Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Hi friends!  Have you been following The Our Land Series?  It came about because you responded with sharing love to The Land of Empathy and Wonder.  Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to feature some beautiful voices and people who very much want for Our Land to become a reality. Thank you all.  I appreciate each […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Melissa@Home on Deranged - First off, thanks again for sharing. Every little morsel you choose to share just feeds my innate curiosity to just. know. more. I still have questions, because I’m a retired reporter and a nosy woman. When did you realize this is his disorder? Did you have to see a specialist? What are your coping mechanisms as a caretaker? Anyway….thanks for the insights and also for the reminder of a lesson I learned when my mom was first diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis: people don’t always look “sick” (whatever that means). Enough with all the judging.
    Done with my rant. For now.May 29, 2013 – 1:45 amReplyCancel

  • Kathy Radigan - Thank you for sharing your story. It was just what I needed to read today. Both our boys have SPD. Ear plugs and scissors have been in my purse as well as a host of other “tricks of the trade” for as long as I can remember. Our eldest has been very successful at intergrating the world around him. But it was not always like that. Certain sounds would bring him to his knees and he would go into a panic during Christmas time because some of the songs had notes that when he heard them it would disrupt his brain to such a point he could not function. People would wonder why this beautiful charming boy would start to scream at the top of his lungs and go into full panic mode “just” because Oh Holy Night was playing. Our little guy also deals with it as well and it’s why I was so glad I read your piece today. Lately I have been finding myself say or at least think, knock it off, get with the program, stop, when I know it’s not that easy. Thank you.May 29, 2013 – 2:56 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa Nelson - I really enjoyed your post Jen.

    I do have a question. I know a little boy who has problems. I don’t think it’s SPD, but he has other attention deficit, autism things going on. Not sure.

    I don’t know, my son is like the only kid who will play with him – and enjoys spending time with him.

    Anywho, The way people seem to deal with it is by excluding him from activities. We can’t have him around because he can’t be controlled.

    I’m very uncomfortable with that line of thinking. Yes, he is extremely disruptive, but can everybody learn something from him about including everyone. You cannot disrupt a whole class from learning – but there must be a balance, no?

    I’m not sure if you are reading these comments, but I would like you to respond to this. How do you strike this balance. It’s not right for anyone to be excluded.

    I think differences should be celebrated and learned from – not excluded.

    I really like this blog and will be subscribing. I like the message of empathy. It’s so important – and a message that many of our children have missed.May 29, 2013 – 6:38 amReplyCancel

  • Misty Cotton - i may be the only person to say this, but why not put a SPD shirt on him? something on the back of his shirt? or on a hat? it could be something really subtle, is there a ribbon for SPD? it could be funny, like, i bet you wish your mom would push you in a stroller too. or what about a med alert bracelet? people may notice the bracelet, get clued in that there’s a medical issue, and mind their own business. me, i’d probably just give people dirty looks, or stick out my tongue. hey, if people are rude enough to stare at my kid, i’m rude enough to stick out my tongue. i’d like to hear more about your decision to homeschool. i worry that my daughter may fall behind in public school, she has a developmental delay, and that school won’t try hard enough to keep her at a close pace with her classmates. thanks for sharing your story!May 29, 2013 – 7:43 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Jen, I want to thank you so very much fro sharing this with us and explaining this disorder to us firsthand. I taught kids on all ends of the spectrum and I remember other teachers who never dealt with kids such as your son asking what was wrong with them and why they behaved this way. I found myself explaining more then not that some kids just couldn’t help themselves and it was beyond their control. You are right many people cannot grasp or fathom this. But it is real and definitely not imagined. So thank you again for sharing this and putting a face on this disorder. You are truly amazing and say that from the bottom of my heart!! 🙂May 29, 2013 – 7:56 amReplyCancel

  • Christine M. (Cool Mom) - Hi! Just signed up for your email subscription. Great site. This is a post that I can relate to. I, also, have a daughter with SPD. We cannot go to the movies, for the same reasons as the dolphin show and anything remotely loud isn’t an option. We have had many of the same issues.

    While it isn’t a shirt, there is a great resource at Sensory Street for free downloads. My two favorites are the “Do You Know Me?” poster and the “SPD Calling Cards.” I printed the calling cards and had them in my wallet. I used them more than once and they did help the situation.

    People did tell me that it would get better as she got older. I’ll be honest, I didn’t believe them. However, I have now witnessed it and I pray that you notice the same thing in your child.

    Thanks for the great post. Here is the website with the downloads I mentioned. I’ll make it a safe link so it posts easily. Hopefully that will work.

    http(colon)//sensorystreet(dot)com/free_downloads(dot)htmlMay 29, 2013 – 8:04 amReplyCancel

  • karen - thanks for the guest post and all the information, As I was reading I kept thinking this poor kid’s self esteem is going to be tampered and then you wrote that at the end. That must be the hardest part of all, making sure he knows how wonderful and special and important he is no matter what others say.May 29, 2013 – 8:33 amReplyCancel

  • Christine M. (Cool Mom) - Oh! I wanted to add that when we discovered about DD’s SPD, it was actually a good thing, we learned to understand more of the WHY’s and we described it as she is super-sensitive meaning she has super-hearing, super-tough, she hears and sees things that most people don’t even register – kind of like a super hero. This was awesome for her, it turned something that could be seen as a negative into a positive. It worked really well for her -and the self-esteem side of things.May 29, 2013 – 8:38 amReplyCancel

  • Katia - This text was absolutely amazing, eye opening, sensitive, loving. I thought my pathetic little stomach flu episode was parenting “on speed” but it sounds like you’re living it every day. It also sounds like you’re a very brave parent, in letting him explore his own boundaries. I should learn from you. Thank you and thanks Kristi for featuring this post.May 29, 2013 – 9:28 amReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - I never knew SPD existed. It must be so hard on the parent and the child both. I think as a whole, our society is under-educated on brain disorders and what they could mean. Thanks for the reminder to think before we judge and to be a little kinder.May 29, 2013 – 9:54 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Another awesome share in the series. I have been the asker of “why is that big kid in a stroller?” I feel like I’m repeating myself but I mean it – this was an excellent post. I’m learning where it matters to be sensitive. I want to ask a question, when I normally wouldn’t have the courage to ask. I feel like this is a yes but i just wanna know, “Is it insensitive to use SPD out of context?” Like when you say, “He’s a little OCD or SPD” but not really, you know what I mean? I never wanna rub anybody the wrong way especially in blogging since we all read each other. Thanks for sharing Jen.May 29, 2013 – 10:10 amReplyCancel

  • The Sadder But Wiser Girl - I love this so hard. My kid is THAT kid…May 29, 2013 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Although Boo does not have SPD she did have a very serious issue with eating. I remember once I was that mom at a family party who in the middle of a conversation, turned, flipped Boo over gave her the stop choking chop to her back over the trash can and continued my conversation. The woman turned green and my mom said to her not to worry because “we do this all the time”.

    I’m with you on the sign idea. I always think we are lucky that Boo is so petite that in a stroller she looks like she should be in a stroller.

    Thanks for linking up with Kristi!May 29, 2013 – 12:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - This was a wonderful post because you so clearly explained SPD, both the challenges as well as the misunderstandings associated with it. I too know how it feels to be the parent “judged” at the zoo or in the playground and you’ve done an excellent job of showing that we need empathy, not judgment.May 29, 2013 – 1:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - It’s so important to be informed, so thank you Jen for educating us about SPD. I’m going to share with my children so they can extend empathy to kids that may be different from them.May 29, 2013 – 2:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean - Jen, you write about your son in such a loving way with such understanding for who he is. We are getting a better understanding for who he is which in turn helps us create more understanding in our children who will be at the playground with him, at the dolphin show, at the family party.

