Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Most of the time, when I’m at home in the burbs of DC, I’m just being and doing. I take my kindergartner to the bus stop where he shyly-eagerly greets the older boys playing with a ball. I try not to worry about them not understanding him. I try not to worry about them picking […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Brittnei - This is so precious! I didn’t know you grew up in Colorado! You were a state away while on this visit! I saw the picture of Tucker and maybe it was Izzy on Facebook or did you just mention how much he loves her? So adorable. I’m so happy that you all had a wonderful time and that you didn’t have to feel sad or upset if you had to witness some of the things you were concerned about. I’m so happy you were able to see how normal and exceptional Tucker is around all of these people and situations even if he can’t say music just yet. 🙂October 1, 2014 – 1:06 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You didn’t? Wow, yeah, I lived there (left for college for a year in CA) my entire life until I moved out here for a job in 2004. YES the photo of Tucker and Izzy on FB – he was totally smitten 🙂
      Thanks so much for your kind and awesome words, Brittnei!October 2, 2014 – 11:46 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - I’m glad you posted, even if the link isn’t open right now. What a wonderful vacation! So perfect! I’m so happy for you and Tucker.October 1, 2014 – 1:37 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m glad I posted, too, Kristi. Thanks and yeah, it really was a delightful vacation.October 2, 2014 – 11:49 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - Can’t really care that you’re late after a post like that! I’m so glad that you had such a great trip and I love hearing stories about meeting fellow bloggers. I hope to have a story like that of my own one day. Tucker is getting so big and he has the most incredible smile. Just like Mama!October 1, 2014 – 6:41 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Sandy! I cannot believe how big Tucker is getting! It’s both amazingly wonderful and a little bit sad (what happened to my tiny baby???).October 2, 2014 – 11:51 amReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Awww I love it. I saw the picture on FB of Izzy and Tucker – too cute. Those trees are beautiful. We have NONE of that Fall right now. I’d say we are a month away but it’s October 1st and there’s hope for Fall colors and cooler temps. Glad you had such a wonderful trip.October 1, 2014 – 6:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - We don’t have any of the fall here in DC really yet either, Kenya! It’s hot! Although I think it’s cooling off the past few days so maybe we’ll see some yellow and red soon. Then in a few months we’ll complain about the cold. Sigh. And thank you – it really was a great trip!October 2, 2014 – 11:53 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Well, now I’m totally jealous because I want you and Tucker to come play with me and my girls!!! 🙂 I’m glad you had such good time. I know you have been stressed and it sounds like this was a great reprieve.October 1, 2014 – 7:19 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I want me and Tucker to come play with you and your girls! Next time we head south to OBX or wherever, I’ll let you know and maybe we can meet up!! And thanks, Lisa. 🙂October 2, 2014 – 11:55 amReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - –Lovely.
    Every time I click over here, I smile.
    Gorgeous scenery.
    Gorgeous children.
    Gorgeous “You.”
    xxOctober 1, 2014 – 7:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YAY for smiling, IC! xx and thank you for your comment that makes me smile on this day today.October 2, 2014 – 11:59 amReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - I’m grateful you had an amazing time in Colorado!!! Yay!October 1, 2014 – 9:17 amReplyCancel

  • Michele @ A Storybook Life - Sounds like a wonderful trip, full of exploration and fun and just BEING. Tucker looks so, so happy in every picture! (And WOW to the gorgeous scenery.) So very much to be thankful for here.October 1, 2014 – 10:17 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Michele and yeah, so much to be thankful for. I’m getting ready for it to feel more fall-like here already!October 2, 2014 – 12:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I love so many things about this post, but most of all, I loved seeing the huge smiles on everyone. And yes, BIG and cool and touching and sweet when Tucker held Steph’s hand – LOVE THAT. I think also that I’m now jealous you grew up in Colorado — I love it there, although I’ve only been in the winter. It looks so beautiful and serene and I now want to go on a trip there!October 1, 2014 – 10:55 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know! I didn’t know that Tucker was holding Steph’s hand until I saw the photo. Love! He’s still talking about Izzy “What is Izzy doing now?” And you should definitely go to CO in the fall – it’s incredible. I’ll meet you there!October 2, 2014 – 12:05 pmReplyCancel

  • kerri - I think the best gift of the year is this post. This moment in time when Tucker was just Tucker and it was awesome. Without judgement, without explanation, without any qualifiers. He was a cousin, a new friend, a boy and a son who is the best thing to ever happen to his mom.October 1, 2014 – 11:09 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love the moments when Tucker is just Tucker and it works. Nobody judging, nobody wondering why he’s bouncing, that. And yeah, he’s most definitely the very best thing to happen to his mom. Ever ever.October 2, 2014 – 12:07 pmReplyCancel

  • K - OMG. I loved this post. Tucker has the BEST smile, and it looks like you guys had an amazing time. And I lovelovelove that everyone accepted him in all of his awesomeness…maybe Our Land is closer than we think!October 1, 2014 – 12:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh K – that Our Land is closer than we think would truly be an amazing thing. It certainly felt like Our Land when Tucker was just being and playing and nobody thought it was weird that his words were muffled, that he hid from loud noises, or anything. It was just playing and being and overall so so perfect. <3October 2, 2014 – 12:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - I love that you had a wonderful vacation and I love that Tucker enjoyed it! The pictures are beautiful! It is so awesome that you got to hang out with Stephanie and her girls! Maybe someday, you’ll make it to the frozen north and you and I can Carpe Diem!October 1, 2014 – 1:14 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - WordPress ate my comment. I am sure it was brilliant. Sigh. I think I said that I’ll Carpe Diem with you any day and that I’ll even bring some whisky in a jar so that we can ride the lightning together. Thanks for awesome you and thanks for your awesome comment, Echo.October 2, 2014 – 12:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - What a great trip! What a beautiful place. So glad you got that time to relax and enjoy. 🙂October 1, 2014 – 1:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I’m always thankful for breathing deeply and completely! And for Colorado, although I’ve never been there. It’s on my list so I’m thankful to have dreams like that.
    <3 Tucker!October 1, 2014 – 3:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to breathing deeply and completely, Tamara. And let me know when you make your Colorado dream come true and I’ll meet you out there. We go at least once/year…and it’d be a great place to take photos!October 2, 2014 – 12:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Beautiful all around. XOOctober 1, 2014 – 5:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie Smith - Can I just say that your pictures gave me a Rocky Mountain high! Beautiful. You have so much to be thankful for! So glad you got friend time*old and new! I’m thankful for so much, but swear I’m to tired to write it ( in car waiting for Aud/dance class, falling asleep! Welcome home.October 1, 2014 – 5:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I almost named this post Rocky Mountain High but given the new laws on legalized pot, I wasn’t sure if I’d get weird traffic from it (on second thought, maybe I should have!). Thanks, Allie. Sigh to being tired. I hear ya mama. And I only have the one!October 2, 2014 – 12:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Chronicallysickmanicmother - Oh how much my heart needed this. Such simplicity yet deeply felt gratitude.October 1, 2014 – 5:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Allison - Oh how wonderful you got to spend time with Stephanie- simply what blogging/writing is all about.

