Why I’m Blogging Finding Ninee

When we first realized that my son Tucker has a speech and language delay, and that it may be autism, my heart broke a little bit.  I had to grieve and let go of my Imaginary Tucker.  The son that I’d imagined him to be.  After that initial sadness and grief, I wanted answers.  I wanted support.  I wanted to be part of a community of people like us.  We eventually learned that he’s most likely not autistic but is seriously behind his peers in expressive language.  I got online and looked for communities and blogs about similar situations and didn’t find anything but communities and blogs about autism.  And I didn’t feel like we belonged. I felt alone.

Finding Ninee is what I hope to be the start of our own community.  One where I can share my three-year old boy’s journeys through speech therapy, Applied Behavioral Analysis, school and everyday struggles and triumphs.  One where I can celebrate the beauty and joy of raising a perfect little person (because he is perfect).  Where I can vent my frustrations and where you might find something funny, too.

Tucker’s not typical.  And he’s not autistic.  He’s somewhere in the middle.  But that doesn’t mean that I have to struggle with this alone. We can build our own community, and my hope is that Finding Ninee is helping to do just that.  If my blog’s only result is that somebody laughed at one of my embarrassing stories or remembered to cherish a moment of timeless joy with her son, then it’s a success.

I suppose that most of all, I blog because writing is therapeutic and it helps me to talk about how badly I want Tucker’s gorgeous mouth to someday be able to more clearly form sentences.  Maybe he’ll tell me more about his airplanes. Maybe he’ll tell me about his day.  And maybe I’ll get to more clearly hear the words “I love you, Mommy.”  Wouldn’t that be wonderful.