reading, too. But to be fair, my reading partner was two and extremely tired and crabby, so I think that’s fair, too.November 19, 2013 – 6:42 am
Dream - When my son was young, I definitely did the book cheating as well. Its okay, I read it in the mommy manual. Really.November 19, 2013 – 7:39 am
Janine Huldie - Totally guilty of the book cheating here. I mean one could only read so much Pinkalicious and Sophia lately before succumbing to this. And yes sadly I have been caught a few times now, too!! 🙂November 19, 2013 – 7:44 am
Kerith Stull - When you cheat, you mostly just cheat yourself. The guilt is usually overwhelming. No matter who finds out, you know. What you do becomes part of your character. Do you really want THAT to be part of your character???November 19, 2013 – 8:16 am
Emily - Ah yes, I’ve done the page skipping trick a few times when the boys were younger…now, I only read to my Little Dude and yeah, I can’t get away with that one anymore. As for the “quick cheat” on the college boyfriend to make him jealous and/or get back at him — yes, I have definitely done that one and I agree, does not count as cheating! They were asking for that kind of behavior from us as far as I’m concerned.November 19, 2013 – 9:23 am
JenKehl - My Skewed View - One more reason we should have been friends in high school, I never would have done that. Actually I was usually the you in those situations.
You are funny. Always. And also I love how honestly funny you are.
I skip pages too sometimes, and mine is 8. So, no worries there.November 19, 2013 – 9:50 am
Kerri @ undiagnosed but okay - Jimmy Buffett? Oh my you are my friend!!! Love starting my day with him even if it is about cheating or that it is okay to cheat as long as you don’t get caught by your 4YO or your parents or your……November 19, 2013 – 9:57 am
Dana - The nacho-elevator scenario was my favorite, which tells you something about my sophistication level. I’ve done the skipping pages thing too – I could only read Amelia Bedelia so many times.November 19, 2013 – 9:59 am
Kelly McKenzie - Clever you. Love both the way you cheated on the topic and how you cheated, I mean, “adapted” on the reading of the book front. I can’t recall cheating recently however I do confess “The Cat In the Hat” was often not read in its true form. Can you say skip pages 11 thru 26?November 19, 2013 – 10:47 am
Linda Roy - Kristi, you had me laughing so hard at the book thing. We all do it, don’t we? And dangit, they eventually call us on that shit!November 19, 2013 – 10:55 am
Tamara - That is so funny because I tried that the other day, but couldn’t actually go through with it. I thought about it only.
My daughter has this wicked long book about Snow White’s side of the story, and then you flip the book upside down and it has the Evil Queen’s side of the story. You’re supposed to find sympathy for her. Anyway. It’s long.
I’m glad I didn’t do it because she would have called me out on it too. No doubt.November 19, 2013 – 11:58 am
Amy - Funny Is Family - My examples of cheating sure have changed if the only recent examples I can think of are diet and book cheating. Thank goodness!November 19, 2013 – 12:31 pm
Kenya G. Johnson - I shared a story with you via twitter. You totally had me cracking up at nachos. I’m sure I never did that on an aisle at Walmart after having a frou frou drink at Starbucks.November 19, 2013 – 1:31 pm
Lance - So, what are you trying to say, Kristi? Just spit it out. Don’t beat around the bush.November 19, 2013 – 1:40 pm
donofalltrades - Skipping pages when reading to the kids is the bomb! No way that’s cheating when it’s late and they’re lucky to be getting a story.
What I like to do instead a lot is, instead of a book story, I tell stories about my shitty day or about my past life or sometimes, I just recite lists of all the shit I’d buy or do if they’d never been born. They love those made up ones best I find.November 19, 2013 – 1:48 pm
Kari - I totally remember trying to skip pages when reading to my kids. Sometimes they called me on it and sometimes they didn’t notice, but… ack! am I bad mom for admitting that I hated reading to my kids? Mind.Numbing. Yawn.Inducing. I knew the value in it, yet, I still just did not like it. Glad to know I’m not the only who ‘cheated’November 19, 2013 – 4:31 pm
clark - say what?
you and Jen totally get props for this week’s theme…in fact, I mentioned at someone’s Post that I thought it should be a multi-week theme next year.
