It’s 9/11 and Our Fall Then Reminds Me of Our Fall Now

Usually, I love fall. Crisp leaves, sharpened pencils, and the promise of a new school year, new friends, and us, becoming more of who we are each September. This year, fall makes me nervous, wondering if cooler temperatures will lead to spikes in the coronavirus, more fear, more distrust of our horrible “leaders,” more unrest. 

***

It’s 9/11 today, the same way it’s been each year. But today marks 19 years from when the Towers fell. When it happened, I was staying at my Dad’s. My ex and I were going through a divorce, and my dad and his wife Myra were in Europe.

I slept in that morning, having worked until late into the night before on a project. “Just come in around 11:00 tomorrow,” my boss said. When I woke up, it’d already happened, but I didn’t know it. 

I took a shower, got dressed, and then called a co-worker on the way in, to see what was going on at work. “You haven’t even listened to the radio?” he asked. 

“No. Why?” I replied. 

“Planes flew into the World Trade Centers,” he said. “We’re probably all going home.”

I was closer to work than my dad’s, so I continued in, but turned on the radio. It was hard to make sense of anything. They were talking about how they thought it was an accident at first, but then a second plane flew into Tower 2, and they knew it wasn’t an accident.

I didn’t really comprehend what was going on. 

Nobody did.

I got to work, and they had the television on. I watched. Not believing, but knowing. Tears streamed down my face. 

My boss suggested I stay and finish up, but I went back to my dad’s. I think, anyway. It’s possible I stayed at work for a little while because I’m a pleaser, and that particular boss was particularly focused on getting work done, in spite of everything. 

I tried to call my dad, thinking “Is Europe okay?” 

It took days to connect. In the end, they were fine.

Turns out, the next day on the street, strangers embraced them when they realized they were American. 

***

Today, my son learned about 9/11 in synchronous learning. He had some questions, and I was shocked it was 19 years ago. It doesn’t feel that long ago. I don’t feel that old. 

I will always remember. 

I know we all will. 

***

Shortly after 9/11, my friend Sara and I were in New York, although now, I don’t remember exactly why. I texted her and my best friend (who is her sister) tonight to remember. We must have been there for her step mom’s birthday, although I’m not sure about that. Memories are strange that way… When in a city that’s not ours, we remember the moments we spend in them, but they blend together. 

While there, we went to her friend’s apartment, who lived close to Ground Zero, as it’d become known, and there were still huge mesh sheet-like things hanging between buildings.  Boards hung on what used to be windows blown out nearby. 

It was surreal. 

I’ll never forget, although I’ve forgotten the details. 

***

A few years ago, my blogging BFF and I were in New York for a blogging convention. I miss those conventions. Or, miss caring about them happening, or something like that. We’d gotten lost a little in Central Park, as one does, and it was hot. So hot that everything felt surreal, and my hands were shaking, as they sometimes do.

We debated taking a taxi to Ground Zero to see the memorial and ended up going for it. I have a photo somewhere of my friend pointing the air conditioning in the cab up her skirt. It was that hot. 

We saw the memorial site, and I’m so glad we did. It was so quiet. So humbling to ponder the depth of the buildings. The subway stop under our feet that was now a tomb. 

I flashed back to being in an apartment *just over there* and the large mesh sheets hanging. The boards, still on windows of neighboring buildings. 

We will never forget. 

***

When 9/11 happened, it felt like America came together. We were one. Confused, angry, and horrified to watch videos of children in other countries cheering. 

But, also, we got it. Or tried to, anyway. I mean, we were just then learning about what these children were taught about us. We continue to mourn for all of the world’s teachings that teach hate and division. We pray we’ll recognize the community in the humanness in each of us. 

***

Today, our country is on fire once again, although not from terrorists flying planes into buildings. Today, our fires are from us. Ruining the planet. A gender reveal party gone wrong. 

And we’re on fire inside, too. With a “president” who chooses to fuel the flames of hate, racism, and division. Who cares more about staying the president so he won’t face prison than he cares about holding murderers accountable, or calling out police departments for handling things in the worst way ever. For taking away somebody’s loved ones for crimes that white people would never be charged with. 

***

We can do better. 

We must never forget. Never forget drawing together after 9/11. Never forget being in awe of first responders, and holding them to that same level of responsibility. It’s NOT okay to kneel on somebody’s neck for more than eight minutes. The United States was under attack 19 years ago today. 

We’re still under attack, but it’s less easy to identify. Today’s attacks come from folks we see at school drop-offs. Back-to-School nights. Today’s hate comes from our neighbors, family members, and friends, and we have to do everything we can to hold them with love and accountability. 

Remind them that we’re united, and together.

We must always remember.  

And do better. 

Be better. 

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post with the prompt of “Best or worst of Fall…”