What Richard Rumple is Thankful for

Late last night, I was on Facebook chat with some of my peeps (thank you, Clark and Rich for your reassuring words and thank you Rachel and Terrye for being wonderful friends – and although I wasn’t DM’ing Kerri, I was likely texting her so thanks there, too…). Anyway, the Famous Richard Rumple, of That’s Life…Sometimes (if you don’t know him, check him out as he’s hilarious) was making me laugh hysterically at 1am. I mentioned that I had this post to do and asked if he’d like to do it for me. Holy shit. Dude said yes! So here is this week’s 10 Things of Thankful by Richard Rumple:

So, I’m flabbergasted.

The magnificent Kristi, of Finding Ninee, has requested that I step in as a guest blogger for her listing of Ten Things I’m Thankful For this week.

I think that’s the title. Let’s be real, it’s 1:04 a.m., I just worked an eleven hour day in the 90 degree heat, and I’m an old fart that should be counting sheep.

No, Kristi, I’m not in love with sheep. I said, “Counting” sheep. Geesh!

*editor commentary:*

I wonder, “Does Kristi really know what she’s in for, asking me to do this for a Sunday posting?” Doesn’t she know that I may be a little “extreme” for this audience?

Oh well, you weren’t looking to gain any more followers today, anyway, were you?

The things I do for a younger woman!

And, regardless of your thoughts, I’m not a pedophile or a dirty old man! Okay, okay, so I’m not a pedophile!

Anyway, enough with the vividly astonishing intro, which was totally unnecessary, but added because I really don’t have the first idea as to what I’m thankful for. Okay, now for the tough part!

10 Things I’m Thankful For

1) I’m thankful that I gave my Superintendent of Schools the “Soul” handshake after receiving my high school diploma. He was shocked, and fought to make it a normal handshake. Yet, being young and halfway in shape, I grabbed his hand in my own way, held on, and had my graduation picture demonstrating that I would not stand for conventional routines and traditions. I was a rebel, even though I had been Student Body President. If I had conformed then, I probably would have conformed all my life and made something boring out of myself. I shudder to think!

2) I’m thankful that we have Saran Wrap that doesn’t cling to itself. I fought that sh*t for years, usually giving up and becoming a pro at wrapping waxed paper. I do remember a time myself and two others wrapped a sleeping friend in it (only up to the shoulders so we didn’t kill him). That taught him never to get drunk and pass out when we were around. You should’ve seen him hopping to the bathroom the next morning to take a pee!

3) I’m thankful that we have consistently had terrible presidents for the last thirty years, that have allowed Congress to ruin our great country. At least we have someone to blame for the mess we’re in!

4) I’m thankful that “Jenny 867-5309” & “Mickey” are seldom played on the radio any longer. God, enough is enough!!! Now if we could just get them to stop playing that “Gang Bang ‘Em” Korean song, we could all sit back and relax!

“Hey Gang Bang ‘Em
you’re so fine
come on over and toot a line,
call Jenny at 867-5309,
Hey, Mickey, coke‘s sticky!”

5) I’m thankful that Miley Cyrus has pretty much left the Hannah Montana charade behind. Now, people can see her for the spoiled brat slut she really is! (Okay, I know that one’s gonna bring on the flack! Please, go see her parents about it instead of me. You can find them in a couple of different locations since they’re no longer together!)

6) I’m thankful that zippers were invented. The older I get, the more I get to experience the pleasure of a quick zipper at the urinal. Besides, even the Navy gave up button up pants long ago when it was discovered men can’t sew buttons back on worth a damn! “What’s wrong with pink thread, dude?”

God, is it ten, yet? “Almost, Rich. Hang in there, Rich. We know you can do it, Rich.”

7) I’m thankful that reality TV has found a new reality show that demonstrates hillbillies can chase local monsters and legends. “Mountain Monsters” is the competitor to “Ghosthunters” in this department. It kind of reminds you of “The Beverly Hillbillies meet the Wolfman” or “The Real Monsters of Deliverence.” Anything to keep Honey Boo Boo from getting more attention is okay in my book, regardless of how moronic the program actually is.

8) I’m thankful that rap music was discovered. It provides an opportunity for the musically handicapped to make money in the music industry while being unable to carry a tune!

“Don’t make fun of rap, ain’t just music crap
gonna give you a slap, bitch sit in my lap.
Don’t make much sense, cuz yo just damn dense
always takin’ offense, with yo crotch caught in the fence.
Yo, we luv our rappin’, like blunt caused nappin’
don’t keep us down, we wearin’ the rap crown!
Peace Out!”

9) I’m thankful that beef is finally being proven to be unhealthy for you. I told my mother for years that liver was unhealthy! She’d only reply, “Only if you don’t eat it after I cooked it?” Can’t you feel the love?

10) And, finally (you say), I’m thankful for good friends like Kristi that gamble decades of effort in building a tremendous blog and a loyal blog following on an extreme blogger like myself that really doesn’t believe in holding back for the Politically Correct crowd. She has more guts than most, and more love in her heart for her family than half the PC crowd added together. And, I’m not just saying that because she was hot when she was younger (What happened, anyway, Kristi?)

*editor commentary:*

So, those are just a few things I’m thankful for. If you actually hung in there and read this, I have tremendous respect for your endurance levels. May you live a long and wonderful life, and be thankful that Kristi will probably never have me back so you won’t have to go through this again!

—

I told you Rich is freaking hilarious. All words are his so if you’re one of the freaky weirdos who wants to stick up for Miley, go do so on That’s Life…Sometimes. Although I’d like to hear why you like her, too.

PS – I actually usually do write my own thankful lists. In case you’re new here…