(god..we really were that…adventurous, reckless, impetuous (oh baby keep it up! lol) wild at heart?
I love reading your blog, it’s everything blogs ever hoped to be: insights into the person we almost were, might have been, they are links to people who we either would have been afraid to be friends with or intimidated by (subtle difference, but still there).
I will stop typing now.
ciaoNovember 19, 2013 – 4:33 pm
Yvonne - When my kids were wee I regularly skipped pages or sometimes just words. Like you found though, it often didn’t didn’t pay me – largely because I’d be so busy trying to work out which bit to read so it all made sense that I’d get all tongue-tied or forget where I was and have to start all over again.
And then, often they knew the stories by heart anyway… sounds like Tucker is the same. You certainly can’t get away with it then.November 19, 2013 – 4:56 pm
Angel The Alien - I like how you pointed out all of the different meanings of cheating! There sure are a lot of ways to cheat! But winners never cheat, and cheaters never win. Or is that quitters? Quitters never cheat? I’m confusing myself!November 19, 2013 – 5:24 pm
Considerer - Also, somehow didn’t mention it earlier, but shall glory now, having seen everyone else write you nice messages – I GOT FIRST COMMENT, BABY, YEAH! 😉 *punches the air*November 19, 2013 – 5:45 pm
Marcy - Carol sounds dreadful, and I give you a pass on some of your other examples.November 19, 2013 – 6:28 pm
Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - Oh Kristi–I’ve done the cheating reading thing with my kids when they were little. If they caught me, I just told them the pages stuck together. So I not only cheated, I lied about cheating. I’m bad. Really, really bad. I didn’t feel bad at the time though. I felt justified because I was in a hurry, tired, needed to get other things done, etc., etc., etc.. But when it comes down to it, don’t cheaters justify their actions. We can all do better but I do agree, there are certain kinds of cheating that are probably better than others.
Oh. And I cheat on diets all the time. Even though I promise myself I won’t. Then I do anyway. It’s a vicious cycle. 🙂
Happy to be back in the country and reading your work. And I was too tardy to get into the group Ten Things of Thankful. I had it written on Sunday, but had computer issues and didn’t finish it until today. So I still published independently. Hope that is ok?November 19, 2013 – 6:32 pm
Brittnei - I had to come over and read this. I laughed out loud several times! You’re right! Cheating is never good but you made some kinds seem funny. Like the incident with the nachos or with your sweet 4 year old! Haha! Sounds like a fun linkup!November 19, 2013 – 6:58 pm
Real Life Parenting - I’m so, so guilty of the book reading cheat … especially on The Magic School Bus books. They’re awesome and packed full of cool info, but they’re PACKED full of info. Can’t do it all!!November 19, 2013 – 7:14 pm
Katia - Guess what, loved it! I love those glimpses into your life and how you always tie Tucker in. I am absolutely guilty of the book-page cheating. In fact I’ve called upon this technique many a-time and it sometimes failed me but usually not. This is definitely good cheating. And I love what you do.November 19, 2013 – 7:26 pm
Beth Teliho - deliciously fun post! I cheat in all the ways you listed, a lot, except the hot Columbian way. Not that I don’t have a similar story from back in the pre-marriage days….but not a hot Columbian. More like….well, maybe I should stop talking actually. But if you and I are ever together IRL, give me a glass of wine and then remind me to tell you THAT story.November 19, 2013 – 8:40 pm
Louise - Sometimes, when I’m really tired, instead of reading a book, I let my 4-year-old watch the Barbie Popstar video on my IPhone a few times in bed before going to sleep. That tends to work better than trying to skip a few pages here and there. Although I acknowledge it’s likely even a bigger cop out. Ah well.
I like what you did with the post this week.November 19, 2013 – 9:45 pm
Mama C. - Dear God, Kristi, I needed a good laugh this evening, and you gave me one with this: “…stinking it up when you know that it was you, and your last-night-nachos.” I laughed so hard I nearly woke up DD after trying EVERYTHING to get her little butt to fall asleep…
But then I did a 180 and nearly cried when you talked about cheating on a diet…because that is precisely what I am doing now by way of THREE HUGE HANDFULLS of Reese’s miniatures. (Sigh) They are my proverbial downfall. 🙁November 19, 2013 – 10:46 pm
Kristi Campbell - Considerer,
Well yes. Stories about rockets and astronauts are lovely but boring during the first-go-round when you’re you know, not four. I do agree that I suck for not reveling in them for HIM though. Because he loves them. We just need to find a way to love them before 9pm.
