Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

On Leaving and Being Left Behind

Being Left Behind

“It’s easier to leave than to be left,” I cried. Staying meant seeing the places we’d laughed in, loved in. Leaving felt exotic and brave. Staying? Yuck.

He held my hand, fingers woven together. “I promise we’ll see this again” he said. “Our connection will never be broken.” I agreed.

“Let’s get married,” he said.
“Well, not possible in the next 10 minutes,” I replied.
“True,” he said.

We’d driven to LAX from Denver, as he was deploying to Guam. That was forever ago, yet I remember how sad the drive was back home alone. How I thought he was my forever soulmate. It was one of those fast and furious relationships where you’d answer the phone knowing it was him (before the days of caller ID).

Over the next few months, our long-distance phone calls became fewer and fewer. On the final one, I said “Do you want to break up?” His “yes,” was surprising, but real. I saw him about five years later, but the connection had been broken. I wonder now whether the connection was ever that strong, or if we were simply young and carefree enough to love so wildly and irresponsibly.

We saw each other again, about 10 years later still and I felt nothing but gratitude that I felt what I felt, back then. Glad he’d left. That I’d moved on.

I used to believe that it was easier to leave than be left, and maybe that’s true. But leaving is hard. You’re leaving the comfort of a person, a place, a home. Leaving the life you built.

On Leaving and Being Left Behind

Leaving 2004

“I have to go,” I said. I had an exciting job offer in DC from Denver. I’d have been stupid to say no, and knew it. So did he. “We’ll visit often,” we said, and did at first until I realized part of the appeal of leaving Colorado was leaving where he was.

My keeper of secrets and I left. Lived.
Eventually, I met and then married Robert.
We had Tucker. I’m so glad I left.

Leaving 2018

“You want us to leave? Not. Happening,” I said. “But, you want to go back to Colorado,” he said. “I did,” I replied. “But not now. Not when Tucker’s doing so well in school. He has friends!!!” “I know,” he said. “But he’ll have friends there, too.”

And we left. Came west. Tucker’s working on neighborhood friends here, as am I. I think we’ll be glad we left Virginia though.

I hope so, anyway. I feel more complete here, but that may just be the weather. 😉

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s prompt, hosted by yours truly and my amazing co-host Kenya Johnson of Sporadically Yours is a five-minute stream-of-consciousness post on “Leave” (which can be leaving somebody, someplace, or fall leaves).

Disclaimer: The timer went off around the point where I was talking about the boy who went to Guam but I didn’t want to leave it there, because life. So, I cheated on the five minutes. Left them behind, as they say <— get what I did there? Left them? Leaving? LOL yeah…

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  • Pat Brockett - I would think being left behind would be harder because when you are the one leaving there is a since of adventure, discovery, and purpose.

    I’m glad you kept writing after the five minutes. 🙂September 20, 2018 – 11:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think so too – there’s definitely adventure, discovery, and purpose with leaving. 🙂 And thank you! Me, too.September 21, 2018 – 8:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I love that you are feeling complete so soon, that’s wonderful. And now you have a new puppy to make it a family of four. I’m excited for you. You have a whole year of first’s in Colorado before things repeat. That’s exciting. I’m jealous that you are probably now getting breathtaking fall colors and fall air. Glad you took that big move from Denver to Virginia. Now you’re having one of the full circle moments.September 21, 2018 – 7:13 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m glad it’s feeling like home so quickly too. It’s going to be hard if we have to go back. Houses here are so much cheaper and the one we’re in is so new and pretty… not that I don’t love our home in Virginia, but this home is here. Tomorrow, we’re going to my brother’s for a birthday party for him and his daughter. Today’s the first day it felt a bit like fall. Even when it’s in the 60
      s here, it feels like summer when you’re in the sun – its intense!!!! Robert’s going out of town Sunday so we probably won’t go see the leaves in the mountains until next weekend – I hope we’ll be in time. Not much changing down here yet although I’ve seen a couple of red leaves on trees.September 21, 2018 – 8:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I’m so glad you’re feeling like you’re home, Kristi! That makes me very happy. You bring up an interesting question – to leave or be left behind? I think it’s harder to be left behind, because you still in the place where that person used to be. But that may just be because I’m looking at it as a mom whose kiddos are leaving.September 21, 2018 – 9:49 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG from the perspective of a mom whose kids are leaving. That’s got to be the hardest of all, I think. Seriously. Hugs to you, my friend. It’s feeling like home for sure. It’d be nice to have friends nearby though – like you!September 21, 2018 – 8:44 pmReplyCancel

  • ALLISON SMITH - Such a cool prompt. I wish I’d written, but I finally finished something else I’d been working on. I think you are going to be glad you left. I think fresh starts are good:). And of course, there’s the whole full circle aspect of it all!September 21, 2018 – 10:10 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You can still write, if you want. Stays open through Sunday night at almost midnight. I think I’m going to be glad we left, too. Except we might have to go back in 3 years. Or 5. 5 would be worse I think, because Tucker will be a freshman in HS then. GAH.September 21, 2018 – 9:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi - I would probably prefer to leave, but mostly because I like to be in control! I haven’t moved nearly as much as you — it sounds like maybe it gets a little easier every time. I sure hope you all settle in very soon. <3September 21, 2018 – 10:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I like the control too, I think. And in some ways, it gets easier, although I have to say that this last move was the hardest one I’ve ever done, and the first one I’ve done with a husband and child. It’s amazing how much stuff kids have. That part was staggering and I vow to purge more often for sure, after seeing some of the stuff we unpacked. Thank you! We’re in the process of settling, I think.September 21, 2018 – 9:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Astrid - I don’t really understand about leaving a romantic partner, since my now husband was my first boyfriend. I’m so happy you trusted your feelings and didn’t end up regretting leaving this man though.

    I’m also glad that leaving for Colorado seems like a good choice so far.September 21, 2018 – 1:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re so lucky that your first love is your love now! And I’m glad too about leaving Colorado then, and coming back now. I think it seems good so far.September 21, 2018 – 9:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I think it’s great that you are already feeling complete there…I think you’ll be glad you left Virginia too, regardless of the weather. 🙂 I don’t do well with change, and my husband jokes about it, but I know if I were faced with a big move like that, I’d be scared, but sometimes you have no choice, and you go! You’ll be glad you did, I just know it…September 21, 2018 – 3:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - I think so too. We’ll see how it goes. I don’t have a friend here really (I mean, I do, but they’re 45-90 minutes away so none in the neighborhood). I don’t really do well with change either. Until, there’s a change, and I do. When Robert first talked about coming here, I was very much NO NEVER. And honestly, I’m not sure about the school and Tucker’s needs (they cut a bunch of hours and and and)… we’ll see. But it FEELS good, mostly, if that makes sense.September 21, 2018 – 9:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - Love reading your stories, your past and your present. Isn’t it amazing how when we look back, we see such clarity in it all? I’m so proud of your strength and courage to face and go through this HUGE leaving behind. I’m so glad that you feel at peace about it, and hey- weather IS important! But growing and using those ‘adjusting’ muscles is both challenging and rewarding. I hope your entire family (especially sweet Tucker) settle into this new life and LOVE it.October 3, 2018 – 6:19 amReplyCancel

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