    Then, let me add, I want to be in Colorado, too. Reading this post made me yearn for it. Welcome home but glad memories were made and this essay created.October 1, 2014 – 7:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allison – it really is! I think the very best part of blogging is the connections we make. Truly. I hope you get your Colorado soon. xoOctober 2, 2014 – 12:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - What an amazing trip! Seeing those pics of you and Stephanie together with all your kids is too great! I’m so glad you and Tucker had such GOOD family and friend time!October 1, 2014 – 8:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Robin - In so happy for you that you had such a lovely time! I didn’t know you were from Colorado. We love it here. 🙂 My mom used to say, “Other people come here on vacation and we get to live here all the time.” I always thought it was just propaganda to keep us close to home but now that I’m an adult I realize not only how blessed we are too live here but more importantly that living near family makes everything so much more manageable. So glad Tucker was able to have such a great experience!October 1, 2014 – 9:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Robin and I am SO jealous that you’re in Colorado now! I didn’t realize that you were either, for some reason! It’s so true that people come to vacation and well, it’s ours. My best friends that were in this post (Julie and Sara) came there because I told them how awesome it is and go figure – I was the one to leave for a job and they are still there!! Next time I come, we’ll have to get together!October 4, 2014 – 12:08 amReplyCancel

  • Lana - I’m thankful you shared this with us. Every time I see your little boy’s smiling face, it makes me smile too. It’s so wonderful to have a place where you feel completely at peace – so glad you have Colorado!October 2, 2014 – 1:14 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Me, too, Lana. It hasn’t always been the awesomest of vacations when trying to fit in so much in a single visit but this time, even though it was busy and we tried to fit so much in, it was truly wonderful. Peaceful.October 4, 2014 – 12:12 amReplyCancel

  • Tricia - So so lovely. The suburbs of DC are my September home now but of if I could go to Colorado, I’d love to take a deep breath of that air. So glad you got to go there and spend some September time.October 2, 2014 – 7:36 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Tricia… the ‘burbs of DC are mine too but I think the neighborhoods vary a lot. I mean, I can walk by somebody here and say “HI!” and they don’t even reply which I think is just weird.October 4, 2014 – 12:15 amReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - Oh Kristi!!! I LOVED this SO MUCH!!!! I loved every single thing about it- every thankful that is indeed HUGE and BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT in every way!!! Dear friends. Tucker LIVING out LOUD and everyone LOVING your boy and laughing and playing and the mountains and the clean fresh air you so DEEPLY and COMPLETELY inhaled while you were there….

    And Stephanie!!!! I LOVE that you girls got to connect! Oh what a HUGE deal, HUGE trip this was. I long to have been with you and Stephanie… oh how I wish!

    What a beautiful post to take in… just so much love and light. As it should be. For you. For Tucker. For all.October 2, 2014 – 11:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you BIG HUGE, Chris! I loved seeing Tucker living out loud and on purpose and being loved and loving and just him, too. It was completely awesome. And yeah, Steph. She’s my sweet love. And now, her daughter is Tucker’s. How perfect, right?October 4, 2014 – 12:17 amReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave - Sounds like such a wonderful trip! I can sense the joy in this post. 🙂October 2, 2014 – 4:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Children truly don’t care about these little things! They just want someone to play with them!!
    So glad you all had such a great time!October 2, 2014 – 7:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Seeing you and Stephanie and your kids on FB made me smile huge! Glad you had a great trip, Kristi. I’ve never been to Colorado, but one day…October 2, 2014 – 8:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - One day. Let me know when that is because I’d love to be your tour guide.October 4, 2014 – 12:19 amReplyCancel

  • Jana - I love, LOVE the pictures of Tucker! He looks so joyful! I’m glad you had this time to spend in such a wonderful place, with wonderful family and friends.October 2, 2014 – 11:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Jana! It was SUCH a great and joyful trip. Tucker was amazing! I appreciate your comment – thank you!October 4, 2014 – 12:20 amReplyCancel

  • Jhanis - Oh Kristi! I worry too much that other kids might not understand my 3yo daughter! At school, play dates, at the park, but you know what I learned? Sometimes they understand her and when they don’t? It doesn’t matter. Kids can see beyond speech delays, they communicate with their smiles and laughter and actions. Maybe we shouldn’t worry to much?
    Tucker looks so adorable! And how cool is it that you and Stephanie got to hang out!October 3, 2014 – 3:59 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jhanis – Really? We should talk more about this. And yeah, kids are incredible and amazing and that they see beyond delays and just want to play is inspiring and amazing. Would we all just see one another’s smiles…
      Maybe we shouldn’t worry so much. You’re right but how? I mean I know that’s possible. And yeah, hanging with Stephanie again was awesome.October 4, 2014 – 12:22 amReplyCancel

  • Lillian Connelly - I love those moments where you are worried about the worst, but the absolute best happens. When people are wonderful. Thank goodness for family.

    What a wonderful post. You made me feel a little homesick for Colorado and I have never even been there!October 3, 2014 – 10:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lillian,
      Yes, thank goodness for family when it’s family and awesome! And awww. here’s to being homesick for Colorado!!! 🙂October 4, 2014 – 12:23 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Roy - Wow, Colorado is gorgeous! Those beautiful Fall leaves, all of it. I want to jump into one of those pictures. How cool that you got to hang with Stephanie and that your kids played together! Sounds like one of those trips full of memories that will last a lifetime!October 3, 2014 – 7:38 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It really is beautiful Linda, although my family reminded me that the fall is great on the east coast (which it IS but hello humid). Thanks so much for your comment and let me know when you’re going to Co as I’d love to meet you there!October 4, 2014 – 12:25 amReplyCancel

  • zoe - NO WAY! Way to link up woman! I am finally finishing the book this weekend… believe it or not I havent lost your address again… YET! Lovely pics! My guy looks great!!!!!October 3, 2014 – 7:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I KNOW!! The fact that I wrote it two days late for last weekend worked out really well for this weekend… xoOctober 3, 2014 – 9:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - I’m thankful for your piece. I was just in Colorado for a brief moment. When we drove from Utah to New Mexico, we stopped in Durango. I wish we could’ve stayed longer. Colorado is a cool place and I can see why it was an awesome experience for Tucker. I think cousins (and friends) are the best. My cousin, born six months after me) had childhood seizures. He had trouble speaking and his words came out twisted and wrong. He’d get frustrated because we couldn’t understand him. He still can’t speak totally clearly, but I understand him. And he has so many wonderful, witty things to say. I think that early “cousin” relationship has lasted and I’m grateful. We have stories to tell and I hope that happens for Tucker too. BTW, I love the fall color in your tree photo. I think fall may be one of my most favorite seasons. (But I think that way about almost every season when I’m living it.)October 4, 2014 – 2:58 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh Linda, Colorado is awesome and cousins are so the best! I think Fall is my favorite season too. At least it is right now. I’m so glad that you still have such a strong cousin relationship – is this Eric, the one you wrote about?October 6, 2014 – 7:18 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - damn good trip, it sounds like.

    Tucker clearly, (at least from our vantage-point as seers of pictures and readers of descriptions) is having a good time.