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Misty!
NO!! Be Misty! And I love that our names rhyme! Be Misty. Kristi was a bit of an ass.
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Kathy,
Sometimes, cheating ourselves is worse, right? I mean the diet thing? We just feel bad about US and nobody can even use it against us! And yeah. the book skipping thing. Sigh.
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Dream,
There’s a mommy manual??? ? DO PLEASE SHARE asap!!!
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Janine,
Well yes. We would maybe possibly go insane otherwise, yes???
—November 20, 2013 – 12:51 am
Kristi Campbell - Kerith,
No, I don’t but try to forgive my stupider younger self…
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Emily,
HAHAH to the quick cheat! Yay that you get it! I agree. not really cheating!!!
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Jen,
I wish we were friends in high school. And good to know that it’s still okay to skip pages at age 8!!
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Kerri,
We will see Jimmy in concert one day. maybe on the Cape. Or wait. He’s not dead yet, right????
—-
Dana,
nachos are their own life force and the create situations we may not be proud of. But those moments are real, my friend. Real.
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Kelly,
You’re the first to notice I cheated on the whole topic! I think You get a prize!!!
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Linda, YES they call us on it.
What’s up with that???
Disrespectful, really….November 20, 2013 – 12:56 am
Kristi Campbell - Tamara,
You’re obviously a much better person and mother than I am. Because I went through with it. And probably will again…
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Amy,
Diet cheating is not free, friend. But yeah, did it again an hour ago. And again like 30 minutes ago. It’s also 1am which compounds the cheating guilt ugliness….
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Kenya!!
I loved the story you shared on Twitter!!! Thanks for making me feel less alone in the whole skipping pages thing!
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Lance,
Hm. I may be conflicted. What is cheating, anyway???
—-
Don,
I like the idea of telling real-life stories!! Tucker’s not there yet but dude, I’m all over that when he is!!!
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Kari,
thanks, you. I’m not alone. And neither are you…November 20, 2013 – 1:01 am
Kristi Campbell - Clark,
I adore you, you weirdo. I think we totally get one another. I mean, we could almost trade messages a million times over yes? Thanks, you…so much. I feel the same.
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Yvonne,
Yes, Tucker knows the whole boring book by heart. I blame his father. Thanks for letting me know that you used to do the same!!!
—-
Angel,
Wait, is it quitters never win? Or cheaters never win? I think there are sayings for both and now they are both beyond me…huh.
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Considerer Lizzi,
Yes, yes you were. First you were.
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Marcy,
Thanks for the pass!
mwah for that 🙂
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Linda,
I’m so glad you’re back!!! Your trip sounds amazing although I’m still confused as to why that scorpion doesn’t look more smushed in that photo!! Yikes!!! And maybe all moms skip pages?? It seems to be a common thing here. It’s like playing. We know it matters and we love it when it’s working but as moms? It’s also boring at times…
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Brittnei,
HAHA thanks for realating to it!! Should I assume you’ve had similar elevator experiences?? 😉
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Real Life Parenting,
Those PACKED books are the worst. This one is sortof like that. Lots of spaceships and astronauts. Sigh. I mean interesting. If you’re four.
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Katia,
I love what you do, too. And thanks for getting it, my friend!!!
—November 20, 2013 – 1:10 am
Kristi Campbell - Beth Teliho.
Finally, eh? Thanks for coming back and for telling me that this pain in the ass comment system that isn’t nested, is awkward and ugly is still worth utilizing. I appreciate that. And OMG no hot Columbian but an equally awesome story that can only be bribed to get with wine and IRL? I’m there friend! Name the time and the place! Or, spill it and tell me now??? Because of course, I’m dying to know.
—-
Louise,
Yeah. I do the ipad and iphone here, too. Lamer than the book cheating but sometimes? We do what we must!
