Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Today, on World Autism Awareness Day, I think about the progress that my little boy has made. While he does not have an official diagnosis of autism, he’s next to it – spectrumy – with speech and language challenges, sensory and OCD issues, and overall motor skills and motor planning delays. Honestly, just 12 months […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Emily - This is one of my favorite posts of yours and you SO SO SO deserved that award for it! I may have made this comment last time, but the way you are able to show us how T may be feeling or thinking is incredible and truly insightful. Thanks for sharing it again and most especially today – how perfectly appropriate!April 2, 2015 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you Emily!! Of course, I’m guessing really based on his behavior but I think it’s pretty close to how it’s been for him at times for sure. And thank you!!!April 4, 2015 – 3:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - How did I miss this post before? It’s perfect, absolutely perfect. And, yes, you could definitely be describing what’s going in my head at times.April 2, 2015 – 10:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Maybe something that happens in all of our heads Sarah? And maybe it’s before we knew each other?? I think I posted it in August 2013 so possible.April 4, 2015 – 3:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Allison carter - Yes, perfect.

    Perfect.April 2, 2015 – 11:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - That post is still so incredible, Kristi. It has been amazing watching Tucker grow and make fantastic strides. Thank you for sharing the hugeness of those moments with us. You are a fabulous mom and a beautiful human! Love you! XXApril 3, 2015 – 8:22 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you Sandy! You are a beautiful human and an awesome mom <3 So much love back to you, friend!April 4, 2015 – 3:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Just like the first time, you took my breath away. And you so deserved the award for this. Even twelve years into out journey, I need this. I need the reminder. A reminder that yes, progress is made, but also, breaks are still needed. By mommy and son. Love this, you and your sweet, miraculous boy!April 3, 2015 – 8:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to remembering that our kiddos need breaks and that we do, too, sometimes! Love to you, Sweets!!April 4, 2015 – 3:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Kim - I loved reading this from Tucker’s point of view!!! I think that lots of us could do well to remember to breath and recognize the mad before it takes over – at least I know I have had times when I failed this and needed some sort of system.
    Your son has so much joy and so much to teach all of us!!!April 3, 2015 – 12:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Kim and you’re right – we can all learn to breathe through the anger!! And I agree of course that Tucker has so much joy and such amazing lessons for us. <3April 4, 2015 – 4:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Loved this the first time I read it, still love it. Consider it shared my dear!April 3, 2015 – 1:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I love this post – isn’t this the one you read at Blog U? I’m glad you are sharing it again. I feel lucky to be able to witness Tucker’s growth over the past few years, and I look forward to meeting him in person. Over the summer, maybe?April 4, 2015 – 12:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey Dana,
      Yeah it’s the one I read at BlogU. And I’d LOVE to have Tucker meet you and your kids this summer and be able to meet them myself! (yours, I mean, obviously) Yes!
      Happy Passover, Friend!April 4, 2015 – 4:05 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - CONGRATSSSSSSSS on the ***People’s Choice Award ***!!!!

    You. Deserve. It. Darling.

    …because your VOICE lifts & transforms & inspires. xxxxxxApril 5, 2015 – 1:53 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Loved the post last summer and I love it now!
    And I’d like to meet Tucker this summer too!
    Happy Easter!April 5, 2015 – 2:56 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I so hope you’ll meet Tucker this summer and that I’ll meet Scar and Des. SO SO much.April 7, 2015 – 11:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Sara - Love this (both times!) T-Man HAS come a long way! ….and really, I think we all need “A Break” sometimes. There are adults I’ve met who could use a “HANDS” reminder every now and again. ….and I’m reluctant to admit how frequently I’d like to hide under my chair (or desk) to regroup. Huge hugs to you & Tucker.April 6, 2015 – 6:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Love YOU for reading this (both times) and we so need a fucking break sometimes. All of us. Here’s to bigger chairs or floors that swallow us.April 7, 2015 – 11:38 pmReplyCancel

  • K - Kristi…I loved that post when I first read it and I love it today. You deserve that award 110 percent.

    Yesterday evening, I attended a talk given by a man who has Asperger’s (he wrote Look Me in the Eye) and he shared many similar sentiments…those feelings of being overwhelmed and frustrated and of playing in a world that was beyond the understanding of the other kids. He called it his world of “tigers and elephants,” and he said it took him until he was an adult to realize that his world, his tigers and elephants, were different than everyone else’s. Not worse…just different. His. Unique. 🙂

    Love this post. Love you.April 7, 2015 – 11:20 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sweets! I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how almost end of year is going for you. I wish I’d attended the same talk – that sounds amazing. I so hope that it doesn’t take Tucker until he’s an adult but if it does, I think that’s maybe okay too. I mean, it takes being solo to have wings, right? And Huge love for you my sweet friend. Always.April 7, 2015 – 11:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Stacey - >> My friend has a different game in his head than the game that I have in my head. My game, in my head, is better and why can’t he see that my game is more fun and that he’s ruining everything? <<

    Holy crap, this is so my son (who, like Tucker, is spectrumy but not enough to be on the spectrum; he instead has SPD). My Thomas has a lot of issues getting other kids to play with him. His teacher and I discussed it and she thinks it has to do with his speech (again, like Tucker, Thomas was a late speaker, lost the few words he said, has articulation issues, and possibly Apraxia) and that the other kids don't want to take the time to wait for my kid to spit his words out. I think it's more that he wants to play a certain game a certain way and he doesn't understand that other kids don't always like to do that. Either way, it's frustrating and saddening knowing my son struggles. He's doing better in the play area at school, but if we go to the park and there are other kids, 9 times out of 10 he either wants to go home or he plays by himself. : It sucks. He doesn't. He's awesome. Frustrating at times, but awesome. 🙂April 8, 2015 – 4:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Wow Stacey,
      Thank you so much for commenting. It’s always so heart-warming to realize that there are kids who are so so similar to Tucker when it comes to speech and who are spectrumy but not enough to actually be there. I really appreciate you taking the time to share and I love your last words. It sucks. He doesn’t. He’s awesome. YES!April 9, 2015 – 11:15 amReplyCancel

At one point in my life, I strived to be the last to leave a party. Always, afraid I may miss something. Today though, or, at least last night, I was the first to leave, afraid to miss what was going on at home and afraid that missing it would equal unwelcome repercussions. My son’s hand […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Kerri - Oh you have so much to be thankful for, my friend. I mean he WROTE BURP!!! You must be so proud and no I am not being sarcastic 🙂 Okay a little because it is freaking hysterical. TMarch 30, 2015 – 9:17 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He did write BURP! I mean, he had to ask how to spell it but he wrote it and thought it and PROUD and yeah, totally hysterical. Now to the fart jokes. Seriously.March 30, 2015 – 10:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Guilt? For what momma? You are awesome. And we are not going anywhere for spring break either, and I don’t even have a good reason! Want to hear all about LTYM show. The Atlanta one isn’t until May, but I plan to go.March 30, 2015 – 10:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Guilt for wanting to leave Tucker’s room? For not wanting to fall asleep there with him even though he wants me to? And it wasn’t yet the show – May 3 here, but the cast party…March 30, 2015 – 10:28 pmReplyCancel