    Knowing that Tucker is enjoying the experience and (having) your own added dimension of ‘returning’ had to have felt good. ( betcha felt good even after you returned home), the old home and the now home…. nice intermingling!October 4, 2014 – 6:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It was truly an awesome trip, Clark! Really. And yeah, I felt pretty good even after coming home…October 6, 2014 – 7:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Cyndi - I grew up in Colorado – these photos make me miss it so!
    That looks like Lake Granby up there – I taught skiing at a little resort near Winter Park and then in the summers, worked at a marina for a couple years out of college. Now, I live in NC, but…aww…I miss it out there. 🙂 Love this post. hugs!October 4, 2014 – 6:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Cyndi, I miss it SO much! And it IS Lake Granby – good call there. My brother has a cabin in Tabernash so super easy access to Winter Park (we also rode the alpine slide there) and the lakes. Thanks so much!October 6, 2014 – 7:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Dyanne @ I Want Backsies - We vacationed at Estes Park and spent days hiking at Rocky Mtn. National Park and just loved it. It is such a beautiful, spiritual place that it makes it easier to think and ponder and consider. How wonderful for Tucker to get to spend time with cousins and friends who showed their love for him by accepting him unconditionally.October 5, 2014 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Estes Park is awesome too. That’s where we rented a house for both of our families for Tucker’s first birthday. It really is an incredible place and I agree that it makes life easier to think about.October 6, 2014 – 7:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Romi - The scenery and the smiles in the photos are very beautiful.October 5, 2014 – 2:20 amReplyCancel

  • Denise - Late? Late for what?! This was great Kristi! The pics are fabulous and show so much. “Every picture tells a story, don’t it”?
    There’s nothing like home and going home to give that special perspective. Even those times you aren’t necessarily looking for it:)
    Here’s to home, friends and hide and seek.October 5, 2014 – 10:03 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Well I wrote it for the TToT the previous week but linked it up the next because every time I tried to upload a photo on the wifi, I got an error. It was weird. And thanks, Denise! Here’s to home. And friends. And hide and seek. And you.October 6, 2014 – 7:29 pmReplyCancel

Today’s Our Land Series post was authored by a fairly new blog friend, Pattie, of Bitter Ex-Nuke Wife. She writes about life, family, and being married to her husband who so often was far from home, serving the US NAVY on a submarine. Many of you know that my husband Robert was in the US ARMY for […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Kerith Stull - It is difficult to imagine what a life without a husband is like, the life of a soldier’s wife. As I sit here grumpy about my husband long work days that include being away from home 12+ hours each day, I can put things in perspective. Thanks for sharing your story and reminding me of my blessings.

    And thank you to your husband for his service to our country so that my family could be safe.September 24, 2014 – 8:27 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Kerith,
      Thank you for reading and I will pass your appreciation on to my husband If we look around we will find the silver linings and at the end of my husband’s career we were able to find some blessings of our own.September 24, 2014 – 6:21 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I am grumpy RIGHT NOW Kerith, because we’re in Denver, and my husband just told me he may need to fly home early. I’m all pouty because it’s our anniversary, the first time we’re meeting our niece, and my dad’s birthday… and really, if he were deployed? I’d be doing all of those things alone, anyway. I’m complaining about having to travel through an airport with my son alone. What choice would I have if life were different?September 25, 2014 – 10:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - Thank you for sharing your experiences, Patty. I can’t even begin to imagine how rough that time was for both you AND your husband.September 24, 2014 – 10:03 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - TD,
      The separations were equally tough on the guys. Sometimes I would forget that my husband was alone, too. Although alone (with his friends) in Rome couldn’t have been THAT bad, right?September 24, 2014 – 6:25 pmReplyCancel

      • Twindaddy - I wouldn’t mind seeing Rome…September 24, 2014 – 9:05 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I wanna see Rome, too. And I was just reminded of the tune to the I see your underpants thing so clearly I need more sleep (flew to Denver today after 4 hours sleep WITH a 5yo).September 25, 2014 – 10:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I remember when my husband traveled for work when our kids were little – four days felt like an eternity. I can’t imagine being separated for months and months, but you do what you have to do, right? Thank you for sharing your experience, Pattie, and thank your husband for his service.September 24, 2014 – 10:57 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Hi Dana,

      Sometimes the boat would do ‘weekly ops’ where they would leave on Monday and come back on Friday. I hated those the most. It would have been better if they just went out for a month, did their work and then came back. I feel you on weekly trips. They are no bueno.September 24, 2014 – 6:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana, when Robert travels, I am both free and happy and also like OMG it’s too many hours until bedtime, at like, 6pm. So I agree with you and think Pattie and her family are awesome. And I thank them all for their service.September 25, 2014 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

  • celeste - We recently lost our beloved Aunt Wendy, whose dedication to her husband Byron, also a submarine veteran, kept their family together. I always “knew” about their time before Byron’s retirement, but it wasn’t until friends from deployment shared their Wendy stories that it really sank in for me. Reading this post here gives me more insight, and I can’t thank you enough for that.

    I am so glad that you and your husband have one another. And that you finally have *time* together now. Wishing you all the best.September 24, 2014 – 1:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Celeste,
      My condolences on your lose of your Aunt Wendy. I am sure that I would have liked her if I had known her. I hope that she and Byron had many years together after his retirement. It really was tough at times and a lot of inner strength went into those deployments. Thank you for your wishes, and we do appreciate our time now.September 24, 2014 – 6:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Celeste, I’m so so sorry for the loss of your beloved Aunt Wendy. Thank you so much for your comment and for the visit.September 25, 2014 – 10:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Wow! I never knew that about the Cold War deployments/returns. That is really sad. I married my now retired Marine when he was in 8 years, so I missed the early deployments, like Desert Storm. And I didn’t have nearly as many as some spouses do or for the length of time. My lonely time was the first year of our marriage and living overseas with quite a bit of “exercises” some going out with the Navy. We missed our first anniversary together and at the time that was devastating to me. I survived though. That said I can imagine how hard it is. Those months prior that you act nice while getting ready to be separated and then the return is equally weird, like you have to date and get to know each other and learn to live with each other all over again. I didn’t have the technologies of today either. Well we had sporadic email, but not very many phone calls. When I did get the phone calls they were awkward, like him asking how the grass looks since someone else was cutting it. Stupid small talk. I don’t miss it at all. It’s something hard to get used to and then hard to get used to them never going anywhere again – you know? Thanks for sharing your experience.September 24, 2014 – 1:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Kenya,

      You get it. You have been there and done that. The small talk, the awkwardness of a homecoming, missing anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. The Marines did a lot of exercises with the Navy and it is easy to forget that some Marines were gone as much as the sailors were. Some of the stuff was really sad, but there were some really great times too. I am just really happy that you read this. Thank you.