    Also, I side with your son, the dolphin show is waaayyy too loud.May 29, 2013 – 9:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen - I want to thank all of you for commenting on this post! It is very gratifying for me to be able to share because it not only helps my son, but it helps so many other kids and mom’s. I wish I could answer your questions directly. So here’s a mini attempt. If I don’t address you I am thanking you!!
    Melissa-I’ll answer your questions directly little lady.
    Kathy- I totally feel your pain! I remember carrying Isaiah around the Aquarium last year when he was WAY to heavy to be carried, but when I didn’t he would just keep yelling “mommy!! Carry ME!”
    Lisa-I’m going to answer your question from my blog post 🙂
    Misty- I think putting an SPD shirt on a child with his cognitive abilities would only affect his self esteem. He is ultra aware of being “different” and I would never want to make him feel bad about his “quirks”.
    Janine, Karen, Katia, Maggie, Emily and Dana ~ Thank You!!
    Christine I know that website! Thank you for the reminder I haven’t been there in a while! I think that’s awesome, Isaiah has a “super power” side effect too. He has extraordinary balance! They always marveled at it in OT. HE freaks me out, but I’m glad he has it!
    Kenya – I wouldn’t say he’s a little SPD, although I’ve been known to bandy about “I’ve got Sensory Issues” in the same sense… Does that help?
    Sarah~ I know 🙂
    Kerri ~ We’ve had those moments too. Not so graphic 🙂 but ones that are “normal” for us!

    You guys have all been so awesome! I am so glad I shared!May 29, 2013 – 9:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - This is great, both of you! I love this series so much. Jen, my daughter does not have sensory processing disorder, but she is highly sensitive, and in the past few years we have dealt with extreme sensitivity to noise, wind, and many phobias including thunder and wild birds. (I know- birds. For real.) We have avoided crowds, concerts, movie theaters, the zoo, and going anywhere during mildly windy weather, and even had her in therapy for awhile. She has improved a lot, and I know it is not at all what you are experiencing, but I understand the challenge of having a “big” kid who is not reacting the way the “other kids” are when in public or at a fun outing. You are doing a great job.May 29, 2013 – 10:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Again, friends. Why I hate not having nested comments. You are amazing. Jen is amazing. Isaiah is amazing and wonderful and so dang cool. He so deserves having the land of empathy and wonder at his feet. Appreciating who he is and who he will become. thanks huge Jen. Keep commenting, friends. I just must go to bed. IRL work sometimes interferes. Like now. <3May 29, 2013 – 10:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Anita @ Losing Austin - Loving this series more and more… thank you both.May 29, 2013 – 11:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - You are a wonderful Mom. You are doing everything for your babe to function (very well) with his disorder. He is so lucky to have you. As I am sure that you are lucky to have him. Writing about this helps to educate others. It helped me to understand this better.
    People don’t get it and they are rude. And too quick to pass a judgement. That’s why you have to keep writing and educating.
    You’re a good mom.May 30, 2013 – 6:35 amReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Jen, what a beautiful post. Another incredibly powerful reminder not to judge. Ever. Can’t wait to meet your little man in person. xoMay 30, 2013 – 12:41 pmReplyCancel

  • LM - Jen, great painted pic about SPD…albeit a quite not too brightly painted picture- in honor of your son 🙂

    Prior to having a child I was one of “those” people who would spin a ‘glance’ in the direction of a ‘loud’ child.

    After having a child my spinning glance is slower to react and now when I read stories about your son and about Tucker I stop in mid spin and remember their stories.
    Thanks for opening my eyes and for keeping them open.June 3, 2013 – 1:02 amReplyCancel

Today was less than perfect in the way that first-world, middle-class probably-autism visiting an over-crowded human cesspool quickly becomes less than perfect is.  Robert and I decided to run some much-needed errands in an attempt to find new Nikes for Tucker’s ginormous extra-wide stinky loved feet.  Robert suggested we go to an outlet mall. I […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
email a friend

  • Kathy Radigan - I so feel your frustration and pain. There have been times, usually when I’m as fried as my kids where I have yelled, I hate it because I always feel I’m older and should know better, but I am human. I am also always amazed how quickly my children forget my transgression and we move on. Big stores and crowds are never happy places for me or my kids!!! Glad you were both able to put it behind you. Your son is a total cutie!!! So nice to find your site.May 27, 2013 – 12:53 amReplyCancel

  • Melissa - Just wrote something similar this last week. All the stupid frustrations and dealing with the real world, and I wind up taking it out on my kids, who were doing nothing but the same thing they do every day. I apologize a lot as well, and within minutes, they are back, bouncing and happy and wanting to play with me. It’s a heartbreaking balancing act.May 27, 2013 – 1:44 amReplyCancel

  • Misty @ Meet the Cottons - i have a philosophy about shopping trips. they take lots and lots of practice. i often expect my kiddos to mirror me when we go into a store, they are five and six so i’m completely unrealistic, right? but, i think that we have to be stern with our kids and let them know what our expectations are so they will not be that wild kid running through the store. something that works pretty well for us is going over the rules before we get out of the car. no running, no jumping, no screaming, yada yada yada. we also usually add “we’re not here to get toys today” because my kids always think it’s toy time when we get to a store. it can’t be easy for a child to stand still in a store while you shop for clothes or groceries, all the while knowing that there is a toy department hiding somewhere near by. and every store has toys these days! and i’m probably harder on my kids than most, because i’m not giving them a free pass for bad behavior because of their age or developmental delay. i am a big believer that all things take practice, and that has to include correct behavior in public, right? sometimes, i feel like i spend entire shopping trips saying no and stop. but, i hope that eventually, i won’t have to remind my kids to behave, it’ll just happen naturally. when all else fails, they go into a cart!May 27, 2013 – 7:38 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Oh don’t beat yourself up for this Kristi. Trust me you such a great mother and we all just have our moments and you aren’t alone. That said, I learned that taking two kids clothes shopping can truly be just a downright horror show. I either go knowing what I want and make it quick and in and out with them or I let Kevin babysit, while I go by myself, because it is a lot less stressful this way. Great linkup and I am so going to add one of my posts. Thanks and Happy Memorial Day today!! 🙂May 27, 2013 – 7:50 amReplyCancel

  • The Sadder But Wiser Girl - We all have those moments when it’s too much and we lose it. It’s all part of parenting. Parenting a special needs child is hard, and lord knows though we try like crazy that we are not perfect! Who wants to be perfect anyway, how boring… He’s already moved on-he knows that his mommy loves him very much.May 27, 2013 – 9:55 amReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - Oh, gosh, there’s nothing that can turn a mom into a maniac quite as fast as the fear of having lost her child. Be gentle with yourself — once your body gets amped up like that it takes superhuman strength — or at least 10 minutes (or a cocktail) to bring it down again to reasonableness.

    Add into that a fist fight and the hell that is an outlet mall (on a 3-day weekend, no less) and you have the perfect ingredients for a mama meltdown.

    And still, you find a perfect moment from the ashes :-). That is the mark of a mindful person, a good mom. So happy to have you in this month’s Perfect Moment Monday celebration.