  • yvonne - I can relate to what you say about wanting to be there at bedtime because your son remembers at 3am if you aren’t. One of my daughters was like that for a long time too.
    What a cool drawing Tucker did and his writing is brilliant! LIke Kerri, I think you can be proud. My older daughter wrote several letters backwards at that age, so I do think he’s doing amazingly well.
    Hope you have a lovely spring break.March 30, 2015 – 10:26 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Yvonne! I agree that Tucker’s drawing (while I have no clue what it is or how it relates to toys or to burps) is awesome. He’s come SO FAR. Thanks for the wishes for a great spring break!March 30, 2015 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Kim - I remember times that it was hard to be gone at bedtime but also nice to get out and be around other adults without kids.
    I hope y’all have a fun spring break!! Sometimes the ones without plans are the best!!March 30, 2015 – 11:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yeah, nice to be out and feeling like a person and not just a mom – thanks, Kim!March 30, 2015 – 10:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I always used to strive to be the last to leave the party too…but now? I’m usually too tired to stay that late! As for spring break and NO PLANS, that’s us too. Big Dude doesn’t have break until next week and the other two dudes have it this week, so I’m pretty much screwed. 🙂 Of course, with two teenagers who like to sleep and do nothing and one dude who will gladly play his xbox all day, I’m in the position of trying to make them do SOMETHING over this break!March 30, 2015 – 12:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily! I love that you used to be the last at a party and that you have no plans for spring break. It sucks that all of the dudes have different ones though – makes it harder to figure out whether to bother going somewhere or not. Ahhh to teenagers who sleep. That’s for real, right?March 30, 2015 – 10:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Love the karate video. He’s trying and looks like he wants to get it. I feel guilty at moments when I hang with Christopher before bed sometimes because I am thinking ahead to when I’m not in there and sometimes I don’t hear what he’s saying. And sometimes it makes me so sleepy to hang with him for those last few minutes that I’m ready to go to bed myself. I wish I could stay up until the house was quiet but my husband can stay up forever watching tv then he wants me to watch too. Anyhoo – it’s natural – no need to feel guilty about be excited for time to yourself. But I feel you on wanting to be there at bedtime so you don’t have to answer a 3am call.March 30, 2015 – 3:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya,
      He’s SO trying. He didn’t want to go tonight because the other kids know more. They’ve been doing it for longer and don’t have some of his constraints. I told him that if he went, we’d go to Chipolte afterwards and the whole way there, he was faking counting to 10 in Korean (you have to know how to get the white or yellow belt – not sure which).
      I get what you mean about feeling so sleepy in bed with the kiddo. That’s part of my problem. I feel guilty that I don’t just go to sleep when I want to but well, yeah. You know.March 30, 2015 – 10:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Life, Unexpectedly - Yay for sunshine! We had a few rays of it coming through the dark clouds, casting this very eerie light. Love the “burp”- comment! Absolutely awesome!! And congrats to you for taking part in this project and enjoying the party. Off to bed for me now! Have a great week!March 30, 2015 – 4:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Stephanie! I hope you have a great week too! And yeah, I thought the burp comment was hilarious 🙂March 31, 2015 – 1:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - He looks so cute! So glad you are simply enjoying your time with him. I love spending time with my son. 🙂March 30, 2015 – 4:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Burp is a terrible thing about kindergarten! I agree.
    I have spring break plans for you. Drive to MA. I can’t promise you spring weather but we do special free photography sessions for extra cuties.March 30, 2015 – 4:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL Tamara! I so wish I could drive to MA. For time with you and photography of the extra cutie little boy!March 31, 2015 – 6:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Ohmygosh, Tucker’s art is AMAZING!!! He’s doing such a great job! And the thumbs up from the TKD teacher? Way to go, Tucker!

    Yeah, I know about the trade-off of your own desires for some peace at night…or to sleep through the night!!! Sleep throughs seem to be pretty rare around here of late. Boo to that. Yay to you!March 30, 2015 – 7:57 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sarah, I agree! He’s doing SUCH a great job! Sorry that sleep has been rare around there – total boo!March 31, 2015 – 6:40 pmReplyCancel

  • ivy - Not bad at all! AND wow! He is getting to be a good printer! Nice letters Tucker! Spring break… was always such a challenge to find stuff every day… I never understood those moms who prefer summer vacation to school…. I thought maybe they were stay at home moms and had more time… I like to fool myself that way!March 30, 2015 – 9:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He’s getting to be SUCH a good printer!! Yay Tucker!! It’s hard to figure out how to work and have fun on spring break and summer. I wish I’d just had taken the whole week off this week. Kinda.March 31, 2015 – 6:44 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - I’m thankful for several things.
    One, which is “You.”

    xxxMarch 30, 2015 – 10:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Enjoy your spring break! Ours is next week and we’ve made these humongous long drive plans *shudder*April 1, 2015 – 5:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Camille - My Kindergartener is getting better with her writing too, I’m so proud! Isn’t it amazing how much they learn in this first year of school?April 2, 2015 – 2:35 pmReplyCancel

Visit my house, and it’s pretty obvious that I don’t like chores. Laundry is handled by my husband, and the spurt of motivation that I got last week to list All Unused Baby Things on Craig’s List is evident in the unpurchased items clogging my family room. “Let’s sell them and get money,” I thought. […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Allie - Two things – one, I am in the same boat with the selling and Craigslist – there got to be some money back, right? Please? As for he blank space, I get it, I do. And I don’t’ think that Tucker is thinking that those boys will make fun of him, I really don’t. I think he’s smart, because very often – scooters do hurt! Bear has a few scars from one (probably because I was riding it with him). But when you order that scooter…be sure to order the helmet! For real.March 26, 2015 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YES to the money! I have a highchair that I paid $400 for!! OMG I know. Must be worth SOMETHING yes??? I will order the helmet. We have two unused helmets (craig’s list???) from when I thought he’d be into riding a bike and a trike. He hasn’t been. Oh and another we sent to school so that in gym he’d have his own because LICE>March 28, 2015 – 12:00 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - Blank spaces…hmmm. I think we are filling them in all the time – with our kids, our spouses, our friends, ourselves. That space between what our kids say and what they mean. That’s what I think of, anyway – and that may be completely different than what you meant. But this got me thinking.

