Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

What’s the big deal about autism and special needs anyway? Well, for one, according to the CDC, 1 in 68 children are on the autism spectrum, and 1 in 42 of them are boys. They also share data that says one in six (ONE IN SIX, friends!) children have some type of developmental delay. That’s a […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Janine Huldie - Awareness and acceptance is truly what we all need and I think you are truly awesome, as well as amazing for all you have done to promote this. Seriously, Tucker is so lucky to have you and is just an mazing little boy, too! Hugs 🙂April 3, 2014 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Janine. I’m lucky to have him and hope hope hope that the world will be kind to him. So much.April 5, 2014 – 12:37 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - Aaaand, she does it again! You are a superhero! Don’t argue.April 3, 2014 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ha, Sandy. Def not a superhero but thank you for getting the importance of the message and for your lovely support.April 5, 2014 – 12:38 amReplyCancel

  • don - Tucker is lucky to have you on his side!!

    It’ll be interesting to see what becomes of all these great little ones when they grow up, for sure. We all need to figure out a way to make sure their lives are meaningful. You’re a great mom, Kristi. You were given Tucker for a reason. Imagine if he’d been born to somebody who didn’t love him as much. That’s tough to think about I bet. You were made for each other.April 4, 2014 – 12:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It really will be interesting to see what becomes of them and how the world accepts them. I know it’s different now than it was when we were kids and they were all just in homes or whatever which seems really dumb but I guess it was the way it was. And thanks for the great mom and me being given Tucker for a reason stuff. I agree that it’d be awful for him to be born to a family of assholes.April 5, 2014 – 12:40 amReplyCancel

  • Robin - I just found your blog this week; congrats on your viral post. I was sucked into it. I too wonder what’s the deal? I too have a son, he’s 9 now, and has so many gifts. I was happily going about life aware of his super-strengths and weaknesses (and nut allergy also…), but in a label-less world, until late in 1st grade the school forced a label on us. As with any kid, some things they excel at, some thing are harder for them. But labels appear to be the only way they qualify for help in the US–and like you said, this is more the norm for boys, so why this is the case baffles me. Really look forward to joining your community of like-minded mamas….April 4, 2014 – 6:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks huge, Robin!! The labels suck, but you’re right – they do help our kids to receive support so maybe the label doesn’t matter as much as the support? Gah, I don’t know. Tucker actually has an educational diagnosis of autism and his developmental pediatrician has reluctantly given him one so we could get better speech therapy but she’s said she “doesn’t know.” While that’s frustrating, I’m also trying to not let it bother me. If he gets speech and OT for his fine motor stuff, and we’re working on his social things…does the diagnosis matter?
      Thanks so much for the visit and the comment. I look forward to getting to know you better, too!April 5, 2014 – 12:43 amReplyCancel

  • Misty @ Meet the Cottons - you’re always so awesome!April 4, 2014 – 7:10 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I laughed at “Boob Man” and cried at “My Baby.”
    And he always will be..both, I guess, but the first is too icky to think about?
    Tucker is the luckiest boy in the world! To get you as his mom.
    I’m lucky enough to meet you and call you a friend, even an “in person” friend. Soon.April 4, 2014 – 7:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m lucky to call YOU a friend and hahah to him always being a boob man. Not sure how I feel about that but yeah, he’ll always be my baby for sure. Can’t wait to have “real” photos from YOU to put into a collage!!April 5, 2014 – 12:45 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle AKA Dribbles and Grits - I loved the post. I also love that someone with your attitude is writing for Autism Speaks. Once upon a time, the autistic community wasn’t too fond of them because they made autism look like a terminal disease. They used to at least. I’m glad they are getting with the program to have someone like you writing for them.

    I just had a friend on Facebook tell me that he swears autism is part of our evolution, that it’s making us better people. That the future will hold a society of Aspies as the norm. I honestly think that wouldn’t be a bad thing because most of the issues an Aspie deals with are coping in a world that is unlike them.April 4, 2014 – 8:29 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Michelle, Thank you – writing for them felt great, and the amount of shares the posts got felt great as well knowing that I’m for acceptance of autism. From what I understand, there is still some controversy about them and I know some people in the autistic community are still not fond of them, but they are the biggest autism organization that I’m aware of so…anyway, thanks! I appreciate the support and your kind words!
      That’s interesting that somebody told you that autism is part of our evolution. I’ve not heard that theory before!April 5, 2014 – 9:42 amReplyCancel

  • Kate (Shakespeare's Mom) - What an amazing post. I love the way you say that Tucker is your “definition of love.” Just the other day I was talking to a friend whose grandson has been diagnosed with autism, and I said that while of course it would present challenges for his parents and for him, that really what it means is that he just experiences the world differently than we do. And as you say, with the number of children being diagnosed increasing, we are all going to need to learn how to support and interact with them just like we would for anyone, with any life experience or perspective that differs from our own.April 4, 2014 – 9:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kate – yes! Exactly what you said! An autism diagnosis is not the first thing parents want to hear from a doctor or an evaluator but you’re right – they just experience the world differently from the way we do. It’s not a bad thing and supporting them is so so important. Thanks huge for getting it! And congratulations on Scary Mommy!April 5, 2014 – 9:44 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Here’s what the big deal is about autism….it’s not about the autism it’s about acceptance. And that my friend is what you do so well. You advocate not for Tucker but for every child.April 4, 2014 – 9:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerri! YUP. It’s the acceptance. Every kid deserves respect and acceptance. Every single one.April 5, 2014 – 9:44 amReplyCancel

  • karen - once again I am sobbing…what a beautiful post babe. “definition of love” is when I started crying and “my baby” made it worse.

    every child is so unique and different, every child has special abilities, skills, ways of learning, as a special education teacher and reading specialist it’s my job to learn how to adjust my lessons to fit them, not make them fit my lessons.April 4, 2014 – 9:48 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sorry for making you cry, Karen!! You’re right that every child is unique and different and each deserves love and kindness. I adore the fact that you’re a special education teacher and reading specialist. I know I’ve told you that before but truly – such a great calling.April 5, 2014 – 9:46 amReplyCancel

  • That Girl Ryan - Does Tucker know he has THE BEST MOM ever? I can’t wait until you can show him all these posts one day. You are a rock star.

    I saw the excitement over your posts this week and I am thrilled for you. You deserve the recognition.

    PS: Where can I find the shirt, “Boob Man”? I will make it my life goal to have a boy one day to put him in that shirt.April 4, 2014 – 9:49 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Girl Ryan, Thank you sooo much! And re: the shirt “Boob Man” – I can’t remember where I got that one but I know there are funny ones at tshirthub.com. Tucker also had:
      I’m cuter than other babies
      I still live with my parents
      Lock up your daughters
      I suck, therefore I am
      Sucker
      and a onesie that said Recently Evicted. 😀April 5, 2014 – 9:52 amReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - Oh those pictures just say it all. They do. He is one very special little man. Love the “a friend” ones the most.
    Keep on fighting Kristi. Keep on fighting.April 4, 2014 – 10:46 amReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - Oh that sweet boy!!!! I adore those pictures!!! Every child is different and has special needs. EVERY child. Truly. And all moms are called to their purpose to embrace not only their own children, but those of other moms- with both honor and respect for their unique place in this world.April 4, 2014 – 11:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love how you look at life, Chris, and yes to honor and respect for everybody. Everybody!April 5, 2014 – 9:53 amReplyCancel

  • Jessica - My question is, why is this so common all of a sudden? Is it because of some environmental/chemical/whatever change or has it always been there and we just didn’t recognize it? If it’s the latter, than yay to people who are starting to figure this out. We should realize people’s brains all work differently, regardless. But if kids are having issues because of the former, I am concerned. I’m not saying these kids aren’t amazing and beautiful and special just like everyone else, but we should be concerned about what’s in our environment and how it affects us. I obviously lack the information to really understand this, but if you have any insight, I’d appreciate it. And either way, education and understanding are key to acceptance. Whatever the reason, we need to accept people as they are and give them the support they need to overcome any sort of hurdle in their lives. Great post, and awesome job keeping the conversations going on this. 🙂April 4, 2014 – 1:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jessica,
      I don’t know the answer to that but there are theories of both an environmental change (some people believe vaccines are the problem – I’m not one of them), and ones that people are being diagnosed earlier and better. Honestly, I don’t have a clue why there are so many more being diagnosed, and I agree with you that it’s concerning and that we should – as a society – try to figure out what’s going on AND figure out the best way to support these kids moving forward.
      Thanks so much for all of your awesome sweet comments and encouragement, my friend.April 5, 2014 – 9:58 amReplyCancel

  • clark - So much of the world is personal and the biggest shame is that more people don’t understand that…really understand it, to the level that your reality is as real as any reality.
    I feel bad for the people who are only able to live in a reality as defined by others, fortunately for Tucker you are one of those people who know that the world that you know is the only important world and while that does not mean that we can wish for a million dollars or fly (without machinery), it does mean that the people in our lives are so, way better for our choice and strength in knowing the best world.April 4, 2014 – 2:04 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love your words “your reality is as real as any reality,” Clark. Brilliant as always. Here’s to the worlds that we know being full of import and no doubt due to the Rogers and Scotts!!April 5, 2014 – 10:00 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - If I could sew, I would make you and Tucker matching super hero capes. Actually, I’d make them for everyone in Our Land – it will be the required uniform.April 4, 2014 – 2:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana, you’re so awesome. I love the idea of everybody in Our Land wearing superhero capes.April 5, 2014 – 10:03 amReplyCancel

  • Piper George - Until I became a mother I never really knew anything about autism – now I seem to know so many parents who have a child who is being/has been assessed. I don’t get why there seems to be more and more kids receiving a diagnosis these days. Is it because in years gone by we didn’t know what to diagnose and they were just labelled differently or because there are factors in our environment that are causing more issues or just because now we can recognise and work with children who need more help in one thing or another? I do know that these are just kids, and thats it. Loved, playful, learning, special, just like any other child.April 4, 2014 – 3:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Piper,
      Honestly, I’m not sure why there are more kids these days. There are differing theories out there, some lead to environment, some to vaccines, some to more appropriate and earlier diagnosis. I have no idea but yes you’re right – they’re just kids. thanks so much!April 5, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - I just love you! And Tucker! (Is that weird? – I don’t mean it to be weird!) Even thought I have never met him, I see his beauty and energy and personality through your words. I hope – I wish- that’s what others would see, too.April 4, 2014 – 5:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa, HAHA no not weird. I feel the same way! I’m so grateful for you and the entire blogging community. Many nights it’s you guys who have saved me from sadness and loneliness. xoApril 5, 2014 – 10:07 amReplyCancel

  • Teresa Kander - Awesome….I love the pics of Tucker showing who he REALLY is. And he is blessed to have you there to advocate for him.April 4, 2014 – 5:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Tarana - He looks like an amazing kid, and that’s why we need Autism Awareness. So we can get to know him better. Love those pics!April 4, 2014 – 6:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Tarana. He’s a pretty amazing kid for sure (and I’m totally not biased haha).April 5, 2014 – 10:12 amReplyCancel

  • Anna the Flutist - Why do “autism organizations” not listen to autistics? They have the personal experience and are therefore one of the most valuable resources of information.April 4, 2014 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - Tucker is all things beautiful. Such a lucky boy to have such a loving mom. The collage you did here is just amazing. It’s so cool to think one day he will look at all these amazing things you have written and shared about your journey with him, and he will be so proud to have you as his mother! XOApril 4, 2014 – 11:48 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Marcia! Thank you so very much. I hope he will love all of these posts one day!
      xo back at you, friend!April 5, 2014 – 10:15 amReplyCancel

