Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

I recently got a lovely photo-filled holiday card in the mail from my friend Emily aka Em-I-Lis. The text over her gorgeous family was “2016. Was. Awesome.” When I saw that, I was like “WAIT WHAAAT??” In so many ways, 2016 sucked. I mean, we put a rapist back into society because it’d be sad […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Emily - I love Tucker’s long hair – so cute! I agree, 2016 was a mixed bag, but it’s ending on a good note for us because Big Dude got into college just last week…woohoo! So, I’ve decided I’m going to let that good news cancel out all the other yucky stuff this year.December 8, 2016 – 11:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Emily! I think it’s cute. We’ll see whether it starts to bug him… it’s right at the tops of his eyes and it may start becoming annoying… YAYYAYYAY for Big Dude! That’s so awesome!December 10, 2016 – 3:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi Lewis - It’s important to list all the wins even despite all the losses. Thanks for reminding me! Our wins: never met our out-of-pocket-maximum for insurance this year, which is a huge indication of everyone’s excellent health; our daughters started middle school and high school and both seem to be thriving; all of us have solidified friendships; I discovered Finish the Sentence Friday!December 9, 2016 – 9:10 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Not meeting the max on out-of-pocket insurance money is an awesome win, Debi! YAY! I’m so glad you discovered Finish the Sentence. It’s a lot of fun and a great group of people participate. Thank you and happy December!December 10, 2016 – 3:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen Hicks - I love this post. As I’ve been trying to sort through the shit and clusterfuckery, looking for the good in this year, I’ve been happy to find quite a bit–no matter how big or small. I’ll hold those memories close and keep them in the front of my thinking. <3December 9, 2016 – 9:23 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jen what a delight to see your name and yeah, this year… I’m still reeling that this freaking orange hate-filled buffoon is going to become president. I keep hoping that something happens to stop it. To stop him. But yeah, there’s been good in 2016 too. XOXODecember 10, 2016 – 3:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - So many wonderful things in here! I just said to Lizzi that I feel like the only one who doesn’t think 2016 totally sucked. This is the first year I feel like things have been really on the upswing here in a long time. I guess all of this illustrates how easy it is to get bogged down in and focus on the horrible and how easy it is to forget that there is good and beauty in every single day, even when it doesn’t seem that way.
    Now, if only I had a post…I just got too damn tired last night. 😀December 9, 2016 – 9:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You have loads of time for a post! I hope you’ll link up because I’d love to read all the things that were wonderful this year for you (although I know many of them I’m sure). And yeah, while there was some gigantic utter crap this year, there’s love and laughter and people. Good wonderful people. Like you!December 10, 2016 – 3:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Out One Ear - Linda Atwell - I love how this went. Even though, most times, my favorite lines are about Tucker. This time, though, there are still lines about Tucker that made me smile. But, my favorite line is: angry vagina-grabbing-Cheeto. If you’ve referred to him this way before, I missed it. It made me chuckle. I’m still so sad over this election of THIS particular man. Not a man really at all. A “Cheeto” as you wrote. That fits the president-elect so much better.

    As far as Tucker, it sounds like he has had a BIG year. Good for him. I hope you remember every single second of it.