    And on the topic of chores, I like to think that a dusty home is a happy home!March 26, 2015 – 10:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - No, you’re right – that’s what I meant and I did a crap job of saying so. Going to edit this now. Too rushed. Too whatever. And here’s to dust = happy. Until the cleaning ladies see it. That’s when I have to leave the house.March 28, 2015 – 12:01 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Awww Christopher was cautious and Tucker probably means what he said. But he is willing to try. Christopher finally got the hang of it when two feet were too big to have on it at once. As for the dirt there’s been lots of it this week. Though I’ve sent him straight to the shower when he comes in at 6:00 I love it that he and kids are enjoying outside like we did when we were little.March 26, 2015 – 10:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He tries the kid’s scooters but he’s really too big for them. The kids are 2 years younger and Tucker is 2 years taller than his own self… but he wants to so I’m looking. So far, I haven’t found it and YES to loving the outside the way we did when we were little!!! My mom had us outside all day long.March 28, 2015 – 12:08 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - Two wheels in the front. That’s the kind you want. Offers more stability, though steering is more tricky. And yes, I watched a TWO year old zoom around on a scooter the other day and felt envious of his mother. As for chores, no way. I mean, sometimes I remember to ask them to clear their plates to the kitchen, and I ask they help put their toys away. But compared to what I was expected to do at that age? Sometimes I think it’s the times too, but it’s also just what’s feasible for us.March 26, 2015 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey Sarah where did you find the 2 wheels in front one? I’ve seen some pics but not a good place to buy one. I don’t mind spending some money on it – he has a trike that was never ridden and I think he’d do this – based on his fun with the neighbor’s but ???
      UGH to the 2 year old. Also scary though. The mom here lets her son zoom on the street. It’s a slow street but still Tucker will be zooming on the sidewalks (I hope).March 28, 2015 – 12:11 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Hmm…the spaces in between. The chores left alone because life is more important. I think Dana’s right – we all fill in those spaces and the dusty home means we’re busy doing life. I truly do.
    When we did our great Clean and Purge over the summer, I found myself crying over a toy or two of Zilla’s. It was by far time to give away some of the things, but oh the spaces my mind filled in as we packed them away!March 26, 2015 – 10:50 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You cried over Zilla’s toys??? That makes me FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! My husband asked about the baby bjorn bouncie seat. I was all NO WAY. But then, the why? Just because he loved it so much then doesn’t mean I need it now. But it also feels like somebody should want it enough to pay for it, or something. Thank you for getting it!March 28, 2015 – 12:12 amReplyCancel

      • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Yup, I most certainly get it and I most certainly did cry over one or two particular ones. It was not the loss of the toys – as you well know. I’m going to hold off elaborating because I think I’m going to make it a post of its own.March 28, 2015 – 4:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I know I shouldn’t be fixated on this, but your husband does the laundry?! I thought I had it good with mine who cooks, but laundry? Now I’m jealous! And just so you know, I fill in the blank spaces with ALL my kids –even my teenagers…March 26, 2015 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL Emily, he does but I’m convinced that it’s because the 20 years of Army in him is positive I’ll mess up his stupid unwrinkle work shirts. As if they could be messed up. But yeah, I’ll take that.March 28, 2015 – 12:13 amReplyCancel

  • Nicki - How beautifully “this cluttered life of ours” contrasts with the blank spaces. Love love love. Your words. Your thoughts. That you’re thinking of this. <3March 27, 2015 – 1:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Too too kind, Nix my Pix. Edited four times and needs more because sucks but you are so lovely to love the words anyway.March 28, 2015 – 12:14 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - I worry too little about the blank spaces. Maybe too little. I am really rethinking my priorites today and this post hit the mark. I spend so much time trying to declutter my physical spaces and I think that I’ve ignored, or at least put off, the mental and emotional ones for far too long.
    There’s a story behind it and I’m sure I’ll be telling it but in the meantime this is just the reminder I needed.
    Beautiful, as always!March 27, 2015 – 7:01 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I don’t think you worry about the blank spaces too little. I think I worry about them too much. Howz about we trade? You come declutter my physical spaces and I’ll do free totally untrained and worthless decluttering of your head? 😉
      Ok maybe a bad idea.March 28, 2015 – 12:40 amReplyCancel

  • Scott - Blank spaces seem to be the only type I have. What I would give for a little clarity. Sigh…

    As for Tucker and his scooter, I would think he’s not so much afraid of other kids making fun of him as much as he is actually afraid of physically getting hurt. I know that though terrified me when I was learning to ride a bike, so I started out in the yard so that I’d fall into the grass when I inevitably fell.March 27, 2015 – 8:32 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It scared me to get hurt, too, when learning to ride a bike, so maybe you’re right. He does seem to care a bit that “they can do it and I can’t” which is maybe the point of my blank space worries. Or maybe I’m totally off. Also a dumb post that I so need to edit but when? It’s 12:42am. ugh. Thanks, TD. Scott. TD.March 28, 2015 – 12:42 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Filling in the blank spaces with love – how can anyone go wrong with that! 😀March 27, 2015 – 11:03 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh I love your words, there are way too many blank spaces in our lives but you fill those spaces with love and dedication that IN PUBLIC falls will be as minimal as possible. Which is incredible. On the chore front, UGH. Even Abby doesn’t have “chores” other than routine. I battle it all the time, this feeling that I cooked dinner at her age but it is easier for me to cook now than to teach her. And forget educational after school. To me that is what the teachers are paid for and hell they worked so hard for to fill those blank spaces let’s play now!March 27, 2015 – 11:20 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey hey let’s play indeed! Thanks, Kerri. I’m glad I’m not the only one who sucks at making my kid do chores.March 28, 2015 – 5:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom - I’m glad you spent the time looking up scooters rather than cleaning clutter or washing. And I’ll be happy thinking of you watching him outside trying to scooter or playing in the dirt rather than thinking of you inside cleaning clutter or washing.March 27, 2015 – 11:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Me too Katy! Thanks for thinking of us outside rather than cleaning. It is of course freezing out today but we did play.March 28, 2015 – 5:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - I remember my son’s reluctance to learn to ride his bike. The big two wheeler. All of his friends had been riding “training wheels” free for years. We went to the deserted parking lot behind a school and he practised and fell and practised and fell. It seemed to take forever but he finally got it. My heart goes out to you Kristi. May you find the right scooter for T amongst the scooter options. And that clutter? I always remember a friend telling me “your kids won’t remember how clean your house was, but they’ll remember what you did with them.” I love (and live) that.March 27, 2015 – 2:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I remember practicing and falling too – my dad, holding onto the seat behind me and all of a sudden, he wasn’t there. I realized it, and fell, but after that? Totally flew. Mostly. I love your quote about kids not remembering how clean the house was but remembering what you did with them.March 28, 2015 – 11:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Kim - If I lived closer I would scooter with y’all and then Tucker could laugh at me when I fall since it would happen a lot!!March 27, 2015 – 3:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - I suck at chores. I haven’t found a “system” that works with my kids and then I get ticked off that they don’t do anything. They are slobs. Seriously.

    I think we all have blank spaces, too, in any relationship. I love the idea of Tucker zooming down he street on a scooter with a giant smile on his face. But, I his fear – if it is indeed fear. My 7 year old can barely ride a bike without training wheels. She’s tried. She’s scared of falling. Sometimes we all have to fall – and let the ones we love fall -in order to experience something new. 🙂March 27, 2015 – 5:48 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL to “they are slobs. Seriously.” I think you’re right that every relationship has blank spaces and I also love the idea of him zooming on his scooter. But yeah, the fear. Sigh. Thanks, Lisa.March 28, 2015 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I was watching kids zoom like crazy on scooters yesterday – like up stairs!
    They were ten, though.
    That taunt would make Scarlet cry, “I don’t have to go to school today!” She misses preschool.
    I suck at all chores equally!March 27, 2015 – 7:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Up stairs? OMG. Yeah, the taunt of “no school today” is pretty sucky. Right now though, Tucker loves school so we’re good. Mostly. So far. I think. Pray.March 28, 2015 – 11:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - oh it’s SO hard to give up those sacred items that bring us all those memories and HOLD them all too… I get it.

