Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

On Why I Don’t Like the Grocery Store and Embarrassing Things Happen There

I may have run out of tricks to make my husband offer to do the grocery shopping alone, or, even better, with our son Tucker. Him offering to stop on the way home, or after an outing without me doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Like any good wife, I try and time my husband’s solo trips to the grocers with necessity that makes sense in his world. Him, already out and about, and out of yogurt. Him, on his way home and Tucker needing fruit for his lunch box. He’ll almost always remember to get my wine, which, honestly, is the only reason for me to go to that particular store at all.

Looking back, it’s hard to say whether I’ve always despised going to the grocery store as much as I do now. It’s also hard to say why, exactly, I don’t like going, considering that many of my favorite things are purchased there. That a store exists where I can nab both Doritos and wine should be one that I adore. And yet, I do not.

My aversion to the grocery store is probably my mom’s fault. After all, she was the inconsiderate lesson-teacher who sent my no-longer-triumphant-seven-year-old-self back into King Soopers to find the manager and tell him what I’d done the day that a forbidden pack of Juicy Fruit gum fell out of my underpants because I had no pockets. It was probably her fault that I didn’t have pockets and even more her fault that I had to steal Juicy Fruit gum, because it wasn’t sugarless. She obviously didn’t realize that the fact that the word Fruit was in the name meant that it was a meal supplement. Healthy, even.

The grocery is also the place where my son has embarrassed me more than once. There’s one time though, that sticks in mind when I hated the grocery store and my son embarrassed me there.

I was standing in the chip aisle, contemplating the Baked ones versus the actually Delicious ones (which are never baked, for the record).

Contemplating Baked vs Healthy Chips at the grocery -Finding Ninee.com

While standing in front of the chip aisle, contemplating the nasty Baked ones because hello too many rolls above my waistband is when I turned around to find Tucker with his hand in his pants.

“Tucker! Get your hand out of your pants!” I said.

Get your hand out of your pants - Finding Ninee

Now remember, often times, he can be a little hard to understand, but because there were people around and because it was about privates, he exclaimed, perfectly clearly “Mom! I’m fixing my penis!” He was angry so of course it sounded more like “Maaaahaaam! I’m Fix.ING. My. Penis!!!” I could hear people chuckling in the aisle over.

4yo fixing his penis at the grocery store - findingninee.com

I hate the grocery store.

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This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, where writers and bloggers gather to support one another in finishing the same sentence, completely or loosely. This week’s sentence is”It started in the line at the grocery store…” Your hosts:
Me (Kristi from Finding Ninee)
and this week’s co-hosts are Dawn M Skorczewski, this week’s sentence thinker-upper, and, for linking to Dawn, please reference her FB profile page here, so that people are able to read her ending to the sentence prompt, and Nicki Gilbert (Redboots).

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Janine Huldie - Having girls, I don’t have penis issues at the grocery store, but trust me the grocery store and my girls is no day at the beach either. When in doubt, I usually send my husband by himself or go alone while he watches them, because I could write novels on the things they have done in the grocery store. I will just share one of the many finer moments that happened to me when Lily was a toddler and she decided she would undress herself right before I was about to check out. Nothing was finer than having a little old lady tell me that my baby was half naked in the grocery checkout line!!May 21, 2015 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Janine, the grocery store is maybe never a day at the beach? I love that you send Kevin whenever you can and that you get why I need to send Robert when I can!! OUCH to Lily undressing herself! Also hahah!!! Too funny!!!May 22, 2015 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - THANK YOU! I am not alone. Picture it – we’re in the liquor store (yes, here in Canada – except in Quebec – you have to buy your booze in a specially designated booze store.Ok this is changing soon here in BC but still…) and strolling the busy aisles looking for wine. My son – age 8 – announces to the entire store that his penis is practising. Uh huh. Practising.May 21, 2015 – 10:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - In Colorado you have to go to a separate store as well so I was delighted and shocked that we can buy wine in grocery stores here in VA! But OMG his penis was practicing!!! HAHAHAHA and horrifying.May 22, 2015 – 10:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Beth Siebert - It started in the line at the grocery store When my son was happily bouncing around. An elderly black woman began yelling him to behave. I was writing the check as fast as I could, praying to the Lord to survive this ordeal when I explained to the woman, “My son has autism.” She yelled louder, “I do not care what he has I to,d him to be still.”. I took a deep breath and went back to pay the grocer for a quick exit and then it happened…my son ripped the back woman’s wig off. The elderly nearly bald woman hair lay on the floor. My son grabbed me in fear it was a alive. I picked it up, dusted it off and handed it back to the woman apologizing. That woman was so mad and I had not even noticed she wore a wig. My black girl friend told me that black women do in fact wear wigs and Alex had committed the cardinal sin against a black woman that day by pulling her wig off. For me picking between the DMZ between North and South Korea or going to the grocery store. The DMZ seems like a walk in the park. No penis involved but still really embarrassing.May 21, 2015 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YIKES so embarrassing but also hilarious that Alex pulled the wig off a woman who was being mean to him!!May 22, 2015 – 10:59 pmReplyCancel

      • Beth Siebert - She thought she was just straightening him out until he snatched the wig off abd then she knew Autism was bot something that could be straightened out. I am so dumb I did not even know she had a wig on.