  • Kat - Those who have never been the parent of a child on the autism spectrum can never truly understand the “big deal” about it. The most we can do is listen, try to understand and, above all, be supportive. You are obviously Tucker’s biggest supporter and trumpet your love for him to the hills. He is such a beautiful, lucky boy 🙂April 5, 2014 – 10:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kat, thank you so much. Listening and trying to be supportive is everything. Thank you for doing both. 🙂
      Oh and totally feel free to steal the word “dumbutts!!” hahaApril 5, 2014 – 10:19 amReplyCancel

  • Kerith Stull - Love this. Truly touched my heart. And that one idea…. shouldn’t autism in boys be more of the norm now that the rate is so high… Wow. Never thought of it that way. Hate to think about autism being the norm, but it is an interesting thought indeed.April 5, 2014 – 11:22 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerith, I never really thought about it that way either but since there are so many, it really does seem like it should be less of a scary word, ya know?April 5, 2014 – 3:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Kristi, you are truly an inspiration. I don’t know how you do it. Tucker is so lucky to have you in his life, advocating and spreading awareness for him and all of the kids in the world.April 5, 2014 – 12:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Echo – I just read your post and talk about inspiration!! I’m totally inspired to go to the gym now. And honestly, Tucker deserves a world that will love and respect him. I just want to get a few people to not be so freaked out by the word autism, ya know? And thank you!!!April 5, 2014 – 3:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love how you put the pics together. I’ll go share the article again just in case it didn’t take. It’s a new day anyway 😉April 5, 2014 – 5:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Really? You shared it again? Thank you so so much! I really appreciate it. Huge.April 6, 2014 – 7:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - You’re like the best mom ever, Kristi. The pictures are fantastic – Tucker is fantastic.April 5, 2014 – 10:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Not the best mom ever but thank you Lisa! I can’t wait to read your TToT! I’m trying to eek one out right now…xoApril 6, 2014 – 7:29 pmReplyCancel

  • BB - Seeing a generation of such fantastic parents rise up to confront the issues that developmentally disabled children face has been a true joy to me. Thank you for being an advocate for your son. Thank you for understanding him.

    It will make all the difference in his life.April 5, 2014 – 11:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - Ever since reading your post from last week (or was it a couple of weeks ago) where you’ve mentioned the “what’s your challenge” initiative, I’ve been thinking about autism differently. I think that the terminology “on the spectrum” implies that there’s an “us” and “them” and within “their spectrum” there are different shades and colours whereas “what’s your challenge” groups us all together, the way we should be. This week’s post just further solidifies this in a perfect blend of emotions and statistics.April 6, 2014 – 2:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Boob man…hee hee.
    I had no idea that those statistics were incredibly high especially among the boys. My nephew is on the spectrum. It has taken years to get him tested (his mom was in denial that he had problems in development…which is totally understandable because it is a scary thing). He is such a beautiful soul…who does get a lot of flack for being “different”. No one knows his story or who he is as a person. It’s sad…but the ones who love him know 🙂April 9, 2014 – 7:35 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle - Congrats on the viral post – you deserve it! That was a great one! I always love what you write! And Tucker is an amazing kid…great things ahead for him!April 10, 2014 – 9:56 amReplyCancel

  • Rachel - I know I’ve written this before, but he’s very lucky to have you as his mom. You are such an advocate for him and for all kids with Autism.April 11, 2014 – 1:30 pmReplyCancel

Whether you, or your child, have special needs, autism, a differing ability, or are typical in all of the typical ways, you, and your child are important. Worthy. Worthy of love, opinions, outbursts, understanding, empathy, forgiveness, and acceptance. Acceptance. In order to accept those that we may not fully understand, we must first be made […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
email a friend

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Super proud of you.April 2, 2014 – 3:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Deb!! It’s pretty fun to be shared like that. Especially for such a great cause.April 2, 2014 – 4:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Perfectly said and I am so proud of your 40K FB shares! Going to check out your other post right now!April 2, 2014 – 4:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Emily! I just hope today’s doesn’t totally bomb after yesterday’s was so well received by their readers! You rock!April 2, 2014 – 4:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Very proud of you indeed and couldn’t agree more you nailed it hitting this one out of the park 🙂April 2, 2014 – 4:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen Kehl - You are amazing. Just so….really breathtaking. I have watched this journey of your go from denial to acceptance so gracefully. And now to being the voice for so many moms who are scared and uncertain. I am so proud to know you, and know so many people are blessed when I share your words.
    TTTxinfinityApril 2, 2014 – 4:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Wow. TTT x infinity right back at you, Jen. Thanks for being there for this journey, and thanks even more for getting it. I’m proud and blessed to know you and call you a friend.April 2, 2014 – 6:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Cheairs - Beautiful….thank you!!April 2, 2014 – 5:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I am so proud to know you, Kristi – you are moving mountains with your words, my friend.April 2, 2014 – 6:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - So happy for you Kristi and so happy that your beautiful words are being shared with so many people. It WILL make a difference – YOU make a difference.April 2, 2014 – 9:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much Lisa! I appreciate the support and encouragement so very very much!April 3, 2014 – 9:46 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Heading there right now, my sweet!April 2, 2014 – 9:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Krista - So happy to see your beautiful words shared with so many! Congratulations! Tucker is so lucky to have such an awesome mom! *hugs*April 2, 2014 – 10:02 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Krista!! Big hugs back at you – I hope everybody’s doing really well!!April 3, 2014 – 9:48 amReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - COngratulations on having your writing featured on Autism Speaks! I bet you’ll get lots of new readers now. 😀April 2, 2014 – 10:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - I read your articles on the site just now and was going to comment, but the comments are loading slow as molasses, so I came back here. Great articles! I loved the one about the things you wish you knew about autism. I hope that helps a lot of parents who are first learning that their child may have autism, to realize that it isn’t the end of the world, and that they and their child can still have a great life.April 2, 2014 – 10:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks for reading them both. I’m glad you liked them and I, too, hope that a parent is helped by the reminder that life will be beautiful even if it’s a bit different from what they planned on. And just as well you didn’t comment over there yesterday – something happened to their site and I saw some blog friends comments got “eaten” (and so did some of the FB shares which is such a bummer). Thanks again!April 3, 2014 – 9:54 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - AWESOME! Sharing. 🙂April 2, 2014 – 11:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - I’m so glad that people are more open and willing to share such important information. It can make a difference and you are, Kristi. 🙂April 3, 2014 – 7:33 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think people realizing that autism is different in every person and that, for parents, life will still be amazing would go a long way toward acceptance. Thanks so much for the encouragement, Jennifer!April 3, 2014 – 10:04 amReplyCancel

  • Jessica Herndon - Beautiful post, Kristi.April 3, 2014 – 7:40 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - Kristi, I never get tired of reading what you write. Your passion and strength are incredible and you know what? People hear you, they listen!! Every word you write is important and the way you do it, in a REAL and approachable way makes so much of a difference.
    I’m so proud of you and all the words you have put out there in the name of autism awareness! XXApril 3, 2014 – 10:32 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sandy – what an amazing compliment. Wow, thank you. I’m blown away and completely flattered. I hope people listen because Tucker, and everybody, deserves acceptance. Hopefully a few more people will stop and think before assuming something the next time they are in a situation where they may be thinking of judging. XO friend.April 3, 2014 – 11:58 amReplyCancel

  • Melissa @ Home on Deranged - One of the best parts of this piece for me was the notion that maybe, just maybe, we can lay off each other in the judgy department. If my kids are acting out, I have no doubt people are running a list in their head. I’ve been guilty of it. Doesn’t have to be that way, though.April 3, 2014 – 10:39 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Melissa. It’s really easy to judge and I think it’s really natural. However, since having Tucker, and having somebody call him weird, I’m committed to not judging others. Because the truth is, I don’t know their realities. Somebody being rude or bossy may have just found out she’s ill – or something.April 3, 2014 – 12:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Thank you. Off to read now.April 3, 2014 – 1:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Jodi Flaherty - So very proud of you and the spread of this so important message, Kristi! Congrats, and very well said!April 3, 2014 – 2:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - Amazing. Here’s to another 40K shares Kristi! I thank you for the reminder to not be so judgy and the need to say hello to both tired mom and child. Jumbo hugs for both you and the Tuckster.April 3, 2014 – 3:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Jessica - I love these articles, Kristi! You are so right on. Everyone deserves to be heard and understood, especially those who don’t have the kind of voice that many may be able to understand. I bet these kids would be glad to know they have your voice! I was thinking about it the other day, and of my friends with boys, I think about half of them are on the spectrum (and yes, they are all very different). That’s just IRL, so not to mention the kids of parents I have “met” online. No doubt we need to talk about this — for understanding, for treatment, for possible prevention. This is a super important issue. Nice job, girl, and congrats!April 3, 2014 – 4:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - I totally agree with Lizzi’s comment here, Kristi … you are CHANGING things. Your writing is educating people (I know for a fact your blog has educated me) and helping your readers view things from a different perspective. And in helping your readers view things from a different perspective, in turn they will help their children to do so too so that maybe the next generation will be more empathetic and aware that their reality is not the only reality. That’s so fantastic that your posts got shared so many thousands of times! I’m sure your words will be read many hundreds of thousands of times in the future too. xxApril 3, 2014 – 4:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Dan Murphy - A wonderful, heart felt post.

    What really caught my attention? Your phrase, “Today. Tomorrow. This life.”

    That’s right, our understanding, caring, and advocacy needs to be for the long haul. Not just for World Autism Awareness Day.April 3, 2014 – 6:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Courtney Conover - This post was beyond moving, Kristi, and beautiful in every way. (I’ve come to expect nothing less from you. 😉

    Super congrats on your posts being recognized by Autism Speaks!!

    You go, Girl! <3April 3, 2014 – 9:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Mike - I just read your guest post and it was fantastic as always. As was this post too, Kristi. So very, very proud of you and Tucker always 🙂April 4, 2014 – 7:32 pmReplyCancel

  • christine - Oh, Kristi. You are doing wonderful, positive, helpful things. I’m so glad your articles are getting such publicity. You have a great way of explaining your world to those of us who aren’t living your life. Rock on, Sister!April 6, 2014 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle - I have to read the post you wrote for them, I did read the 10 things one. All people are worthy…YES!April 10, 2014 – 9:57 amReplyCancel

You know “the look.” I think everybody does. Sometimes, it’s privately shared with a friend when somebody says something to remind you of a personal dialogue. It’s shared with a spouse, hoping to convey “get me out of here” or “stop being such an ass.” It can be shared with a sibling, when a particular […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - Oh Kristi: I hated it when mother’s of typical kids said, “all kids do that!” No. They. Don’t. Not in the same way. My son didn’t do things the same way. I could reason with him. I could communicate better with him. Of course I love this whole piece, but I was sad for the part when your son was unable to communicate. Broke my heart. But then I especially loved the part where you shared how we hold grudges and that hit home for me right now. Sometimes I get mad and I tend to be a grudge holder. I love what children teach us. What you teach us. Thank you.March 31, 2014 – 2:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Linda,
      It really is annoying when people say “all kids do that,” isn’t it? Because they DON’T. I mean maybe they do a little, but like you said, it’s very different. And yeah, I have a tendency to hold grudges a little as well and want to not. It’s just not really worth it and if my son can be generous enough to forget that I disappointed him almost right away -what an awesome thing, huh?March 31, 2014 – 3:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I am so thankful for our kids’ resilience and ability to forgive, because there have been times here when I do something to upset or annoy them (like making them go to bed after a long day) and they truly get angry at me from these things, but I truly doesn’t take them long to forgive and forget. And then they always come back and hug me and tell me they love me. So trust me, you aren’t alone in this and I too know the feeling here at times, too.March 31, 2014 – 7:48 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m so thankful for kids’ resilience too Janine. So much. I love that they’re so easy in forgiveness and I want to be more like that myself. 😀March 31, 2014 – 3:07 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - (I will write) Good Post (but that is not what I would say but) none of the other standard things apply… (wait! alright, I’m going to go with)