    And I get the inability to sell the damn things too. UGH.

    Blank spaces. I like that. There are many, aren’t there?

    And I think sometimes we fill them in wrong. We mistake the blank spaces for something else, when perhaps the thoughts we conjured up in our heads don’t actually match the thoughts in the other’s.

    Lots of blank spaces… left to our imagination. Some need to stay that way, and perhaps others? Need to be filled accurately.

    LOVE that idea.March 27, 2015 – 11:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think you’re right about sometimes filling in the blank spaces with the wrong things, Chris, like assuming somebody is angry or something when really they are just reflecting or hurting or lost in their own blank spaces.March 28, 2015 – 11:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I think it’s wonderful that you’re going to go ahead and give him the chance to try the scooter–when he feels ready to do it. That way it will be his choice and make him feel more comfortable because he will be the decision maker on this. You’re such a good mom! xoMarch 28, 2015 – 12:50 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle AKA Crumpets and Bollocks - I think it’s a good idea to get him that scooter. Just remind him that falling down is part of the learning, and if the other kids make fun of him for it, just scream, “Whatever. Your mom couldn’t do any better.” Meanwhile, I’m glad I’m not the only one who totally avoids my chores to do things for my kids. When he grows up, he’s not going to remember, “My awesome mom gave away my baby clothes to goodwill,” no he’s going to remember, “My awesome mom got me that scooter I was afraid to try.” We only live once, and we want to be good memories to our children. You know? So basically I’m saying I have mounds of baby clothes. Every time I start to sort through it, rewashing it for the gazillionth time to give away, my kids dump it in dirty clothes to use the box for something. My bedroom is covered in dirty clothes and clean clothes on the floor, so bad I’m afraid to get a kitten. It might get sucked into the abyss of clothes never to be seen again.March 28, 2015 – 7:38 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YES to the good memories – and only living once and to saying forget the stupid chores and living. LOL to getting a kitten. I’m allergic so ain’t gonna happen but man oh man. I can relate!March 29, 2015 – 12:33 amReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - ****I’m also thinking about the Blank Spaces. Those filled with love, and those filled with the unsaid.***

    I just fucking love you.

    That’s all.

    xMarch 28, 2015 – 3:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Allison carter - YES to dirt – and blank space are ok – and I am so glad you googled scooters – and yes, all kids fly someday. ALL OF THEM. I know this, because I flew as a kid.
    I love.March 28, 2015 – 9:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I read your post last night from my phone and YES TO THE DIRT. Finally went back to read it again – so beautiful. Here’s to flying, you.March 29, 2015 – 7:17 pmReplyCancel

Late at night, when all I hear is the humming of my house and the silent moon in the window, it would be easy to think about the things that I regret. Not saving more money when I could have, buying this house in a seller’s market, procrastinating the scheduling of doctors and dentists and […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Kelly L McKenzie - Yes. Here’s to endless, endless pairs of wings. And soaring.March 19, 2015 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Wow girl, this was amazing. Beautiful! Inspirational. May we all have wings so that we can fly. And I’m intrigued by the writing group you mentioned.March 19, 2015 – 10:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie, may we always always have wings to fly. And check out Jena’s group. I’ve signed up again for May um something. End of May. I’d LOVE for you to be in that same group. It’s really empowering and amazing and I can’t even really say why. Maybe the privacy of it? That you can just write for 10 minutes and post it there and the trolls and the haters are not there and that it’s 100% support… I dunno. Call me tomorrow and we’ll talk about it.March 19, 2015 – 10:33 pmReplyCancel

  • don - You have much to be proud of, Kristi! You didn’t even include what I’m sure is a lovely rack for goodness’ sake. Lol. What??

    Anyway, you probably pulled this from your ass last minute, and it’s thoughtful and wonderful, as always. Great job.March 19, 2015 – 10:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I knew I was leaving something out! I’m proud of my rack! What.
      xo and thanks, Sweets.March 20, 2015 – 1:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Organ - So beautiful. Sometimes it’s hard to remind ourselves of how strong and brave we really are when we get caught in the minutiae of the day, but it’s so wonderful when we can take a minute to remember all the times we really did fly.March 19, 2015 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s SO hard to remember how strong and brave we are. Until we get a whiff of it, and do. Thanks, Christine.March 20, 2015 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I love your analogy of feeling proud to having wings…it makes sense! Sometimes it’s so hard to feel proud of ourselves, especially when faced with parenting challenges, work challenges, and life challenges, but if you can continually remember that you have wings that give you strength and the ability to feel like you can fly then yes, that is a proud moment indeed!March 19, 2015 – 10:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks huge for getting it, Emily. Sometimes, when I post these more obscure things, I wonder if I’m just being ridiculous. So thank you.March 20, 2015 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I am so glad that you are loving the writing group! I got chills reading this today – good chills. It was this:

    “My dreams of sharing words with my baby boy. That I rebuilt them and learned to embrace the irony that words will likely be a lifelong challenge for him. That it’s okay that they remain a lifeline for me.”

    I wonder how many people refuse to rebuild their dreams, and how much happiness eludes them because of that.March 20, 2015 – 8:07 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I am so loving the writing group, Dana. Thank you for writing about it so that I could find it and join. It’s been inspiring and amazing. A lot of what I’ve written, I’ll never post but I think that’s part of the power of it. And some of what I’ve written has given me ideas like Wings for this post. Good point about wondering how many people don’t rebuild their dreams… xoMarch 21, 2015 – 2:42 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - This is beautiful, Kristi! (I want to do that writing group – I WILL do that writing group – but right now I am so overwhelmed with life that I simply cannot add one more thing. )

    I’m sure you are probably not a fan of country music, but your post reminded me of this song. I think it’s lovely and the lat line of the chorus is “You can learn to fly on your way down.”

    https://youtu.be/KfDr_7LN-EwMarch 20, 2015 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Holy crap, that’s big!! Feel free to delete if it too much. I had no idea it would show up that way. March 20, 2015 – 1:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa, I’m really glad you shared this song. I like it. I used to not be a fan of country music at all but my husband likes it and there are some songs I now love. I’m going to load this one on my phone so that I can listen to it in the car – truly, thanks for sharing. And you’ll love the writing group when you decide to do it. It’s awesome.March 21, 2015 – 2:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Denise G. - Beautiful! 🙂March 20, 2015 – 2:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - You make me think of Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby! 🙂March 20, 2015 – 3:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That’s so so kind Elizabeth! Your comment made me smile HUGE. Thank you.March 21, 2015 – 4:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Considerer - “The second that my newborn son was handed to me and I held him, skin to skin against my chest. The tears in my husband’s eyes and our future in my little boy’s.”

