How I’m Learning To Be Better Everyway

It was sunny and almost 60 degrees outside when I got an email from school saying there’d be no school the following day due to the blizzard. “Bomb Cyclone” is what they were calling it. I was happy – I’d be able to sleep in, we’d have an extra day to get through a couple of the million piles of undone homework before the end of the quarter, and I knew my son would be thrilled with the storm we’d be getting. I read about The Bomb Cyclone, told my husband he should leave work by 10a.m. the next morning, and watched “Try Not To Laugh” challenges on YouTube with Tucker past our usual bedtime.

The following morning, we did sleep late, woke to a drizzle, and had breakfast. We played a game, and I got online for my weekly video call with work colleagues. Before it began, Tucker poked his head into the office and said “No offense, but I’m bored.” ARGH!!! “No offense??” Does he think that makes it better? I let him know I needed an hour and a half and to go play Legos.

He made this lovely mess in the loft.

And this one in his bedroom.

Gotta love snow days, huh?

How I’m Learning To Be Better Everyway

After my call with work, we marveled at the craziness of the winds and not being able to see out of the windows. Talked to my husband at work who was going to be stuck there for the night, sleeping at his desk. He’d taken a toothbrush, which both annoyed me (it meant he suspected he’d not get out of there in time instead of just leaving already) and relieved me, for him. Not having a toothbrush after being stranded at work all night would suck.

I had to work, and Tucker did a pretty good job of staying busy making messes, but part of me was sad for us.

I’m learning to be better in everyway, and want to be better at being enthusiastic in the moment. I’m learning to be appreciative when he asks me to play Legos with him, or asks me to play some ridiculous game of something or other that nobody but he is sure of the rules because he makes them up and changes them to make it more complex along the way.

Today, the winds were gone and the sun was out for a bit but school was cancelled. Roads were closed and it was bad out there. I got it, but was a bit less thrilled, as there’s also no school tomorrow, and only two days next week. The following week is Spring Break, and that’s a lot of days at home. Anyway, I told Tucker we could shovel the driveway together after the third “No offense, but I’m bored” declaration, but when I opened the garage door, I saw this.

I looked at it for a minute, snapped a few photos, walked around to the front porch, and told him we’d build a snowman in the back, instead. I shut the garage door. The snow was too dry for snowman making (hello Colorado) so we played around with the dog instead.

We went back to the front, and I started shoveling the driveway. A neighbor, whom we’ve never formally met, brought his snow blower over and finished it for us. Strangers in Colorado are so much nicer than in Northern Virginia and DC, by the way.

As I watched and filmed Tucker, I realized there’s a lot I want to learn to be better about. He’s nine and a half years old now, and I know the times he asks me to play Legos or build a snowman with him will grow less frequent. There are times I miss younger him with a ferocity that takes my breath away.

Why can’t I cherish each moment of now-him, even in the too-cold weather? I’m learning to take the time to cherish this, or at least trying to. Shouldn’t I learn to love that when he says “No offense, but I’m bored” and relish that he thinks I’ll be able to think of an activity that will make him happy? I go back and forth on this, wanting him to realize that life isn’t an on-demand buffet of fun – wanting him to be bored and stare at dirt like I did as a kid – while holding onto the days left when he still wants to play with me.

I look at him and marvel at how much I love him, how much I want him to be happy playing with me. Then, he says “I’m bored,” and I want to scream.

I’m learning patience in the moments. I’m learning being my best me, even when I’m stressed out and grumpy about another snow day when there’s bill-paying work to be done. Laundry piled too high in the basket.

I just went out and checked on Tucker. He’s in front of the house, near the porch in a big pile of snow left by shoveling and snow blowing. He’s building a tunnel.

He’s singing random made-up songs, and talking to himself in different voices. Saying “Dude! You need a ventilation hole here!” and my heart breaks a little, remembering how I’d never have dreamed he’d say a word like “ventilation.” This is how I’m learning to be better everyway. By watching my nine-year-old play in the snow.

Now is when I take my advice and put on my hat, gloves, and other winter clothing that was exciting a few months ago but now feels fat and cumbersome. I won’t last as long as he does in the cold and snow, but maybe, he’ll learn that playing outside on a snow day is what snow days are for, and that his mom adores him. Or maybe, I’ll just take a snowball to the face, and learn to remember taking a snowball to the face used to be hilarious.

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post, with the prompt of “I want to learn…”

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