    Hugs.
    Merry Christmas.
    🙂

    P.S. I am on the east coast–leaving today. My friend and I are (and have been) in South Carolina, too far to come by for a quick visit. I know we will meet someday!! Any possibilities of Oregon this summer?December 9, 2016 – 10:15 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hi Linda!
      Bummer that there wasn’t time to meet up! No plans for Oregon but maybe!?? And yeah, I’m still really sad and horrified that the vagina-brabbing-Cheeto is our next president. It’s unbelievable really. I kept thinking “surely this is the end of him,” and then again and again… and UGH.
      Tucker’s had a great year – he’s amazing and I hope I remember every good second too! Thank you and Merry Christmas and huge hugs and love back!December 10, 2016 – 3:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Michele - Kristi, this is lovely. It’s true that even in a beyond craptastic year, there are always bright spots — many of them in and among our own four walls. I’m glad you have made so many happy family memories this year! Here’s hoping 2017 brings even more of them, and happier days for us all. (We can hope.) Miss you! xoxoDecember 9, 2016 – 2:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Michele! You’re right – so much good and love between the awful news of the world and I miss you too! Hopefully we can catch up soon!December 10, 2016 – 3:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Bev - Thank you for reminding me that there are still beauty and so much to appreciate even among the crappy moments. This has been a rough year over all, but I do have so much to look upon fondly. And yay for losing teeth, getting new ones and new friends, trying new foods, and families members that are here to stay <3December 10, 2016 – 8:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hi Bev!
      Yeah, it’s been a crazy rough year for sure but still, so much to remember. Kids are pretty amazing at helping us to see the good… XODecember 10, 2016 – 3:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - So many lovely family memories here, but then DT puts his name on 2016 and for the foreseeable future and forever, always in the history books, as he likes it and as he intended. It makes me sad that he has spoiled what has otherwise been such a pleasant year, not just for myself, but for so many including you. You and your loved ones are doing so well, as are so many I hope, and yet this is really all that will stick in people’s mind when they think of this year. It has been a painful one as I suffered right along with you all, as your election cycle is always far too long, but this time round especially. As for me personally, 2016 has been one of the best years of recent memory for me and I am determined not to let a bastard ruin that. I do get bogged down by the fear and the resentment and the frustration and all that, but all the reasons we have to feel the warmth of the season, no matter how much snow or how cold, that is all still there. Comedy and humour helps me a lot, though it often feels wrong to laugh when so many are unable to. I can’t say 2017 won’t be another rotten one,come this time next year, but I am glad, for you specifically in this post, it hasn’t been all bad.December 11, 2016 – 1:39 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH to stupid DT Kerry!!! HE SUCKS and it makes me super-sad too that he’s ruined so many things and has nothing but himself and some narcissistic ego thing going on to make him feel more important. I think his involvement in beauty pageants and reality TV maybe twisted his world view to forget the humanness among us. Or something. I dunno, but it sucks. Comedy and humor helps me too, but gah. I worry about Canada, too… sigh. and hugs to you and yours.December 11, 2016 – 8:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Dashy - Every year will have its good and bad times. It only just occurred to me after reading the first few lines that this year has such a negative tag. But then you’re right about the many good vibes each of us have every year, this one included. A lovely narration of your year.December 11, 2016 – 8:10 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You know, the whole point of this originally was to talk about holiday traditions, and I’d written a bunch about it but then realized I had something else to say because it wasn’t until I got my friend’s card that I realized how much I’d thought this year sucked when yes, it has, but also? There’s beauty and love and light. Always.December 11, 2016 – 8:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie G smith - I remember the first time Bear ate a hamburger, it was awesome. I think it’s now his favorite meal. And I agree, 2016 hasn’t been too awesome for me. But I’m trying to end it on an upbeat note😘.December 19, 2016 – 2:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG only another SN Mama would see that eating a burger is so awesome!!! Love you and yeah, the 2016. Freaking freaking freak. (Points for not the u right?)December 20, 2016 – 10:31 pmReplyCancel

Sometimes, we have so much to say that there’s nothing to say. Actually, strike that. Sometimes, we have so much to say that finding the tip of the tangled ball of thoughts that sits on our shoulders and whispers into our ears while trying to tame and untangle a stretch of it to resemble anything that […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Emily - This post actually made me miss the days when my kids used to wake me in the middle of the night, and I must say I didn’t love having my sleep interrupted so this post must be THAT good. 🙂 And, I’m glad you got away with a nap!December 1, 2016 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Wow thanks, Emily! I don’t like my sleep interrupted either but I’m all sentimental these days knowing that I only have a short time when he wants me (and believes in Santa) after having bad dreams!!! xooDecember 2, 2016 – 11:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - Please, when times are rough, remember: Because you always come when I need you for bad dreams …” That’s everything.December 1, 2016 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - Please, when times are rough, remember: Because you always come when I need you for bad dreams …” That’s everything.December 1, 2016 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - You won’t always be so quiet and silent. I know that is true Kristi. You don’t quite know what to say these days and neither do I really. I am trying to organize my thoughts, but they are somewhat scattered lately.
    Aw, bad dreams are the worst, for children and at any age really, but having you to go to and to comfort, as you were comforted by him, that makes all the difference. That’s really what will stay with you both always.
    Off to sort out my own ball of tangled nonsense now and I hope to return to FTSF next time. Glad I read this though.December 3, 2016 – 2:49 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know and thank you so much for saying so Kerry. It’s true that we all gather thoughts and yarn as we need to and speak when we need to as well… hope to see you at FTSF soon 🙂December 3, 2016 – 9:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelli - I don’t know how you do it when you tie so many stories into each other and then make them come together but you are an artist at it and I thinkin I read somewhere that you were going to write a book and I hope you will becauae I will read it!December 4, 2016 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re so sweet and thank you! I am kinda sorta writing a book and you know I’ll most definitely talk about it here if (WHEN!!!!) I finish it!December 5, 2016 – 10:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Lux - Beautiful. Never be silent as we need your voice and we need to hear your thoughts. 🙂December 5, 2016 – 2:56 amReplyCancel