    That’s everything. No wonder you fly 🙂March 20, 2015 – 6:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicki - Oh those wings. And the silent moon. Flying… on your words of inspiration and strength. <3March 20, 2015 – 6:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - Tears…
    Streaming down…
    Seriously, this was beautiful, Kristi!March 20, 2015 – 11:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - You are just gorgeous. All of this is gorgeous and those are some pretty darn proud-worthy moments. My post looks a lot like this, funny enough, because I can’t pick a favorite anything ever. 😀
    And this sentence: The pile of papers on the side of my desk that I’m tempted to toss without looking through because whatever is in there hasn’t been needed for months and probably never will be. Unless it is, and so the pile stays.
    That is exactly why my desk in the office is covered in crap and not where I’m sitting now to type.March 20, 2015 – 11:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I loved your post Lisa and thought it was so cool that ours are so similar! Awesome proud moments. I’m glad that you can relate to the pile of papers on the side of the desk, too. Sigh.March 21, 2015 – 4:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - Absolutely perfect, beautifully written post. The last sentence gave me goose bumps.March 21, 2015 – 12:14 amReplyCancel

  • Scott - Love this one, Kristi. Keep on flying. Your wings just keep getting stronger.March 21, 2015 – 10:25 amReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - Oh this is just so beautiful… you always have a way of pulling me in with your words, and then lifting me up. You have such a gift in doing just that.

    Here’s to the things that we celebrate in our lives… THOSE are the moments that matter most. I love yours, by the way. <3March 21, 2015 – 12:50 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much Chris! And I agree – here’s to celebrating the moments in our lives that matter!March 21, 2015 – 10:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Tarana Khan - Thank you for sharing these beautiful moments! We clearly have wings, else how would we get through the times we need so much strength to go through?March 21, 2015 – 3:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy - I’m going to remember this post the next time I am lying awake swaddled in woulda, shoulda, coulda. Those are the worst moments. I like the idea of remembering the priceless and wonderful moments and imagining the great things still to come. Thank you, Kristi. This is such a beautiful reminder!March 21, 2015 – 9:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Argh to the lying awake in the woulda, coulda, shoulda… YAY to being reminded that we are doing it. We are, ya know?March 21, 2015 – 11:15 pmReplyCancel

  • Galit Breen - This is just so lovely and so important. I adore your approach and your mantra hereabout choosing to focus on the times you had wings? Well that’s just pure perfection. LOVE this.March 22, 2015 – 8:43 amReplyCancel

  • Meredith - I love this. I tend to think of all the negative things at night as I lie in bed, and this was just beautiful.March 22, 2015 – 10:41 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ugh to the negative thinking while in bed at night. What is that, anyway? And thank you so much!March 22, 2015 – 11:13 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - So beautiful! You are stronger then you think!March 23, 2015 – 11:47 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I totally left a video in a comment on my own blog and it was huge, but enjoyable!
    My favorite song ever is “Learning to Fly” but he says we don’t have wings, and I think we do. I really do.
    For everything you listed and everything I’m mentally listing. And more.March 23, 2015 – 5:42 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - —–Kristi,
    when I click here, read your sweet words, insights, & wisdom….

    ….my wings flutter & fluff up.

    xxxxMarch 24, 2015 – 6:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh my friend, you fly so high on those wings!!!March 25, 2015 – 10:25 amReplyCancel

Today’s Our Land post was written by a long-time friend and a woman that I greatly admire. My friend Sandy is amazing, brave, a wordsmith, and is raising her grandson as her own. In her former blog, she didn’t speak much of the daily life she’s living, and has decided to begin a new one, […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Kerri - You are definitely not a victim, but I see the hero here. Not one to be put onto a pedal stool but rather one who leads by example: in the trenches. I felt your heartbreak over losing your daughter, how you know exactly where she is in her journey and the hope you have that she finds the way back. I so admire your honesty. I hope you know that as much as this sucks, what doesn’t is remembering that look in his eye the first time he saw his new bedroom.

    Hugs for all you have gone through and all of what is to come.March 18, 2015 – 12:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerri,
      I so hope Sandy’s daughter finds her way back to them both as well and I also so hope that the little boy finds peace with not knowing how his grandma, who is raising him, knows his mom. That’s just said and yeah, I love that he loves his room so much, too!!!March 19, 2015 – 12:15 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - I suppose my whole family is made up of heroes in this case, including the little guy for doing the best he can every day. I sometimes have to remind myself what it must be like inside his head..the confusion. While I do believe he’s happy, I don’t believe he’s carefree yet. As for my daughter, we tried for a long time with her. Now she’s an adult with the knowledge and tools to do what she needs to do if she chooses to. It came to a point where I had to do for the one who had no choices.March 19, 2015 – 9:34 amReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - Oh this breaks my heart into millions of pieces… in so many ways. Sandy, you have fought hard, battle more wars than any woman can. And you have saved a child, for the sake of another. I wish I could help you save both. Praying for hope, healing, and a triumphant ending to this story.March 18, 2015 – 1:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I wish I could save them all too Chris and get exactly what you say and want a triumphant ending to this story. Here’s to hope and healing and all of it.March 19, 2015 – 12:17 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - Thanks Chris. I know you’ve read this before and I appreciate you reading it here. And I always, always appreciate your support. I think this story will go on and on. It changes every single day! As for saving them both, sometimes you just can’t and that’s a hard truth.March 19, 2015 – 9:43 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - Sandy, it’s good to see you here. We don’t know one another well, but I was sad when you left blogging. I’m glad you are back, and that you are sharing your story. I hope your daughter finds her way back to you and her son.March 18, 2015 – 1:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana, I’m glad Sandy’s back too and agree that I so so hope and pray for a way back for her daughter to Sandy and to her daughter’s son. In the mean time, I’m just so glad he has a home and so much love.March 19, 2015 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - Thank you, Dana! It’s good to be back. As much as I loved the first blog, it never felt genuine to me but I just missed the community so much. So when I came back I decided exactly how I wanted to do it and am happy to say I’m making it happen. I hold out hope for my daughter too. I never give it up but I know when I’ve done all I can and it’s time to let go of the reins. That part is all up to her. As for J, he’s a tough one but I think he’ll be okay.March 19, 2015 – 9:47 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - Sandy, This was so brave of you to share. It’s honest and real, and perhaps your story will help others who have a loved one battling addiction. I agree you are not a victim and I too can relate to people saying how “wonderful” or “heroic” you were. When my son was sick, of course I put him as my top priority – what mom wouldn’t? And yet, people kept praising me as a mom. Frankly, I didn’t get it. Anyway, I hope this journey continues to head in a positive direction for ALL of you.March 18, 2015 – 2:04 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
      I remember you saying, when LD was sick that people were all “Oh, you’re so amazing” and also get like um, what else am I going to do? It’s my kid and I’m here and that. Thank you for your awesome perspective as always and for you. And commenting.March 19, 2015 – 12:20 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - Thank you, Emily. I don’t consider myself a hero and I didn’t write this for praise. I did write it in hope that someone else would read it and know they don’t struggle alone. There are so many families torn apart by addiction and I know for a fact that when you are in the middle of it you can feel like you are on a deserted island with no one to care. I also want people to know there is no shame in it. We are human, we fall and we fail. All of us.
      I am humbled that people think so much of what I’m doing but it is truly our family as a whole doing the saving here. You and I are in total agreement…what mom wouldn’t? I can’t make the choices for my 28 year old daughter but I can certainly step up to make sure that her son has a chance. It’s just what you do. There are no heroics…it’s just the right thing to do. Because I love him.March 19, 2015 – 9:57 amReplyCancel