    I can identify with how you feel…

    (hey, thanks… not sure the form of the thing that would be represented by this thanks, but screw it)

    hey thanks…March 31, 2014 – 7:57 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - I’m having a hard time believing in that resilience right now. Maybe because I’m not feeling particularly resilient. This was a wonderful story and lesson I will ponder this week.March 31, 2014 – 9:13 amReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Oh I love you and Tucker. This is such an important lesson for all of us. Kids forgive and we should do the same. Life is too short for stupid things. I’m sorry though that you had a difficult time in understanding him. You both understand love and share it immensely. It takes time to learn one another and to have patience. That is what Tucker is telling all of us…patience and forgiveness. xoMarch 31, 2014 – 9:20 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - And my lovely Kimberly, I love you and Chunky! Here’s to patience and forgiveness. More of it, for all of us. I think we can drink to that, even.March 31, 2014 – 5:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerith Stull - I totally get that frustration with interacting with Brielle, almost every time she signs something to me. Yes, she’s a fairly fluent signer. BUT… she has fine motor issues that make her signing “Brielle signs” that are difficult to interpret, even for an “experienced communication partner” – aka Mom. Because Tucker forgave you for not understanding (and even if he hadn’t), show yourself a little forgiveness, too!March 31, 2014 – 9:32 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Kerith! And I love your title of “experienced communication partner!!”March 31, 2014 – 7:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kids are resilient, and kids do forgive freely. I hope you catch that commercial soon, though, for your own peace of mind. Two of my children had trouble with speech, and I could relate to your dismay (and Tucker’s frustration) over words without shared meaning. It took me weeks to figure out “Mimi annanas, pshew!” was Mumford the Magician’s, “Ala peanut butter sandwiches!”March 31, 2014 – 10:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kristi, it helps to know that other parents had a hard time deciphering their kids’ words. Usually, when other people can’t understand Tucker, I know what he wants. Not that time though and I just felt so badly for him! Poor kid.
      And how adorable that Mumford the Magician’s is peanut butter sandwiches!March 31, 2014 – 8:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I am a big grudge holder. Huge. It’s bad, I know. As for resilient kids, I couldn’t agree more. Aside from one kid going through the challenge of his life, I’ve got another who just got cut from a sports team he was so hoping to make. He deserved to make the team and was better than many of the other players but politics (yes politics!) got in the way and kept him from getting selected. I thought he’d be crushed forever but he was laughing and “over it” the next day, which is more than I can say for myself. I’m still stewing about it!! So glad you learned this lesson – it’s a great one…March 31, 2014 – 10:33 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily, I am too, in some ways. It depends on the situation really, but even when I’m good about it, I’m not as good as Tucker is about it. That sucks that one of the dudes wasn’t chosen to play because of politics! I’d probably hold a grudge over that one too.March 31, 2014 – 8:12 pmReplyCancel

  • zoe - resilience is a spectacular thing and I suspect something Tucker has had all along… don’t forget though that he also has a new found awareness…. I used to with my kid hate those times because they usually showed up like this one as an awareness of a limitation (his or mine) but the great thing about it was that it translated to other awarenesses of his surroundings and things he wasn’t previously registering… lovely post- Sorry for the heartache though.March 31, 2014 – 10:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That’s true, Zoe, that he has a new awareness…thanks for the reminder of that and thanks for getting it!March 31, 2014 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Considerer - Oh no! I hate that you felt this way – you don’t suck. The situation sucks. Tucker knowing he can’t make the words he needs and that you can’t either – that sucks, but YOU DON’T. I promise; look at the wonderful, gorgeous rest of the weekend you gave him.

    LOOK AT YOU CHANGING THE FREAKIN WORLD FOR YOUR BOY.

    You. Don’t. Suck.

    And if ANYONE dares to give you that ‘look’ – the one like you do, or like he does, tell me and I’ll come and pound on them when I’m over there. Start me a vendetta list – I will thump them ALL.

    (Wait, you were talking about forgiveness…drat!)March 31, 2014 – 12:50 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA to coming to thump them if anybody else gives me the look! And dude, check you out with bolding and italics in a single comment. It’s like a superpower and way cool. And thanks for thinking I’m changing the world for my little guy. If I change just a teeny tiny part of it and one person is more accepting of him, it’s better, right? I mean I want more than one extra person to be nice to him, but you know what I mean. 😀March 31, 2014 – 8:22 pmReplyCancel

      • Considerer - I got skillz

        And you ARE changing it. From where I sit, you’re doing amazingly at it, with HUGE impact on people’s minds and hearts, and it’s incredible, and I still think you’re one of the people who’s the most ‘doing ACTUAL REAL THINGS with her blog’ people I know.

        At all.

        So there.

        (and believe me, I WILL thump them.)March 31, 2014 – 8:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I know that Des is developing typically and it’s not quite the same, except that he’s 1.5 and this happens a lot in our house and his whole demeanor changes when I DO get it right. And obviously that happens more and more as we both grow and his words get better and so does my understanding.
    The resilience…that’s magical. It really is.March 31, 2014 – 2:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You know, I didn’t even realize 1.5 year olds were supposed to talk more than mine did??? Dumb me. So hey you’re getting it right. I promise. Plus, you’re freaking awesome. And yeah the resilience, yeah. Magical. Huge big magical.March 31, 2014 – 11:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Natalie M - Your posts really mirror true to me, thanks for sharing. I really relate to you pain at not being able to understand everything. It’s so hard, my little boy gets frustrated when I don’t do what he wants and he can’t communicate that to me, but he soon forgets and like you say moves on. But all we can do is our best and then hopefully it will get easier over time.March 31, 2014 – 3:16 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Natalie, you’re right, it’s hard when we can’t understand them – so hard. But, I think there’s a message there somewhere about them moving on…I want to move on, too!March 31, 2014 – 11:35 pmReplyCancel

  • My twice baked potato - I remember sitting in a puppet show at the local library with my son. He was unimpressed with the marionettes that all the others loved…all but one other boy that was sitting with his mom across from us. Both of our boys were agitated by the noise and the crowd and couldn’t wait for the show to be done. As moms, most likely both special needs moms, we gave each other the look.
    It said so much.March 31, 2014 – 3:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ahh, the look – glad there was another special needs mom there to share it with you! Back when we did more community events, nobody shared the look with me – they just judged. I’m still hurt and sad about it. It was messed up. 🙁
      Here’s to you and all of us who are out here, trying to raise awareness!!!March 31, 2014 – 11:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I remember reading somewhere that forgiveness is a healing gift we give ourselves, not the person we are forgiving. Kids just seem to know that, and then somehow they forget as they grow. I know that doesn’t lessen your sadness about not understanding Tucker, and I’m sorry for that. Oh, and I don’t think I’ve ever said “All kids do that,” but I know for certain that I will never say it in the future.March 31, 2014 – 7:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I like that it’s a gift we give ourselves, and it’s weird, because this post brought up a lot of other stuff for me, that I guess I need to get into in another post, or private writing, of something. When Tucker was tiny, there were so many moms who were just so mean and I’m still angry and hurt and had forgotten all about it until you (thank you) wrote that you weren’t sure you’d said “all kids do that” but won’t. I won’t bore you with my psychobabble about me me me, because the important part is that I appreciate you and your willingness to listen. I know you get it because your son is friends with a boy on the spectrum, but still, I feel like you’d get it anyway, because you’re just awesome. And I thank you for that.March 31, 2014 – 11:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - I can’t imagine the frustration of not being able to communicate what you want to say or to see someone we love feel that way, Kristi. Your post made me cry. I don’t know Tucker, other than what you have shared, but I want so badly for him not to ever feel that way again. Thank goodness for his resilience. This won’t be the last time, but he will know that he has a mother who loves and will fight for him.March 31, 2014 – 8:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m sorry it made you cry. Your post made me cry too so maybe we’re even? I want so badly for him to never feel that way again too…and thank you so much. Here’s to his resilience! xoApril 1, 2014 – 12:01 amReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - Kids really live in the moment, don’t they. Maybe that is the key to pure forgiveness… they really don’t hang onto their anger or sadness for long. In one moment they may be upset, but the next moment they are blissful because you’re reading them a story or letting them have a Gogurt or something. They don’t dwell on what happened yesterday. Not until they’re a little older, anyway!March 31, 2014 – 9:57 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think you’re right that kids living in the moment is key to their pure forgiveness. I wish that we could all just hang onto that for longer, and not worry so much about what it means when somebody says something, worry that we made somebody angry, and I so much just want to hang onto that a little longer – for me and for my kid!! Thanks, Angel!April 1, 2014 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

  • Katia - The most beautiful thing I’ve read in days. I feel like we experience and feel things similarly. I would’ve been devastated too. Heck, I am just reading this, but yes, they forgive and move on and it’s us who dwell. I think that it’s because they view these things as isolated incidents in the moment they occur whereas we with our life experience tend to view everything as symbolic of something else, as a tendency, as part of a process. I’ve had moments like that with Ben when I had no idea what he was referring to and I get how devastated your felt especially when he tried to form the word with your lips. You’ve described it beautifully and the pain will go away but this testament of how much you love your son in a post will remain.March 31, 2014 – 10:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I feel like we feel things, and experience them similarly too my sweet friend! I love how you put that they just view things as experiences and that we tend to put them in categories of stuff that comes with other stuff, because I think you’re right. I never really thought about it like that. I like it. And yeah it did suck that he was trying to get me to say whatever it was, but again he moved on and I should too. Thanks, you. xoApril 1, 2014 – 12:28 amReplyCancel

  • Eli@coachdaddy - I think your son saw that you tried. Your best. No forgiveness required.

    It reminds us that sometimes the kids give their best and it doesn’t result in victory. But they tried. Their best.

    No forgiveness required.