  • JT Walters - I’ve been silent too. You know why. I thought I was the only person in the world or Mother for that fact that had to take a cat nap every once and a while. Sleep lends perspective.

    Government can not give you what you want. They can make laws but then their is the enforcement of loving and accepting everybne which is never going to happen because Government wants a divided country.

    What you dream of can be accomplished with your writing in a positive loving light which I have cme to love so much. None of these ideas you have to sell me on. You know that. But for everyone who reads your blog another 10 might hear of it and exponentially it grows. Change begins with each person. We can choose to love and accept each other or to hate but it is a choice at the end of the day.

    Keep writing and you will see those changes in attitudes you dream of. It is already on the horizon.

    We could not be more different politically and yet we agree in equality for all. Keep writing sweets because it will make your dreams come true but with honey and not vinegar.

    But of course, skipping rocks and hanging with Tucker is way more fun and important than changing the world. So Mom first superwoman second.December 5, 2016 – 11:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sleep is AWESOME at times. For real. And yeah, the gov’t is well, sigh. I can’t believe it’s where it is right now. You keep writing as well. I so hope you do. You know.December 6, 2016 – 10:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Goosebumps @ you always come. That’s sooo sweet.

    I’ve been quiet too and I don’t know how to get the un-quiet back…..

    First step – getting around to everyone I’ve missed.December 6, 2016 – 6:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Right? I thought it was so sweet too. I am a little sad though at how many of these cute things he says that I forget… and yeah, getting the un-quiet back is hard. So hard. Glad you’re touring around though. <3December 6, 2016 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Wow, that is lovely that Tucker knows his dreams aren’t real because you come when he has bed dreams.

    I can relate to so much of this, to having so many thoughts you can’t find words to speak (or write.) I’ve also not been posting much on my blog lately, but am writing.

    I’ve gone back to writing fiction and am working on a new novel.

    And yes skipping stones with a 7 year old and going to him when he has bed dreams is definitely helping the world. He will grow up to treat others with kindness because he has been treated that way. We parents have far more power than we realise.December 8, 2016 – 6:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s usually real that he knows they aren’t real, although often, that doesn’t keep him from being frightened and I’m so fine with that. I know these young years will be soon gone (and are already fading)… I’m so happy you’re working on a new novel! I’ve been sucking at that. Did Nano but no new words… I need to get back. And yah, we parents have much power. We need to remember our voices are those in our kids heads!December 11, 2016 – 10:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - I’ve been quiet on the internet, too. Just don’t know really what to say, you know? Over it. And skipping stones is always more important.December 8, 2016 – 7:06 pmReplyCancel

“Who’s your favorite character from Minecraft?” he says. “Ummm, maybe Hero Brian?” I say. “It’s not Hero Brian, it’s Herobrine and he’s evil, so he shouldn’t be your favorite,” my son replies with his longish-hair, scraggly, some missing, some half-growing-in-teeth-toothless-grin… He goes on and on about each character, explains having to “mine” cows for leather […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Kelly L McKenzie - You covered a lot of ground in this post, Kristi. It brought back so many memories for me. Like watching my friend enthusiastically play a Pokemon card game with her son even though she was exhausted and beyond bored, visiting my friend who was dying of pancreatic cancer yet refusing to talk about her impending death, and listening to my son’s barking cough in the night. Life is messy and complicated and SO worth experiencing. Thank you for these reminders. I just read a brilliant post in the New Yorker about Obama’s reaction to the election and came away with a sense of hope. Yes, even we Canadians are affected by the news. Hang in there, Kiddo, hang in there.November 17, 2016 – 10:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OOH Kelly, I’ll have to find Obama’s reaction post in the New Yorker – I could use a sense of hope for sure. And yeah, I know you Canadians are affected by it as well. Sigh. The whole world is really.November 18, 2016 – 9:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Something much deeper is happening and I feel sad too. Can’t shake it. Maybe I shouldn’t be isolating myself for social media (people). I don’t know. Sorry to hear about your co-worker. She makes a good point about pretty much “keeping in touch”. I need to do more of that. I have been doing alot of what Tucker said, breathing in and out through my mouth. My nose isn’t stuff but I guess you get a bigger inhale and exhale out of your mouth.

