What do you need for your kid?

Each day, Tucker’s teacher sends home a written report about how he did in school.  It includes notes about new words, achievements, how much he ate and overall observations from the day.  On Friday, she wrote that Tucker was really excited to spend time with some of the older, more typical* kids but that when he tried to join their play “with physical force” he was rejected and had a meltdown.  I’ve asked her to clarify what “with physical force” means and don’t yet know, so I can’t explain it to you. But that’s not really the point of this story anyway.  Although it may be, once I find out.  Stay tuned.

Here’s what totally bums me out.  First, he doesn’t “get” how to join play with older, more typical* kids.  Second, and, for me, the biggie, is that he was rejected and had a meltdown.  This bothers me so much because out of everything that I’m worried about for my son’s future, the thing I worry about perhaps the very most is whether he will feel inferior to his peers, stupid, different, and not liked.

I don’t need for my son to go to Harvard.  I don’t need him to win the Nobel Prize.  I don’t need for him to be popular or athletic or gifted.  I don’t need for him to cure cancer (although somebody really should hurry up and do that already – like now).  What I do need is for him to be comfortable and content with the person he becomes.

It seems like this would be a lot more difficult if he felt like nobody likes him.  I don’t care whether everybody likes him, but I hope that there is more than one somebody who likes him.  I know how important friendship and acceptance is to kids.  I know that it’s the loners who are more likely to be bullied, become depressed and even become suicidal.  In typing that just now, I heard my husband’s voice in my head telling me that I’m being ridiculous.  And at the same time, I heard the word “violent” in my own head due to recent horrors, but only because of the totally messed up discussions going on right now about – well, you know.  I dismissed it quickly because Tucker is the MOST loving boy you’ll ever meet.  Yes, he will come up behind you and say “Got You!” aka “gossha” and maybe tickle a little too hard….but HE IS SO NOT violent).

I’m wrestling a bit with why this is so important to me.  Do children need friends to thrive?  To be happy?  I feel like they do.  When I look back at my childhood and young adult years, so many of my fun memories are centered on friends.  The bonding.  The laughing.  The “going through it all” with somebody who understands you.  Who loves you. (Please oh please tell me that there is more than one somebody who will understand and adore my son…)

I do believe that Tucker will continue to progress and that he’ll be able to better understand social rules.  I honestly do.  But I’m still worried about it.  And I hope so very badly that he’ll find deep and meaningful friendships in his lifetime.

Parents of atypical kids…what do YOU worry about?  Do you worry about when you’re gone? I do.  Do you worry about bullying?  I do.  Please share…and please share if you think I’m just being a typical overprotective mom…because maybe that’s what this is.

*Clarification: when I use the term “more typical” kids, I’m referring to the children in the other classes who also have some type of delay (could be purely physical, feeding issues or even kids like Tucker who have a higher level of language development than he does).  They are not in the full-day Preschool Autism Classroom (PAC) that Tucker’s in mostly for the Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) training.

BONUS!

Because this was a little bit of a downer of a post, and I don’t want to leave you without a smile today, I’ve drawn you another really stupid picture.  But it might be sweet, too…