    This is a beautiful piece.March 31, 2014 – 10:31 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Eli. I appreciate it. Much. He tried. I tried. we lost and moved on. Good life lesson, right?April 1, 2014 – 12:39 amReplyCancel

  • thedoseofreality - Bawling. The way you described it is exactly how this parenting gig feels so much of the time. Man, it is tough. Your sweet Tucker is so lucky to have you on his side, though. You get him, even when you can’t exactly say it.-AshleyApril 1, 2014 – 9:14 amReplyCancel

  • Mike - Wow, this was a good read, Kristi, despite the hurt that you felt for not understanding what Tucker was trying to say and for the frustration that Tucker felt…only temporarily. That part about him telling you not to say “sorry” was amazing in of itself. All kids, including Tucker, are so resilient to so many things especially at a younger age. And despite his frustration in the moment he quickly moved on displaying his incredible unconditional love for you. It will be interesting to see if that was one of those big life moments (of many had and so many more yet to come) for the both of you in future communication or missed-communication. Thank you so much for sharing this with us 🙂April 1, 2014 – 12:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Lady Lilith - I love it when kids try to act all grown up and and big.April 1, 2014 – 3:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Sp glad I am finally catching up on some blog reading! This is a beautiful, but heartbreaking story. I am always amazed by the resilience of children. At the end of the day, Tucker knows how much you love him and that is why he is able to forgive so easily. Forgive yourself, too, friend because you are a wonderful mother and Tucker is lucky to have you – even when you don’t understand. (HUGS)April 1, 2014 – 10:18 pmReplyCancel

  • that cynking feeling - Oh, if only I could learn to forgive and forget as quickly as your son.April 2, 2014 – 3:01 pmReplyCancel

The 80’s and 90’s were good years to be young. When I was in high school, each year, from May to September, my friend’s and my preferred activity was getting drunk going to concerts at Red Rocks. It almost didn’t matter which band was playing; simply being there was a blast. Back then, we were […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Rachel - Where to begin? 80’s forever! Hilarious: pictures, “man-child boyfriend”, mingle = briefly falling in love. I’m jealous that your mom let you stay out over night to get concert tickets. Is it weird that I’m still jealous now?March 27, 2014 – 10:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Um, Rachel, to be honest, I’m not sure my mom realized that I was camping out to get concert tickets. My dad certainly wasn’t. I just said I was spending the night at a friends and that we’d be going to the concert from her house.March 28, 2014 – 4:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - Pass the baby oil. Did you bring iodine? I forgot. Thankfully all the guys left their thongs at home. Yes – I’m with you that is a damn good thing.March 27, 2014 – 10:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA I forgot about the iodine. Ah the things we did back then to make my skin look worse now! 😉March 28, 2014 – 4:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Now THAT is what I call great historical (and hysterical) material for a blog post…I think I’m actually jealous that you have stories like that to draw from. You may be scarred, but at least you’ll never be stumped for things to write about…start writing a memoir ASAP!!March 27, 2014 – 11:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HA Emily! And yes, I suppose being scarred for life is worth being able to tell you about the day mom’s boyfriend who was only a few years older than I was wore a THONG to CC Reservoir. Sheesh! I need to do something on a book – or really want to anyway. I think I get hung up on wanting to write fiction when really maybe that’s not what I’m actually any good at. Are you actively promoting your memoir?March 28, 2014 – 4:55 pmReplyCancel

      • Emily - No, I’m not promoting my memoir because it’s not published yet — still trying the traditional route of finding an agent, etc. No luck yet, but not giving up!March 28, 2014 – 6:00 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Ok shows what I know about the lingo – sorry. I actually meant whether you’re “pitching” (is that right?) to agents, and stuff. Like whether you’re still working on it, or “promoting it” – does that make sense?March 28, 2014 – 11:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Mike - You always have my undivided attention with the 80’s, Kristi! Thoughts (and comments) swirling in my head about your mom and the boyfriend.

    Concert. 1983 Day on the Green at the Oakland Coliseum. My best buddy drove down from Reno for it. I have pics of that! Had all of our booze as we waiting in the line for the gates to open with our 12 pack. Not knowing that everyone had to toss their booze at the gate. Needless to say the two of us slammed a 12 pack in about 5 minutes upon finding out. Best buzz ever until 7 p.m. that night when it all started wearing off and the main event hadn’t started yet.

    Journey, Triumph, Eddie Money, Bryan Adams…Journey’s final stop on their world tour. They played for 4 hours until midnight. Incredible 🙂March 27, 2014 – 11:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That’s hilarious Mike that you drank all that beer in like five minutes! I’ll bet you were FULL. And that sounds like one amazing concert that you went to! Seriously!! Even sobered up!!March 28, 2014 – 4:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate (Shakespeare's Mom) - Oh. Mah. Gah. You poor thong. Oops! I mean thing. This story really sounds like it could be straight from an 80’s movie. I could feel your teenage embarrassment, and the picture is priceless.March 28, 2014 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kate. It was truly a revealing day. Way too revealing. Nobody’s ass is that good, ya know? Especially nobody who my mom thought was hot. Sigh.March 28, 2014 – 5:04 pmReplyCancel

  • karen - Blaaaaah, I agree man banana hammocks are just nasty…shivers as I try not to think about them. I would have hid under the blanket too…((HUGS))March 28, 2014 – 5:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks for the hugs, Karen. I’ll be interested to see if this makes my mom laugh or be annoyed with me for outing her 80’s bad taste!March 28, 2014 – 5:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - That was an awesome story to start off my Friday. I mean, not awesome for teenage you, but awesome for me who it didn’t happen to. Now every time I thong about it today I’m going to smile. I mean *think* about it.March 28, 2014 – 6:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ha, Dana. Have you been thonging a lot about it today? I have. Feeling traumatized.March 28, 2014 – 5:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama - So much awesome and wrong in one place! I thought it was bad when I saw an older gentleman with the generous beer gut strutting his stuff in a Speedo at the aquatic center last night. My two year old, who’s obviously a total genius, kept asking, ‘Mommy, what he doing?’ Even at her tender age, she easily recognized that this man had no business wearing so little! But…your mom’s BF takes back the award for sheer stupidity with a stringy vengeance!March 28, 2014 – 7:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA to your two year old knowing something was off. Hopefully, she’ll never see a man thong and realize what’s TRULY ickily off!!
      And yeah, mom’s boyfriend had some awards due for sure. My bet is that one of them has been a Darwin, at some point!!March 28, 2014 – 11:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Real Life Parenting - Wow, he had some balls … and you probably got a bit of a glimpse of ’em too!! Blurg! I thought it was gross enough to see my mom’s boyfriend (who became my stepdad) without a shirt on when he wore normal swim trunks … can’t imagine the scarring in my brain and eyeballs if I had ever seen him in a thong. Gag.

    Sorry you had to go through that, but, once again, it’s made for great entertainment for the rest of us!! 😉March 28, 2014 – 7:48 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - EW thanks YOU for making me wonder if I saw the balls and blocked that shit out of my head or not and NO I will NOT be exploring that in any future self meditation moments or anything else. Gross. HAHA to being grossed by your step-dad’s bare chest. Guess I won this round of nastiness gross outs huh? 😉March 28, 2014 – 11:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Giorgia - I miss 80’s too!!March 28, 2014 – 8:09 amReplyCancel

  • Claudia Schmidt - OMG, I agree man-thongs are so gross! And, I love your drawings, they’re so fun!March 28, 2014 – 9:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Man thongs are nasty. There is NO version of hot, to me, that justifies one. And thanks re: the stupid drawings!March 28, 2014 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Welcome to the Bundle - Are you kidding? You had me at “empty gallon-sized milk jug.” I nearly doubled over at the sailing accident. Then you threw in the “manchild boyfriend” and his butt cheeks. This is the kind of traumatic childhood experience that is an eventual writer’s dream come true. Hilarious!March 28, 2014 – 10:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think it’s funny that you relate it to a writer’s dream come true. Mostly because so often, I sit here thinking “I’ve got nothing” and then remember all the embarrassing horrible shit my parents (and ALL parents) did and are. Thanks much for the visit and comment!!March 29, 2014 – 12:06 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - You have the best stories ever! EVER! And your drawings are absolutely hysterical. Would you believe I grew up in Golden, went to school in Boulder and never went to a concert at Red Rocks? Bizarre!March 28, 2014 – 10:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You grew up in Golden? OMG. We must have lived 20 minutes away from each other during highschool (except you are younger than I am I’m sure). STILL. You never went to Red Rocks??? You have to have to have to go. take a trip. Now. This summer. So WEIRD. And cool 😀March 29, 2014 – 12:44 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - what year did you graduate HS???March 29, 2014 – 12:44 amReplyCancel

      • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - We were neighbors? Now that is awesome! Graduated 87 but my parents moved my junior year, so I didn’t graduated there. I was actually at Arvada West, we were in that weird section of Golden that went to Arvada schools. We had our choice for HS, but since I was already in Arvada schools and my best friend lived right by the HS, of course I chose Arvada. When did you graduate?March 29, 2014 – 7:14 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Holy wow, Michelle! I graduated from Cherry Creek HS in 86! We were totally neighbors. That’s pretty cool!March 29, 2014 – 12:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Oh. My. God. I’m assuming your mom doesn’t read your blog? I’d love to hear her version of things!
    And Everclear!!
    My husband has seen Phish a lot a Red Rocks. I’ve never even been to CO although there were a few near-misses.
    I want to go. With you!March 28, 2014 – 10:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - She actually does read it sometimes, and I’d love for her to read this one and let me know what she remembers. It’s not like I haven’t given her a hard time over the years about this same incident. Maybe I should invite her to reply!! She just had hand surgery but I’m totally going to and thanks for inspiring the idea.
      And I want to go to Colorado with you!! I can show you all around like my little sister (wife) 😀March 29, 2014 – 12:51 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie Daigneault - I never lived in Denver but I went back and forth between Phoenix and there when I was working to hear you describe it I feel like i did! I ran into the most fantastic mullet I had ever seen when in Hawaii and usually when I see something so amazing I try to get a photo, but this guy was so skillfully elusive I could never get one! That was years ago and I still wish I had photographic evidence! Great post!!March 28, 2014 – 11:06 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m bummed you didn’t get a photo of that mullet, too! Because it must have been amazing! They really were cool in the 80’s and I even encouraged my then bf (and first husband) to grow his hair longer in the back. I did. 😀March 29, 2014 – 12:55 amReplyCancel

  • Elaine A. - So glad my parents stayed married. 😉

    Also, I’ve heard Red Rocks is amazing. My college roomie lived in Colorado after college for quite a while and she LOVED going to concerts there!March 28, 2014 – 11:25 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Red Rocks IS the very best place to see a concert. It’s amazing. In my humble opinion, anyway.March 29, 2014 – 12:59 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie - This is hilarious! And the pictures? I want to know how to do that.

    I would love to hear your mom comment on this.March 28, 2014 – 11:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Stephanie. I’m going to ask my mom to comment or write her version of it. We’ll see what she says!! And the pictures? Photoshop, a lack of any real artistic talent, and a mouse because I have found that finger drawing on my laptop is just not the same. 😀March 29, 2014 – 1:15 amReplyCancel

  • Chris at Hye Thyme Cafe - LOL – So, is that you or some poor innocent bystander on the right in the pink bikini gaping in horror?? 😉 Lucky for him, that was before everyone and their uncle had a cell phone with a camera and access to Facebook/Twitter/Instagram …March 28, 2014 – 2:50 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Chris, it’s totally meant to be an innocent bystander on the right and THANK YOU for noticing!! I sometimes feel like I spend so much time drawing this crap and nobody sees any of the little details so I very much appreciate you doing so!
      And HAHAH to it being the days before cell phones and Instagram, etc. So right (and it’s weird that I sometimes miss those days, right?). 😀March 29, 2014 – 1:25 amReplyCancel

  • clark - I can address the issue of Red Rock (I know that John Tesh played there once… back when I decided that Entertianment Tonight would be my sole source of news and current event, from what I recall, he brought the house down)

    …the thong story…. two words: ayiiee! (I remain in awe of the Federico Fellini meets john Hughes nature of your growing up experiences… man!)March 28, 2014 – 5:32 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Entertainment Tonight was a totally viable source for news and I do hope you’re not suggesting otherwise. And yeah what you said (!!!) about my growing up stories. I think.March 29, 2014 – 1:26 amReplyCancel

  • Robbie - Wow..I cannot get that image out of my head…ick! ick! ick! Concerts sound fun though!March 28, 2014 – 6:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Oh, my gosh, that would have been an embarrassing experience for a teenager. Loved your drawings. And so cool that you saw all those bands at Red Rocks (not that I know what Red Rocks is, but it sounds fun!) The only one of those bands that I ever saw was U2 – but it was a great gig in a tiny nightclub way before they were famous.March 28, 2014 – 7:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m jealous that you saw U2 before they were big!!! And if you ever get to Colorado in the states, Red Rocks is worth going to, I promise. Seriously.March 29, 2014 – 1:49 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - One thing I love about you is that I never know what to expect when I visit here! 🙂 Man things – gross!March 28, 2014 – 8:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Um, I’m going to go ahead and take that not knowing what you’ll get when you come here is a good thing, m’kay? because you know, you did say it was loved so that’s a good assumption right? Yikes.
      And yes, man thongs are just nasty. man things at times too ahhahaMarch 29, 2014 – 1:51 amReplyCancel

  • Marcia@ Menopausal Mother - Dying laughing here!!! Geez, I remember guys down here in Florida wearing shiny satin speedos to the beach—-you could see EVERYTHING in those nasty “swimsuits”—that were really underwear. Gawd, no wonder you were scarred for life–a thong is way worse. Thanks for the 80’s memories of concerts—you saw some great groups!March 28, 2014 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - Another Red Rocks Fan!! There is no place like Red Rocks to see a concert. I can’t believe you saw U2 there. What an incredible experience!March 29, 2014 – 12:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree. It’s truly the very best place ever to see a concert. Ever. I think it’s way cool we both wrote about it, too!March 30, 2014 – 10:53 amReplyCancel

  • Katia - Man thongs are very. Very. Very. Wrong. I would even go as far as paraphrasing Taylor Swift in saying that there is a special place in hell for men who wear thongs and a special place in heaven for people who had to witness this as children. I kind of feel bad toward child Kristi and her brothers for getting a kick out of this post but as always the illustrations were awesome and the storytelling made me long for the 80’s.March 29, 2014 – 3:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw the 80’s. I do miss them at times and YAY for there being a special place in heaven for those of us who had to witness the man thong in person. That might make up for it right there! 😉March 30, 2014 – 10:55 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah Almond - Oh my, I’ve been to two concerts in my life, and I can’t say that I’ve ever seen THAT! Fortunately I’ve lived a very sheltered life.