  • Allie - WOW! I am unsure of what to write. But my heart breaks for all involved. My family is no stranger to addiction, so I know how destructive it can be. You are an angel and I hope that little boy will finally find some peace.March 18, 2015 – 2:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie, maybe there’s not much TO SAY, really. I mean, what to do? And I know this hits close to home for you with your family and so thank you for your peace wishes for Sandy and her family and for commenting, always. <3March 19, 2015 – 12:21 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - Allie, I’m sorry to hear how close to home the subject of addiction hits but you and I both know we are not alone. No profound words are necessary, I just appreciate you reading and most certainly the wish for peace. I offer you the same. Thank you.March 19, 2015 – 9:59 amReplyCancel

  • Kim - I read this as a story of amazing love!!
    Sandy is a mom and grandma/mom and even though she doesn’t want to be on a pedestal I think that her actions will have a huge impact on breaking the cycle. Even though her little guy has gone through trauma and can be a challenge she is helping make his life easier in the long run.
    Thank you for sharing this – both Kristi and Sandy!!!March 18, 2015 – 2:15 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you for your comment, Kim! That recognizing that the little guy has been through so much and that his life is what matters now BUT that the other people’s lives matter TOO, and that everybody involved is doing what they can and the all of it. Thank you!March 19, 2015 – 12:23 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - It is a story of love. In the end, that’s all that matters. Thank you so much for reading and your lovely comment. I truly appreciate it.March 19, 2015 – 10:01 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Sandy, I was seriously just thinking about you today and then I saw you wrote here. So, I am glad that I read your whole article, as I knew some of the story from you in the past, but not the whole story. You definitely might not believe you are hero, but I know differently and would say that is exactly what you are. I really can’t say that enough and what you did for your grandson and your daughter by extension, too is just amazing in my eyes.March 18, 2015 – 2:29 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Janine. Thank you.March 19, 2015 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - Janine, thank you! That means so much since you have been part of my blogging journey from the very beginning. I appreciate you reading (again!) and writing such kind words.March 19, 2015 – 9:51 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Wow Sandy – the powerful story behind the new blog name. I had wondered about the change and what it meant but I didn’t dig deeper. Thank you for sharing your story as it is. I commend your bravery and living your silence out loud.March 18, 2015 – 2:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to living silence out loud and to owning our pasts and our sins and our futures, too, right? And thanks,Kenya.March 19, 2015 – 12:25 amReplyCancel

    • Sandy - Can I just ditto Kristi’s reply because it’s so very cool! Thank you, Kenya. I appreciate the kind words.March 19, 2015 – 9:49 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - I sat in front of my keyboard for a long time, trying to figure out how to comment. Things that came to me included: “thank you” and “bless you” but they don’t capture everything in my head. It was hard because I have worked in child welfare for 25 years and I know what happens to kids when they are placed with strangers instead of family. I am not talking horrible people, just people with whom there is no family connection. That connection is ineffable and can make all the difference for kids. As a parent of a child on the Autism spectrum I have gotten those phone calls from the school, carried the screaming child certain the police are going to show up, and been hit and kicked. In the end, “thank you” and “bless you,” pretty much sums it up I guess. 🙂March 19, 2015 – 2:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandra Sallin - Beautiful! I thinkeveryone’s comments say it all. Just wanted to know you are heard and appreciated.March 19, 2015 – 5:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Kathleen O'Donnell - This is, as you might remember from my post on Sisterwives this is a post very close to my heart and under my skin. I can’t imagine how it would’ve been had my son had a child. You’re a hero. And somewhere, underneath it all, your daughter possesses mother love. She did the best thing for her child under the most hideous circumstances. So, I salute her too. And hope, hope, hope, she finds her way out. Love to you, my friend and fellow mom of a substance abuser.March 20, 2015 – 1:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Wow Sandy – that’s some story and so beautifully written. I have to catch up with your new blog and I’m happy that there is one. My favorite part is this:

    “I have never felt like I’d saved someone’s life.

    I do now.”March 20, 2015 – 11:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel the Alien - I have known many, many children whose parents had these types of problems, both when working in schools and in my personal life. in many cases for the children the possibilities for the future will be either, to continue being raised in this type of environment and hopefully survive, or to take their chances in foster care. I am always thinking, “I wish there was someone who could rescue that child.” Sandy, I am glad your grandson has you… and also, I am certain it is helpful to your daughter to know that, by giving her son to you, where he will be safe and cared for and loved, she acted like a good mother. I suspect she remembers that you were a good mother to her, and she wanted her boy to have the same.March 20, 2015 – 11:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - I had tears in my eyes the entire time I was reading this. I can’t even imagine this. But that little boy now has a chance thanks to you, Sandy. Bless you.March 22, 2015 – 7:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Gerald Hileman - You are very brave. Thank you for sharing this story and for being an inspiration for the rest of us. No pedestals, since warriors rarely sit on those. But I’m sending love from behind my monitor to yours.

    Have a good life 🙂 Seven blessings to you!July 11, 2015 – 9:22 amReplyCancel

It’s not that I remember most of the St. Patrick’s Days that I’ve celebrated. I remember my friend and I sitting at Bennigan’s, annoyed with the drunks, not drunk enough ourselves to find them amusing or cheerful, green beer aside. I remember that the waitress forgot about us and that we left without paying after […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Dana - Tucker has come so far… and so have you. I’ve had the privilege of watching both of you (if only through my computer) grow and love and support for the past two years, and that’s better than a green beer any day.March 12, 2015 – 10:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Dana! He really has come such a long long way. It’s pretty amazing when I look back to how hard it was for him to concentrate for just 30 seconds. And aw to it being better than a green beer (and wow 2 years has flown!!).March 13, 2015 – 7:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Oh Kristi. Are you ready for this? Our evaluation was St. Patrick’s Day week, too. We got our diagnosis on March 14th, 2003. Oh, and we (the U.S.) went to war – for real, a few days later. I also remember the hearing evaluation – the first one he failed, and then second when I had to take him to a hospital, and I prayed he was hearing impaired. How sad it that? And stupid. I am so glad he can hear me now:). We must catch up soon@!March 12, 2015 – 10:15 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Wow Allie!!! Really? How weird is that and I can totally relate to the hoping that they are hearing impaired because if not – what IS this thing that makes them seem to not hear us?? I’m glad that Tucker passed, too… And yes, let’s catch up!March 13, 2015 – 9:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Oh that face…I can see the anxiety in his face. Tucker is incredible. You are incredible. I love that you are using your space to reach out to those who are in your shoes, and to those, like me, who don’t know but want to understand. Your journey is helping so many. Love you. Green beer and corn beef xoxoxMarch 12, 2015 – 11:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Kim, if you could see the video. He has a complete break down because we asked him to touch dad’s ear, which is how therapy started. Poor guy. Totally heartbreaking and awful. Thanks tho love for your sweet words and for wanting to understand. I feel the same about your words – and how you’ve opened up PTSD and depression for me. So thank YOU.March 13, 2015 – 9:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Wow, Kristi, that is one heck of a post. Your family is amazing. You have strength beyond measure. That poor little face – oh how I know that look!
    Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you – no matter how you spend it. Just watch out for the green beer! You’ll see why in my post.
    *jig jig jig*March 12, 2015 – 11:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Not amazing or strong Lisa, just doing what we do here same as all of us and yeah, sorry to read that you know that face. Poor kids. And happy St. Patrick’s Day to you and your husband and Zilla!!! haha to the green beer 😉March 13, 2015 – 9:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Mike - I’ve never gone out on St Patrick’s Day. Just never had any interest and also I was working 99% of the time.

