Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Why Valentine’s Day Flower-Grams Suck

My middle school had a Valentine’s Day flower-gram fundraiser. For $1, you could buy a pink or red carnation and have it delivered to any kid in school. You could sign your name, or send them anonymously. Popular girls flounced down hallways carrying handfuls, giggling and squeeing “I have no idea who they’re all from!” 

I was just grateful to have a best friend who suggested we send one to each other anonymously so we wouldn’t look like the loveless losers we were. For us to say “Valentine’s Day flower-grams suck” is an understatement. I bet it sucked even more for the kids who were best-friend-less.

If I remember, parents could send them too, but unless you also receive a “real” flower-gram, does one from Mom even count? I say “No, and thanks-but-no-thanks, Moooom.” *eye roll* 

***

My son received his Arrow of Light badge in Cub Scouts tonight. There’s a ceremony to celebrate the transition from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. For me, it was surprisingly emotional.

He’s the tall one in the middle (and the youngest)… *hold me*

It’s not so much that I feel deeply one way or another about Scouts. In fact, I’m on the fence about a large majority of Scouting in general, but do concede that camping, woodwork, Pinewood Derby cars, and being outside with other kids is pretty much always awesome, so we remain.

Anyway, I think my emotion tonight comes from the fact that the ceremony is another reminder that my no-longer-little 10-year-old is growing up faster than I am. His growth can be seen almost daily, in thoughts, body, and independence. 

Driving home from the ceremony, there’s a sign at the school’s entrance. “Get Your Candy Grams Now!” it read. Glad that the ceremony was held at a school other than the one my son attends, the sign made me wonder. 

I wonder whether Tucker’s school has flower-grams, or candy-grams, or some other “Let’s see who’s popular vs. who’s shy or awkward” tradition. 

Which is why Valentine’s Day flower-grams suck. 

They suck because they’re one more visible way that reinforces popularity. Prettiness. Coolness. 

Sure, it feels great to receive recognition from a friend, or a crush. But how many kids don’t receive anything? Or, *cringe* a lone carnation from mom?

How many parents aren’t aware of these fundraisers in the first place? Not all parents have time to check PTA’s messages. Not all families can afford an extra dollar or two to send an ugly carnation to some kid your kid likes this week, or to send one to their own kid.

Valentine’s Day Flower-Grams Suck

They suck. I really hope my kid’s school doesn’t have this. I’d rather the PTA ask families who are able to donate direct funds. Why subject shy, anxious, awkward kids to this ritual?

***

Here’s to a happy Valentine’s Day to each of us, but also, here’s to remembering that Valentine’s Day is just another day. It’s so much better to love the people we love well, out-loud, and remind them of our love as often as we’re able to.

It’s better to hug and compliment honestly. It’s better to take an extra minute each day to remind our kids and loved ones that we believe in them. I’m pretty sure they’ll remember our encouragement more than whether we sent them a carnation on Valentine’s Day.

They’ll remember the flower-grams they didn’t get, though. Which is why Valentine’s Day glower-grams suck.

***
This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, with the prompt “Favorite (or worst) Valentine’s Days…”

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  • Emily - Oh, I sooooo agree with you about the flower-grams! I am one of those people who are forever traumatized from not receiving one on Valentine’s day. I had plenty of friends, but we never talked about sending any to each other (how I wish we did!), and also our flower-gramming occurred in high school, when so many people had boyfriends/girlfriends or crushes or whatever….ugh, it was awful. Anyway, perhaps in a way to protect my own kids from any Valentine’s day angst, I’m about to order “treats” to send to my college boys/men! 🙂February 7, 2020 – 6:54 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Flower-grams just suck. At least for most people. Even if I were somebody who had tons of crushes and all that, and got a bunch, I’d have felt sorry for everybody who didn’t get them. Yay to sending treats to your college boys/men. That’s perfect.February 9, 2020 – 5:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - ugh, in middle school!? And I’m not loving on them, but mine were only in high school which is a bit of an easier ride, socially.
    Yes, I got three as a freshman – from my sister and from two gay friends. I felt special but didn’t get a single one from a crush.
    And it sucks to think of people getting none.February 7, 2020 – 7:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Middle school is so awkward anyway! I can’t remember if we had them in high school, too, but if we did, I probably didn’t get any or many (especially since I don’t remember). I totally remember the awkward icky middle school flower-grams though. Gross.February 9, 2020 – 5:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Adelaide Dupont - Favourite Valentine: 2001.