    (Kudos to Tucker for his part in the perfection!)May 27, 2013 – 1:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy - You are not a good mom because you never yell at your kid but because you do sometimes but realise it was wrong immediately, apologise and feel bad about it. Hugs!!May 27, 2013 – 4:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - You described that guilt-ridden, painful feeling that a mom (or dad) feels after we lose our shit with our kids…oh how I hate myself after, how I can’t believe my child will forgive me, but they do, because they love us and know how much we love them and even though they were upset with us at the time, they do understand why we yelled. We yell because we DO love them so much…if it were someone else’s kid who was hiding in the clothing racks (and by the way, my son did that ALL the time), then we wouldn’t care as much. Our own kids push our buttons so much more, because we care about them so so much. I think I just used the word “much” way too many times, but anyway, I hope I got my point across (2nd glass of memorial day wine is to blame…)May 27, 2013 – 8:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Emily,
    We do we do we do love them so so so much. And it simply unforgettably sucks ass when we lose our shit. I still feel badly and it’s been more than 24 hours. Stupid me, here, still apologizing to a boy who does not have the language to understand. I suppose the up-side is that I endured a super-boring game of “fetch” where I was the dog and had to (over and over and over and over and over again) fetch the ball, pant like a dog, have my hands just so – like paws, I suppose – to have Tucker pat me on the head and say “good boy.” I didn’t even bother telling him that I’m a girl. Because hello, imaginative play.May 27, 2013 – 9:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Joy,
    Thank you. Hugs (big ones) right back.May 27, 2013 – 9:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Lori,
    Thank you for recognizing the perfect moment in the ashes of despair and grief. That means a lot. A lot.May 27, 2013 – 9:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Sadder Sarah,
    Too true – we are not perfect. I wish we were, though.May 27, 2013 – 9:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - I’m going to combine now (again hating non-nested comments)…
    —
    Janine,
    So glad you’re linking up! I’m behind but will get to it now.
    —–
    Misty,
    I get so so so sick of saying “STOP” (which is Tucker’s word of the month as we’re trying to get him to express when it’s too much, too loud, etc. We usually resort to the cart as well. This trip, there were no carts. A lesson for sure.
    —-
    Melissa,
    I read your post and loved it. You are wise and brilliant.
    ——–
    Kathy,
    Speaking of older…you do know that I am 44 with a 3 year old right? I, too, should be wiser than I am. I’m not. Thanks huge for sharing.May 27, 2013 – 9:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Side note, I remember when the liberally size 6 at Ann Taylor Loft stopped fitting me 🙁 Now I don’t like going there anymore.

    So glad your day ended well. I think kids are so resilient. Don’t beat yourself up for having a normal mommy moment – which do seem to happen when dad is taking too long doing whatever it is they are doing.May 27, 2013 – 9:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Dani Ryan - I love how honest you are. We all reach our breaking point. I know I do. We make mistakes. We learn from them. And then we move on.

    You’re a fabulous mother, my friend. I hope you know that. And losing your crap now and then doesn’t make you any less fabulous. It makes you human.

    xoxoMay 27, 2013 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kenya,
    I remember the size 6 at Ann Taylor, too! (with much fondness because f them). Kids are amazingly resilient but I also wonder whether I’m scaring him forever…thanks for the reassurance that it’s actually his DAD’s fault (not that you said that but um helloooo).May 27, 2013 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Dani,
    Thank you for the reminder that losing our crap (said more nicely than I’d have said) is human. I appreciate it.May 27, 2013 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean - Well. Outlet mall, first of all.

    Second, we cannot ever be perfect and the yell moments happen and our kids have to see them. WE have to see your moments too as your fellow parents in this community we have made online. You shared in a graceful way and I appreciate that.May 27, 2013 – 10:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Terrye - Collin and I had one of those days today. Every time he’s eat something, he’d stuff SO much into his face that he’d gag. I yelled, he cried and spewed food everywhere. And, yes, later I sat him on my lap and apologized and hugged him and he smiled. He reminds me so much of a puppy.May 27, 2013 – 10:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Terrye,
    UGH to the stuffing food. I’m so sorry you had one of those days today. Their smiles are our redemption and puppies? Awww….hugs friend. Huge ones.May 27, 2013 – 10:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Jean,
    Yes, outlet mall. I should have made my husband take him alone, but fear that he’d not have returned home with my baby. Ugh to that. We do have moment. I thank you for reminding me.May 27, 2013 – 10:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Beautiful, my dear. We’ve all been there. It has nothing to do with autism or outlet malls and everything to do with the human condition. We forgive you. Not that it matters, but we do. That’s the royal “we”. 😉May 27, 2013 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Aw, Deb…thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I love the royal “we.” So much.May 27, 2013 – 11:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Menopausalmother - This is so heart-achingly beautiful! We always feel like lousy parents when we lose our tempers in frustration and yell at our kids–I have been through this many times over the years and spent plenty of time crying in the bathroom because I thought surely I was the worst mother in the world. But your sweet boy won’t remember any of it–he will only remember the love, the hugs and the smiles you always give him. Honestly–my kids no longer remember the bad stuff–just the love and the good times we had. It will be the same for you, too!May 27, 2013 – 11:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Mombo - awww, bless you so much, Kristi – bless you
    <3May 28, 2013 – 12:02 amReplyCancel

  • MJm - Hello there my friend.

    I just want you to know that you truly are a wonderful person…with such a beautiful heart…and honestly this world would be such a better place if more people thought and acted like you do.

    I’m sure your son knows…just as we all do…that you’re not a mean person and was just experiencing a moment of weakness and frustration and that is why things played out as they did.

    We all have our moments where we snap…and act out in anger it’s just human nature…but it’s what we do afterwards that makes us who we are.

    Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us…and for helping us see that we too may need to ask for forgiveness from someone we have hurt…you kick donkey.May 28, 2013 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

  • Diane - The fact that you felt such wrenching pain from this says all I need to know. It tells me that you are a loving, caring Mom. Who just happens to be HUMAN. With all the failings that go along with that designation. 🙂
    I’ll fall back on my favourite quote (That I just shared with someone a day or so ago – was it you?):
    Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, “I’ll try again tomorrow.May 28, 2013 – 12:39 amReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Kristi,as most people have already said, there’s not a mother who hasn’t yelled at one time or other. We are all human and things trigger us.

    Guilt is really counter-productive. We punish ourselves with it in the hope it will stop us punishing our children by repeating our “bad” behaviour. But punishment just does not work. I can still remember how guilty I felt the first time I yelled at my older daughter. She was two and wouldn’t put her shoes on, we were running late (always a trigger for me, especially since I expected a sarcastic comment from the person we were about to visit.) She cried, I hated myself and vowed never again. Sadly, that self-hatred erupted in yelling many more times.

    Since then I’ve learned self-compassion – and guess what – nowadays our house is much, much calmer. I have loving relationships with both my daughters who are now in their teens. We’ve discussed those early days and my daughters, like your son, have forgiven me for not being perfect.Self-forgiveness isn’t always easy, but perhaps you could decide you’ve been punished enough?May 28, 2013 – 6:49 amReplyCancel

  • nothingbythebook - As a few of the others have said–they always forgive us long before we forgive ourselves. I actually think this is one of the key parents to “gently” parent or attachment parent–or whatever label you want to give it: it’s not so much about them and how they turn out… it’s about the people we want to be. Who we are.

    Often, when I’ve had a yell moment… an hour, two later, I don’t even remember what made me angry. But I remember how I reacted and I feel like crap…May 28, 2013 – 10:13 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - This is beautiful, friend. I could relate to it so very much, and I have yelled at my kids before too, and it always feels horrible. But it happens. It’s life. Part of being a good parent, in my opinion, is allowing our kids to see that we are human. We make mistakes in front of them, and we apologize. We are helping them navigate the world of emotions.

    I also feel your depression about the size 4s not fitting anymore. I think, at the very moment you were at Banana Republic, I had cast my size 4 shorts onto the floor. I could fit in them, barely, but talk about a wedgie. Not OK.
    Anyway, I digress. This post was so vivid and honest, and I really, really loved it. And shared it… xoMay 28, 2013 – 10:18 amReplyCancel

  • mama lola - oh mama, so been there. my blog is full of stories and tales of the struggles in mothering that i have felt. i too carry the heavy load that is mother’s guilt for hours, sometimes days after something has happened. my kids, bounce back so quickly and move on. it is truly amazing watching them.

    all the best. and just remember you are not alone in this.May 28, 2013 – 11:25 amReplyCancel

  • Sylvia - I’ll bet there isn’t one parent that hasn’t done that at least a few times in their lives! Even great parents like you! I personally have been there and done that many, many times over multiplied by nine! (I have nine kids) I always feel guilty for weeks and if I think back to times even over 30 years ago, (my oldest is 36) I can still feel guilty for days about it! Funny thing is my kids never remember those incidents!
    Don’t worry!May 28, 2013 – 11:32 amReplyCancel

  • Alexa (Kat Biggie) - I wish I could say that I never yell at my children, but I find myself doing it too often. I’ve tried so hard to be the calm and rational mother, but there are just so moments, when I am at the end of my rope, and I just yell. And then I hate myself. And I wish I hadn’t done it. But I am so thankful that they ARE so forgiving!May 28, 2013 – 12:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Wait a minute, for a moment in time you were a ‘normal’ mother frustrated with her son having a typical pain in the ass moment in a mall like all, make that most, “normal” 3YO boys hide in the clothes rack and make little terrors of themselves….and you are beating yourself up?