    Aren’t mommy ears something? Oh and Minecraft. I really tried to like it. But I gave up when my bricks wouldn’t stack one on top of each other to build a simple wall. Thankfully he moved on. He’s very into Cars and his games are driving games and customizing the car. I hate to drive to in a video game, it’s so reckless and I can’t stay on the road but it is better and Minecraft. 😉

    LOL to Hero Brain.November 18, 2016 – 8:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It is so much deeper and I’m fairly certain it’s not good deeper although who knows. I know in history when things are bad that people getting sad and angry is what changes things so maybe this is the beginning to a world with less racism and bigotry and rape culture finally being talked about more? I don’t know either.
      And yeah, Mommy ears are amazing. So weird what we hear. I haven’t really played Minecraft but I’ve watched Tucker play it a lot. I like it in the sense that he learned how to read the word “inventory” because of it and it makes him use his imagination.
      Driving games are HARD!November 18, 2016 – 9:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi Lewis - I love so much about this post — the image of the 7 year old messy hair and missing teeth is one I can picture about both my girls at that age. I used to call 7 and 8 “the jack-o-lantern years.” I remember that age so fondly.

    And I also appreciate so much of what you say here regarding the Minecraft chatter being more tolerable because you thought he might never speak. I feel that way about my 11 year old’s requests for snacks before dinner. She went years without ever telling me she was hungry — food hurt, felt bad going down, was lots of work for her. Now that she had surgery to correct the problems that caused all that, she eats like a normal kid. It is inconvenient and totally wonderful.

    What a gorgeous post — thank you!November 18, 2016 – 9:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone with the whole snaggle-tooth “jack-o-lantern years” (love that) love of this age. I am pretty sure Tucker gets annoyed with me with how often I ask him to smile and SHOW HIS TEETH because SO CUTE. Gah.
      What a wonderful thing that your daughter now wants snacks and that it’s inconvenient and wonderful. Here’s to these amazing (and occasionally annoying) kids of ours!November 18, 2016 – 9:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - We here in Canada are with you, although sad, but breathing in and out like you say.November 18, 2016 – 1:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I just read yours and LOVE that we both talked about breathing in and out! So similar and yet so different – loved yours and appreciate your sweet comment and linking up!November 18, 2016 – 9:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Sometimes, I wonder how much I will miss the repetitive things that I roll my eyes at now. I will always cherish certain sounds though, like the way they say they love me. Especially when I need it the most.November 18, 2016 – 8:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I wonder too… here’s to hearing that they love us. That’s pretty much everything.November 18, 2016 – 11:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @Menopausalmom - Another beautifully written post, my friend. I’m still trying to come to terms with the election results. But right now, it all seems so insignificant after hearing about your friend with cancer. So very sad……but her attitude is amazing.November 18, 2016 – 9:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks Marcia. You’re so kind. And yeah… dying makes everything different I think…November 18, 2016 – 11:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Scott - I think I messed it up. I tried breathing over and over, but now I have the hiccups.November 18, 2016 – 9:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - It’s amazing how kids are so expressive/profound and they don’t even realize it. Yes, we all do need to keep breathing in and out and maybe the world can become more joined together…November 19, 2016 – 9:20 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - They really are. I love it… and yeah, I’ve thought about the whole breathing in and out thing a LOT since I’ve seen further stuff happening that’s super hard to not feel hopeless over…November 20, 2016 – 10:19 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - Hello, Sweets.

    thank you for reminding us to “BREATHE.”
    Sometimes, I forget!

    xxNovember 21, 2016 – 7:57 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey you. Happy Thanksgiving and here’s to remembering to BREATHE. I forget, too…November 23, 2016 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Josie Two Shoes - This was a beautiful writing that really tugged at my heart. Oh yes, how precious are those words he speaks, and years from now you will wish he was still sitting behind you telling you all about Minecraft. As I rode behind my son, now the driver, when we met up with him and his girlfriend in Dallas this past weekend, he reached back his hand to connect with mine, and I remembered how I used to pick him up from daycare in the days before child carseats, and he would rub his head against mine, happy to be together and heading home. It is a scary world now, the undertones are heartbreaking and disturbing, by your son has it right, just keep breathing… things have a way of working out. Many good people will come together to see that all is not lost.November 25, 2016 – 4:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw that’s so sweet that your son reached back to take your hand and that it brought back memories of rubbing heads with him when he was little. <3 You're right, too, things do have a way of working out.November 25, 2016 – 8:41 pmReplyCancel