      Please tell your husband ‘thank you’ for his service and you were right there with him so thank you, too.September 24, 2014 – 6:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, my husband was retired Army (by a couple of months) when I met him but has traveled a bit since then (the scariest was Afghanistan) and I know what you mean by things like “does the grass look okay?” even just in a short time. I think that what Pattie and her sister wives did (and what their husbands did) is both extraordinary and amazing and just the life that was the life… if that makes sense. It’s funny (not the haha type) what we deal with, isn’t it?September 25, 2014 – 10:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - I love “The Hunt for Red October” and love it even more as we move farther and farther away from the Cold War. I have a devil of a time trying to explain the Cold War to my son – how intense it was, how sometimes scary it was. I can’t imagine trying to explain it and your husband’s absence to your daughter. Thank you for sharing your window into that important part of history. And thank you and your husband for your service.September 24, 2014 – 2:38 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Elizabeth,

      The Cold War was weird, intense, scary, silly, posturing, and demanding. We didn’t go into a lot of details with our daughter. She was pretty young for most of this. Explaining the separations was a little bit easier. When she was little we told her that daddy had to take the submarine out to the ocean to play with the dolphins and whales. When she got older we just shrugged it off since we lived around other Navy families and she was used to other dads going away and then coming back.

      Thank you for reading and commenting, and you are welcome for the window share. I will pass on your thanks to my husband.September 24, 2014 – 6:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - XO Elizabeth. I’d forgotten about that movie. It was so good… and so well, yeah, kudos to Pattie and her family for getting through it with so much love and grace.September 25, 2014 – 10:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Don - This sort of service to the country and our communities is not for everyone, and it’s noble. It’s also always harder on the families than it is the soldier, or even in my case, the police officer. The wives are the ones who worry and have to pretend they’re happy on Christmas morning while dad’s away doing what he does. Kudos to your family for making this world a better place to live.September 24, 2014 – 5:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Don,
      I JUST found your site a few minutes ago. I died laughing at Lick’n Lunch. So much eewww hahahaha anyway…

      You are a policed officer?! Stabler, you are a freaking hero right here at home. Thank YOU for putting your life on the line every. single. day. Your wife ‘gets it’ too. We do what we have to do. Every family has their ‘thing’ some of us just like a little more ‘excitement’. 😉

      Thank You and your family for making our communities better places to live.September 24, 2014 – 6:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YAY to my peeps meeting my peeps and I loved the lunch licking thing too… but all services are to be commended. All. Those served by the families, the officers and soldiers, the kids, the parents hoping their kids are safe in their service…September 25, 2014 – 10:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - There was so much I didn’t know..
    I can’t imagine this life and I don’t think I’d have it in me. This is amazingly strong of both of you, and I’m glad you found comfort and love with sister wives.September 24, 2014 – 8:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Thank you for reading and commenting Tamara. It was tough and some families could not handle the separations. It was so sad when that happened because usually the couple still really loved each other, they just could not work through the separations.
      My Sister Wives were vital to me. I am grateful for them even 30 years later.September 25, 2014 – 7:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I, too, am so glad that you had your sister wives, Pattie. And Tamara thank you. I think you could do it.September 26, 2014 – 11:42 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Wow! What a perspective to share. My husband travels for work and is sometimes gone for 4-5 days at a time. I cannot imagine him being gone for 4-5 months – or more. Thank you, Pattie, for sharing your story.September 24, 2014 – 8:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Lisa,
      Any time a spouse travels for their job it brings a lot of issues to the surface that have to be handled. Keep those lines of communication wide open! When my husband would come home all he wanted to do was stay home but all I wanted to do was go somewhere. We figured out how to make both of us happy. Find your common ground! Thank you for commenting and you are welcome.September 25, 2014 – 7:03 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you Lisa and I know what you mean about when our husbands are gone for a few days being rough. All the stuff is so much harder. My husband is thinking of going back from our vacation early and I’m dreading traveling home alone with my son, just because of the little things – dragging all the plane stuff in the airport bathrooms, etc. I guess people get used to it but Pattie and her family should definitely be recognized for their service!! 🙂September 26, 2014 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - Thank you for sharing this. My dad was in the navy and he often talks about it, even at the age of 81. I think it’s beautiful to hear about the bonding and support that the women shared during times of deployment. I can see how that is what sustained each of you – female friendships are powerful.:)September 24, 2014 – 9:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Emily,
      Did you grow up a Navy kid? If you did then you know first hand what families did to survive the loneliness. Please tell your dad thanks! And I love my sister wives. Together we are better!September 25, 2014 – 7:06 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Here’s to female friendships!! And thanks Emily. And thanks, Pattie.September 26, 2014 – 11:47 amReplyCancel

  • Allie @ The Latchkey Mom - I cannot even imagine what it must be like – but I felt your loneliness with this line: “the kind of dull ache that gnaws at your heart and takes a slice from your soul with every passing day.”September 25, 2014 – 9:57 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Allie,

      Looking back, I think if I would have had a clue of what I was signing on for I may have tried to talk my husband into a different career field. By the time we both realized how hard it was it was too late to quit! Thank you for reading and commenting.September 25, 2014 – 11:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie, I know… sigh.September 26, 2014 – 11:48 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Patti,
    First thank YOU for YOUR service. It’s not just your husband that served with honor, dignity and time. It’s the family who serves as well. Second, I love how you define why empathy matters and sympathy hurts. I have many Service friends and let me tell you, their families are the bravest people I know. I have also been the witness to the sailor coming home and finding his wife gone. There is nothing more heartbreaking.

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is incredible.September 25, 2014 – 10:32 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Kerri,

      You made me feel really good about this post. I am glad that you ‘got’ what I was trying to convey. It was some tragic stuff when a wife would leave while the boat was deployed. Heartbreaking for sure. Today’s military families are facing some difficult times too. I applaud them for standing up to the bad people.September 25, 2014 – 11:28 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Exactly Kerri! Being witness to the sailor coming home and his wife is gone. That happened to my mom’s brother when he came back from Vietnam. So heartbreaking – all of it. xo to Pattie and her family!September 26, 2014 – 11:57 amReplyCancel

  • zoe - WOW Pattie , amazing stories…. I have to say that our thanks belong with the families as well ( I know its been said but cant be said enough) SO much at risk for all involved not just from bombs and terror but on the home front the anxiety families live with and the anxiety of coming home to something that you never expected… I dont even know if Im making sense… but thanks Pattie to all of you!September 25, 2014 – 7:04 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You make perfect sense, as always, Zoe. And you’re exactly right.September 26, 2014 – 11:58 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Zoe,

      You made a lot of sense, perfect sense even. Thank you for your support of our military.September 29, 2014 – 12:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I cannot even begin to fathom being away from my husband for months at a time. The longest we have ever been apart is three days, and even that felt like torture. Nowadays spouses have it much easier with the internet and cell phones. You are right—we had to survive on snail mail and Ma Bell. I’ll admit though, I miss getting personal letters in the mail!September 26, 2014 – 10:29 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Marcia,