    Kristi, my gut cringed WITH you when I read, “It’s NOT just a speech delay.” I would have been angry too. That the light of my life could even remotely have anything wrong with him. AND that anyone, especially a Dr, would tell me so. Tucker is Light in every aspect and please tell him I’m still holding out for that mac and cheese guy date with him! Btw…every time I visit here is the pot of gold at the end of rainbow. You, my friend, are the place in folks hearts where dreams come true 🙂March 13, 2015 – 1:38 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’ve NEVER gone out on St. Patrick’s Day?? Mike!!! One of my best was in New Orlean’s. Oh man, maybe I should have written about that. Oh wait, I have already!! And if I triple-dog-dare you to go out on this one, will you???
      And yeah, the whole thing with the news. It was scary and maddening and thank you for getting it! He’s got you on his calendar for Mac n Cheese whenever all of our paths cross! Also BEST COMMENT ever. Thank you for your words and your support and your love. It is so so appreciated. Truly.March 13, 2015 – 9:30 pmReplyCancel

  • KeAnne - I loved Bennigans. My husband and I were just reminiscing about that place last weekend. Hugs, Kristi, and give T a big kiss. Between infertility & evaluations, I know too well how insensitive doctors can be.March 13, 2015 – 3:15 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Bennigans was awesome! I still miss their chicken quesadillas and awesome happy hours! Sorry too that you know how insensitive doctors can be. Sigh. And hugs. Big ones.March 13, 2015 – 9:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom - What resonated with me was this: “I’ll realize how far we’ve come and how far we still have and I’ll laugh with my little boy and his funny little leprechaun trap that may mean he’s still not following directions. I’ll know that he’s still behind and I’ll know that that’s okay.” I’m happy that you can find the positive, the hope, and that you’re always moving forward and sharing that here for others to be encouraged!March 13, 2015 – 7:27 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks Katy! Also I love your name. If Tucker had been a girl, he was going to be Chloe or Katy. 🙂 Here’s to finding the positive!March 13, 2015 – 10:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Nina - I think realizing and appreciating (in yourself) how far you have come while being realistic about how far you have to go is the very best place to be as a state of mind.March 13, 2015 – 7:39 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Nina. I think you’re right that seeing how far we’ve all come is the biggest part of it all.March 13, 2015 – 10:47 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - **But early intervention and special needs evaluations are not about what the kids CAN do – they’re about what they’re NOT doing**

    this is TRUE, but it shouldn’t be like this.

    I work in an autism room, and I believe all the students are brilliant, geniuses, & that their brains work differently (That’s All).

    If they cannot do something, which the “outside” world assumes they should, SO WHAT?

    They can do many other things that blow my freaking nylons off!

    xxx love from MN.March 13, 2015 – 7:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree. It should NOT be like this. Love that your nylons get blown off. xoxo so much from here Kim.March 13, 2015 – 10:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - It’s amazing how a day can trigger an associated meaning. I can imagine you look at the photo each year with as much hope as you had in the moment, because he has come a long ways hasn’t he. I’m not asking, I’m just making an statement from observation of stories and videos you’ve shared over the years. I am as certain that there will be no pee just as there will be no pot of gold – and I mean that in the most optimistic/pessimistic way 😉March 13, 2015 – 8:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Um. After reading YOUR amazing post about how a day triggered a memory, well, yes. It really is, isn’t it??? And he has come such a long long way, truly. It’s actually a little humbling to remember that he used to not be able to sit for 30 seconds and touch his daddy’s ear. How he cried so much over that. haha to there being no pee and no pot of gold! There will (sigh) be a leprechaun trap though. And thanks, Kenya. You’re so awesome.March 13, 2015 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - UGH being told the evaluation results sucks, it is the day you remember being told your child was not perfect and you saying YES they are perfect, they just don’t fit the perfect mold. Tucker has come so far. Why? Because you took those evaluations and determined to defy their limitations. Rock on with green beer my friendMarch 13, 2015 – 9:10 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YES Kerri. Ugh to all of that. I mean, you already know what you know but it sucks to have somebody make it feel like it’s a “bad thing” or something when it’s really NOT. It just is and it’s scary but it’s still your kid who is beyond awesome. Here’s to green beer. Also I was saying “Patty” until I read your post. Um. yeah. xoMarch 13, 2015 – 10:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - He is light and so are you and the way you write just makes me live through your experiences, assume them and internalize them. It breaks my heart to think that the vulnerability of any parent experiencing uncertainty would not be taken into consideration and that life changing words would be uttered in less kindness than expected. I think, though, that a person who expects kindness is one who most likely spreads it. I know that you do and I love this sentence for so many reasons, kindness being one of them: “Realizing that he’ll never catch up is scary and realizing that it doesn’t truly matter whether he does or not is freeing. All of it scary and freeing and also just life and just us and just Just.”March 13, 2015 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh Katia, you always always know the best way into my brain and my heart and I thank you for getting it and for raising amazing boys who will love and accept my son as he is – no matter what. That’s pretty powerful and amazing and a testament to you as a person and as a mom. Thank you. Thank you too for your own perspectives that I’d also never have known without your voice. Immigrating to another country where there are cultural and language barriers, working at home, working full-time out of home, the combinations, your own business. YOU amaze me all of the time and I feel blessed to know you.March 13, 2015 – 11:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - You know what makes me feel really sad and guilty? That when I used to be the one doing the evaluations, I didn’t have kids and I didn’t have the perspective of being a mom and all the emotions that come along with it. Or, maybe just that your blog (or one like it) didn’t exist then so that I could fully comprehend how it felt for them – how hard it was for them to hear what I had to tell them; how those few minutes I spent with their chid was not totally representative of who their child was and what he/she could do. I just wish I had known all this back then so that I could have been a little more compassionate and understanding. That’s what was going through my head as I read this, because you have a way – a wonderful way – of making others really feel it.