    Guess what, you are allowed to have dumbass moments, like almost regretting not having sex with Billy Idol. But you are not allowed to beat yourself up for reprimanding Tucker.

    Just because he may-or-may-not have PPD and the fact that he does have global developmental delay does not mean you stop expecting him to let you shop for a pair of pants.

    The fact that the pants didn’t fit, even more reason to snap.

    But cut yourself a break and pour a glass of wine. Just because you didn’t see the wonder through Tucker’s eyes for a moment does not mean you have to turn in your perfect mommy card.

    I am pretty sure the perfect mommy cards are non-refundable anyways.May 28, 2013 – 12:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Really, Kristi?! Coz then, I’m the most horrible person ever. I yell at my boys almost everyday! I believe we are just human and sometimes we make mistakes and yell and sometimes, they ask for it, and they don’t listen to reason, and we get frustrated and we yell.
    It all resolves as long as we show them more love than yelling! I doubt whether this will affect his psyche or give him any doubts about your love for him!May 28, 2013 – 3:20 pmReplyCancel

  • lostintranslation - Oh, I know how that feels! It happens to me too – I just lose it and then I feel so bad afterward (even though I know it happens to a lot of mommies). And yes, I’m also so thankful our kids are so forgiving. Btw, I read a great post on yelling yesterday on handsfreemama.com.May 28, 2013 – 4:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - Oh, I hear you. Your emotion was so beautifully expressed here. I remember leaving a comment on your first “Our Land” post telling a similar story about how I hurt Ben’s feelings and you were very comforting in your response. I think you told me to forgive myself. I encourage you to do the same. Tucker already has.May 28, 2013 – 8:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen - Oh do I know that event all too well. Even today, when I told my husband that I took Isaiah to the dr today because things didn’t seem quite right, he said “It’s so weird, you look at him and he seems completely normal, but then you remember, he’s got all this stuff going on.
    It’s so easy to just lash out, but the pain and guilt it leaves behind are not so easily removed. HOWEVER it hurts us more than it hurts them. Because we love them more than we lash out. That is what they know, that is what is so important.
    It’s awesome that you wrote this.May 28, 2013 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Oh sweets.
    We have all had these parenting moments. All of us. You’re not a bad mom nor an asshole. Believe me.
    Kids do need to be told that what they are doing is wrong so they learn good and bad behaviors.
    In turn, it makes us feel terrible.
    Kids are so loving. He understands forgiveness and more importantly, you taught him the importance of it.
    xoxMay 29, 2013 – 6:11 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - You guys. I simply adore you adore you adore you. I apologize for not having nested comments so that I can reply to each of you right underneath your messages of encouragement and awesomeness. (also, do you guys CARE that I don’t have nested comments? It makes a back and forth conversation easier but I’m not sure whether you come back here to see if I replied or if you just are cool with me commenting on your blogs.).

    Huge loves to all. And happy Wednesday!May 29, 2013 – 10:20 amReplyCancel

  • Shay - You are so obviously such a loving, wonderful mother. You can’t hold onto this stuff…you’re doing a fantastic job!!May 30, 2013 – 5:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Shay,
    You are awesome. Thanks!June 1, 2013 – 9:03 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie (www.whencrazymeetsexhaustion.com) - You made me cry 🙁 The sheer innocence of children, their ability to forgive AND forget–ahh, they’re just perfection, aren’t they?

    No. They’re not!

    They can also be frustrating patience-suckers and overwhelming. You are NOT an asshole, Mama! We all have our breaking point, and “STOP IT” surely doesn’t make you anything less than an imperfect parent trying her very best.

    Hugs!June 2, 2013 – 9:40 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Stephanie,
    I’m sorry that I made you cry!! What an awesome comment. They truly can be perfection AND they can be frustrating patience-suckers. So. True. Thanks for the hugs!!June 2, 2013 – 4:54 pmReplyCancel

I started blogging because I was lost and confused.  Terrified.  Lonely. So lonely. Learning that there’s something wrong with your baby and not knowing anybody who has heard similar news introduces a level of loneliness and bewilderment that trumps even the first day of high-school and entering the lunchroom by yourself. To combat that, I […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - I love this. It is perfection. It could not be more beautiful, honest, heartfelt, or striking. Way to set the bar high as a co-host. I think you might win FTSF this week. Much love… xoxoMay 23, 2013 – 10:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Aw, thanks, Steph. Thanks for letting me co-host. Truly.May 23, 2013 – 10:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - First off, congrats on hosting with these super-cool gals this week — you are awesome! And your post, well that too was very, very awesome and although I missed your hilarious drawings, your words more than made up for it. I could not have articulated any better all the confused, lonely, scary, wonderful, miraculous feelings that you described in being not just a special-needs mom, but a mom. And I now know that I blog because of you too. 🙂May 23, 2013 – 10:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Emily!
      I know that you can definitely understand how confused and scary and lonely it was to learn that you’re a “special needs” mom. I’m so glad that I found you in this journey of ours. Huge. Love that you blog because of me, too.May 23, 2013 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - First off, I am so happy to have you co-hosting with us tonight and was truly so excited that you wanted to join us. Second, your post is amazing, just as you are. You truly are such a wonderful, loving mother to Tucker and you are both so lucky to have each other. Thank you so much for just being you and so happy to call you a friend!! 🙂May 23, 2013 – 10:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Janine,
      I am so beyond excited to co-host tonight. Thank you for your kind words about Tucker and me and for allowing me to co-host. I really appreciate it. So much.May 23, 2013 – 10:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Janet - Fantastic writing and so relatable – brought tears to my eyes. I am truly grateful and blessed to have found your blog and met you! It is so helpful to know that I am not alone.May 23, 2013 – 10:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Janet,
      I am so glad that I met you, too. Thank you so much for reading and commenting (and your son – I don’t say other people’s names here unless it’s been written as ok – didn’t want you to think I forgot his name as I didn’t – just well, um ok…anyway, it seems like he’s really adapting to school!!!). Yay Yay Yay for that!!May 23, 2013 – 10:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Pam @ Whatevs... - This was so real. And re: leaving a piece of yourself that your kid can read someday so he can know more about you? Beautifully put! I forgot to add that to my list of why I blog but yeah, sometimes I think how cool it would be if my mom or grandmothers had blogged so I could see this other part of them too.May 23, 2013 – 10:32 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Pam,
      Wow, it would truly be amazing if we could read our moms and grandmother’s blogs from their perspectives at our ages. Awesome point.May 23, 2013 – 10:38 pmReplyCancel

  • henriette - You made me cry. Again. xxMay 23, 2013 – 10:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Sorry, H. If it makes you feel better, I cried reading it to Robert, too…

    (he didn’t’ cry though)May 23, 2013 – 11:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean - Oh, Kristi that was just beautiful. All that you wrote comes through in your posts. Every time you post all that purpose just flows through your writing.May 23, 2013 – 11:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Jean,
    <3. Thank you.May 23, 2013 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Dawn Beronilla - Dear sister from another mister,
    I love you, and your beautiful words, so frickin hard.
    xoMay 23, 2013 – 11:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Dear Dawn,
    My saver from another waver (uh yeah). I love YOU so so so freaking hard. All the time.
    XO back.May 24, 2013 – 12:01 amReplyCancel

  • Mary-andering Creatively - Great post. Thanks for the inspiration.May 24, 2013 – 12:04 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Thanks, Mary! I appreciate the comment.May 24, 2013 – 12:53 amReplyCancel

  • Joy - You named so many of the reasons why I blog, too! I just love you post! And you know best why I started to blog in the first place!! xoxoMay 24, 2013 – 2:44 amReplyCancel

  • kerri - As I love this!!May 24, 2013 – 6:48 amReplyCancel

  • Anita@ Losing Austin - I’m just so glad you blog, but now I understand so much more – I hope for the same things with a different audience. To let others know they’ll survive their darkness, that they can find hope, and to leave a legacy.