      It’s kind of funny but, now that my husband is home all of the time I sort of wish that he would go on weekend hunting or fishing trips with the guys once in awhile. The art of writing letters is dying. Thank you for reading.September 29, 2014 – 8:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Very interesting post Pattie. I have some inkling of what you went through because my husband is a pilot and has often been away with work. It wasn’t months on end though, so I can only imagine how hard that must have been. Our worst time was 2 months when when our kids were very small, during which he only got home occasionally. Did your daughter feel upset by her dad’s absence? Ours did, particularly the younger one.
    I can definitely understand how the support of other submarine wives would have got you through. For me the hardest thing was when we lived in a town where I didn’t have friends and days went by without speaking to an adult. I found this sentence particularly poignant: “Sympathy would kill what was left of a broken spirit where empathy would bolster a sagging confidence and reignite a waning energy to face the next day, week, or month.” Empathetic friendship is a wondrous thing!September 28, 2014 – 5:33 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Yvonne,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. As our daughter grew up she better understood the reason behind the deployments but of course she still missed her dad. It was sad when she was little and would cry for him. Of course that made me cry, it was tragic. We survived. I know how difficult it is to be alone when and have your husband gone too. I learned to make friends and get involved in something just to keep my sanity.September 29, 2014 – 8:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - Oh, Pattie! What a great piece! You know, as civilians we see the families left behind and hear the stories but you shine a light on the harsh realities. I cannot even imagine how difficult it must have been. I’m so happy that you were able to persevere and that now you are able to have your husband home and enjoy your lives together. You’re pretty amazing!September 28, 2014 – 9:54 amReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Sandy,

      I am over the moon because of what you said. You know I am awe of your strength and perseverance so hearing that you think the same thing about me is freaking amazing. It was a hard way to spend twenty years, and I would be remiss if I said that it was a waste. We both learned things that have served us so well in our lives. But gosh I am glad to be done!September 29, 2014 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Dyanne @ I Want Backsies - Pattie, this is fascinating! I’ve never lived anywhere that had any kind of military base near it (except when I was really little – too little to understand), so I’ve never seen what it’s like for military families when there is a deployment. Do you think the ones today with internet and cell phones have it easier, or do you think it would make it harder to be so close and yet so far away?September 28, 2014 – 12:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Pattie - Dyanne,

      I have often wondered in retrospect, what it would have been like if we even had had reliable email. Our very last deployment we had “e-mail’, and I use that word very loosely in comparison to what we know email to be now. It was censored, and it didn’t go right to the boat. It went to an email address at squadron where it was held until official messages were being sent and then batches would be sent at once.

      Based on my personal experiences I think that the constant communication is both good and bad for deployed personnel and the families. I bet WWIII will be started over this statement but I know of wives who are a constant barrage of daily BS to their husbands while they are deployed. The deployed service member does not have time to deal with this stuff and it totally wrecks his ability to be 100% for his team. On the other hand, when the service member can see his kids happy face on Skype I am sure that he is motivated to do his best to stay safe and get home to his family. It’s a subject I bet the Department of Defense wishes didn’t exist.September 29, 2014 – 8:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Ashley - So beautiful and poignantly told, as usual Pattie! Yours is a rare experience and voice of Americana. Loved this.October 1, 2014 – 8:52 pmReplyCancel

You know how, when you’re a kid, somebody – maybe a grandmother, a parent, or a beloved aunt – tells you that life is short? You know how, when they say those stupid words, nodding their heads wisely, how you knew, with all of your being, that that person – the one who said that […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Emily - AMEN! (oops at first I typed AMEX – maybe that means life is too short and I should charge it on my Amex even though I can’t afford it?). I didn’t participate this week, but I always love reading these…damn, I should have participated – this was a good sentence!!September 18, 2014 – 10:12 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA Emily! Yes, charge it! 😉 Too funny. And you can still participate ya know. Really – linkie code is open for another day!September 19, 2014 – 6:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Holy Bat-mobile! I think we were in each other’s brain tonight!!!!September 18, 2014 – 10:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Yes my friend life is too short. It sucks that Grandma was right but give her her due. Life is too short to worry about people that won’t matter tomorrow. But I will be here so worry about that 🙂September 18, 2014 – 10:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - So true Kristi – every single word. I know it in my heart but sometimes my head needs a reminder.September 18, 2014 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

  • zoe - Nuff said. Well done!September 19, 2014 – 12:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - XO I guess it’ll pass – I only had like 45 minutes to do it (weep).September 19, 2014 – 6:20 pmReplyCancel

      • zoe - when I write “nuff said” its cuz i cant find anything to add! You did a great job on this! no weep! {:)September 19, 2014 – 6:23 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - It’s my blog and I can weep if I wanna…September 19, 2014 – 6:24 pmReplyCancel

          • zoe - “You would cry too if it happened to you!!!!” ahem… sorry just had to sing a little there… ya big crybaby!!!September 19, 2014 – 6:27 pm

  • Chris Carter - Ah yes! This is just so so true- all of it!! Such a beautiful spin on the “Life is too short” Kristi!!

    I’ll join you in this message…

    Oh girl, you know I will!! XOXOSeptember 19, 2014 – 1:20 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Awesome, Chris! And yeah, I know that you will. Life’s too short not to (hehe).September 19, 2014 – 6:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Anna Fitfunner - Hi Kristi: I’m sorry to hear about your babysitter. Sometimes, people just change on you abruptly and unexpectedly. As you say, life is too short. The important thing is that you and your hubby are forming a loving family with Tucker, and life is just long enough for that to truly matter! Big Hugs!September 19, 2014 – 10:24 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Anna!! Yeah, I was (and still am) pretty bummed out about our sitter. The thing is, I’m not really sure what changed. One day, she was asking for more hours, and the next, not returning my texts. She had some personal stuff going on but I really thought that once that ran its course…anyway, thanks for the hugs and the visit!September 19, 2014 – 6:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - Life is too short to blog. Let’s go outside and play!!

    Seriously, this is a great post, Kristi! You are very wise and I agree with everything you say here. Life IS too short to worry about the trivial shit that ultimately doesn’t matter. Life is for living, so let’s get to it.September 19, 2014 – 10:36 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - WTF! YES YES life IS too short to blog. Come play outside with me?
      And yeah, it’s also too short to NOT blog because well. And thank you sweets. I felt icky about this post actually – I mean I like the message – but I had to do it in like 40 minutes and I wanted it to be like well Better. More Big. More Important.. That stuff. But sometimes, life is also too short for editing and worrying about the perfect words.September 19, 2014 – 11:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - The summer lasted FOREVER when were were in school didn’t it! I swear it was three whole month. And the break for before Christmas – OMG – dreadfully took forever. Now everything goes buy in a blur. I wish a lot of time away – seasons I hate – but life is too short for that too. I need to embrace all the seasons some kind of way and appreciate all 365 days of the year – even the one that have football and science projects. Sorry that babysitter didn’t work out. I hope somebody wonderful is just within your reach.September 19, 2014 – 10:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, the summer SO lasted forever. How and why did that stop? I want it to last forever again. I want all of it to last forever (well maybe not those days when my husband works late and I see the clock says 4pm and wonder how I’ll survive the next 4 hours but always do and then MISS THEM when they are gone)… I’m thinking of putting Tucker in a science camp. UGH. But robots!And thank you.September 19, 2014 – 11:55 pmReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - I DID IT!!! I’M IN!!!! YAY!!!! 🙂September 19, 2014 – 10:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - when you say you did it, you weren’t messing around. Thank you. YOU DID IT> big time. yes. All of it.September 19, 2014 – 11:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I love this prompt!
    And it’s true – life was looooong when I was five and ten and 15 and 20. Maybe even 25, although I was onto the truth by then.
    Smarmy grownups were right!!!
    I’m so sorry about the babysitter. And the part-time job.
    I was working yesterday and it was sunny, dry and 70. So I closed the computer and took Des to a chicken farm, apple orchard. It made him deliciously happy.September 19, 2014 – 11:39 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - hanks for the words about the sitter – I’m still kinda grieving. And thank you MORE for the words about the apple orchard. Here, we have one about 60 minutes away, and you know what??? We ARE GOING!! Or to something, equally amazing. THANK YOU for the reminder…September 20, 2014 – 12:09 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Yes! To all of this! Yesterday, I had so many ends to this sentence swirling around in my brain and I was trying to focus on just one, but I couldn’t. I love how you put them ALL in here!September 19, 2014 – 12:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yesterday I ha is in not ha. As in, life is so so so so short, my lovely friend. I promise to remind you more often of that if you remind me!September 20, 2014 – 12:34 amReplyCancel

