Special Ed Support Problems, Some People Suck, & Changes I Want

I wish schools (and life) had every child’s best interests in mind, but they’re limited by staffing inadequacies and are forced to put resources where they’re needed most. I get that. I’m also less than thrilled to be facing this reality at Tucker’s new school.

Special Ed Support Problems, Some People Suck, & Changes I Want

Here’s the part about special ed support problems.

We recently had an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting at our new school, and I didn’t ask for everything I should have. Maybe part of me was in denial about what my son actually needs? Or it could’ve been that IEP meetings suck, and anytime you’re sitting there with nine people from the school who’re already on the same page that you haven’t yet read, it’s intimidating and horrible.

While I understand each school district offers different programs for its community, the fact that special ed support isn’t more universal is a problem. Our previous school has eight special ed in-classroom support staff for 800 students (plus two for the self-contained autism classroom PLUS speech, OT, etc.). Our new school has one (ONE!!!) for 550 students (they do have a speech and OT and social worker TG). This blows my mind and pisses me off.

While Tucker’s doing really well, I believe much of his success is due to in-classroom support he’s had over the years. I’ll always credit his preschool autism classroom teacher for getting him to speak, use the potty, and not lash out at people who enter his personal bubble.

Before we moved, the staff at our former school had an IEP meeting to re-assess his needs. They wanted to ensure when we moved, the new school would see his “Middle World” status, and help him as needed. The team agreed on 19 hours of support each week, which includes speech and OT.

To be clear, in Fairfax County, most of those hours are spent in the classroom, where the SPED (special education) staff is fulfilling hours for multiple students. They put many of the kids with IEPs in the same room (which I didn’t realize for a few years because I think they’re not supposed to tell us). With kids who require hours mostly in the same classroom, when a special ed support person is in the room, she’s likely meeting the hours of many kids. I’m ok with this. They’re still looking at five to eight kids, and they get to know them.

Anyway, back to the recent IEP. I got a few phone calls before the meeting, so I kinda knew where they’d be heading.

“They’re going to tell us he’s fine,” I said to my husband. And that’s pretty much what they did.

Sidenote: the school districts in Colorado Springs are, for the most part, less than ideal. When we moved, we bought a more expensive and larger house than we needed or wanted, because we wanted THIS school district (there is another that’s better but the houses there are more money and were all built in the 50’s and 60’s and need work — been there, done that with the house-gutting stuff). I say this because the district obviously has funding from taxes but digress.

Many of my son’s scores fell in the 30th percentile range, which is “normal” for grade level. Another sidenote, his vocabulary scores are in the 88th percentile and I take total credit for that.

Er, ok, maybe YouTube gets some of it but still.

Problem solving was third percentile, so there are still middle world inconsistencies. Long story shorter, they removed ALL of his hours with the exception of speech and mental health (social skills, positive self-talk, etc. because he’s very hard on himself).

So an hour of speech a week, and an hour of mental health per MONTH. We (for now) lost more than 60 hours of support each month.

Again, much of that was met with the SPED teacher in the class monitoring multiple kids, but still. This is a reality I want to change. I think the problem lies mostly in the lack of staff.

“Well, we can pull him out,” they said. “But he’ll be with kids with much greater needs.”

I said “no” to that, knowing how important role models are and everything. Again, this isn’t over. I spoke to my friend back home yesterday (thank you, R!) and emailed two of last year’s support staff, so we’ll see. At least I feel like I’m doing something.

I really don’t want to homeschool.

Speaking of homeschooling, part of the reason I don’t want to is because of the social aspect school gives kids.

Except, when some people suck.

Monday, a classmate of Tucker’s mom approached me, wanting to talk. They just moved from Virginia to Colorado, too, so I thought they’d be friends. They sit together at lunch and play on the playground.

Anyway, this mom said a boy had been bullying her son, and told other students her son was the bully, rather than the other way around. I told her I’d talk to Tucker.

“Tucker’s big,” she said. “He could pound the bullies.”

“But he won’t,” I replied. “He doesn’t know he could and wouldn’t anyway,” I explained, and told her when he’d been bullied on the bus before, and I said “hit him back,” his reply was “no, Mom, that’s not what you’re supposed to do.”

I asked if her son would like to come over one day this week to play.

“OH! That’d be GREAT!” she said.

“Wednesday?” I asked.

“Perfect,” she replied, and we pulled out our phones to make it so.

I talked to Tucker after speaking with her, and he had no idea about whatever drama was happening between the kids.

I looked for the mama on our route to school the next morning, sure she’d be dying to know what I’d learned, but she was talking with another mom and ignored me. We passed after school that afternoon, and I told her what I’d found out.

She said things were better because she’d gone to the principal, social worker, and was happy with it all.
“Is today still a good day for the boys to play?” I asked.
“OH! I’d forgotten,” she said.

I don’t believe her. I think she no longer sees my kid as useful, or something. She sucks, in other words.

Thank goodness I didn’t tell Tucker he’d been invited. I guess part of me knew. Mama instincts or whatever. Still, further proof some people suck. As if we need further proof after the news for the past two years…

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, where Kenya of Sporadically Yours and I host a prompt each week. This week’s is “A reality I’d like to change is…”