    A card written by my significant other’s mother – “I have treasured the past three years” – and sent with his big heart which was reflected on the cover.

    The week or two before Valentine I have a spring in my step [because it does feel like the northern spring].

    Another favourite Valentine was 1996 when I started a new book – which took a month to write. And I also wrote a He-She Dialogue.

    Emily: that is so cool about the treats for the gentlemen.

    There were all sorts of stuffed creatures with anything from bears to unicorns to seals.

    2006 Valentine was really cool because I learnt about some great traditions from LiveJournalists like Peg Kerr; Elizabeth Bear; a lady with two Chinese daughters; Conuly from New York and her nieces; and lots of writerly and otherwise passionate types.

    Tamara: gay people make Valentine better! Especially as in Australia it is the end of Midsumma and then there are festivals leading to Ash Wednesday and to Lent.

    Had wondered if flowergramming was for 21st-century technologies? Seems that love would be a better security system or more protection of metadata and respect for cloud architects and refrigeration technicians and tea and cucumber dip and growing plants.

    Vegetables have such great ways to adapt their climes and surroundings.

    21st February is Ancestral Tongue Day from the United Nations.February 7, 2020 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aww to the card by your significant other’s mother! So sweet. I love that you remember it still! We were feeling like spring here too but then got 15 inches of snow and now we’re driving around in snow. Ugh. I’m ready for flowers and green grass.
      WOW to Ancestral Tongue Day! Huh!February 9, 2020 – 5:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - SO glad I didn’t go to a school that did this. I would have had none, ever, and like you say it just goes to further embarrass and undermine the kids no-one likes. Would have pulled a sickie for sure that day!
    Personal encouragement and warm words mean much more!February 8, 2020 – 5:13 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m glad Tucker’s school doesn’t have these. Totally traumatic! And icky. And all the way icky. Pulling a sickie is the way to go. Agree w/ the personal encouragement and warm words!February 9, 2020 – 5:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - I don’t recall anything like this from when I was in school. Then again, during my middle and high school years, life was quite chaotic, so it could’ve happened without me knowing. Ignorance, as usual, is bliss.February 8, 2020 – 11:12 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ignorance is total bliss. If you did have them in middle school, I’m glad you didn’t know about them because gross!February 9, 2020 – 5:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I didn’t think that was still a thing. These days it shouldn’t be. There are better ways for fundraising than to make kids feel awkward. I was somewhere in the middle, I didn’t get a ton but I did receive a few and with the few I can’t remember who from or if I’d made a friend agreement.

    I’ve said this before but Tucker’s height over kids his age so reminds me of Christopher. It’s still like that. I can remember seeing one of his friends at the end of the summer who’d shot past him (he’s 11 months older). I remembering say, “Wow look how tall you are!” Now Christopher is WAAAAAAAAY taller. And just last week I asked him, “Dude, did you grow while you were at school?”February 15, 2020 – 2:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree these days it shouldn’t be a thing! Ugh. Being in the middle is a good place to be I think, but even then, it stinks for the kids on the low end (or no end).
      I think of Christopher all the time when it comes to Tucker growing so tall. Tucker’s still one of the youngest, and I hope I’ll see somebody shoot past him. Either way, our boys will be looking down at most of the rest of us. I used to work with a guy who was maybe 6’7″ or something? And he had this t-shirt (maybe I told you this already) that said
      Yes, I DO play basketball.
      Do you play mini-golf?
      Not sure why I remember that. But I guess I need to get Tucker more into basketball…February 15, 2020 – 10:08 pmReplyCancel

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