    <3May 24, 2013 – 7:09 amReplyCancel

  • jddeneen413@gmail.com - Well shit man. Mine is lammmmmmeeeeee compared to this! Beautiful!May 24, 2013 – 7:20 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Joy,
    Indeed I do know why you started to blog in the first place. And I’m so glad that you did. And that we are not alone.May 24, 2013 – 7:50 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kerri- I <3 YOU.
    -------
    Anita,
    I'm so glad you blog, too. 🙂
    -------
    Julie,
    SNORT. Doubt it.May 24, 2013 – 7:51 amReplyCancel

  • christine - Well, the ladies certainly know how to pick a co-host! That was an awesome post. Blogging is so much more about community than I ever imagined.May 24, 2013 – 8:09 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I’m not sure what to say, Kristi – that was beautiful. But beautiful doesn’t adequately describe how your words touched me. I’m just a mom mom – I don’t know what it feels like to have a child with special needs, but I’m so thankful that blogging has brought moms like you into my life. You inspire me, you make me laugh, you make me cry. You are definitely more.May 24, 2013 – 9:30 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Beautiful Kristi, I had goosebumps reading this entire post. I love the IRL pictures of Tucker as much as your drawing which are not stupid. I think they are brilliant!May 24, 2013 – 9:55 amReplyCancel

  • Jessica Smock - This was so beautiful. And rarely have I read such a powerful statement about the potential for blogging to provide us with emotional support and to help us be better mothers. Thank you for this. Just gorgeous.May 24, 2013 – 10:43 amReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Track Pants and a Tot - Such a moving post! I do love that you were able to connect with someone else out there going through the same thing. Feeling alone is the worst feeling ever and when you find someone else, it makes things just a wee bit better knowing you’re not alone. Beautiful beautiful post.May 24, 2013 – 10:49 amReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - You are for sure the hostess with the mostest. Or leastest…whichever means bestest.

    Our reasons are so similar. I first got into blogging in the infertility community. I represent both the greatest fear and the greatest hope for those still in the trenches because (a) I was never able to conceive, carry and give birth to a live baby — the fear, and (b) I got to be a mom anyway, to two amazing children (the hope).

    Love this: “I wanted community. I wanted you. I wanted us.” Like you, finding such community, finding my voice, has been a sea change in my life.May 24, 2013 – 11:05 amReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - Oh, Christi. I just sensed all the emotions you were putting on paper. You’re awesome and I totally love that you decided to start blogging. Whether silly pictures or serious heartfelt, it’s all very good.May 24, 2013 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - Kristi, of course it, would help if I didn’t misspell your name. Sorry about that.May 24, 2013 – 11:47 amReplyCancel

  • just JENNIFER - Beautifulness! Tempted….May 24, 2013 – 12:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Sylvia - I just found this post! I’m gonna write up mine and link up later! Thanks for giving us this opportunity to vent and share!May 24, 2013 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate - Ohhh hugs! So glad you get the support you need from blogging!May 24, 2013 – 12:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Blogging is not only therapy, an outlet, a search for solace, and connections…it’s about hope.
    We support each other so much through this journey.
    I’m so glad that you use this space not only to discuss your son but to talk about you. Just because we are all moms, it doesn’t mean that you’re not who you were before you got this title.
    You’re a beautiful soul and it bleeds through your words. I’m so honoured to be able to read them and thank you for sharing your journey.May 24, 2013 – 1:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - So very beautiful and inspiring!! <3May 24, 2013 – 6:14 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - Good Work.

    Pretty amazing thing, this blogging thing, no? … if you said a few years ago, before I started writing a blog, that I would be able to write a Post as touching as the one here at your blog, I would have laughed… because it would not be true.
    I could not (and can not) write at this ‘level of sharing’.
    Thats not the cool thing… the cool thing is that I *can* hang out and practice (my own skills) with you (and others) and not feel self-conscious (well, not *too* self-conscious).
    I appreciate it…May 24, 2013 – 6:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom - Kristi, I’m so glad you found blogging and that I found your blog. Blogging is an amazing way to connect with others who can relate and are going through similar or the same circumstances. Hugs to you. The support and community of blogging is such an incredible thing to have access to; not just as a means of connection and information, but for that release and outlet.May 24, 2013 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Shay - I’m just glad you blog, b/c dammit, you’re one of my favorite cyberpeeps. Keep blogging, skankster!!May 24, 2013 – 10:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Dani Ryan - You have a way with words, my friend. Everything about this was just…perfect.

    For a long time, I was obsessed with BEING someone in the blogging world. I wrote a bunch of funny lists people would (hopefully) like and joined every link-up out there.

    Now, I write for me. For the outlet. For the friendship. And so, when my time comes, my daughter will have some way to learn about the REAL me.

    I love your blog, by the way. You just have a way of pulling me in.

    And Tucker is so, so adorable. He’s so lucky to have you!May 24, 2013 – 10:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Betty Taylor - I think we all enjoy blogging because we can find people who understand us or just appreciate us for who we are and what we each have to deal with. I really enjoyed reading your post and being able to understand you a little better. Your son is a lucky little boy to have you for a mother. And you are lucky to have such a wonderful little boy.May 25, 2013 – 12:06 amReplyCancel

  • Kate Hall - This is absolutely beautiful, Kristi. Such beautiful words. And the picture of Tucker is beautiful too. I’m so glad you’re blogging and that I “met” you and that you have been able to find people you can connect with through blogging. THAT is totally awesome.May 25, 2013 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

  • Christina Morley - I am not a special needs mom, although I thought I was going through hell every time I had a baby. All 4 of my wonderful kids came with colic. Those were lonely days for me, because you can’t take them anywhere when they are in that state. Even at church, I had to sit in the “cry room” (that’s what they call it in South Africa) and at the ladies’ Bible study I stood in the hostess’ kitchen away from the women while holding the baby and trying to hush the baby.

    I am lonely in our small town, because everyone has their own friends and family and we moved here in 2010. I’m also American, so some people are not always comfortable speaking English with me. My kids have good friends here and they are happy at their schools, so not everything is a loss.

    I blog for friends and community. I read your blog as the Mom-mom behind the blog. Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment on Amanda’s Books and More!May 25, 2013 – 3:22 amReplyCancel

  • Christina Morley - I have to revise the year. We moved here in 2000, a few weeks after my third child was born. Some of my kids’ friends have grown up together with them, so they are like brothers and sisters to my kids. I like that.May 25, 2013 – 3:32 amReplyCancel

  • Jen - Kristi~ you are the rockinist mom ever! Tucker most definitely know that not only where you the most awesome mom, but he will know how hard you tried to be a better mom for him and yourself. He will know you struggled, but overcame those struggles. He will know how much you love him. That is more than clear. I always think about how “lucky” our kids are to have us, mom’s who care enough to say “I don’t know” is not an answer. I know they’re not lucky, we are all blessed. And our blessing is to be able to share that with other moms who got an “I don’t know” or something more standard, but with no answers. We are all here for each other and that is amazing. You are amazing! I am so glad to know you lady!May 25, 2013 – 9:55 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - You guys. (this is when I hate not having nested comments so I can reply to each of you directly beneath your comment – trust me, it’s complicated and I will show you the love back with comments on your blogs rather than individual replies here – I hope that’s okay)
    Each and every one of your comments and support means the world to me. YOU are what makes staying up too late too often worthwhile. Thank you. Thank you so so much, for coming her, for commenting and for your support. It is truly your online support that makes sharing my fears, my love for Tucker and myself a worthwhile and fulfilling journey.May 25, 2013 – 11:56 amReplyCancel

  • Amanda - I think this is the best blog hop I have ever been a part of! I just kind of wandered over here from Google Plus and decided to share my “why blog” post from a couple of weeks ago, and I am having so much fun reading everyone else’s. I actually bookmarked the page so I can go read through the rest of them this evening.

