Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Being Thankful while Others Weep

“Let’s take a selfie!”  We’re at the zoo; we’re at the playground. On Friday, at the airport heading to Legoland and then, onto Anna Maria Island.

Our flight out was delayed, and delayed again. We walked the new wing of the airport, ate when we weren’t hungry, and tried to not think about the fact that we should’ve already been seated in our rental car before ever boarding our flight.

I thought about posting an update on Facebook after this excited one:

Haters gonna hate but we are going to legoland - findingninee

I didn’t.

I wanted to, but I didn’t.

Because, well, the world. Being thankful while others weep didn’t feel okay.

I felt guilty about boo-hooing that our flight was delayed. After all, we were flying to Florida. We were on our way to Legoland and to white sand and crystal waters.

I felt guilty but I also knew and know that you guys would have gotten it. Maybe you’d have remembered how much airport waiting sucks, or maybe you’d have remembered having to make the calls that ensure you’ll still have a place to stay, a way to get there, and will arrive with a little boy who maybe enjoys the treat you’ve planned for him for months instead of being a crazed, sleep-deprived whiner after six hours of sleep.

I know you’d have gotten it.

And yet, I didn’t post the sucky status update that followed the bliss of my newly-six-year-old taking his first taxi to his first Florida trip on a grounded airplane once called a ninee

Being thankful while others weep never feels okay.

My friend Kenya, referring to South Carolina (who could have also been referring to Any of The All of the Very Bad Horrible Things), recently wrote that she was Grasping at Straws:

Mom and Dad are fine, and I did a roll call text to all of my closest friends. But we all know someone who knows someone, who knows someone who lost everything.

So from my sofa where I pretty much remained all last weekend and into Monday, I did not whine out loud again.”

That’s the thing about Facebook and life, isn’t it? The lightest of our own moments are the darkest of another’s, and being thankful while others weep feels wrong.

And so I didn’t post photos on Facebook yesterday from Legoland. I didn’t post the ones from Lizzi’s visit to ‘Murica. I didn’t post ones from the white-sand beaches that we frolicked on today.

And then I thought. Sharing our happy is just as important as sharing our causes, if not more so. Maybe, sometimes, we have to be thankful while others weep. How else do we continue breathing?

I think about this world and the state that it’s in, and I can barely breathe. I think about the world that my little boy grows up in – one with school lock-downs, with boys barely older than he is being trained to kill people in the name of God, with people who make fun of one another rather than joking and dancing and being Superheroes – and I know, with all of me, that if we’re going to have a universal experience, it’s going to start with me, with you, with all of the dreams, and with all of the empathy and wonder.

I think about this world and I know that it’s important to share the happy. Let’s face it. While it’s much easier to join in the anger and the sorrow, there’s something universal about having an afternoon spent meeting friends.

Magic, at Legoland.

Finding Ninee at Legoland Newyork mini city findingninee.comfinding ninee fireworks at legoland

There’s something to Yelping a breakfast place, finding out that it’s at a bar and saying “Hey! Four stars! Let’s go!” And seeing a small sign in a window that says “Hallelujah Brunch!” and reading “Hallelujah! We’re open for brunch!”

And then getting there, being greeted warmly, sitting after others move over for you…

…thinking “wow, these island people are friendly!” after they welcome you personally, and ordering, and then realizing that the sign said “Hallelujah Brunch! All are welcome!”

After overcoming the incredulousness of understanding where I was and over the awkwardness of whispering “I think this is free but for donations and that it’s church in a bar,” realizing that maybe, it was a perfect reminder to a first day of the beach part of our vacation.

That having women waving their hands for Jesus while a beer cooler hummed to their left was fine, and maybe a touch of life lived beautifully. That it could be a reminder of how differences come together over prayer, song, breakfast, and neon Bud Light signs. Because it was the community that mattered. Nobody was even dressed up.

aabrunch

There’s something universal about dancing in the light on bright white sand.

FindingNineeKidBeach ©findingninee.com

There’s something thankful in each day for each of us. Even on the days when it’s only for a moment.