On Tuesday, I walked into a local school, showed my ID and got a ballot, voted, put it in the scanner, and stuck an “I Voted” sticker to my shirt. I wore it all day. I lingered outside and called my husband. I wanted to tell him that the lines were good right now (he’d […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Yup, I’m right with you on all of this.
    As easy as it might be to do so, I don’t think we can just lump all of his supporters into one group of homogeneous haters. I know people who chose him; they are good people who truly are operating in what they believe is in the interest of themselves and their families – as are we all. I know it sounds kind of Pollyanna to say that, but what are we if we can’t be compassionate and at least try to understand? Do I think some of those people are true haters )of whichever group you want to insert here)? Yes, absolutely. But if I’m being honest, then I have to accept that people who supported Clinton probably are haters of some group as well.
    This is all going to be part of a tough road. I sent Zilla to school with the same directive – don’t discuss it and don’t let anyone get in your face about it. Now I suppose it’s my job to teach her how to take all of this upset and anger and channel it into something positive.
    Love you! Great choice this week.November 10, 2016 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Lisa and love you too! And yeah, I know some really good, smart people who voted for Trump as well and I know that they, like you said, voted for what they believe will be best for them and for their families, just like we did.November 12, 2016 – 7:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I’m grieving too. For the country I hoped we were, for the future I thought we had. But like you, I believe that we will keep making the world better. It’s just going to be harder than it should be.November 10, 2016 – 11:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to keeping on trying to do what we can to make the world better. XOXONovember 12, 2016 – 7:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I like how you’ve articulated your grief, because you are also trying to understand the Trump supporters (rather than lash out) and how/why they voted for him. As I said in Janine’s post, this election was so not normal and all we can do now is support our new President and hope and PRAY that he can lead this country in a healthy and positive direction.November 11, 2016 – 9:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - This election was cray cray completely right? Sigh. And thank you! Certainly he won’t be allowed to say some of what he’s said once he’s in office, right? Right?November 12, 2016 – 7:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - This change is definitely unexpected. I don’t want to hate the sitiuation or the man because that is too big of a burden to carry. I’m dissappointed and that burden is big enough. I’m still a little emotionally checked out…November 11, 2016 – 9:36 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re right about hating being too big of a burden to carry and I thank you for that reminder. I’m still a bit checked out too.November 12, 2016 – 7:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Rabia @ The Liebers - We’ve been dealt this hand. The question now is “what do we do next?” And my choice is to continue to teach my children that our differences make us better, that all people have value, and that love wins. I am choosing to engage with positive people who want to make good things happen and making sure that my disenfranchised friends know that I support them.November 11, 2016 – 11:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That sounds like a great idea Rabia – focusing on our disenfranchised friends and continuing to teach that love wins – especially to our children!November 12, 2016 – 7:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @TheGoldenSpoons - This election has been stressful and hurtful to so many on both sides of it and, whether it made them happy or sad, everyone was surprised by the final outcome. Thank you for sharing your feelings about it. I hope and pray that we can move forward with positivity and grace and get back to being the UNITED States of America somehow. XOXONovember 11, 2016 – 4:48 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Lisa, and I agree that the focus should be on getting back to being the UNITED states once again. We’re probably closer to that than we realize.November 12, 2016 – 7:46 pmReplyCancel