    Blogging is such an interesting phenomenon. Sometimes I wonder what makes me do it. Sometimes I feel the need to justify it because it feels a bit self-indulgent. But now that I’ve started, I’m not sure I would ever really feel whole again without it.May 25, 2013 – 12:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Joan Veronica Robertson - I have one word for my comment on this post! WOW! And wow again! and again!A really lovely post. If I write anything else, I’m going to start crying, so will stop now. See you soon, I hope!!May 25, 2013 – 5:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Joan,
    I so appreciate your comment and thank you so so so much for the wow. Finding people who appreciate our words is huge. Huger than huge.

    ——–
    Amanda,
    So glad you linked up too! Although I can’t seem to comment on your blog???May 25, 2013 – 9:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Alana Terry - aw, so sorry about the boy on the playground incident. It’s so hard when others notice soemthing’s “wrong.” And on a side note, I totally agree that blogging has brought about a great sense of community.May 26, 2013 – 12:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Alana,
    Thanks so much! I hope you’re having a great weekend.May 26, 2013 – 5:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Courtney - So well said, Kristi. There is a sense of community in blogging but it’s not obvious. I am glad you found some peeps. I am also glad you blog and we found each other 🙂May 26, 2013 – 5:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Wow, tears. This sentence in particular moved me: “I blog because of the legacy. There will be a day when I am not here. There will be a day when Tucker is interested in who I used to be. When he questions how much I loved him.”

    It’s so incredibly relatable. I didn’t think about that when I started writing… I was writing for me… but yeah, what an amazing gift for my children. Like finding a diary.

    So very, very glad we connected. xoMay 26, 2013 – 7:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Kathy Radigan - I’m so glad I found your site and post tonight!! I came to blogging later than most, after many doctors and specialists, tests, therapists and teachers. I came to blogging after I had five MRI’s showing something is very wrong with our daughter’s brain but not one doctor could tell us what. We have been in the land of the undiagnosed for 11 years. I have been blogging for 2. But in that time I have found so much of what you write about. A place to connect, and sometimes forget the nitty gritty details of our life. I have also come to celebrate our life, and feel grateful for all we do have. Thank you so much!! I look forward to reading more from you!May 26, 2013 – 7:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Deb,
    I started blogging for me, too. But as I am grandma-aged (for real), at one point, I realized that Tucker may someday be interested. I hope he is.

    —–

    Kathy,
    I am so glad I found you as well. I very much look forward to reading more from you! Huge hugs and hallelujah that blogging brings us together.May 26, 2013 – 11:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Melissa@Home on Deranged - Beautifully written, as always. I like the idea that even if we all started blogging for ourselves, whether as an outlet, or need for money or need for friends, that we keep going because of the readers, and in turn, usually our friends. I want to know what is happening in your life now, and I never would have met you without blogging. Thanks.May 27, 2013 – 1:21 amReplyCancel

  • Dawn - Such a wonderful post about why you started to blog. Thank you so much for Co-Hosting #FTSF with us this week!May 28, 2013 – 5:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Dawn,
    Thank you so much for hosing and allowing me to be a co-host. I really appreciate it!!May 29, 2013 – 12:36 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Melissa,
    So glad I found YOU.May 29, 2013 – 7:51 amReplyCancel

Hi friends!  If you haven’t been following the Our Land series, you’re missing out (in my humble opinion).  It came about because so many of you responded with love and enthusiasm to The Land of Empathy and Wonder.  I very much appreciate your support for each amazing contribution in this new series.  Although they make the […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
email a friend

  • Janine Huldie - Wow, Kristi you are totally right and Kerry is truly amazing (a fixer indeed). I am once again am blown away and left feeling so overwhelmed with emotions from reading her words. Thank you for sharing with us Kerry and thank you again Kristi for doing this wonderful series!!May 22, 2013 – 10:38 amReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - Beautiful post, with much to think about. Kerry and Kristi, thanks for helping me to see things in a new way.May 22, 2013 – 10:43 amReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - Beautiful. You know, I see things a little differently now than I saw them even five years ago. As we live and learn, I like to think most of us become more tolerant of the choices of others, we discover that we know less than we thought we did.

    People are different and wonderful and varied. We just have to be ready and willing to see it. We have to be willing to accept that one of the best feelings in the world is reaching out to another and knowing that we were of service. I really enjoy this series. Thanks for hosting it.May 22, 2013 – 10:49 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - Different IS beautiful. I would like to emblazon that phrase on all the doors of all the middle schools and high schools. I’m going to embrace my role as a fixer – beautiful post, Kerry!May 22, 2013 – 12:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Simply beautiful Kerry!May 22, 2013 – 12:33 pmReplyCancel

  • kelli - Kerry I really needed to read this today! Thank you, thank you for reminding me about people like YOU and Kristi. You are a fixer and a darn good one at that:)May 22, 2013 – 1:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I’m going to remember that term from now on — a “fixer.” I just love that. And love your writing too.May 22, 2013 – 1:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - That was stunning. Kerry, you have a gift. Such a strong voice and compelling heart. You are going to do great things in the world. Kristi, props to you for recognizing and sharing such a brilliant talent.May 22, 2013 – 4:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Stephanie,
    She IS going to do great things, I just know it. I lucked out that she wants to contribute here.May 22, 2013 – 5:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Emily,
    I love the term “fixer” as well. Kerry is brilliant.May 22, 2013 – 5:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kelli,
    Ditto to Kerry reminding us that there are people like her – fixers!May 22, 2013 – 5:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kenya,
    🙂May 22, 2013 – 5:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Dana,
    Great idea about sharing it with the middle schools and high schools. Such an important lesson to remember and those ages can be so difficult.May 22, 2013 – 5:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Maggie,
    I, too, see things so differently now than I did five years ago. Before having Tucker, I was so unaware of the whole special needs world – and I am so much more open and tolerant and reach out to people in a way that I haven’t done before.May 22, 2013 – 5:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Lori,
    Thank YOU.May 22, 2013 – 5:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Janine,
    She does that to me, too. Thanks so much.May 22, 2013 – 5:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean - Kristi and Kerry, this was great and I cannot agree more that we are “fixers.” This post and series are just one very beautiful part of it. Glad my children are going to grow up in a world that you two are “fixing”May 22, 2013 – 8:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Beautiful. Those photos gave me chills. xoMay 22, 2013 – 8:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Jean,
    Glad you’re raising your children to help fix the broken world! Thank you for that.May 22, 2013 – 8:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Deb,
    <3May 22, 2013 – 8:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen - You’re right. She will be famous! I can see her speaking at schools, getting out there and evening the playing field. She is already a fixer!May 22, 2013 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Joy - Wonderfully written. I am always glad to see that there are still so many good people out there, helping others and caring for others. We should never forget that!May 23, 2013 – 9:47 amReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - We sure are fixers…it’s just too bad that we don’t realize that no matter how small we think we are, we can make a huge difference…fixers.
    I like that.
    Beautiful.May 24, 2013 – 1:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Melissa - I love this series so much, and how wonderful to bring back the person who kickstarted it all! Kerry, you have such a refreshing voice as well as an optimistic outlook that you remind us old-timers to keep going on this path to fixin’ things. 🙂May 27, 2013 – 1:25 amReplyCancel

  • Katia - Kerry, I agree with everyone. This is so succinctly and perfectly put and you express complex ideas with such ease. I loved your post and I, too, shall remember the term ‘fixer’. 🙂May 29, 2013 – 9:42 amReplyCancel

It’s Tuesday and that means that I’m linking up with my pal Jen at My Skewed View (formerly Break the Parenting Mold) for Twisted Mixed Tape Tuesday.  Her subject this week has to do with relationships – specifically getting dumped and wanting to tell the dumper that he’d be so much better off had he’d […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Tatum - I’m glad I read this at home because I was doing that dorky laugh out loud as I stuffed trail mix in my mouth. As a fellow (former) serial dumper (my brothers called me Tatum The Heartbreaker), I would also struggle to come up with a song. But, one of the guys that I dumped sent me a letter (yes, a real letter, it was the 90’s) dedicating Billy Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman” to me. That sounds really nice, until you read the words.