  • Robbie - YES! YES! YES!! I SOOOO needed to read this today!! Thank you 🙂September 19, 2014 – 1:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Gosh you’ve changed (well your blog has) while I’ve been away getting involved in politics. A very sleek new look.

    My favourite paragraph: Life is too short to laugh at other people. We all matter. We all count. Laughing at people who are different from us make the whole thing less meaningful, important, and real.

    Yes. I agree. I’m in the odd position today of feeling so relieved Scotland voted to stay in the UK and yet knowing that many people I know are feeling very sad about that. So I feel compassion for them. Life’s definitely too short to judge.September 19, 2014 – 4:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Only changed a little and thank you for noticing – you are the first. I’m big happy because I was freaking out about the height of the masthead and turns out it’s whatever you make it. thank you life for not giving me those 3 hours back! 😉
      And yeah. Life sucks when we laugh at people. I so hope that the conflict you’re dealing with is better resolved than it seems to be with so many angry people.September 20, 2014 – 12:55 amReplyCancel

  • Stephanie @ Life, Unexpectedly - Indeed, life is too short to waste it on people who don’t deserve it or with other negative feelings. Life is too short!September 19, 2014 – 4:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - The day my third child moved out and my youngest (now a senior) became a legal “18”, I realized how ridiculously short life is. Corny to say but so true—LIVE EVERY MOMENT. NO REGRETS!!!!September 19, 2014 – 5:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yes, yes yes. Marcia, I’ve got a now-fading, black blur of a tattoo saying “To Live With No Regrets.” I think now would be a good time to get back to that!!September 20, 2014 – 12:57 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Perfectly said! Something I need to remember when my son is thrashing and screaming about having to go to school – “this too shall pass” and quickly because life is short. Thank you for the reminder my dear. 🙂September 20, 2014 – 11:09 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Oh that’s hard – the thrashing and screaming about no school. I remember you saying on your blog that the grace period of him liking it had passed – does he still not want to go every day? So hard. But yes, it will pass, and one day, he’ll be grown and you’ll remember these moments with fondness (or something) right? I’m mostly really sad at the too-fast time passing… but trying to remind myself that even though now, it’s occasionally annoying when I have to stay in my son’s room for an hour at bedtime, that not too many blinks away will bring a time when that doesn’t work, for a lot of reasons, and I will so so miss it.September 20, 2014 – 7:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Brittnei - This post is right on time. I’ve been feeling like this concerning several things in my life that make me sad so like you said, I’ve decided to really just cut them out. It feels great knowing I’ve done that. I have a wonderful child to experience and a husband who loves me to no end. Life is short, but life is good. 🙂September 20, 2014 – 12:16 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Brittnei, first, I’m really bummed to hear that you’re experiencing things right now that make you need to realize that you need to cut them out but I’m also happy for you that you recognize it. I think that part of my challenge every year has been knowing too late that it’s time, and it rarely gets better. Sometimes, walking away is the best for everybody. And yes, my sweet friend. Life is short but oh so very very very good.September 20, 2014 – 7:52 pmReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - ****Happiness matters, but is not guaranteed. Life matters. Love matters. Family, and friends, and laughter and moments that we relive over and over and over again matter.***

    Kick Ass Post. It made me quite emotional.

    I loved every single word.

    Also, I love your face. xxSeptember 20, 2014 – 7:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love every word of yours and YOUR post really made me think tonight. About so much of my past. I think I could have so easily been Kay, and I think that all of us could have been. It’s scary and real and I really admire what you are doing.September 20, 2014 – 10:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Tarana - Good advice, Kristi. We need to be reminded of this every single day.September 21, 2014 – 8:01 amReplyCancel

  • Vidya Sury - So happy to be here, Kristi. Came here via Michelle’s blog.

    “Life is too short” is such a terrific prompt and I am thrilled to participate.

    It is amazing what we discover when we contemplate and finish sentences like these.

    Thank you! Looking forward to connecting more!September 21, 2014 – 9:19 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m so happy to have you here, Vidya, and so pleased that you linked up (thank you Michelle!!). It really is a good exercise to think about sentences like this – it’s so easy to just go through the busy motions of each day and forget about what is truly important. Looking forward to getting to know you!September 21, 2014 – 2:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - It’s completely insane how fast life is moving these days. Where has this YEAR gone??? I love all of these things. You put so much into this post and really make me think about all the things I want to do and that I really need to just do them. The things that matter for me and for the people that matter. Thank you for that.September 21, 2014 – 9:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I am SO with you on where has this year gone, Sandy! I cannot believe it’s almost October. Truly. Thank you so much and here’s to us just doing the things that matter. Sometimes, easier said than done though…September 22, 2014 – 3:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - I couldn’t have said it better myself. I feel like I should print this and reread it all the time, because, yes, life is too short for all of that, yet how is it that so many of us (women, maybe?) get stuck and obsess over the same things all the while realizing that life is too short to be doing this? I love being in your head and not only because it reminds me so much of mine but because it’s also very different than mine or anyone’s. It’s unique and it creates these words that always make me think and feel. I love you and have been a little busy over the weekend, but wanted to let you know I loved your comment on my blog and didn’t even understand why you should apologize. Love you BIG. 😀September 21, 2014 – 9:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I feel like I need to print it and re-read it all the time too, Katia. It’s so easy to get caught up in all of the little things, you know?
      Also the apology – I should have just moved the sentences by a week… but now, I’m glad I didn’t because I got to read your amazing words about your dear, dear Babooshka. xoSeptember 23, 2014 – 9:32 amReplyCancel