    On one hand, kudos to your mom for trying to get her groove back. On the other hand, boo for being permanently scarred from that experience!

    A man thong is very wrong… That could totally be a haiku!March 29, 2014 – 9:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - A man thong haiku! Who’d have thunk! And yeah, I guess it’s cool my mom got her groove back but yuck. Yucky yuck yuck.March 30, 2014 – 11:20 amReplyCancel

  • ben - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Hahaha I can see the lighter that you’ve been waving.March 31, 2014 – 3:49 amReplyCancel

  • Alexa - I am laughing OUT LOUD at this post! Thank you for the laugh this morning. I can only imagine the horror. It also reminded me of when my sister was an exchange student in Germany her senior year in high school, and her host family took her to a nude beach. Can you imagine??? I guess you probably can!March 31, 2014 – 6:25 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG Alexa, your sisters host family took her to a nude beach!!?!?!???? That sounds unbelievably awful! Yikes! At least with my own mom, I could make fun of her but a host family, I’d have dug a hole in the sand!April 1, 2014 – 9:26 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - O.M.G.
    That is all. Hilarious.
    😀February 13, 2015 – 12:01 amReplyCancel

Today’s Our Land is a little bit different from most, primarily because I do not know the author. While I’ve had anonymous posts before, I have not, to date, featured one from a professional writer that I’m not familiar with. However, when approached by Healthline to include this post about eating disorders, I was intrigued. […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Janine Huldie - Thank you for sharing your story here today and being so forth coming and open about what you went through, what shifted your perception on this and glad you were able to work through it to become a stronger, healthier person from all of it.March 26, 2014 – 11:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree Janine, that it took some guts to share her story here and I’m glad she’s worked through it all as well.March 26, 2014 – 11:41 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - I have a friend who suffered (for years) with something so similar. It almost wrecked her marriage. A couple of kids later she found her groove and decided to start doing triathlons. Her hubs (and she) were so concerned that she would get into the obsessive behavior again. They luckily have an incredible marriage. Talked about some triggers and safe ways for him to alert her if it became too much. The other thing that helped is he entered the training/comps with her. So that it was truly a team effort. She never would have been able to succeed with out his support. I hope you have something similar.

    I admire your candor and wish you good health!March 26, 2014 – 12:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Wow, Kerri, your friend’s husband does sound amazing. Luckily for my husband, I’m lazy because I’m not sure he’d know how to be so supportive. Thanks so much for sharing.March 26, 2014 – 8:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Thank you so much for sharing your story. People have a difficult time understanding why women starve themselves and it is more than just a “wanna look good” issue.
    I find that it is powerful to be able to control what you do…especially when life is so out of control.
    I’m sorry that you lost your father but I’m glad that you were able to find yourself and wrap yourself in your family.March 26, 2014 – 1:02 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kimberly. I’m glad that she was too and you’re right – control is such the bigger part of all disorders like this one from what I understand. It’s a complicated thing for sure.March 26, 2014 – 8:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Thank you for sharing your story, Adrienne. It’s a reminder that we never know what another person is battling – it’s not always visible on the outside.March 26, 2014 – 2:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Thank you for sharing your story here – I think it’s inspiring that you have overcome this challenge and how you’ve learned from it too.March 26, 2014 – 3:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - Good points! There might be a lot of people out there who believe they cannot have an eating disorder because they don’t fit the usual profile of someone with an eating disorder, but the main point is if you are doing something that is negatively effecting your health, and others are worried about you but you still cannot or don’t want to stop, it may be a disorder, even if it doesn’t perfectly fit the description of any one particular disorder. (That was a run on sentence.)March 26, 2014 – 4:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ha to the run on sentence, Angel but you’re right – people don’t realize that problems don’t always look like problems!March 26, 2014 – 8:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. JOhnson - Very interesting article, I’ve definitely seen some behavior like that. I can only imagine how strong the addiction is because after I’ve had a workout for a minute I think I’ll do a little of such and such later or think now I’ll go outside for a brisk walk but I never do. It’s a high that for me only last as long as long as the cool down then I’m done.March 26, 2014 – 6:16 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I added an into – this was the first “sponsored post” I accepted and think it’s just too weird to continue. Thanks for commenting anyway and DUDE MY FISH IS STILL ALIVE. You know that one that has been floating for like a week? He’s still swimming. Sortof. It’s gross and creepy.March 26, 2014 – 10:13 pmReplyCancel

      • Kenya G. Johnson - Admittedly I did scroll up several times to see if I missed something. I was like is this an Our Land post or what? Anyway – So did you put a Pea in the tank? Ewww. I almost broke down this weekend to buy some more. Then I thought maybe one day I can just have one big fish when the others die and I’ll take care of the tank better because the one big fish is really like a pet. Then I thought I would be totally TOTALLY disgusted for life if it died. I would die if I had to be the one to scoop it out. Scooping out a lightweight already flips my stomach.March 27, 2014 – 6:37 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I didn’t actually put a pea in the tank because we don’t have any. And I’m not a very good fish mama, really. So I have one tiny one swimming and one medium one hanging on for dear life – not sure what to do actually. I go back and forth between “wait til they all die and be done” and “maybe I should go get some fish friends for these two. Ugh. I hear you on the stomach flipping thing. It’s just icky.March 27, 2014 – 9:42 amReplyCancel

  • Considerer - Your title pulled me in, Adrienne, and though I can’t relate to the working out, I can see the compulsion and the addiction in it, and I know there are areas I probably need to watch out for.

    I’m glad you’ve found a way to channel these for Good, and to help others. That’s a great way of beginning to get a handle on it.March 26, 2014 – 8:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I can see the compulsion and addiction in it too, and we ALL need to watch out for them. They have Power with Cap P.March 26, 2014 – 10:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I’ve never had an eating disorder but I have had my own issues about wanting to control something or other because I felt like too much of my life was chaotic. My sister had an eating disorder. I’ve always been a very skinny person, so people have wondered about me until they see me eat. I’ve had to educate them based on what I knew from my sister that I wasn’t anorexic, mainly because I knew I was thin and I wasn’t trying to be thinner. I ate food when I was hungry and I tried to be healthy. I could see the differences in my sister – how there was never a thin enough, or a tan enough.
    Thank you for sharing your story – I needed that point of view.March 26, 2014 – 8:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Control is rough and hard and impossible and easy and everything between, sadly, which is why I suppose it’s so easy to take and to lose. Thanks, Tamara. I hope your sister has found some help, too.March 26, 2014 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - I have a friend who I believe exercises too much and who is overly concerned about what she eats. The problem is that both are generally associated with health, so it isn’t like other addictions that have such a stigma against them. It’s a matter of crossing a line from health into addiction. It’s hard to know where the line is. So far, no one has addressed it with her. I fear what rock bottom might look like.March 26, 2014 – 9:01 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re right that when it’s concerned with health, that we don’t see it as a problem. In fact, I think we assume it’s just healthier than “we” are (and by we, I mean me).March 26, 2014 – 11:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - I have never heard of this before – the hyper gymnasia. I have never had an eating disorder, but I am NEVER happy with my weight no matter what it is. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story!March 26, 2014 – 9:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m almost never happy with my weight either Lisa but am much too lazy to get hyper gymnasia.March 27, 2014 – 9:44 amReplyCancel

  • Lady Lilith - Unfortunately I know someone like that. By looking at her she looks fine, but after each meal, she purges it all up.March 26, 2014 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - This sounds so familiar… we used to call it ‘exercise bulimia’ in the psych hospital I worked at… it’s similar to purging but another means to disassociating from yourself, gaining control and most often detaching from feelings through the addiction of a constant ‘outside’ source for fuel or feeding your endless need. That may sound so impersonal, and I am NO way meaning anything but sharing that I understand your pain that you were in some way trying to avoid. I do hope that you can live a whole and happy life with full experience of your emotions and most importantly honoring your precious body/mind/spirit as well.

    I appreciate you and your story. It’s an important one to share. I believe many people suffer through this same journey and I think it is one that needs to be talked about and addressed. You take care of YOU, okay? 🙂March 27, 2014 – 12:14 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Chris, that’s so interesting that people use it to disassociate from themselves – I hadn’t thought about it like that. Thanks so much for coming by, my lovely friend!March 27, 2014 – 9:52 amReplyCancel

  • Mike - Your posts, whether your own or guest posts, never cease to amaze me Kristi. Thank you so much for sharing Adrienne with us! I had someone very near and dear to me who I loved a VERY long time ago who would go into the (shared) bathroom and “get sick”. Not a girlfriend is all I can say. To use the same bathroom afterwards I would find vomit (sorry) in the toilet. NEVER flushed. And I never found out why she didn’t flush. Regardless it came to light that she had bulimia after our lives had gone their separate ways. I’m so glad there is so much more education (and there was still plenty of awareness even back then) to this disorder today. Awesome as always and folks do not need to go through this…March 27, 2014 – 3:56 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Mike! You’re too kind, fab friend and thanks so much. Oh no about your friend!! I wonder why she didn’t flush – maybe she wanted to be found out and get help or something?? Sigh. So sad.March 27, 2014 – 10:09 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - As a mother of girls and especially a pre-teen living in a world of “you must be skinny to be pretty”, I am thrilled to see an honest article written by a woman who has lived through it. I learned a few things from this article that will help me keep an eye out for signs I didn’t realize WERE signs.
    Thank you, Kristi, for this eye opening post and thanks to Adrienne for writing it.March 28, 2014 – 9:14 amReplyCancel

  • Shay from Trashy Blog - I have a cousin who suffers from anorexia and exercise addiction, and even though she is better and has taken control as much as she can at this point in her life, I know that it is a problem that one must deal with throughout life. It isn’t easily fixed and doesn’t just “go away” if someone can just “get a grip.” It’s so much harder than that. I wish you luck in your journey; I’m so glad that you were able to shift your focus to your family and become healthier! Much love and prayers to all who find themselves dealing with these issues.March 28, 2014 – 5:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Awesome as always. This is a very important topic. Thank you for sharing
    .March 30, 2014 – 5:26 pmReplyCancel

Every once in a while, the truth that my baby is no longer a baby, nor a toddler, catches me off guard. I’m reminded by little things,* like when Tucker asks me to carry him, which I used to do oh-so-gently, barely able to trust myself to carry him up the stairs, and remembering to […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Janine Huldie - Trust me I am totally shell shocked on my girls growing up right before my eyes, especially Emma starting kindergarten, too in the fall. seriously, where did the time go? And yes my girls are not learning disabled, but still this milestone and so many to come now scare the daylights out of me. So, my heart truly goes out to you and on some level and right there with you, too.March 20, 2014 – 10:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Janine,
      Thanks so much. I don’t think our kids need to be anything other than our kids for milestones like kindergarten to scare the heck out of us. It’s scary, letting these people who we are consumed with love for go out into the world and have to fend for themselves in situations we’re not sure how they will deal with. It’s hard to believe we’ll both be planning 5th birthday parties this summer. Time – too fast.March 21, 2014 – 5:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Courtney Conover - Okay, I am positively swooning over that photo of you and Tucker. Although I can’t see your eyes, the way you are looking at him…Now THAT’S love.