    She can kill with a smile
    She can wound with her eyes
    She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
    And she only reveals what she wants you to see
    She hides like a child,
    But she’s always a woman to me

    She can lead you to love
    She can take you or leave you
    She can ask for the truth
    But she’ll never believe you
    And she’ll take what you give her, as long as it’s free
    Yeah, she steals like a thief

    OUCH! I guess I didn’t break up with him as gently as I thought.May 20, 2013 – 9:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Tatum the Heartbreaker,
    I like it. It might stick. You are so right – my first thought was “awww, so nice and sweet that he sent her Billy Joel lyrics!” Who doesn’t love Billy Joel?
    But then I read the words.
    Ouch.
    Double ouch. OMG ouch. You probably should have made him a mixed tape.May 20, 2013 – 10:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I still remember listening to November Rain by Guns N’ Roses, when my boyfriend dumped me in my senior year of high school. I listened to it over and over for weeks on end. Then, I met someone new and got over it, because that was so just how high school went I suppose. But seriously, I had truly forgotten about that until I read your post and you brought me back!!May 20, 2013 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Janine,
    OOOH November Rain! Forgot all about it. yay for music bringing you back 😀May 20, 2013 – 10:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - Oh, teenage breakups. I remember mourning to such awesome songs as Against the Odds by Phil Collins, something horrible by Wilson Phillips, and my favorite break-up song, Again, by Janet Jackson. I was lame. But not as lame as your friend. That story was painful. I can totally picture myself in the role of the semi-supportive friend.

    OK, I was occasionally the role of the insane heartbroken girl too. But I never made a damn puzzle for anyone.May 20, 2013 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Stephanie,
    Your comment rocks. Holy ____ I forgot all about Phil Collins’ Against the Odds. What a breakup song that would be huh? Like “we can make it we CAAAAANNNN!!” heh
    yeah, she was pretty painful. I guess I was too, until she broke up with me.May 20, 2013 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen - Dude. This is so funny, I love that you did not put a spell on him because you would probably screw it up. I also think I might have laughed if you said you DID send the lyrics to that Byrds song to someone! And seriously, your friend Linda, she was living in the happy world of denial and you had to go and get all “realistic” with her. I still don’t get it, the missing Peace? It wasn’t the 70’s.May 21, 2013 – 1:19 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Poor thing. I assuming you don’t know her now and I can call her a seriously stalker obsessive!! Oh my! I was the dumper giving the, “It’s not you it’s me. I love you but I’m not in love with you” speeches. I never made anybody a tape. Love that Nina Simone made the list. I want to have a post titled “I never did care about the little things” but I can’t think of anything to write in it. LOL! You gotta see Point of No Return again.May 21, 2013 – 6:56 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kenya,
    We’re actually sort of friends on Facebook these days which is why I changed her name. Not sure if she’d be upset by reading this or not. Maybe? OOH you so have to do a post called “I never did care about the little things” – such an awesome line. And yes, you are correct. I definitely need to see that movie again. Maybe this weekend since it’s a 3-day one.May 21, 2013 – 7:47 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Jen,
    Thank you for noticing the spell thing and obviously I didn’t get the missing peace thing either. Ha.May 21, 2013 – 7:47 amReplyCancel

  • The Sadder But Wiser Girl - Oh high school. I wouldn’t ever want to relive those years. I had one boyfriend throughout most of my high school career whom I too think about when I hear “November Rain”. We broke up right around the time that song came out. You can tell we’re all right around the same age, huh? Skid Row’s “I Remember You”, Def Leppard’s “Love Bites” and “Hysteria”… ah yes… they all make me think of that idiot.May 21, 2013 – 8:15 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I only made a mix tape for one boyfriend, and he is now my husband. I wonder if I still have the tape somewhere? I could burn a CD with the same songs and make him a picture puzzle. The only song I remember being on it was “Somebody” by Depeche Mode.May 21, 2013 – 10:16 amReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - LOL I made a boyfriend a mix tape in highschool too. But not when we broke up, I think it was for his birthday or something. Funny blog.May 21, 2013 – 11:52 amReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - I’m laughing my ass off right now.May 21, 2013 – 2:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate - I love that you once sent an ex song lyrics! Amazing move!May 21, 2013 – 2:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Lori Lavender Luz - Way to bring it around to a friend breakup.

    The puzzle is a funny added touch. But I’m glad I didn’t do it with Doug. I’d have gotten a homonym lesson from you, as well (and rightly so).May 21, 2013 – 4:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Lm - lmao I may have pee’d a little. omg too effin funny. Poor Linda. ugh may have reminded me of my slight needs to wanting to remind someone just how much they loved me…ugh. *face palm* lolMay 21, 2013 – 4:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Tracy@CrazyAsNormal - Have you and Linda friends on Facebook?! I now must know what became of her. I don’t know why.May 21, 2013 – 6:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Tracy,
    We are actually friends on Facebook and I’m seriously hoping she doesn’t read this (pretty sure she doesn’t read my blog) because I’d hate to have hurt her feelings by making fun of her very real attempts at reconciliation with a pothead loser. She turned out just fine and is married with two kids. totally normal (as far as I can tell on Facebook anyway).May 21, 2013 – 9:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - LM-Face palms all around!May 21, 2013 – 9:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Lori,
    HA to you saying you’re glad you didn’t do the photo puzzle with Doug – I’m glad you didn’t too. No good would have come from it, I promise. 😀May 21, 2013 – 9:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kate,
    I honestly thought they’d make him feel better. I’m dumb that way.May 21, 2013 – 9:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Deb,
    YAY for laughing your ass off. Could you laugh some of mine off too please because it’s getting bigger.May 21, 2013 – 9:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Dana!
    He’s your husband now? Awesome! And Depeche Mode!! LOVE.

    Sadder Sarah,
    Ah to LOVE BITES. I miss that song.May 21, 2013 – 9:55 pmReplyCancel

  • kimberly - Oh lawd.
    I had a friend like this. She would wait outside his house…she flew to the city where he attended university and surprised him with a mountain bike worth almost 2000…weird part was, he had a girlfriend at the time.
    Well her persistence paid off and they got married. The most awkward wedding ever.May 22, 2013 – 6:37 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kimberly,
    They got married??? Wow. I’m in shock! I guess he felt guilty about the mountain bike, huh?May 22, 2013 – 7:52 amReplyCancel

  • Mod Mom Beyond Indiedom - omg, I’m laughing so hard, I’m tearing up. Reminds me of a couple nutty things I’ve done (potato chip guy and Purple Rain for instance) but never to the extent of the hand made psycho puzzle. That is golden. Bwhahaha.May 22, 2013 – 9:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Melissa@Home on Deranged - Man, I miss the 80s. And mix tapes. And doing slightly, weirdly obsessive things because I was just so sure he was the one. Like driving by his house a thousand times. Damn those were good times.May 27, 2013 – 1:30 amReplyCancel

Hi friends, It’s (really late) Sunday night.  Isn’t it strange how that happens?  It’s like all of a sudden BAM it’s Sunday and another week’s passed in the ever more escalating aging-I’m-growing-more-wrinkles-by-the-minute process and holyshit I have an undone to-do list. Oh…this doesn’t happen to you?  (Liar.) I promised a quick recap from this week. […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Joy - Wow, that ocular melanoma thing sounds really scary. I have a mole in my iris, too, but I hope it is nothing serious. At least my ophthalmologist never said something when he checked it. And since I had basal cell carcinoma some years ago I have my skin checked for cancer every year. It is so important to stay healthy for our kids!May 20, 2013 – 3:46 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Joy,
    It does sound really scary. I’m sure your ophthalmologist would have said something if you should have it further looked at. And wow to the basal cell carcinoma – scary too. And so common. 🙁
    You’re right – it IS so so important to stay healthy for our kids!
    xoMay 20, 2013 – 9:44 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Happy Monday to you, too. And heading over to check out about Ocular Melanoma and see what I can do. Thanks for sharing and will try to do my part!!May 20, 2013 – 11:18 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. - Your Mother’s Day story made me cringe with recognition. I get it. And you are a good friend, reaching out via your blog for such an important cause. No wonder people love you so much!