        Just trying to write the check and get out of there as fast as I could without incident.May 22, 2015 – 11:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicki - Your story about the gum and it being your mom’s fault reminds me of my little guy who is always late to class and says it’s not his fault the bell rings, it’s the principal’s fault, she rings the bell!

    HATE the grocery store. HATE! With kids or without. I go for the wine. And if I happen to pick up a few extra necessities so be it. Told you, haters stick together ;). And also, this is FUNNY! xxxMay 21, 2015 – 10:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA to the bell not being his fault. He has a point. Whoot to haters sticking together and also thank you for you.May 22, 2015 – 11:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Oh hòw I hate the grocery store too. And I can promise you my boys have embarrassed me there on numerous occasions. I joke that we cause a scene wherever we go,except it ain’t no joke.:) personally, I think that tucker story is hilarious and sweet, but yeah I get how you might have been mortified at the time…May 21, 2015 – 11:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
      In reality, I think it’s pretty sweet as well although I WAS pretty embarrassed when I heard people laughing from the next aisle over. Still gotta love language and articulation!! 🙂May 22, 2015 – 11:02 pmReplyCancel

      • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Yep! Where I live, both Harris Teeter & Lowes Foods offer online shopping. You just go the the site, shop for all your items, and specify a pick up time (you have to give them at least 4 hours notice). Then, when you go to the store, there is a special pick up lane. You use a little call box to give them you name and they bring all your groceries right out to your car. You hand them a check or credit card and then they load everything into your car for you, YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR! It is totally awesome. You can “shop” from you couch at midnight if you want and just pick everything up the next day!May 23, 2015 – 8:40 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - I often wish your mortifying tales weren’t so damn funny! I am sure I have a penis story or two in my old lady memory but I can’t think of any right now or I’d tell you one to make you feel better.
    I hate the grocery store, too. Just in general. I think if I still drank and would be buying wine I might like it better. But only if I could drink it while I was shopping 🙂May 22, 2015 – 6:10 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA Sandy! I hate the grocery store and agree that being mortified is pretty funny. Tucker’s fairly awesome that way.May 22, 2015 – 11:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - LOL!!!!! I was out for my walk and I listened to your post read by a robot. I know that’s cheat reading but I only do it when I feel like i know the readers voice very well. The robot did good. I pretty much chuckled from the time the juicy fruit fell out of your pants. The drawings are the icing on the cake, I couldn’t wait to see them.May 22, 2015 – 7:40 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ok so the whole term “cheat reading?” Love. Also what app do you use for that because I’m missing out and also am honored that you know my “voice” well enough to cheat read me. Glad the robot did good. And thank you!!May 22, 2015 – 11:27 pmReplyCancel

      • Kenya G. Johnson - It’s a setting on the iPhone. Go into Settings/General/Accessibility – enable speak selection and speak screen. You’ll have to play around with the speed. When you’re on a page you want read, emails – anything, swipe from the top with two fingers. It will automatically start reading. You can pause and rewind. I’ve listen to mine sometimes to see if I can “hear” a mistake.May 23, 2015 – 9:50 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - LOL! So funny! And so true! There have been many similar times for us, too! Great post! 😀May 22, 2015 – 9:34 amReplyCancel

  • Allie - I adore your son – he is flipping hilarious – and mom, if you ask a dumb question…