    Your post is timely for me because we’re in the midst of researching pre-school options for Scotty, although he won’t go until fall of 2015. He has made tremendous strides with his language, but I have wondered whether his pronunciation issues will dissolve…or whether there will be traces of it in certain words by the time we enroll him. And if the latter is the case, I worry — like, All. The. Time — that he will be made fun of, and, of course, how this will impact his self esteem.

    Great post, Krisit. (I plan to e-mail you soon because I want your take on something related to this topic…)March 20, 2014 – 10:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Courtney,
      Worrying whether they’ll be made fun if is, I feel, the very hardest thing of all. It’s already scary to send them to the huge world to interact on their own. Add an issue adds another layer of fear that’s hard to shake. I have a funny (crazy maybe) helicopter mom thing I did that I’ll share with you in reply to your email. I’m glad you’re already looking at a lot of preschools. I think you should check them all out and only go with one you’re more than comfortable with.
      And thanks so much. I love that photo too even though it’s not the most flattering because it’s just life, ya know?March 21, 2014 – 5:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Lady Lilith - I can relate. I have a sister who was born with down syndrome. As we all went to a local private school, my sister was a problem. She was high to smart for a special needs class but struggled in a regular class. In the end, my mother put her in the same school as us in kindergarden. From the very first day, the kids were told to ask away. In the end, they needed up accepting her with an understanding. They were not informed of her diagnoses of Down syndrome because it was not necessary.
    I actually remember one of the girls coming up to me and asking me why she talks funny. I told the girl that every day when school is over, my sister goes for help to teach her to speak. If she does not understand what my sister is saying, that is okay and she can ask me to translate.
    It worked brilliantly and she loves it.March 20, 2014 – 11:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think having the kids be able to ask is really helpful because if they think something is off limits, it gets more different. Being able to ask questions is important – every kid wonders about differences. Sounds like your mom and family did the right thing for your sister which is awesome.March 21, 2014 – 6:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Don - Your work friend sort of sounds like an ignorant bitch to be quite honest.

    Kids can be really mean, yes, but they can also be really sweet when they understand that a kid with special needs is still a kid. In fact, some kids will go above and beyond to befriend or protect such a kid. Tucker will be fine I’m sure. Growing up is hard, yes, but he has a mom who will kick ass and take names on his behalf and he’s a handsome little man. That helps, right??

    Okay, I’m done before this turns into a dissertation nobody wants to hear. Lol.March 20, 2014 – 11:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Courtney Conover - Okay. I don’t know you, Don, but I really, really like you.

      Nice comment.March 21, 2014 – 7:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - And this is why you’re my common law internet hubs. And yes, that helps. Thank you.March 21, 2014 – 6:09 pmReplyCancel

  • karen - i am sobbing right now….blows my nose….i need a minute.

    okay actually took a minute to compose myself, LOL

    I feel your same worries, I think bullying is so out of hand right now and no kid is safe. You wear the “wrong shirt”, say the “wrong thing”, or don’t fit in with the “popular kids” and you are done.

    When students feel weird about coming to reading services I always explain that we are all awesome in some areas and need extra help in others. I love reading, breaking words into syllables and phonemes, but give me a math problem that involves letters…I’m done. I can’t handle auditory information, but excel when I read it. I need my information organized with colors while my hubby prefers a large notebook with just one color ink.

    I worry about Anthony in kindergarten too, I worry that he will feel less then, be humiliated, feel stupid, not have any friends. I empathize with you and wish there was a way we could guarantee them happiness and success in school.March 21, 2014 – 6:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sorry Karen!
      You’re right that bullying is out of hand. Especially cyber bullying. It’s horrible that kids can gang up on somebody so anonymously – it’s awful.
      Also you so rock for being such an excellent reading coach – mostly because you take the time to explain to kids that we’re all awesome at some things. I think that’s such an important reminder. I like the visual of your organizational skills too as I’m the same way! I’ll later remember an appointment because I can picture it in red or something on my calendar or on a piece of paper.
      A guarantee would be sooooo nice….sigh.March 21, 2014 – 6:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Misty @ Meet the Cottons - Being Human 101 sounds like an amazing class! sign me up!March 21, 2014 – 6:08 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Yes. Like you, I am fucking terrified. Every minute of every day. The Dude and I were teachers for years and so we know how it happens. We know every school has bad teachers and bullying can happen in every classroom. I love on fear and anger of the people who will try to break her, and I hope I have the strength and skill to hold her together. Not to mention the funds to send her to the school she needs. Because we will when it becomes necessary. It’s a small comfort, but I’m
    Glad I know another mother going through this at the same time.March 21, 2014 – 8:06 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m glad I know you too Sarah and soon IRL! Whoot! We need to make a date for the carousel and you’re coming to LTYM right? And yeah, the fucking terrified part really sucks, especially because it’s not the kind of terrified that involves falling off a bridge that I’m not on right now – the school thing and bullying and all that goes with it IS there. I do think that you have the strength to hold her together and that I do (hopefully) for Tucker, too. xoMarch 22, 2014 – 2:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - You may have posted this too late, but it’s the first one I’m reading and WOW. As a somewhat anxious human being and parent I constantly dread my typical son being treated the way you describe. I worry that the fact the doesn’t celebrate Christian holidays will make him feel uncomfortable, I worry that someone will give him the cold shoulder when he engages a complete stranger in conversation. I worry and dread just like you but I can only imagine how far more overpowering your dread is. You’re a wonderful mom. You’re trying to change the world for your son with your Our Land and with posts like this one. So are Jen and Kerri. I think that “what is your challenge” is an AMAZING initiative and I will help in any way that I can to spread word of it because I want a better world for my son too. Sniff. I love you.March 21, 2014 – 9:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Katia,
      Sigh, there really is so much to worry about as parents, isn’t there? It’s terrifying. I love the idea of “What’s your Challenge?” too and completely plan on doing something similar once Tucker reaches elementary school age. I have also been thinking of doing something like it for Our Land – hopefully Kerri will help me out.
      I love you too Sweets. Big..March 22, 2014 – 2:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I understand your fears, Kristi. And maybe school would crush a kid who had no one in his life to support him, love him, teach him, and raise him up. Tucker has all of that in you and your husband, and that is really strong armor to protect him from being crushed. He will get some bumps and bruises that other kids may not, and that’s not fair. But crushed? Nope. You won’t let that happen, and my money’s on you.March 21, 2014 – 9:46 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, thanks, Dana. Your comment made me get a little teary. Thanks for betting on us. You rock.March 22, 2014 – 3:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh my friend. I fear that day, the day that crushes our child and our hearts. Part of me rejoices that Boo may never know and shudders at the fact her sister will. I think we need to create the Our Land curriculum and make it as important as the mandatory common core math Abby has to learn.March 21, 2014 – 10:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yes to an Our Land curriculum! The whole world could use being human lessons sometimes, right? And yeah, I know what you mean- and am not even sure what’s worse, that our kids notice their differences or don’t…March 22, 2014 – 3:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Crystal - I completely agree with Dana, Kristi! Tucker has amazing parents and so much love! With your support and encouragement, he is and will continue to blossom. I think as parents we fear our kids being ridiculed, failing, having their hopes crushed, and so on. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. It’s working my friend. 🙂March 21, 2014 – 10:27 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, thanks, Crystal. It seems that you’re right and that all parents worry so much about school, or life, crushing our children’s hopes, and self esteem. Thanks again – I appreciate it!March 22, 2014 – 3:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Anna Fitfunner - Hi Kristi:

    My son is autistic. He’s 14 years old now, and has been in public school since Kindergarten. There’s no question of him “passing”, and never has been.

    When he was heading into Kindergarten, we were concerned that he would be unsuccessful — both socially and academically. What we experienced was that the kids in his classes adopted him and took him under their wing. Admittedly, some of them were more in tune with him than others, and we worked hard to reward those kids that were friendly with him. But the bottom line was that our son was well accepted, and had a social life in elementary school for which we had not even hoped.

    The key for that, in my mind, is that we were completely open with the kids and parents from the very beginning about our son’s autism. Not that we could hide very much — he had lots of atypical behaviors. But we found that if we behaved as if other kids and parents would naturally just accept our son for what he was and is, then it got a lot of the baggage out of the way.

    I’ve seen that same approach work with other developmental disabilities as well. Our neighbors has a son with OCD and Tourette’s. I’ve watched when kids will come up to him and ask him about some of his atypical behaviors. His response “that’s just the way that I am.” The other kids seem to accept that, and interact with him (or not) on those terms.

    This is not to say that everyone will always be friendly with special needs kids when you are open about it. There are plenty of people who can be mean or nasty. But the reality is that the world has lots of mean spirited folks. The way that their mean spiritedness triumphs is if we give them the sense that somehow we, as special needs parents or special needs kids, are defensive or embarrassed about who we are and who our kids are.

    So, Kristi, I think that you’ll have a school journey with some bumps and bruises, but your kid is going to be okay.

    No — really — I think that he will be okay, and likely even better than just okay!

    AMarch 21, 2014 – 10:47 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much, Anna, for sharing your experiences with your son’s school history and I really appreciate the perspective. I do think that being open and honest about our kids goes a long way – not acting embarrassed or anything because honestly there’s nothing to be embarrassed about – they are “just the way they are.” I love that so many children in your son’s life have taken him under their wings and supported him. That gives me a lot of hope and encouragement and relief.
      I really appreciate you taking the time to share and for coming by! Thanks again and have a great rest of the weekend!March 22, 2014 – 3:32 pmReplyCancel

      • Anna Fitfunner - Hi Kristi:

        One more note: our neighbors with the son with TS+ were over last night. Their boy had some ticks going on. I was talking about them with the Mom, and I lowered my voice because their son was in the next room. The Mom looked at me and said “no need to be quiet about his Tourette’s. We’re not embarrassed about it, and we don’t want him to be embarrassed either.”

        I stook (or rather sat) corrected.

        Keep me posted on Tucker’s progress. I bet he’s going to have a blast in Kindergarten!