    Good luck with the leprechaun trap and Happy St. Patty’s to you!March 13, 2015 – 12:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa Lisa Lisa (I can hear my dad in that and that’s not as bad as it may seem). Of COURSE you didn’t know. How could you? It was your job to bear the news and if anybody should feel regret, its your supervisors who never taught that and the ones here too. It’s an underpaid and under acknowledged job and so of COURSE it’s flawed. It’s also awesome because your heart is big and amazing and I am positive that you were kinder than you remember – that your mom heart has skewed it. Also? People like me needed to hear those words from an expert. I was completely in denial, and often times, still am. So thank you for your service to doing it and thank you for seeing a bigger picture now. I’m sorry though that I made you doubt you. And hugs.March 13, 2015 – 11:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Kim - I love that this year St. Patrick’s Day will be enjoyed – your son is so cute. That picture of him is sweet – I don’t like doing things on demand either!!! He will touch his dad’s ear when he wants to I bet!!!March 13, 2015 – 7:04 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL thanks Kim. He did touch it, eventually… but man was it hard for him when we started the therapy!March 13, 2015 – 11:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I can still recall those early intervention evaluations as if they were yesterday. They are traumatizing, no question about it. I may have told you this once already, but I distinctly remember one of the evaluators saying to me about my non-verbal child, almost matter-of-factly (in other words, not too kindly): “Your son may never be able to talk.” Oh how I wish I could march my Big Dude into her office today and say, “guess you were wrong, bi-atch.” Anyway, I know those evaluations can be haunting, but I hope you realize that you and Tucker are already light years beyond what anyone may have said or predicted and there is NO LIMIT to where you both can go. I plan to toast to you and your little man with some green beer this year!March 13, 2015 – 9:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH I hate hate hate that somebody had the balls to say “Your son may never be able to talk.” WTF. People are stupid and I hope you DO march him in and let her know that he talks and can talk to GIRLS!!! And yeah, I am pretty surprised by where Tucker is (and where I am) and thank you so much. Your advice over the past couple of years has been priceless and meaningful and helpful and THANK YOU). I’ll toast you and your little man and middle man and big man and biggest man right back with some green beer, Emily!March 13, 2015 – 11:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - You’ve all come a long way and I’m so glad he’s enjoying kindergarten so much! Hope you all have a fun St Patrick’s Day!March 13, 2015 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - We have come such a long way and thank you Roshni! I’m so glad he’s loving kindergarten too… Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you and Big A and Little A!March 14, 2015 – 10:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - Awwww…Kristi, this post just makes me want to hug you so hard. It almost seems surreal to me when I look back on the St. Patrick’s days of my youth. They were great times for sure, but I’m happy just to spend it at home now with my family. I’m betting you are, too. XOMarch 14, 2015 – 12:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Marcia. And yeah, I’m happy to spend mine at home this year with family too. 🙂March 14, 2015 – 10:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - I just kept thinking “Look how far Tucker has come, since then!” Oh, those scary early days of diagnoses and the ‘what ifs’- I remember mine with Cass. Different reasons, same fear.

    I remember Cass screaming so hard during therapy, that they finally decided she had sensory integration disorder or some nonsense because the PT said she has never seen a baby cry so hard for so long- and they evaluated her for OT. Which we then went to in addition to the PT. Little did I know, that was only the beginning of the nightmare. Sigh…

    But somehow you come through it and out of it and keep learning as you go that things WILL be okay: Because you realize that each turns brings more hope, change, and strength than you ever thought you had, yes?

    That’s what I see here. XOMarch 14, 2015 – 12:59 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Chris, he has come SO SO FAR. And I know that you get the fright from the early days with Cass. Sigh. So sorry that they thought OT would help when it was just pain and not breathing. We do get through though somehow don’t we? With the help of one another and the community and the love and the sharing and the hope. Mostly the love though and thank you.March 14, 2015 – 10:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Scott - i really don’t understand the fascination with St. Patrick’s Day. No one (that I know, anyhow) actually celebrates their Irish heritage. It’s just an excuse to get drunk. Do you really need an excuse to get drunk? I don’t…March 14, 2015 – 7:55 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Although maybe, an excuse to get drunk is welcome when we need it? I dunno. But yeah.March 14, 2015 – 10:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - I love how you say evaluations are about what are kids are not doing, not what they can do. I think one of my biggest frustrations is that professionals have such a hard time after the evaluation making the transition from “not doing” to “can do” in developing therapies. The not do should only be a starting point and yet for some professionals they appear to be stuck there.March 14, 2015 – 12:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The whole what they can’t do thing is such a huge problem I think because you’re right – the teachers and therapists get stuck there, and parents deserve the hope of how it gets better with therapy!March 14, 2015 – 11:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - You’ve both come so far, and sometimes the silliest parts of a holiday will make you remember what used to be. At least for me.
    You enjoy those leprechaun traps!! And maybe throw in some green eggs or something. With natural food coloring? I don’t know what kids are doing these days.March 14, 2015 – 6:59 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Tamara! We made the Leprechaun trap tonight and Tucker had better ideas than I did 🙂 And um green eggs. Ok. 😉March 14, 2015 – 11:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicki - “All of it scary and freeing and also just life and just us and just Just.”
    You and your little boy have come so far, together… the perfect travel companions.
    Um, what is a leprechaun trap??March 15, 2015 – 3:14 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you for your sweet words as always, Nicki! A leprechaun trap is a box that lures the mischievous little dudes in with gold or promise of it and then traps him. We went to Michael’s and got a bunch of stuff – Tucker actually conceptualized it himself which is awesome. I was going to have the lid fall down (propped up with a straw or whatever) but he wanted to cut a hole in the lid and put a paper over it so that the leprechaun would fall in when he walked across the paper – I’ll post photos on FB. 🙂March 15, 2015 – 2:18 pmReplyCancel

      • Nicki - I love hearing how into it Tucker is… although it seems a bit odd to encourage entrapment lol. The leprechauns sound cute. I have a soft spot for cheeky, naughty faces 😉
        Can’t wait to see those photos!March 15, 2015 – 11:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Michele @ A Storybook Life - Kristi, I learn so much from you every time I read one of your posts, and this one is no different. I love reading about Tucker — his light does jump right off the page (off the screen?), and I think it’s awesome how far you’ve come, together.

    But yeah, if you ever want to spill the beans on your New Orleans trip….I’m sure we’d all love to read that, too! 😉March 16, 2015 – 3:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - LOL Michele – I’ll spill the beans about New Orleans one of these days, I promise and thank you for the sweet comment!March 16, 2015 – 4:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Galit Breen - This is so beautiful because it’s so very raw and real. I feel lie we just sat down together and you opened up with all of the things you’ve meant to tell me but haven’t had a chance yet. Stunning. Truly.March 17, 2015 – 11:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Galit. What an amazingly comfortable comment. When you said that, I pictured us sitting down, too. Thank you for that.March 18, 2015 – 10:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Meredith - That picture is just heartbreaking! But Tucker has the best mama in the world for him, so it’s beautiful in a way to look back at the past and see that you made it through that difficult time. Great post!March 22, 2015 – 10:45 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It really is amazing to see how far he’s come. Sometimes I forget and remembering how we used to try to get him to just touch his dad’s ear… And thank you!March 22, 2015 – 11:15 amReplyCancel

  • Sarah - IEP meetings are never easy and hearing results are so hard! Results mean nothing! You both have come so far. Go Tucker! He’ll continue on his journey and continue to amaze you!March 23, 2015 – 11:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It IS hard to hear the results but you’re right – they don’t mean anything really. Thanks so much!March 25, 2015 – 11:13 amReplyCancel

  • Tarana Khan - Beautiful post, Kristi. I like how you started with your worries and fears, but ended on such a bright and positive note. Really made me feel that your son is truly incredible!March 23, 2015 – 2:02 pmReplyCancel

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