    I wanted to do this prompt, I have so many embarrassing grocery store stories – too many. But it’s miracle I can even comment. I am slammed. Off to pick up my middle schooler, after his final 8th grade walk through the halls. It seems like yesterday that he peed in produce department of Giant.May 22, 2015 – 10:47 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL Allie to the “mom, if you ask a dumb question!” HAHAH and true. Sorry that you’re so slammed. You must be getting ready for another epic road trip and if you’re near here, we need to get together!!! LOL to the peeing in produce at Giant. You totally have to write about that when you’re less crazy!May 22, 2015 – 11:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - I’m sorry but that is freaking hystericalMay 22, 2015 – 11:58 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Ha! Obviously, I don’t have boys, but one of my girls did ask me once and very loudly “Mom, what is personal lubricant?” while we were standing in the maxi pad aisle. Now, I do all my grocery shopping online. Seriously, you should try it!May 22, 2015 – 7:54 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG Lisa, that’s almost worse because YIKES how would a person even answer that? And for real? You do all of your shopping online now? Awesome!!!May 22, 2015 – 11:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - OK, what is it with boys and penis fixing? It doesn’t go away, does it? As they age it turns into things like “adjusting” or “scratching” (because, I’m told, all balls itch). Honestly. And somehow they get away with it. But if we ladies tried that in a public venue? Plus, they can pee anywhere. Hmm. Inequity at its best.May 23, 2015 – 12:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa, I don’t think it EVER goes away! LOL to “all balls itch.” I have heard the same so it must be true. Gah.May 23, 2015 – 7:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Nina - Love it! Hey it’s like when we fix our wedgies. I’m sure penises get caught in uncomfortable places too lol.May 23, 2015 – 9:16 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Nina, so now I have a vivid mental image of a penis getting caught in an uncomfortable place!May 23, 2015 – 7:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - haha!! Penises must be fixed at all times! Oh man. I do like the grocery store but I like it when I have Cassidy’s credit card. When I have my own, I’m not s fun. When I have his, I pretty much donate money to any cause and I always buy the expensive gelato.
    I swear I’m a generous person – when I have his credit card. Our money, but his credit card.May 23, 2015 – 10:04 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh yes penises must be fixed at all times! LOL to it being more fun with your money but Cassidy’s credit card. Must be some subliminal thing!May 23, 2015 – 7:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Tanisha Gomez - Haha this sounds excactly like something my son would say! Once we were in a grocery store and he yelled out,”MOM I FARTED!”…I laughed and said “That’s Ok honey but you don’t need to talk about it”. LOL 🙂May 23, 2015 – 5:21 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I hate to admit it, but I would have been that person in the next aisle over—giggling!May 23, 2015 – 9:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I probably would have been too, Marcia! Especially if it was somebody else’s kid 🙂May 24, 2015 – 4:53 pmReplyCancel

  • karen - I know any trip to the store without AJ is like a vacation. Boys are always fixing their penises….shakes my heads.May 24, 2015 – 9:58 amReplyCancel

  • Mimi - I realized I only posted on FB and not here. DOH! Anyway, have loved this maiden voyage into FTSF. I found your post hilarious! My little dude is very into his penis lately, and I’ve had to have discussions with him before various public outings about avoiding talking about it and what not. Sometimes works better than others. So I could totally relate to this. And the pictures are priceless!!May 24, 2015 – 12:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Mimi, I’m so so glad that you’ve loved your first time participating in FTSF! I loved your post and hope you’ll join us often. Also, I know all about having those discussions before going somewhere. It’s kinda funny how much we need to talk about butts and penises before leaving the house!May 24, 2015 – 4:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Jill - Oh…boys and their penises. It starts early and never, ever ends. Sigh.May 24, 2015 – 8:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Well, you know, penises do have to be fixed sometimes.

    I have a scar on the top of my forehead, right at the hairline. It is from a can that fell off the top shelf at the grocery store, as I was reaching up to grab it. My head caught it.May 25, 2015 – 12:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Penises do indeed need to be fixed at times. Bras and underpants, too.
      OMG to your scar! I mean, it’s kinda funny now to me but I also picture your sweet adorable head bleeding in the grocery store from a can! Yikes!May 26, 2015 – 6:43 pmReplyCancel

  • don - Well, that doesn’t seem as though it started in line at the store. It was more like in the chips aisle, ma’am! Whatevs.

    Leave us boys alone when we’re trying to fix our penises. Why do you women have to make such a big deal out of it and draw unnecessary attention to yourselves? Craziness.

    Did you get the good chips?May 26, 2015 – 9:09 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hm. That’s true. It did start in the chip aisle. Oh well.
      I will try to keep your sage wisdom in mind the next time one of you penis-havers has his hand in his pants. Thank you. I guess.
      I ALWAYS get the good chips. I also always think about not getting them and then get them anyway.May 26, 2015 – 6:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Well, from what I understand, this is a very important task in a male’s life and may have to be done multiple times a day. Thank God, Maggie has finally caught on to keeping her hands out of her pants in public. Seriously, remind me to tell you one day what she said in front of Leo’s speech therapist when I asked her to take them out one time.
    I am so jealous of your VA shopping. I can’t get my wine and my groceries in the same store in MD. it is so annoying!May 26, 2015 – 2:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - We could never buy wine in the grocery store in Colorado either. Just 3.2 beer and coolers (lower alcohol left over from when you could drink 3.2 when you were 18 years old). Now I’m dying to know what Maggie said in front of Leo’s speech therapist!!May 26, 2015 – 6:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Nina - LOL! That was a clever finishing of that sentence complete with cartoons. Awesome!May 26, 2015 – 6:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA thanks, Nina! A bit of a cop-out for last minute posting but sometimes, that’s okay I’ve decided 😉May 26, 2015 – 6:51 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL. you and your life crack me up. thank you. xxxxxMay 26, 2015 – 11:38 pmReplyCancel

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