        😉

        AMarch 22, 2014 – 6:30 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I would love to keep you posted on Tucker’s progress and how interesting that she told you not to whisper. While I understand that it’s nothing to be ashamed of, kids don’t always like to know we’re talking about them at all so I think it’d have been my instinct to whisper, too.
          Thanks again, Anna!March 23, 2014 – 5:50 pmReplyCancel

  • that cynking feeling - The secretary from the preschool called me at work on Wednesday. She began the call with “Your son is fine.” However, my stomach still had butterflies as she scheduled his kindergarten transition meeting. I’m terrified with what will happen this fall. I don’t know if his school is prepared, but we don’t have other options where I live. Ugh.March 21, 2014 – 11:54 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ugh – the school’s name showing up on the display in the middle of the day is so heart-stopping! We have our kindergarten IEP/transition meeting at the end of April and I’m already nervous and trying to not even think about it much. Here’s to both of our boys having the best kindergarten experiences possible. To friends and kind, loving teachers…March 22, 2014 – 4:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I’m not going to sit here and try to relate my own experience to what you have ahead for you and Tucker, because I know that each child’s journey through these school years can be different, whether or not they have special needs. I couldn’t agree more that we ALL have challenges and i try to drill that point home to all my kids all the time. What I will tell you is that I completely understand your fear, because our instinct is to protect our kids as much as we can, even when they are older and near adulthood I am discovering. That mama bear instinct never goes away, but I’ve also learned that each time our kid encounters what I like to think of as bumps in the road, it makes him stronger and more resilient. As painful as it is to watch them weather that bump, just remember he’ll be stronger for it. That being said, I wish someone (hint, hint) would start the Best Special Needs School In The World, because it’s needed, bad.March 21, 2014 – 12:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Emily. I know you’re probably right and that you know exactly what I’m talking about and have dealt with the same issues – even though I know these things usually turn out fine, and that so many kids on the spectrum end up making friends who look out for them, it’s still terrifying.
      Soon as I get some funding, I’m all over the school!March 22, 2014 – 4:48 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - “He will feel dumb,” she said. “It’ll probably happen around the third grade, and it will crush him.”

    “By that time,” she said, “it may be too late. There’s no fixing low self-esteem.”

    I will say this: she is wrong*.

    There! that was simple.

    You know how so synchronistic you and I can be in writing Posts for the FTSF, today is no exception except the relationship is sideways, so most readers (of both Posts) may not see it. But you will, so I will say:

    I had a 3rd grade event that was horrible and I am still here, maybe the experience was not fun (but at least I have some stories to tell)… lol
    I had a clark for a mother and the other footnoted points in my Post today, make clear that, in my opinion, the totality of my experiences in early school years more than offset the difficulty I encountered in 3rd Grade. (I know! much as was the case for all of us at that stage in life)

    You and Tucker, in every way I am able to see, are doing fine. You love him, He loves you. Done.

    …as to this woman, a more mature friend might suggest that you politely tell her that you disagree with her, but then again my first impulse is to suggest that you simply tell her to ‘fuck off’,

    I enjoyed reading your Post.

    *for those followers of the Wakefield Doctrine, this woman fits the criterion for a specialized subgroup (roger with a strong secondary scott) that we commonly refer to as ‘face eaters’… space does not permit a full explanation, stop by and askMarch 21, 2014 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Clark! And Sister Ismelda or whatever the fuck her name is sounds like a total asshole! Who says that to a third grader? And you still remember it with total clarity. I’m glad that the rest of your school experiences were Good and outweighed that crap at the age of 8. You rock, and I love that our posts are parallel, once again.March 22, 2014 – 4:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - I’m not going to lie or sugar coat things. School is scary. School for a special needs kid is terrifying. IEPs, Meeting, Behavior Charts, Phone Calls, E-mails, Trips to the school.

    As parents, we do what we have to for our kids! I wish Tucker all the luck in the world and hope that school goes well for him!March 21, 2014 – 12:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Echo. And yeah, you’re right of course that the IEPs, meetings, phone calls, it’s all a LOT. Thanks so much for the luck wishes – I send the same your way.March 22, 2014 – 4:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Triplezmom - Oh, so many thoughts swirling in my head. School doesn’t have to be horrible, but it can be. So much depends on the specific school and the specific teachers. Have faith in yourself, and Tucker, that you’ll know what’s best.March 21, 2014 – 1:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much. I do have faith in him. I try to have enough in me, and I am very much hoping that he has loving teachers and aides and classmates. I appreciate your comment!March 22, 2014 – 5:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb - I love when you write so passionately about him. And the photo of the tiny, tiny feet — omg!!!!! I really hope Tuck doesn’t get crushed in school. I hope you can shield him, somehow.

    Thank you for mentioning my piece. I believe that a world where female leaders are embraced *is* a world that is better for your son, for my son, for everyone. And I completely understand why a campaign encouraging leadership in young girls is the last thing on your mind. But for those girls whose dreams are crushed by cultural expectations, the campaign may have some meaning.March 21, 2014 – 2:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree that the girls dreams are VERY IMPORTANT, and necessary to having a world that is the better place we all want. I just don’t like the campaign for some reason – it feels manufactured and fake to me, but maybe it’s just a reaction to the whole author. Not sure. Anyway, I did really like what YOU had to say about it of course. I hope that Tucker doesn’t get crushed, too. Sigh.
      Hope today’s move is going well, Deb. Thinking about you!March 22, 2014 – 5:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Jhanis - How do we protect our kids from the cruelty of the world? I’d like to know too. We hope and pray and then we pray harder that our love will be enough to make them feel safe. Hugs to you mama.March 21, 2014 – 3:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia@ Menopausal Mother - I think a major part of the school experience (whether it will be successful or awful) depends on the teacher. Scope out several schools until you find the one he likes best, and find out who the best Kindergarten teachers are—and who your son feels the most comfortable with. I had some horrible school experiences—bullied quite a bit, so by the time my own kids were ready to start, I made sure all four of them had the best possible ones during elementary school. On a side note, my youngest daughter is finishing up her degree in Special Ed. She has been doing an internship at some of the schools here and loves it. I’m going to tell her to start reading your blog—I think it would be very helpful to her!March 21, 2014 – 3:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think you’re right about the teachers, Marcia. Looking back at my own school days, I can remember a few amazing teachers. Most were okay enough and one was horrible and never should have been allowed to teach sixth graders (Mrs. Haney). I remember reading about some of your growing up experiences and I’m glad that you ended up checking out your kids’ teachers so much. I love that your youngest daughter is finishing up a degree in special ed! That’s awesome! I hope she loves it as much as she does her internship. Please too, feel free to have her ask me anything if it would help having a parent’s perspective!
      You rock!March 22, 2014 – 5:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Piper George - School is terrifying for parents. I worry every day that my daughter has been hurt, or had her confidence knocked or her self-esteem beaten down by random, thoughtless comments. If we could go with them and watch them interact, would it help them? It would so help me!March 21, 2014 – 4:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh it would SO help me to go and watch too! Although I’m not sure my son would actually want me there…maybe if we could hide somewhere and only come out if there was an injustice or a problem? Yeah, that. 😀March 22, 2014 – 5:34 pmReplyCancel

  • runningnekkid - My son is fourteen, has struggled in school since the third grade, and knows that he is far behind his peers. He is not crushed. He has moments of anxiety and self doubt, but on the whole he is a very cheerful and self confident person. And while I’m usually pretty slow to toot my own horn, I will submit that my son is able to accept his challenges as well as he does because I model acceptane for him. Every time he gets frustrated with what he can’t do in school, I redirect him to an activity that he does well. Every time he compares himself to another child, I show him that everyone has challenges. It’s what you do with Tucker, and what’ you’ll continue to do no matter what happens with his education.

    Will school be challenging? Probably. Will it crush him? Probably not. And he’ll have you to thank for that. I am so, so positive that this is the truth. And I wish you all the luck, strength, good sleep, and coffee in the world! 😀March 21, 2014 – 6:56 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much! I think that your practice of showing your son what he does well when he’s frustrated is exactly the right thing to do and plan on remembering this advice as Tucker gets old enough/aware enough to realize that he’s behind his peers in whatever it is that he notices.
      Cheers to you for reminding your son that everybody has challenges. So true. And thank you for the luck, strength, good sleep and coffee wishes 😀March 22, 2014 – 9:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Oh Kristi, I wish I could say to you he’ll be fine and know that it would be true. I think it will – not because he won’t have challenges, but because he has you.
    School is hellish at times, at least that’s how it currently is for my older daughter (won’t bore you with the details but it’s to do with pressure, exams, coursework etc) but at 16 she can cope with so much that she could not have done even two years ago. What I’m trying to say here is that even if there are bad times, they won’t be forever, and they don’t have to scar forever either. I worried so much when my daughter was struggling with friendships, being bullied, getting ill – but she’s doing okay. I do think we can make a difference and I do think you will!March 21, 2014 – 7:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks huge, Yvonne, for acknowledging that school CAN suck and be hellish, and that you’ve experienced that first-hand. School can suck. It sucks more for the kids more likely to be bullied and all of that. I appreciate you telling me that the scars don’t last forever, and that your daughter is doing okay now….
      I think we can make a difference. Just talking to our neighbors makes a difference (and I need to talk to my neighbors more).March 22, 2014 – 10:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave - Hearing you talk about your son growing up definitely brought back a lot of memories. My son is only 21 months old but I just got around to making a shadow box of his coming home outfit from the hospital & it’s hard to believe how much he’s grown. I know your friend probably didn’t mean to, but her words came across just a bit scary to me! I’m glad she didn’t sugar coat things but man!

    I too worry about bullying, both by teachers & fellow students. I agree that we should all celebrate everyone. Enough with the negativity!March 21, 2014 – 7:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yes, enough with the negativity. Here’s to celebrating growth, shadow boxes, and finding ways to be positive. Thanks so much for your sweet comment. And I know my work friend is just trying to be helpful…based on her experiences. I also know that I hope they are not the same for us.March 22, 2014 – 11:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Just beautiful, Kristi, and I can only imagine how this all seems so terrifying to you! I hope your message carries through to the widest audience…I certainly will do my part to share this article with everyone I know!March 21, 2014 – 7:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - We’ve come a long way, Kristi, but there is still so far to go. I hope Tucker finds his niche where he excels and fits and has lots of friends who love him. I think we all feel that same way for our children, regardless of whether or not they have special needs.March 21, 2014 – 8:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree that we’ve come a long way. I mean looking at special needs in the 50’s and 60’s is almost horrifying now, but you’re right. We do have more to go. And thanks so much because you’re right – special needs almost don’t matter when it comes to the worry sometimes.March 22, 2014 – 11:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Kim - I hope that your child is never crushed in any way!! School and especially teachers, should never make any child feel singled out. The whole push in schools these days is supposed to prevent exactly that kind of thing.
    My hope is that you are part of one of those truly great schools full of caring teachers!!!March 21, 2014 – 9:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - My hope is the same, Kim and thank you so much. It’s all so dependent upon the teacher it seems. My dad calls it the 80/20 rule where only 20% are awesome. Here’s to him being wrong and most being amazingly loving teachers who will inspire my special little boy!! Thanks so much!!March 22, 2014 – 11:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Natalie D - There is so much in this post. School can really make-or-break a kid, you’ve got that right. I was a “different” kid growing up, and I knew it, so I tried hard to fit in. I still remember that pain, and my education suffered because I stopped trying. Sigh. I wish I could go back and tell young me that it didn’t matter.
    I applaud you – we DO need to educate people about special needs, and kids who are “different” (I use that term loosely, as no one is “different,” because we’re all different).
    I hope regarding Tucker’s schooling, you’ll find the right fit for him.March 21, 2014 – 9:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Natalie, for recognizing that school is SO so important in our kids’ development and self esteem and ugh. I remember the pain of trying to fit in too. And I hate that part. We are all different. You’re right about that. Thanks so much for your perspective.March 22, 2014 – 11:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - I think educating people and promoting acceptance is the way to make sure school doesn’t “crush” kids anymore. Something can only be scary or weird if you don’t understand it. Many schools work on getting all of the children to conform to certain looks and behaviors. For a while I was a 1:1 aide for a little boy with special needs who was mainstreamed. I was supposed to discipline him for every little thing he did that was different, because, in the principal’s words, “The more we can get G to LOOK like the other kids, and blend in, the better.” I really think it is possible to create a school environment where kids accept each other’s differences and move on. But the teachers and parents have to be “all in” to make it work.March 21, 2014 – 10:46 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Angel. I think you’re right that the principal was wrong in wanting the kid to “LOOK like” the other kids – I mean really we are all important and none of us look the same as others right? so yes, let’s just spread acceptance and wonder and understanding for everybody, no matter what we all look like, right? I can even put that to the fact that I look like a grandma and am a mom to a 4 year old because I had him at 40! Thanks as always for your perspective.March 23, 2014 – 12:07 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - I’m in! You can sign me up for Human 101 right now. I think a lot of it depend on the teacher and the overall environment. My middle daughter is in third grade and I helped with a special St. Patrick’e day snack this week. A couple students from her class were out with the EC (Exceptional Children) teacher. Another child came and asked if she could have two of the “shamrock floats” we were making to take to those two kids so they wouldn’t be left out. The teacher had suggested it. That teacher teaches Human 101. However, when I was teaching special needs preschoolers and one of my behaviorally challenged kids would “fall out” in the middle of the hallway, I/we got plenty of stares and one teacher once asked “What’s wrong with him?”