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Mama C,
So glad to have given you a laugh tonight!! So sorry that it was rough putting DD down and that you so much needed it. But remember, you’re doing it all just fine. Just perfectly perfect. Also Reece’s or however you spell it are evil and it’s SO not your fault.November 20, 2013 – 1:15 am
Beth teliho - *snort* I’m sorry! Your comment system does suck and I officially excuse you from ever replying to a comment of mine again, and yes, I’ll still comment like a mofo cuz I wanna and I heart you. If I ever say anything compelling (yeah right) just mention it next time you’re on my blog.
Oh, and THAT story cannot be floating around the blogosphere. Ever. I have children. It’s that bad/good.November 20, 2013 – 1:36 am
Katherine - cheating in a relationship is definitely not okay! it will never be okay in my book. one strike, he’s out.
but i do cheat. i cheat on recipes even if i don’t intend to! 🙂 i always end up tweaking it or skipping an instruction.November 20, 2013 – 5:42 am
Kristi Campbell - Beth,
HAHA. I could have replied to each individually like this but they’d still be down here and I think that makes it look like I’m just trying to look like I have more comments. My theme is supposed to release nested comments in January.
And now I REALLY wanna know that story!!November 20, 2013 – 8:12 am
Kristi Campbell - Katherine,
I’ve actually found that cheating on recipes usually makes them better!!!November 20, 2013 – 8:13 am
A Morning Grouch - I used to write about my nacho obsession all the time. Haven’t in awhile, though the nacho obsession still holds true.
You and the hot Columbian I would definitely NOT count as cheating! THe book page skipping is one that I think most parents are guilty of – just sucks to be caught!November 20, 2013 – 11:15 am
Julie Chenell DeNeen - I used to skip pages in the book too! Or better yet, I burned all the Bearenstein Bear books because those suckers were wordy! And sexist. But anyway, I agree- cheating is never good. And I speak from experience unfortunately. I will say that I’ve never cheated in school. But the nachos? Um. Yeah.November 20, 2013 – 11:49 am
Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. - I plead the fifth.
Also- I don’t go on diets, so my cookie habit is never actually cheating. And I cheat my kids all the time. Mostly I don’t feel bad about it, because I am a selfish jerk. I used to skip pages all the time, BTW. Now my oldest can read, so the jig is up. I loved your reading pictures- so awesome and funny.
P.S. I’ve been up all night with sick, coughing kid who has an ear infection. Sorry if this comment is incoherent drivel.November 20, 2013 – 5:10 pm
Kristi Campbell - A morning grouch,
Nacho obsession. MMM. For real. Glad you agreed that the Columbian wasn’t cheating!!! 🙂November 20, 2013 – 10:47 pm
Kristi Campbell - Stephanie,
My kid has been up as well and it seems I have it too. So your comment? Perfectly coherent and lovely. I’m a selfish jerk too!November 20, 2013 – 10:48 pm
April - A book cheat is on a cheat if you get caught, right? Great post, Kristi! I’ve been eating-cheating the last couple of days. I didn’t do the grocery shopping or the cooking, and who am I to refuse someone else’s cooking? It’s just rude. And it’s not nice to be rude. LOL!
Thanks for sharing and linking up with Countdown in Style! Don’t forget to come back on Friday to see if you were featured!
~~April~~
100lbCountdown.comNovember 21, 2013 – 4:30 pm
Rachel - Yes, I’ve cheated. I’ve skipped a few pages in a few books. And I don’t even have the sick excuse!November 25, 2013 – 2:15 pm
Michelle - I say you get a pass on the book…I think a lot of us have done that. In general no, I don’t think cheating is ok. It bugs me to no end. But then again, some things are worse than others….November 27, 2013 – 11:13 am
Mike - This was great! Too funny on kids noticing the smallest details right? Your drawings rock (again). I recently cheated by grabbing Phoenix’s leash to coax him inside because he refused to come in. I had to go to work and he was not cooperating. So, I pretended that we were going for a walk. It worked but I felt guilty as I looked at his disappointment when he came running in with excitement and anticipation. Good post, Kristi 🙂February 2, 2014 – 11:48 am