Our Land – Looking Forward to Giving Back

Yo! Guess what? Today’s Our Land features my amazing friend Emily from Oh Boy Mom. Trust me when I tell you that her voice is beyond excellent, and that I’m confident you’ll love her just as much as I do. Honestly, when I asked her to submit, I didn’t think she’d have time to do so. Emily has been on a hiatus since mid-July, when she found out that her life was about to change. I’m honored and excited that she has contributed today’s post. Read more about Emily at the end and then please go visit her site. You’ll be glad you did.

Looking Forward to Giving Back

When Kristi first asked me to guest post for her “Our Land” series, I knew I could easily contribute. I just didn’t know where to start, because my family has had so many encounters over the years in the land of empathy. What would I focus on?

My son is now a 16-year old teenager. Gone are the days when he’d have play dates with kids who didn’t care if he talked or not and simply accepted the fact that he wanted to play with toy cars the whole time. Or the time when he had a very special first grade teacher who gave homework to all the students to learn a certain game at recess just so my son would learn the rules and be able to participate with the others on the playground. Those little kindnesses by peers or tweaks to a classroom lesson by a teacher took so little effort, but made such a huge difference to my son’s progress and confidence. Today, my son is a thriving guy who flirts with girls, went to sleep-away camp for seven summers, plays and excels at basketball and golf, does not require any academic support, and blends right in with his classmates, except for the fact that he’s 6 foot 7.

Do I think the years of therapy and support are what propelled him to where he is today? Sure, that was a big part of it. But, the other parts that made such a difference in his development were all those small acts of empathy. If it weren’t for the “cool” guy at camp taking him under his wing and literally teaching him how to talk to girls, my son would not have the courage to ask a girl to dance at the camp social. One act, so simple, has gifted my son with the ability to believe that he is worthy of dancing, just like everyone else.

Little did I know, the empathetic gestures would continue, except the focus would change from one of my children to another, one who was recently diagnosed with a serious illness. At first we didn’t tell too many people. We found out right at the beginning of the summer and so it was easy to avoid friends and neighbors who were busy with their summer plans. But, slowly word got around our very small community.

When it’s your child – your 9-year-old baby – people naturally express shock and disbelief. The one line we kept hearing over and over again was, “I can’t imagine what you must be going through.” In other words, people were saying, “this is so horrible that it’s almost too hard to be empathetic.” And in some instances, that’s exactly what happened. Some of our closest friends seemed to vanish. The notion of someone else’s child being diagnosed with a cancerous tumor was news they simply could not handle. And so they didn’t. They haven’t called or emailed or checked in. Do I cross these people off my “good friends” list now? Believe me, it’s tempting. But, I’ve realized that I have to learn to accept my friends’ limitations. In all fairness, most of my friends say or do exactly the right thing – a phone message with the reassurance that she’s checking in and loves me — or just showing up at my house to just BE there for me. Those friends understand what true empathy is. It’s amazing to me that many of my online friends, most of whom I’ve never met in real life, are more empathetic to me than some friends I see all the time. I actually had one of my online friends offer to donate blood if my son ever needed a transfusion. She herself is a survivor of a childhood illness, so she totally gets this. But still, wow.

Some friends have used my son’s illness as a way to teach empathy to their own kids. I am fine with that, as long as my son knows it’s genuine. The other day three of my son’s school buddies showed up at our door with a handmade poster bearing get well messages, lollipops, and rainbow loom bracelets. While I’m sure a mom or dad was behind the effort, the three boys rang the doorbell themselves and had earnest, caring looks on their faces. My son was too nauseous to come to the door that day, but I know he’ll cherish that poster as much as I do.

This is going to be a long year of treatments, hospital visits, tests, and needle pokes. Our family – and most especially my son — needs empathy more than ever. When it’s all over, and my son is healthy and strong again, I plan to reverse the flow of caring. I want to give it all back, to each and every person who has let us know that they are there for us – whether it’s through a meal, a toy, a card, a phone call, a Facebook message, text, prayer or a hug. These simple acts of support have meant so much. I want to return the love. I can’t wait to get started.

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Thank you, Emily. I really appreciate you taking the time to contribute to Our Land. I know that I’m not alone in being over-the-top happy that you’re back to blogging and in sending empathy and prayers for your son and your entire family.

More about Emily from Oh Boy Mom:

Emily is a mom to three boys (ages 9, 13, and 16) and one girl dog. She is an iced tea junkie and tennis-playing fanatic whose game never improves. When not writing or blogging or playing tennis, Emily does everything she can to avoid cooking and can usually be found eating a meal out with her husband or friends. She has recently completed a memoir, “Hope All Is Well.” If you’d like to publish it or make it into a major motion picture, please let her know.