    I hope school doesn’t crush Tucker. He will face some tough things – all kids do – but I am sure that with a wonderful, loving, and supportive mom like you he will be o.k.March 22, 2014 – 8:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YAY for signing up to Human 101 now and you’re right that so much of it has to do with the teacher and the settings. It breaks my heart that some of this is not more federally mandated and I think I need to write about this soon but also am already overwhelmed when it comes on to taking that stuff on. I love that your kids in class were so mindful and considerate of the kids who had been pulled out for stuff.
      And I hate the teacher who dared to say “what’s wrong with him” – talk about somebody who should not be teaching, and the exact person I’m terrified of Tucker coming into contact with at ALL AND knowing that he probably will….
      Thanks again Lisa, I appreciate your perspective as a mom and as a former teacher.March 23, 2014 – 12:11 amReplyCancel

  • kimberly - My son says the same thing,”Wake up. Both eyes.”
    It all starts in school. Every child needs to be aware that yes, we are all different and that yes, we ALL have our own challenges big or small…but we are all the same…as my kid says “We all have the same junk.”
    And as parents and teachers, we have to reinforce this. That is where things go wrong. Adults not understanding it themselves.
    I’m excited to hear what is in the works!March 22, 2014 – 9:22 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He does? He says “WAKE UP both eyes?” OMG how awesome. We do all have the same junk. Big the same junk. And yeah, that’s what we need to teach. To learn. To spread and to sing from the roofs (ok I won’t sing because I suck at it but you’re alright at it right?). Thanks, Kim.March 23, 2014 – 12:31 amReplyCancel

  • Mike - Sorry I’m getting here late, Kristi. I totally get the “wake up with both eyes…” part. Very cute indeed and irresistible, of course. You nailed this spot on with everybody being important. And even further with educating on being Human 101. Tucker is so very blessed both within himself for what he brings to us as readers and me as an individual in what I continue to learn through you sharing here. Not only does he have the best parents ever but I so know he will thrive and succeed always. Yes, so many daunting tasks ahead but he will prevail beautifully. Blessings to all of you, always, our friend.March 22, 2014 – 1:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Please never apologize for coming over here late, I know I’m very late to so many of my favorites including you and the crap you’ve been dealing with the last week with Phonenix’s health is mind-blowing and worrisome and I just so very much hope he is okay. Here’s to being Human 101 and that applies to our lovable dog’s points of view as well. Sometimes, they’re more human than we are. Blessings back our friends.March 23, 2014 – 12:39 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Too many words and thoughts spinning in my tired brain to really comment properly here.
    But I loved this to pieces…wake up with both your eyes. How freaking cute is that? I love it.
    To this whole thing, I sum up my swirling brain in a resounding YES! Too many people are just so damn…ignorant. And that’s where the judging begins. I think I have to come back to this one again later.March 22, 2014 – 11:01 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Wake up with both your eyes is something I love too – because while Tucker means it very literally (because who doesn’t squint with one eye when a four year old says it’s good morning time when sometimes it is but often it’s not…but also because so much of waking up to life is the both eyes part right?). Hugs, Lisa. I know you’ve been super overwhelmed. I hope everything calms down for you soon.March 23, 2014 – 12:42 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Being Mom to my kids has given me tons of experience with the public school system, from 504s/IEPs to the gifted program, and I’ve also chosen to homeschool some of my kids some years.

    When I attended a meeting for parents whose children were being recruited for a gifted program, one of the parents asked how to explain to placement to the child. The teacher wisely said that she tells children that classes are like shoes. You want to wear a shoe that is your size, otherwise your feet are uncomfortable. All shoes are good–they protect your feet from the elements–but you are most comfortable in shoes that fit well. Parents choose classrooms that will be the best fit for their children. You will know what is best for Tucker.

    Remember, you are Mom. Your influence outweighs whatever bad ideas he might get from school, and the good things he learns will only reinforce what you’ve been telling him his whole life–that he is capable and important.March 23, 2014 – 12:33 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You know, until you just said that you’ve home schooled for “some” of the years, I don’t think I even considered that as an option. I always have looked at home schooling as such a permanent thing. Thanks for the wake-up that it’s not (not that it’s something I’m hoping for, as I’m not but definitely will consider if it makes sense)..
      I love the analogy of comfortable shoes because it makes sense. I only recently realized that the school’s being all “it’s about the program” was not realistic nor true because it’s NOT about the program, it’s about the kids (which is good but also not because some kids need the program but don’t need some of the kids who need the program more if that makes sense). It’s all so arbitrary and shifting as it should be but it feels like it should be more stable too. Thank you for the reminder and the encouragement. I appreciate it a lot.
      HE IS capable and important. In whichever ways he is, and that’s enough.March 23, 2014 – 1:10 amReplyCancel

  • Daphne Honoré - Thanks for sharing, Kristi. The truth is, school terrifies me too. Maybe all of us. Life can be crushing in so many ways–do we really need to start that at 5?!? I’ll be interested to hear about the choices you make for, and later with, Tucker regarding his education. The good news is that for now, we do have lots of choices. The bad news is that none of them is perfect. Sigh. I miss the infant days when I could control everything…except how much sleep I got!March 24, 2014 – 1:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Daphne. And you’re right – school likely terrifies all of us. I miss the infant days too – it felt hard but all of the choices were ours then. I hadn’t thought about it like that. (but do enjoy more sleep these days)March 25, 2014 – 10:34 amReplyCancel

  • sarah | LeftBrainBuddha - Oh, Kristi, this is so good! While I work with older students, I have noticed that kids don’t really ‘notice’ the kids who get extra time, etc., or make a big deal out of it. I think something like 11% of kids have IEPs so there are so many accommodations and modifications that students get it. They know that equal doesn’t mean same. I’m not saying teasing doesn’t exist, but I have always seen such amazing respect and kind treatment of special needs students by other kids in my classes. And I am teaching my children about how we are all different and some of us have different challenges. I love the slogan of Kerry’s campaign…. So much to ponder here!! Tucker has an amazing advocate!!March 24, 2014 – 7:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love the slogan too, Sarah and thanks so much. I think part of why I’m worried is that this next year, there are 125 incoming kindergarten students and only four of them will have an IEP. Last year, there were 12. On one hand, maybe he’ll get more attention but still, it makes me nervous. Thanks too for the reassurance that so many kids treat special needs students with respect and kindness. That’s really the most important part of it all.March 25, 2014 – 10:37 amReplyCancel

  • Erin - Oh girl, this was so well written. The most heartfelt I have read from you thus far. I hear and KNOW your worry. Gosh I knew it so well last August before I sent E off to preschool. And I know I am going to feel it again and again throughout his life. What I do want to tell you from my teacher self- is that I promise you, there will be teachers who will love Tucker. And who will more than just love him, they will advocate for him. They will guide him. Look out for him. Seat him with the kids who will love and support him as well. I know this, bc Kristi, I try to do this for my students. I try to see them for the son or daughter they are. It can be daunting sometimes. Especially when often the child makes it tough on you. But most of the time, that is ESPECIALLY when they need me. I am not rare, mama. There are plenty of kind people who understand that each child deserves a shot to shine- in a non-crushing atmosphere. You are right, it starts with us. It starts with other parents, other teachers, other children- seeing the differences, knowing they are there, and being okay with it. Thank you for putting your feelings out there.March 24, 2014 – 11:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Erin, I’m so glad that you’re a teacher. And you’re right – I do know that there will be teachers who will love and look out for Tucker and students who help him as well (I hope).
      He’s been really lucky so far with amazing teachers. That said, he’s not to a point where he realizes he’s different and I worry about the day that he does. Hopefully, when (if) that happens, he’ll have some amazing people at school who will remind him that he is exceptional as he is and that how old you are when you can cut along the lines isn’t what matters in life.
      Thanks so much sweets!March 25, 2014 – 10:50 amReplyCancel

  • Nina - Oh Kristi, every parent needs to read this.

    I LOVE the motto “Every kid has a challenge. What’s yours?” You gave me some great tips on how to educate my kids, not just with special needs but on the challenges everyone faces. Because you’re right—everyone has challenges, and the exercises you showed were pretty great ones to start (writing with your opposite hand, talking about a challenge you may have).

    I also think phrasing our worth within our abilities is another topic to examine. First, because no one person can do everything, and that should go to show that there are exceptional people around us even if they don’t do everything.

    Second, sometimes we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and instead use our own internal measures to gauge our progress. One person’s newest achievements, even if already done by others, is still great if that person has shown to have grown and improved.

    And lastly, we’re all worth it, abilities or not.

    It’s really scary sending kids off to school. Mine will be starting a new one this fall, so he’ll have to adjust to a whole slew of new people, buildings, rules and routine. Kids are resilient though, and pliable, and I hope that our kids’ transitions to school will be more positive than negative.March 25, 2014 – 10:21 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Nina, I love the idea of everybody having a challenge, too and agree that finding self worth through abilities is not a good measure of who we are (or who we’re not) and that nobody can do everything. Cheers to each person achieving things still being important no matter when it happens, too!!
      Thanks so much for your awesome comment. I appreciate it.March 25, 2014 – 12:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - It’s odd that although I read this before, there are bits I’d forgotten. That part about his self-esteem being destroyed and your friend saying low self-esteem can’t be fixed really stands out for me today.
    What the focus on raising self-esteem has done is to make people think the way to feel good about ourselves is to be above average. Obviously, we can’t all be above average. It’s impossible. So instead, it’s much more helpful to teach compassion,including self-compassion. Then we can feel okay even when we don’t succeed. Self-esteem emphasises differences, so creates a sense of separation; self-compassion emphasises what commonality and fosters connection.
    There’s a wonderful book by Kristin Neff, a professor at The University of Texas in Austin and has spent years studying the effects of self-compassion. I wrote a review of her book last year on my Inquiring Parenting blog. I won’t post the link here in case that makes this comment disappear into spam. (I’m never sure how that works.) But I’ll share the post for you in G+.
    You already have tremendous compassion for Tucker and with you as a mom he’s going to be okay! Honest!June 5, 2014 – 10:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so so much, Yvonne. I think the concept of self-compassion is much better than the one of self-esteem and had never thought about it that way before you mentioned it. I will most definitely keep it in mind and am heading over to G+ now to read your post. I appreciate your really wise and thoughtful comment. So much! xoJune 5, 2014 – 10:53 amReplyCancel

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