  • Lana - When I was younger, I remember how LONG it was between Thanksgiving and Christmas – I could barely stand it. I think life sped up as soon as I had my boys – and now it feels like it’s moving at lightning pace! Love, love this post.September 22, 2014 – 6:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lana, I know! It was FOREVER between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now, it’s a blink and the whole year’s gone by…September 23, 2014 – 9:34 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - All true. You are so smart, you. And all of this truth about life being too short is exactly why I did what I did and quit my job (like a crazy woman). It’s scary and ballsy but I knew I had to do it for all of us. And you know what? Even though it’s scary as hell and wildly uncertain how much income I’ll bring in for us (and I need to, make no mistake), I am happy and my family is happy and it’s all going to be OK. I know it. Life is just too short to stay somewhere you know isn’t serving anyone.September 22, 2014 – 9:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa, well…not sure I can say that I’m smart but for sure life is short. You quit your job? Wow! Tell me more! That’s awesome and I’m positive that you will find the income that you need – tell me tell me!! And yes, life is definitely too short to be in a job that isn’t serving anybody. Well said, you.September 23, 2014 – 9:36 amReplyCancel

  • Roshni - I seriously feel ashamed some times of the amount of time I just wasted and whiled away during my teen and college days! Then again, I guess I would never have had the chance otherwise, so was it really ‘wasting’?!!
    As usual, you put our thoughts into wonderful prose, Kristi!! 🙂September 24, 2014 – 6:02 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw don’t feel ashamed at the time wasted, Roshni! I think that we have to waste time in our youth in order to know what is worth spending our time on. So yes, I don’t think it was wasted at all!October 4, 2014 – 1:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - I hear ya! Especially as I contemplate that my oldest will be going to college in another year, next year I’ll have another one driving, and my youngest will be in high school. It’s too short when I think about the fact that what I wouldn’t give to have my father in law back, and just have my family have a few more days with him. Did he know how much we loved him? Does he know how much we miss him? It’s too short when I think about a friend of ours who is battling stage 4 cancer? And he’s just a couple years older than my husband and I. Yes, life is definitely too short.September 24, 2014 – 8:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - He knows how much you loved him and miss him. I have to believe that, Michelle. Life is way too short 🙁 and I’m so sorry for your loss.October 4, 2014 – 1:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - You just summed it all up so perfectly Kristi, I can’t think of anything to add. I was smiling the whole way through your post while I was reading, agreeing with it all. I definitely think there must be some sort of mathematical formula to explain how life seems to pass by quicker and quicker each year once we become adults! One beautiful thing that the messiness and nastiness of separation has taught me is that life’s too short not to appreciate the wonderful people in our lives who genuine care for us no matter what; our foul-weather friends if you will. I have gained such a profound appreciation for my parents and my close friends over this past year. My son is also about to turn ten and I still can’t get my head around how quickly that time has gone. One moment he was my baby and I was holding him in my arms, the next he’s becoming an adolesent and growing away from me. It makes me realise that life’s too short to argue with him about things that don’t really matter.September 25, 2014 – 9:14 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lizzy my sweet friend. And you’re so right that the foul-weather friends are really the true ones worth spending time with and the others? Nope! Maybe they were there for a reason before but it’s the close ones that get us through the happiness and the grief. xoOctober 4, 2014 – 1:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - Oh and I forgot to ask … where do I go to to find out the prompt for each week of FTSF?September 25, 2014 – 9:15 amReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - … as in the prompt for the upcoming week, not the current week 🙂September 25, 2014 – 9:15 amReplyCancel

  • Evil Joy - Love this. My son is a freshman this year and we just realized we have to plan vacations and trips with great purpose over the next three years because then he’ll….be in COLLEGE?!?! WTH?!?! He’s a 14 year old now which seems next to impossible and my baby is in first grade. With 4th and 6th graders in the middle of those two time simply flies by. FLIES BY! I can’t fathom how I went from a 24 year girl to a 38 yr mom of four with children in THREE different school!!!?!?! LOVE LOVE LOVE this!September 30, 2014 – 8:05 amReplyCancel

  • Meredith - I totally agree. I’ve learned some of these lessons the hard way, and some of them have come through maturity and just growing up. MOST of them though have come from watching my kids grow up so dang fast that it makes me scared some days that I’m wishing for it all to go by when I should be savoring more. Great post Kristi!October 2, 2014 – 4:14 pmReplyCancel

I don’t think I’ve ever been especially good at making friends. I don’t remember much about forming friendships at young ages, but I do remember painfully, shyly, and eagerly learning that in order to start one, I needed to say hello. I had one true friend before the age of six, and today, I can’t […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Kenya G. Johnson - Wow Kristi, you drew me in with your story as well. Love your write up/review. Anytime you read a book in Target, regardless of whether or not you are in the toy department – it is GOOD! I look forward to checking it out.September 15, 2014 – 9:53 amReplyCancel

  • Don - Look, I’m commenting here even though I had to type lots of letters in the three boxes just to get to this comment box. Hahaha, box. Anyway, you should have submitted a story for this book. I can’t believe you didn’t.

    Women are ridiculous creatures sometimes, so I may have to read this for the reminder. I’m married to one, so I can say that.

    Your review is most excellent, as were your recollections about past friends. I have several friends that I’ve lost touch with over the years who I think about from time to time as well. Not really people I want to reconnect with at this point, but people who did play some important role in my life at some point.

    The hockey coach?September 15, 2014 – 10:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jeez, I guess I should send some beer your way, given your extreme effort for having to type D, tab, D, tab, h, tab. THANK YOU. You should make it a more frequent habit to comment here anyway, loser. I can’t believe I didn’t submit a story for it either. I’m also a loser. And yup. The hockey coach.September 16, 2014 – 1:53 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - It was really good, wasn’t it? It haunted me – I would start each essay hoping for the ending that I knew wouldn’t come. I don’t really miss the friend I wrote about either, but my heart aches for the writers who told of such painful losses.September 15, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yeah, it was really really good. I know exactly what you mean about starting each one, hoping for an ending that never happened… and yeah, my heart aches, too.September 16, 2014 – 2:06 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - Great review Kristi – you’ve made me want to get this book, not just because you reviewed it so well (which would have been enough right there), but also because female friendships do mean a lot to me. And after this past year, I think I learned a lot about friendships. In most cases, I had people support and even surprise me by their love and caring, but there were a few who well, I’m not sure what to do about it or them. Bottom line was they let me down. Do I break up with them? Do I let it go? I’m just not sure and I think about it a lot. Time to get this book!September 15, 2014 – 10:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
      I am a little horrified at how horrible friends can be at times. I’m sorry that you’ve experienced that so much over the past year and honestly, it’s hard to even have an opinion on what you should do regarding the people who let you down over the past year. My gut reaction is to say “fuck ’em” and just let them go. But, also, I know how inadequate it can feel to not know what to do and then, because it feels too late or too small or too whatever, not do anything, ya know?
      To clarify, I don’t really have enough friends here to be able to say that I was here/there/HERE for any of them going through a hard time, because well, I don’t really have many friends here and, as far as I know, none have been going through anything like you have with LD. I’m pretty sure that I’d be the one remembering to order them extra take-out, offer to come over and help plant flowers or whatever small thing is being neglected that makes them feel like they’re struggling, but, well, I can’t prove that I would, if that makes sense. Ach. Ok this has the potential to be a really dumb comment while I’m trying to be deep and meaningful. I fell asleep putting Tucker to bed and woke up at 1am, wide awake (thanks, husband who was NOT a good friend in just going to bed himself) but I hope you know what I mean.
      Also, let’s get your book published, okay?September 16, 2014 – 2:16 amReplyCancel