  • marcia @Menopausalmom - Grieving right there with you. I am still in shock and have shed my share of tears. I’m trying to be accepting of the election results, but in all honestly, I am terrified of what comes next…..November 12, 2016 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m afraid of what comes next too Marcia. Here’s hoping that EVERYBODY remembers love wins <3November 12, 2016 – 7:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - Oh Kristi. I know you would fight fiercely for your son’s rights and happiness, as a mother with a child who deals with a disability, no matter what. I am up here in Canada, but I worry for the direction the world is headed, not just the US. This just wasn’t a big shock to me. I hoped she would win but I knew this could happen, but the days since have left me feeling uncomfortable in my skin. So many want to have the man running things who spoke so blatantly awfully toward women. I feel unheard as a woman, all concerns about the language used and the intentions behind it. Are women so worthless to things, even and especially the way so many women looked the other way at his words and voted for him anyway? can never unheard that. I think this has been one giant con, but it is not my country. I can only look from my place in the country right above. I am scared and everyone talking of getting behind him sounds all wonderful, except it seems to be tearing the country apart as the slippery slope becomes slicker and slicker. It is a run away train of risk and danger and I study history and I have seen this ignoring of the past which can repeat itself. I feel like I see more clearly than many who have working eyes. It is a lonely place to be, even when I know I am not really alone. I feel like I am shouting fire in a crowded theater and my voice fails me. I am sorry for your tears and because you so hoped to see a first female president. That is a loss, but this is a bigger issue than winners and losers. The whole world will lose in the end. Sorry for the doom. What a week. I feel like I’m dreaming some ridiculous dream, but I still try to listen to the people and their reasons, for why things are how they are. I don’t know how any parent or teacher educates or preaches against bullying now. I can’t argue with anyone because it is exhausting, but I do appreciate these times when we write our realities and share our fears. I feel like I can’t fully express mine.November 12, 2016 – 9:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I guess you saw the signs better than I did, Kerry, because honestly, it was a shock to me although I feel silly saying that now. I feel unheard as a woman as well, but I also know some smart women who voted for him and they have their reasons – Obamacare being a big one for them…
      Please don’t feel the need to apologize for the doom – it’s crazy and scary and sad. I think you expressed your reality really well but know that we all have so much more to say and some of it needs to be kept in private circles in person or something (as in not on our websites). Hugs, friend.November 14, 2016 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - —I always LOVE clicking over here.

    I’m so sick of the HATE out there.

    When people say Horrid, Mean, Degrading things
    about Trump Supporters, they are talking about half
    of my family. They are NOT racists. And I love them ( even though they were wrong! )

    I’m a Nasty Woman, but I still respect, dare I say, the people who did not vote for her. ( Except if they are spreading hate )

    *** And still, I breathe. ***

    love! xNovember 12, 2016 – 3:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - GAW I love YOU. And yeah, I’m sick of the hate out there too…. And still, we breathe. There’s no way that they all support hate. I know that with all of me. I also know that he does and that just plain is awful. xxooNovember 14, 2016 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Nick - Hi,

    I love the content you put on your site. I run declarebody.com, do you have any interest in working together? I’d love to guest post on your blog or visa versa.

    Thanks,
    NickDecember 23, 2016 – 1:23 amReplyCancel

When I was in my early 20’s and mostly invincible, we stood stooped, half-in and half-out of a plane with a max occupancy of four people including the pilot. It was louder than I thought it would be. I wondered how many people changed their minds once the door was open. “I wanna go skydiving!” […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Dana - 200,000 babies born today? Wow. The magnitude of this world is incomprehensible to me.

    I completely understand the fear of death once you’re a mom. I was watching “This is Us” the other night (if you’re not watching, you should), and a character was talking about her husband dying when her son was 15. My son is 15. I don’t want my kids to have to bear a loss like that.

    But scuba diving? That would be cool.November 3, 2016 – 10:16 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Isn’t it weird to think about? It’s incomprehensible to me too and yeah the whole fear of death thing… and I have NOT seen This is Us and need a new show so thank you! Gulp though to 15. Scuba diving is amazing. You so should go really.November 4, 2016 – 9:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - I get this. The thought of leaving my children is unbearable.November 4, 2016 – 7:15 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - Wow – skydiving! I am way too wimpy for that now or even when I was younger I never would have tried it. However, I believe that certain people seek out to try those types of adventures and I think it’s awesome…I’m totally envious. I also think it’s great you “got it out of your system” and tried it pre-Tucker so you can reminisce about it and not have any regrets that you didn’t try it…November 4, 2016 – 10:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I loved it and would never do it again! Yikes! But if you haven’t been scuba diving, I highly recommend. Truly.November 4, 2016 – 9:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - There’s things I don’t to do either unless I’m experiencing with Christopher. I’d never been scuba diving when we went and I’d never been zip lining when we went. I get nervous when my husband and I are off without Christopher. I don’t want him to be left behind. I don’t want us all to be taken together either. I just want us each to have each other for a long time.

