Pissed Off at Puppy

BT (Before Tucker), my good friend Julie made a comment along the lines of “Well, ya, but he’s just a dog.”  I can’t remember the nature of the conversation but it obviously had something to do with her kids and her dog, her dog being the lesser being.  I was horrified and insulted on his behalf.  Just because she had kids, her beloved mutt had become a second-class citizen?  The injustice!  I promised myself that I’d never adore Chief any less.

Fast-forward a few years and Tucker enters the picture.  And some of Chief’s indulgences now really piss me off.  Why in the hell does he insist on eating grass so that he can make himself throw up, almost always on the carpet?  Hard wood and tiled floors dominate the two lower levels of our home, so for him to get it on the small rugs strewn about takes some serious effort.  He also has chronic diarrhea, and again, pretty much decides the carpets are a more comfortable place to relieve himself than the more easily cleaned floors.  Once you have a baby, and then a crawling monkey who eats everything in his path, having dog diarrhea lying around isn’t really an option.  Chief also decides to wipe his ass and leave nice long poop streaks in unexpected places.  Because he’s so tall, this includes the cushions on the couch.  Shrieking at Tucker to “Stay! Over! There!” doesn’t really work as no matter how thoroughly engaged he is in playing with his airplane, helping mommy clean up poop using toxic chemicals* that could kill him is way more fun than even the coolest toy airplane will ever be.

Before I get all the haters commenting about how I don’t appreciate my dog, I’ll assure you that I do still love Chief.  And I really appreciate how wonderful and patient he is with Tucker, allowing my curious kid to examine his teeth, use his tail as a weapon and peer inside his ears.  But he totally pisses me off.

*We buy Spot Shot in bulk.   Hey, it works.

Because it’s never occurred to me to set a self-timer to capture one of these moments on film for you, I’ve drawn you a really bad picture.  And if you’re wondering, our house is never this clean.  I just didn’t want to draw all the crap usually strewn about.  Enjoy and happy Thursday!