Almost four months ago, I chose a word of the year. I chose the word Heal. At first, I thought “Nah, too passive.”

Except, I realized I love the word Heal and knew it was the perfect, exactly right-for-me-now January 2020 word.

I love Heal because it implies both growth and damage. It says that through humaning and being, damage is done while also saying “Hey, you. You’re not done. The ways in which you’re damaged can be repaired, or, (at the very least), you’ll sprout a new branch in those spots. Wait, water, and see what happens.” 

Heal says growth is possible where there’s pain. 

Heal is a word that nods its head to our pasts, says a prayer for the places in which we are scarred, and offers hope. 

Heal is growth from decay. 

Power from powerlessness.

A chance to become our better selves even as we remain our broken selves.

Tonight’s Finish the Sentence Friday prompt is “Four months ago, I chose a word of the year. Here’s how it’s going.” 

So, how’s it going? 

Corona Virus Changed Word of the Year Goals for the Worse

On one hand, it’s going slow. For sure, the corona virus changed my word of the year goals for the worse.

But also, it’s going well, if slow. Healing takes time, right? We’re more at healing’s mercy than it is at ours, although that’s frustrating. I figure acknowledging the frustration is part of the healing process, so take what I say as you will. 

Anyway, I continue therapy and have made some progress. It took two sessions for me to read my post about being a time traveler and mattering. My therapist had me read out loud it using “I” rather than “you,” which kinda sucked but was also kinda healing.  

But wow, the corona zombie apocalypse. 

A Changed Life Due to The Corona Virus  

In January, none of us knew spring break plans would be canceled, and not only that – school for the rest of the year. Life, as we were used to it then has since been canceled.

Here, we have tickets to Disneyland and California Univeral Studios, plus plane tickets that are just hanging in the air.

Ready to be rebooked, except WHEN??? No refunds. We’re just waiting. 

The whole world is just waiting.

Elementary school graduation plans? The cool photo booth we talked about in the fifth-grade continuation ceremony planning meeting will NEVER HAPPEN.

That sucks. I think it’s okay to say it sucks even while understanding that the asshats who care more about getting a haircut in the “real” world matters more than the lives of the most vulnerable among us.

When it comes to healing, it’s fair to say I’m hanging in there. Working on what I can as I’m able, between e-learning, realizing there’s a reason I never considered the teaching profession, and working for the company that enables me to drive the Jeep of my dreams. 

All in all, I’m probably not where I’d hoped to be in January, but are any of us?

Let’s remind ourselves that a situation like this hasn’t occurred in anybody’s lifetime.

I’ll say it again.

Nothing Like This Has Ever Happened While We’ve Been Alive

It’s not as if our kids can get an answer to “What did you do when there was a pandemic and how long did it take to have life be normal again?” Because none of us know. Nobody knows. 

We carry on as we carry on, and find light in anxiety. We tilt our faces to the sun, and remind ourselves how good it feels. We play ball with our kids, and take sunshine breaks that are often less than we hoped for.

We revel in the small.

Revel in 30-seconds of healing, connection.

We take joy in 30 seconds of not wondering what life will look like in a month, or in ten years because everything we know has been forever changed.

We fuel ourselves with driveway conversations with neighbors, with taking socially distant hikes, and from the fact that we’re in this together, even though it often sucks. 

***

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, with the prompt “Four months ago, I chose a word of the year. Here’s how it’s going.”

Tell me how it’s going for you, whether you linked up back then or not. I’m truly curious and send love and and wishes for 30 seconds of sun to you and yours. xoxo