    This was a good wrap-up. I am ditching mine for awhile because I can’t handle them anymore. Something needs to go… at least for awhile…

    Sorry this is so short, the teething, crying, pee-leaking monster is all over me.May 20, 2013 – 4:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi - Stephanie,
      What’s up with the mother’s day failure stories resonating with so many of us? Sigh. And HAHA – not sure they love me but I recently got to know this woman and she’s really cool. She also has ocular melanoma. Not sure how much me posting helps, but if one more person learns about it and donates, than that’s something right?
      Ah the pee-leaking. Awesome.May 20, 2013 – 5:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - I’ve never heard of melanoma in the eye. That’s really scary and I wonder how people know they have it? I don’t wear glasses so I don’t go to the eye doctor. How did Gayla find out? Is she having treatments?
    Thank you.May 20, 2013 – 5:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - Do you think she could tell us some of that? What to look for and what her treatments and prognosis is?May 20, 2013 – 5:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Jennifer,
    I had never heard of it prior to meeting Gayla either. Regarding what to look for, how she found out she had it and whether she wants to share her treatments here, I can ask her. There’s also some information on her Facebook page – did you go there? Thanks.May 20, 2013 – 5:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - I did go to her FB page but didn’t see anything about screening or what to look for. I went to her web page too and mostly it’s about the walk.May 20, 2013 – 5:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - OUCH! I just googled ocular melanoma images. I have a spot on one of my eyes – but the eye doctor called it something else. Strain vessel something.

    I was mildy annoyed at my Mother’s day too – didn’t feel like blogging about it. I didn’t get my K charm – that was the icing on the no cake.

    Loved the bath post! Hope it continues to work.May 20, 2013 – 7:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kenya,
    My husband and I both have a spot on our eyes, too and are sort of freaking out now. NEVER GOOGLE. Ever ever ever. And boo to Mother’s Day being less than it can be. I say you buy yourself your K charm. And me one too (because Kristi with a K).May 20, 2013 – 9:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Jennifer and Joy,
    if you’re only subscribed here, come back and check out Gayla’s comments back to you on FB.May 20, 2013 – 9:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Gayla Timm - I made some comments above, but they are through Facebook so not sure if this way is easier to see/respond to…

    Jennifer, eye exam (dilated by an ophthalmologist) is the only way to detect it. And because it is rare, most opthalmologists don’t even know what they are seeing. If they see something unusual they should refer their patient to an ocular oncologist or at least a retinal specialist with oncology experience. All moles are not cancerous (they call a mole a nevus), in fact about 10% of the population will have one (mostly benign). But if they grow to a certain size they are deemed to be cancerous. I saw 3 doctors in 3 cities of 6 years that watched my nevus grow but told me it was fine. Most retinal specialists are not trained in proper diagnosing of OM. After the 3rd doctor told me everything was fine (but the size was growing and growing), I knew something wasn’t adding up right and I went for a second opinion in Philadelphia to the Will’s Eye Hospital at the Shields Oncology Clinic (they treat something like 25% of eye cancer patients in the US). It took them about 1 second to tell me I had a melanoma and they had me in surgery (to implant the radiation seeds on my eye) 3 days later.

    There are no drugs to prevent metastatic spread. Once the disease has spread there are experimental drugs/treatments that do buy some people more time. But not all. A friend of mine was diagnosed less than 2 years ago with her primary tumor in her eye. By last March (2012) it had spread to her liver and she passed away this week. It can be a horrible and vicious disease.

    My prognosis though is good. My tumor was on the smaller side (a “large” small) and my biopsies have had characteristics that make it seem less aggressive. But I have to have scans of my liver and lungs every 6 months, pretty much forever. This is a disease that can spread after 10, 15 , 20 years….it is not one that is 5 years out and “you’re cured”.

    It is rare – only 6 in a million get it each year…. But it strikes a variety of people. You won’t get it, but do yourself a favor and get a dilated eye exam anyways. Every year would be good, but get at least one to start!

    Here is some info on OM on the Melanoma Research Foundation’s Website (under their CURE OM umbrella): http://www.melanoma.org/learn-more/types-of-melanoma/cure-ocular-melanoma/diagnosing-OM

    And here is link on my website with other links (doctors/foundations) that have info on OM: http://1000milesom.com/learn-about-om.html

    Thanks so much for your support and reading and learning. We want to educate everyone about the existence of this disease. Go get an eye exam!

    Kristi, thanks so much for sharing!

    Gayla
    1000MilesOM@gmail.comMay 20, 2013 – 10:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Shay - How sweet of you to help your friend out, and it sounds like you had a wonderful, productive week–awkward conversations included, b/c you used it to teach us a thing or two! Keep it up!May 20, 2013 – 10:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Gayla Timm - Hi Everyone – thanks for your comments about ocular melanoma. I posted a bit above with facebook, but not sure if you’ll see those…. here is a bit more (if/after you read the other posts)

    Here is some info on OM on the Melanoma Research Foundation’s Website (under their CURE OM umbrella): http://www.melanoma.org/learn-more/types-of-melanoma/cure-ocular-melanoma/diagnosing-OM

    And here is link on my website with other links (doctors/foundations) that have info on OM: http://1000milesom.com/learn-about-om.html

    Thanks so much for your support and reading and learning. We want to educate everyone about the existence of this disease. Go get an eye exam!

    Kristi, thanks so much for sharing!

    Gayla
    1000MilesOM@gmail.comMay 20, 2013 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Gayla Timm - Sorry for the excess repeat comments….good with facebook, fundraising, and being mommy to a special needs child…not so good with blog commenting! So sorry to Spam your comments Kristi!May 20, 2013 – 10:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Gayla, spam my comments anytime! And thank you again for sharing your story with us! AND OMG I need to go to the doctor already. Bad bad me.May 20, 2013 – 10:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer - Ok yes that is the information I was looking for. Cancer runs in my family but our health insurance isn’t very good about preventative care. My brother recently discovered he has several melanomas on his skin so I want to get a screen but when I read this I realized I never had an eye exam. So thank you, now I know what to look for. I will try harder to schedule it.

    Thank you for sharing your story Zgayla and Kristi. I never know what to expect when I come to your blog but I’m glad you told us about this.May 20, 2013 – 11:53 pmReplyCancel

  • jen - I wish you lived in my head, then I could listen to your awesome sense of humor 24/7 and not always walk around pissed and tired. hmmmm….
    AND HELLO?! NY TIMES?May 21, 2013 – 11:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Jen!
    i do live in your head because remember that post about “I always feel like…somebody’s watching me?” Ha (kidding I don’t really live in your head although I’d love to as your brain works awesomely and it’d be cool to experience it first hand). And I know NY TIMES. But she might not use me in the interview. So there’s that. I was in Washington Post forever ago….and nobody said anything about it.May 21, 2013 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Dude, I so wanted alone time too but we hosted a BBQ.
    I don’t like gifts either so we buy flowers for my garden. We buy them anyways 🙂
    I love that you support so many causes. I’ve never heard of this before. It sounds so scary. I’m glad that there is a fundraiser to support it because it also brings awareness.May 24, 2013 – 1:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Kimberly,
    I’m so glad you got flowers for your garden. That’s what my hubs did for my first mother’s day…I have not planted this year because I fear the cicadas rising in the ground…dumb, I know. <3May 25, 2013 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Melissa - Had never heard of ocular melanoma, so thanks for the heads up. Although now my husband will hate me for nagging him about having one more thing checked. 🙂
    p.s. i love that you worked Wayne’s World into this post. You are awesome.May 27, 2013 – 1:34 amReplyCancel

  • more information - Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your article seem to be running off the screen in Safari.January 11, 2014 – 8:30 amReplyCancel

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