There’s also something thankful for sharing in one another’s pain, and in the universal pain. In seeing the grief of this that we’re leaving legacy to our children. Of wanting to change our children’s legacy.

In seeing the grief in the world.

Which is why I share today, about today’s joy. Because the only way I see us swimming to the other side of grief and tragedy is to swim in a glorious ocean, even while knowing that it’s taken the lives of loved ones near and far.

There’s something to being thankful while others weep. To finding the joy and the sunshine. Maybe, after all, that helps us to share the darker times with more light.

FindingNinee beach boy ©findingninee.com

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This has been a Thankful post. Done at 2am on vaca. Forgive me if it takes me a while to get back to you okay?
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  • Ivy - Amazing you!!!! Who does a post fom vacation?! Just lovely…. And why do i take SUCH a bad picture???? Love the brunch…love the Tucker photos!!!! Have a joyful…guiltless….deserved….blast!!!!!!October 12, 2015 – 6:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Uhm, I guess I do a post from vacation? Of course, it’s different here in that there is more time and also that we’re not five to a bed and that I need help turning on the air conditioning and that I was the weeniebutt who was keeping people up talking outside…
      And thank you. WEEEEEEENIEEEEE.October 14, 2015 – 12:29 amReplyCancel

      • ivy - And that you paid for the privilege… Whos the weeeeeenie now????October 14, 2015 – 5:34 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Thankful is always appropriate, particularly when combined with compassion–which you always show, by the way. Light casts out darkness, and the world needs more light, so post away! Enjoy your vacation!October 12, 2015 – 9:23 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kristi. I agree that thankful is always appropriate. Here’s to more light. Less darkness. And friendships like yours.October 14, 2015 – 10:12 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - I’m so glad to be included in your joy.October 12, 2015 – 9:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - And me, in yours. <3 Thank you for being completely awesome. Brian, too.October 14, 2015 – 10:12 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Yep. We get it. Love the photos!October 12, 2015 – 9:43 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - When Little Dude was in treatment, I wrote a post that was mostly a rant about how I disliked anyone who was having fun on vacation, while I was sitting in a hospital with my son. I think I attempted to make the post somewhat humorous, but I found out later that it didn’t quite have the intended consequences. I had met up with a friend after LD’s treatment ended and she mentioned that post (which I had no idea she even read). She said she was one of those people on vacation then and felt so guilty about it. And then she started to cry…of course it made me start to cry and I told her I didn’t mean to make people feel sorry for us…so I guess my point in telling you this is that YES, you are right to be thankful while others are weeping, because you can find joy during times of darkness and you can also feel empathy while experiencing joy. Well said!!October 12, 2015 – 12:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I remember that post and I think it’s one of the reasons that I’m more sensitive to posting the vacation photos. (NOT said to give any guilt at all I promise)
      It’s hard though right? I know in my own times of darkness, I don’t want to see how happy people are vacationing and yet, part of me does, ya know? Oh it’s all so complicated and hard. But also important to talk about maybe – the guilt and the happiness all of it. Thanks for this Emily. Really. <3October 14, 2015 – 10:42 amReplyCancel

  • Vanessa D. - This is a beautiful and beautifully done Thankful post. Enjoy your vacation.October 12, 2015 – 2:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - This is a big deal for me – what you wrote about, so I must share with a LONG comment:). When my brother died – I hated FB, for multiple reasons. I hated to read about people who were happy and doing fun things. I hated to see people who should have been grieving, post stuff that was inappropriate for someone who’d lost someone they love. I hated to read posts from people “grieving,” who barely knew my brother. I hated when people who lost loved ones took their grief to FB (as I kept mine private). Hate, Hate, Hate – yes I was a hater. I bailed on FB for months, I couldn’t take it. And don’t get me start5ed on FakeBooking:)!But it did teach me to self-censor. For right or wrong, I was mindful of hurting someone. But then the whole blogging thing and I became a blog share-er I’m sure driving my family and friends crazy.