    I’d probably change one of those who changed my mind when the airplane door was open.November 4, 2016 – 1:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You should go scuba diving. It’s REALLY peaceful, once you get below the scary surface. It’s like the most calming thing ever. I went zip lining at camp one summer when I was like 10 but haven’t been since. I’m not sure I could do it now because heights but maybe if Tucker wanted to go!
      And LOL to changing your mind when the airplane door was open. I thought about it…November 4, 2016 – 9:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - I can’t believe you jumped out of a plane! I love the part about not being stupid stupid. 😀
    I’m right with you on this. Things I used to do and ways I used to think seemed to change instantly after Zilla. Some days I feel like every decision I make is about not dying because she needs me. It’s probably a little over-cautious, but is it? I worry when we leave her somewhere and go out alone. I worry that something will happen on the way to pick her up at school and she’ll be left with that memory of me not showing up. I worry about being unhealthy and dying too soon because hey, she’s only 8 and I’m 46 so I need to keep this body ticking for a long time. it’s exhausting.November 4, 2016 – 4:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa, I know – I can’t believe it either. I went again like another seven times too. Gulp. hahah to not being stupid stupid. I’m overly cautions too but the thing is, their lives WILL be better with us in them. Fact. So not over-cautious I think. And yeah, it’s exhausting. If it helps, I’m older than you and Tucker’s younger than she is… so you know, the odds thing…November 4, 2016 – 9:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Deirdre - Wow! Exciting life you led! Kids change everything don’t they!November 5, 2016 – 4:47 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - They really really do Deirdre. Talk about perspective on the value of life!November 7, 2016 – 1:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Allison - I fear death too- never more so now, as I get older, and realize how long I have to live for bear. I figure I have to be ninety, because then his siblings will be in their fifties, and therefor (hopefully) it won’t be too much of a burden to care for him. I hate this topic – in make my heart race. AHHHHH!November 5, 2016 – 2:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sorry Allie! I know what you mean though. It’s awful to think about and when you’re 90, be sure that one of your road trips heads my way so we can get a drink and laugh about how worried we were way back when!November 7, 2016 – 1:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Louise - I love how you set this up! I check in on your topics now and again and this one was just too heavy for me – but I adore how you did this.

    I hope to scuba dive with my girls too. I think that would be lovely. I haven’t gone diving in over 10 years but loved it when I did.

    Never have I ever jumped out of a plane (I wouldn’t drink there). Well done to you!November 5, 2016 – 5:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Louise! I hope you and your girls will go scuba diving. I miss it – so peaceful you know?November 7, 2016 – 2:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - Stupid stupid. Lol. Love that. I am coming up on a pretty momentous year and I have wondered what I could do to celebrate that could be titled stupid but not stupid stupid. After all, I would hate to have gotten along these last twenty years with my father’s donated kidney, just to end the whole thing in a tragic sky diving accident.
    Hmm. He didn’t even want me to go walk up along the outside of the CN Tower in Toronto a few years back, but I felt it was just something I had to do. Sky diving is definitely on that list, but it would cause him great stress and I probably think I should wait a while longer on that. Maybe for 25 or 30 years or for some other occasion. I wonder though if I would have the guts to actually go through with it. I am not overly fond of airplanes, but I don’t know for sure how I feel about jumping from one.
    The plan is for myself and as much of my family as possible to try the new zip line over Niagara Falls on June 5th, 2017. Exciting stuff. I thought about a party, but not sure who would show up, so I intend to take my party on the road, or the line as is more correct in this case.
    As for scuba diving, not sure that is one I will try. Going below the “scary surface” into the peaceful water below sounds lovely here and I’m sure it was, with all the bright fish species, but for me who wouldn’t be able to see much of that, I think it would just end up feeling claustrophobic and I may end up super panicky or worse. I love to hear of other people’s experiences with it though.
    Brave to put this topic out there and I am glad I did not shy away from it. This post is a thought provoking one for sure.November 7, 2016 – 5:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerry – zip lining over Niagara Falls sounds terrifying and thrilling! Oh my gosh – that’s way up there with skydiving! That makes sense about scuba diving. The equipment is heavy and it does feel a little claustrophobic at first. I think what helps is looking up and seeing that the surface is get-to-able and if that were a fuzzy image, I imagine it wouldn’t be nearly as calming.
      Now I’m going to Google zip lining over the falls. YIKES!November 7, 2016 – 2:07 pmReplyCancel

“I’m going to be a better mom than you are!” I hollered as I ran up the stairs to pull out my dresser drawer and write secret thoughts about how my parents were failing on the pressed wood of the drawer that held daytime socks and underpants. I was sure I’d be the perfect parent. […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Dana - Oh, I’ve missed your writing, Kristi. This is beautiful – your personification of your future, the way you go back and forth between then and now, what you thought would be and what is, and how what is can be even better.

