For ever and ever

I’ve been trying to finish a funny post about my dog.  The bones are there, but it’s just not to the point where it makes me laugh like a maniac all by myself in the way that this dog story did.

It started this morning after I dropped Tucker off at school.  It was the first time that he was really upset and didn’t want to go in the building with his teacher.  Ever.  I wanted to take him home.  I wondered if he had a sixth-sense.  Silly, I know.  But it crossed my mind.  Perhaps it’s the rawness I feel over Sandy Hook.  Perhaps it’s that I am more timid in general now, having recently been reminded that there are evil people in the world who want to cause harm.  Maybe it’s today’s much-hyped Mayan apocalypse.  No, I didn’t think the world would explode because we didn’t interpret the Mayan calendar correctly.  But it did cross my mind that there could be a person out there who would want to violently aid in our world’s end.

All week, I’ve reminded myself that we go on.  We go on because there is still so much beauty and light and laughter in the world.  And I believe that.  I see it in my son.  In my husband.  In our family.  In all of you – Internet friends who I’ll likely never meet in person but who are here, late at night on Twitter.  With me, in this blog’s comments.  With all of us, in your own blogs.  Sharing stories, confessions, hilarity and confidences.  And all of that is beautiful.  And powerful.  And healing.

And yet, I just couldn’t be funny enough today.  Part of me feels guilty for still being so sad.  After all, what right do I have to grieve?  My baby is fine.  I am fine.  We are healthy and alive and live in a home full of giggles and silliness and love.  But I do grieve.

In an effort to distract myself from my un-funny dog post, I went upstairs and made a sandwich.  I then extended my break to clean the fish tank.  Like, all the way clean.  Then I forced myself back to writing here and indulged in one final distraction – checking Facebook.  And I started bawling all over again because a friend of mine posted something that punched me in the heart.

So instead of getting a funny dog post today, I’m going to share what my friend posted.  Hug your children tonight.  And always remember the innocent victims of Sandy Hook.

Now We Are Six, by A.A. Milne

When I was One,
I had just begun.

When I was Two,
I was nearly new.

When I was Three,
I was hardly me.

When I was Four,
I was not much more.

When I was Five,
I was just alive.

But now I am Six, I’m as clever as clever,
So I think I’ll be six for ever and ever.