    Last spring I had drinks with a friend and she was going through a very tough time and she unleashed on mutual friends and their FaceBook activity. It was of off the chains. I’ll spare you the details (I know this is long), but all I could think was, “I can never share good news again.” Seriously. Insane write? I’m still very apprehensive about posting personal news on FB -and I never share Road Trip pictures anymore. I save that for my blog – if they want to see/read, they’ve got to come to me. You know?

    That being said, it makes me sad – cause I missed your news. But I’m so glad that you’re happy and having fun. Celebrate that my friend, and disregard the haters. I am so glad you shared your thoughts and your pictures here – cause I’m always reading, cause I want to know about what’s going on with you:).

    Have fun xoxo!October 12, 2015 – 2:46 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie,
      That so completely makes sense. And the other side is that there are some people on Facebook who are unable to share happy news without coming across as braggy – which I never ever feel comfortable doing and would rather not post anything than feel like I’m rubbing the good fortune of taking a beautiful Florida vacation in anybody’s face.
      And yet. It’s what we are doing. THIS WEEK. Last week kinda sucked, getting ready, having my husband work all night and all day so that he could take time off…
      And yeah, the other side is when somebody dies. And people. I KNOW what you mean with all of that. Those who should be grieving, those who are grieving without really having known the person… such a complex crazy thing huh? Thanks for your long comment. I’ll always want to know what you’re up to as well. xoxoxOctober 14, 2015 – 10:46 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - You are so right. It does feel wrong to celebrate good when others are carrying so much bad. But can we really stifle the beauty just because there is ugly in the world? Should we? I think we have to continue to hold the sadness with respect and not forget that it’s there, but also bring joy to the forefront. It’s too easy to let evil take over and push good to the side. Sure it’s hard to see others rejoice when we suffer. It truly is. But sometimes that joy can help bring us out of the dark, too. Life’s about balance, isn’t it? This is completely gorgeous – all of it.October 12, 2015 – 3:29 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you Lisa. Yeah, it really is hard to see the joy when we’re struggling through the darkness. And yet. And yet, what do we do? Hide the light? No. We have to find a way to hold the sadness with respect as you say. Hugs to you. May your worries right now soon be full of light and relief. xoOctober 14, 2015 – 10:50 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love your post title and how this post piggybacks on your 1am comment to my post. The responses to that post made me feel better and though I haven’t whined out loud I did share on facebook again. Just because we post something happy doesn’t mean we are trying to throw shade on what someone else is going through. And just because we post someting that we’re going through doesn’t mean it throws shade on anyone’s happiness. Love all the pictures. But it’s a tug of war with empathy either way.October 12, 2015 – 4:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya,
      Yeah, your post really made me think. Because so often, I don’t post the joy (or my sorrows) on Facebook. It’s hard to be a downer when others are up and it’s hard to be up knowing others are down, struggling, barely breathing. Thank you for this. For your friendship. For getting the bit Its. We still have to write that post together. I think it will be hard, but very worth it.October 14, 2015 – 10:52 amReplyCancel