    First best mom – how awesome is that? I’m jealous.October 27, 2016 – 10:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana! Thank you thank you! And yeah, first best mom is pretty amazing. 🙂October 28, 2016 – 8:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Your words always resonate with me so much. You are one of my greatest writing inspirations and one of my dearest blogging friends. I am also continually finding out that we are more alike than we knew and that we will have SO MUCH to talk about on the day we meet!October 27, 2016 – 10:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I can’t WAIT to meet you in person! We need to make it happen. And thank you so so much for your super-kind words. I think you’re amazing right back 🙂October 28, 2016 – 8:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Lydia - Holy cow what an amazing piece of writing!!! This is not only fab for content but sheer style! It holds so many truths! My favorite is always the interactions with Tucker. .he knows you so well and you him…I could sit down and read your conversations with him all day! There is such mutual love and comfort there.October 28, 2016 – 4:13 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You are SO KIND. Thank you!!! And yeah, I love the interactions with Tucker too. He’s such a cool kid and I feel so lucky.October 28, 2016 – 8:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I love how you give more or a previous story I asked to hear more of. Excellent writing! I’m so impressed that I know you wrote this within an hour or two of posting it too. Wow! Love your tin foil robot.October 28, 2016 – 7:15 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’ll have to give you more of the story Kenya! I never want to put TOO much out there, you know? I’m still in touch with his mom (in fact, his mom, aunt, and grandma came to Tucker’s baptism in Denver when he was a baby). The tin foil robot was cool, right?October 28, 2016 – 8:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - The robot costume cracked me up! I’ll text you a picture of the “costume” I sent Bear to school in today. In the future I pray I can be the second best mom in the world, cause you’re the first😉.October 28, 2016 – 10:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh yes, send me the picture of what you sent Bear in to school wearing today! 🙂 And you’re the best mom too. We’re both allowed to be.October 28, 2016 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Jamie - The photo is hysterical. That’s a creative soul. My 15yo announced the other day that she was going to spoil her children. I’m thinking good luck with that if they treat her like she treats us. I guess it’s the teenage thing but makes me constantly think to myself — one day they too will have teenagers. (Very well-written post btw. )October 28, 2016 – 4:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you Jamie! I love the photo too – he’s so funny. Also teenagers are terrible, I know. My husband’s daughter used to live with us and OMG the moods and the drama and the attitude! I like the idea that one day they’ll have teenagers too.October 28, 2016 – 8:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @Menopausalmom - This is so awesome! I used to say the same things to my mom when I was a teenager. I also said a lot of other stupid things, like, “MY child will NEVER behave like that in public…” Ha-Ha! Live and learn, right??!!!October 28, 2016 – 11:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL to my child will never behave like that in public. Been there, and even asked to sit next to no kids (DUH) and lessons learned!! HAHA yup. totally.October 29, 2016 – 11:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Scott - The future is too hard to see, let alone think about. I haven’t thought about the future since before Y2K, and even then it was only, “Hey, I’ll be 23 when the year 2000 rolls around.” Since then it’s been mostly how I’ll make it to the next paycheck.

    My mom used to tell me all the time that she wished my kids would be just like me. My little C is and OMG is it stressing me the fuck out.

    Hope you’re doing well.October 29, 2016 – 6:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Gah to the Y2K stuff. I remember thinking it was going to be the end of banks and most of the world. Sorry about Little C but he’s going to be awesome in the ways that you are and he’s going to know more than you did about being like you because of you, if that makes sense. xoxooOctober 29, 2016 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - I just adore clicking into your words, your insight…

    They’re a bit like a deep Indie film.

    And I LOVE! Love! love! xOctober 30, 2016 – 4:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Hey First Best Mom! This is your writing at its finest, only I know that it doesn’t stop here. You’ll always continue to inspire.
    Sea monkeys do suck, don’t they?October 30, 2016 – 9:37 pmReplyCancel

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