  • Sandra - First of all I have to tell you once again (because I’m sure I have) how absolutely gorgeous your little guy is, and he positively exudes joy which is a definite indicator that his home life is filled with moments that most definitely should be posted on Facebook. We all know of the horror in the world. And it’s horrible, and it’s not going to be any less horrible if people who have joyful experiences to share do so. As a matter of fact, it’s the joyful experiences that keep me coming back to Facebook, so I can share in my friends’ and family’s moments. I’d rather read a status update that says, “Hanging out on an island with a cooler full of beer next to me!” than one of those really dreadfully sad ones that say, “Our BeccaBoo is sitting in the hospital, maybe in labour and we’re so worried because little bump is too early!” 1. Yes, she refers to her 21 year old daughter Rebecca as BeccaBoo on a public forum. 2. BeccaBoo is 39 weeks pregnant, no complications! 3. And “bump” is what she refers to as BeccaBoo’s baby. I guess it could be cute, but I’ve had to have updates from BeccaBoo’s mother daily, so yeah, I’m really excited for bump’s “early” arrival. That is all.October 12, 2015 – 5:45 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH BeccaBoo sounds annoying and so does her mother. Sorry. Truth. And thank you! He is pretty gorgeous and amazing, huh? He really really is. Hope you’re having a week that’s much more full of light and laughter than darkness, friend. xoOctober 14, 2015 – 10:53 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I loved Kenya’s post. I almost wanted to call out her friend(s) who had made the snarky comments but didn’t. I know they probably meant well.
    I’m all for sharing the happy. I remember posting something about it once and one of my friends said, “I’m ailing here, after recovering from a quadruple bypass. Please keep sharing the happy because I like to see it.”
    I never questioned it again!
    Love your photos!October 12, 2015 – 8:01 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh did you see the friend’s comments on FB? I never really pay attention to them. Maybe I should start. Or, not. Because yeah, not. Thank you for your friend’s comment too about sharing the happy. I like that.October 14, 2015 – 10:55 amReplyCancel

  • Dyanne @ I Want Backsies - I’m glad you were able to find so much joy and thankfulness! Still bummed that I couldn’t come to the NJ meeting. So many of my favorite people in ONE ROOM. Love how self assured and grown up Tucker has become!October 12, 2015 – 11:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m bummed you couldn’t come to the NJ meetup too. It sounds like she’s determined to come back though so we’ll have to do another with more of us! And yeah, Tucker blows me away every day. I hope you’re having a glorious week!October 14, 2015 – 11:01 amReplyCancel

  • Pat B - I smiled as I read your description of attending the Hallajuah Brunch and how you happened to eat there. You left us with such beautiful thoughts in those lines above the photo of your son, who BTW exudes joy. Enjoy your vacation and thank you for taking the time to share your important message.October 13, 2015 – 1:46 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Pat, the brunch, while awkward at first, ended up being such a blessing and the perfect reminder to live and be and be thankful and open to others on a vacation. And thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to leave this wonderfully sweet comment!October 14, 2015 – 11:02 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - Posting about your joy and light doesn’t erase the bad things in the world, but it does remind us that there is always Good. Sometimes we have to look harder for it, and sometimes we can’t find it at all. But when it’s there, right in front of you, you have to embrace it.

    Yeah, yeah. I do believe that, but I also get what you are saying about the guilt. I think everyone can, but you said it much better than most of us could.October 13, 2015 – 12:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Dana. It feels like it’s wrong at times but still – what are we to do? Never post about our happy moments? Our thankful ones? Gah. We have to I think. And thank you, for real.October 14, 2015 – 11:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - I think being thankful while others are weeping is what life should be. We should be thankful for the great in our lives while acknowledging that others are grasping at straws. It validates their despair and also that we are so very grateful for the lightOctober 13, 2015 – 12:59 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I do too. I mean, I think we simply have to. It sucks when we’re the grasping but it doesn’t because it reminds us that this world is big and amazing and so full of light.October 14, 2015 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Michele @ A Storybook Life - Thank you for posting those happy pictures! And for putting into words something I’ve struggled with myself. I suppose we go with our guts and be respectful of others’ hardships, but also realize that it’s still important to celebrate the happy days, and to count the many things we’re grateful for. For the record, I’m grateful for you!October 13, 2015 – 1:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks so much Michele. I’m grateful for YOU. And for your words and your stories, both dark and light. They make everything more human, you know?October 14, 2015 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I love upbeat status updates on Facebook, but I get what you’re saying about wondering how it might affect those who are not so lucky and having a difficult time. It’s a tough call but in the end, I prefer to post the happy stuff and seldom say much about the sad stuff. I figure there is already enough of that in the world.October 17, 2015 – 12:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I do too in the end I think Marcia. But I am thinking about how other people are suffering when I’m talking about being on the beach or whatever. Thank you!October 18, 2015 – 3:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerry - Dancing in the light, in the light of the sand sounds lovely.October 17, 2015 – 4:55 amReplyCancel

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