      • Emily - There is NO DOUBT in my mind that you would be one of those people ordering take-out. I know exactly what you mean when you say you can’t prove that it would be you because I’ve had the same thoughts about myself. I HOPE that I’d be one of those people, but maybe I’d suck too and not realize I was a sucky friend. Of course now that I’ve been on the other side of a really hard time, I am super sensitive to others and any possible hardships and of course that also makes me expect more of others too. Ugh, now I’m rambling…I agree, let’s just publish my stupid book already!September 16, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - There’s no doubt in MY mind that you’d be one bringing takeout, checking in, and being your awesome fabulous self. Probably even more so now that you know first-hand how important it is. xxooSeptember 16, 2014 – 6:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Echo - I love this. I love the way you shared your emotions and brought along on this journey with you. I can honestly say that I cannot wait to read this book!September 15, 2014 – 4:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Jessica - Thanks so much for this, Kristi. I think I need to read this, if only to not feel so alone! I am not only going through a divorce, but also finding that my friendships are not as strong as I thought they were (ie, I’m expected to be there for everyone but no one is there for me). I’ve had lots of problems keeping friends throughout my life. I’ve always wondered what is wrong with me, but maybe it’s not me after all. Thanks again for sharing; I’ll definitely check out this book!September 15, 2014 – 4:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ah Jessica. I’m so so sorry to read that you’re expected to be there for people but that they are not there for you. I wish I could say that I’ve never experienced that, but maybe most of us have? I dunno but it SUCKSASS.
      I promise that it’s not you, sweets. It’s just not. I think that in some ways, women’s friendships are more complicated than our romantic relationships are. In the book, they talk about how the breakups are more complex, but I think that it’s also true that the relationships are. I look back at some of my most important friendships, even ones today, and I’m shocked by how intensely beautiful and also incredibly cruel they were/are.
      Also, I am always always your friend, and am here, if you want to talk. For real.September 16, 2014 – 2:25 amReplyCancel

  • My Inner Chick - Just downloaded to my Kindle, Dear.
    Thank you! Can’t wait to review it. xxxSeptember 15, 2014 – 5:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - Wow… I want to read it! A few years ago I had a very close, long-term friendship come to an end, and I sort of jokingly refer to her as my “ex” sometimes, because I always call her my ex-best-friend when I mention her… she’s still such a large part of my life, even though I haven’t seen or spoken to her in years. I will definitely check out this book.September 15, 2014 – 6:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Angel, I think they are for real our exes, ya know? I mean, we’re so often very very close to our best friends… and when those friendships end, it hurts. Badly.September 16, 2014 – 2:44 amReplyCancel

  • Shay from Trashy Blog - I happen to be going through this VERY THING right now, despite my attempts to make it better. I have learned this in life, and it holds true in this situation: All you can be is yourself. Apologize if and when you need to, but don’t apologize for being you. And don’t feel bad about it. If that’s not enough, then the friendship has run its course. Thanks for this, Kristi. It’s beautiful.September 15, 2014 – 6:38 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH so sorry that you’re going through this, Shay! It’s so not easy, no matter whose fault it is (or if it’s nobody’s fault). And yes – never apologize for being you!!September 16, 2014 – 4:56 pmReplyCancel

  • MsMouse - you are just simply an awesome writer — I have to admit, I’ve “broken up” with some of my old school friends… and still feel guilty (part of being a Norwegian???) <3
    and feel guilty – and always will – about my biggest secret, that YOU know about.September 15, 2014 – 9:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - She kicked you??? You should have puked some more.
    The little you is so very Tucker. I absolutely love it.
    I cannot WAIT to read this book. I have had this happen countless times, and I always thought there was something wrong with me. This book shows that friendships don’t always last pretty universally.September 15, 2014 – 10:01 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA Tamara! I so should have puked some more. Looking back on it, she really was a mean beeeotch! It is such a great book – let me know what you think once you read it, okay?September 16, 2014 – 6:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Diane - And now I’m remembering my friends loved and lost. Priceless!September 16, 2014 – 10:47 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH I don’t know if the remembering is good or bad… Either way, I suppose it should be felt, though…September 16, 2014 – 11:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - I’m always intrigues by you past Kristi:)! And considering that you friend didn’t have you back – I’m inclined to think the loss was HERS! Great review. I finished My Other Ex yesterday and loved it. My review will be up at Chick Lit Plus this Friday.September 16, 2014 – 1:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - yeah, maybe my past is a tiny bit colorful or weird or just perfectly normal, because what is normal? And YAY to you loving My Other Ex. I cannot BELIEVE I didn’t submit to it. I’m so mad at myself for that!! But well, like my exes, I forgive me, ya know?September 16, 2014 – 11:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - I’m curious as to how many of these stories happened in middle and high school. Not that there aren’t mean women as well as mean girls, but that’s such a terrible time. My own story is a high school story. I enjoyed reading yours. Very evocative of high school and the horrors of it.September 16, 2014 – 7:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The ones I shared were all complete before freshman year in college. In the book though, they span those years, motherhood, and even beyond. Fucking high school. For real. I mean, really. I can’t believe I was friends with the mean girls.September 16, 2014 – 11:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Joanna - Uhm,, I think you are good at making friends.September 16, 2014 – 8:59 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Um, maybe just good at making friends with awesome people. Like YOU.September 16, 2014 – 11:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - You now reminded me of all my childhood friends who I barely keep contact with (or not at all!). Great review, Kristi!September 18, 2014 – 4:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Lana - I can’t wait to read this book. I blogged recently about breaking up with my best friend of over 35 years. I was amazed at how many women shared the experience. I’m still not over it, but the pain gets less each day.September 18, 2014 – 6:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I wish that so many of us didn’t know this type of pain. It’s so so hard. What’s the link to your friendship breakup?September 21, 2014 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Brittnei - You have such a raw story! I can see why you wanted to share something. I think it would have been perfect. Reading your stories makes me think of my own. I think I would cry a lot if I read this book for sure!September 18, 2014 – 10:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think it would have been good too, and I regret not submitting something. Next time though! I’m sorry that you’ve had your own friendship breakups… I guess all of us do?September 21, 2014 – 8:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - I am always amazed when I read one of the stories from your childhood or teenage years and realize it could be mine. Sure, there are minor differences but so, so much is the same. Oh how I remember those friendships and the ones that ended badly or for reasons I’m not even sure of. Thanks for the book recommendation. I think I’d like to put that on my list.November 16, 2014 – 6:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s a good one Sandy! And I feel the same way about your writing – we do have some really common threads in our pasts. Plus it just makes me happy that anything about me reminds me of you because you’re awesome 🙂November 17, 2014 – 12:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Wendy - I have been able to let go, as needed, of friendships that ended for various reasons–except the girl I was best friends with from fifth grade through college. It is difficult to think about my childhood and youth without stumbling over memories that include her. We never had a falling out as such; there was just a time when I realized I was the only one working on maintaining the friendship, so I stopped, and never heard from her again. She is still in touch with two of our high school friends, as am I, so we occasionally run into each other through them. That feels weird because–she can be bothered to maintain THOSE friendships, but not OURS?January 4, 2015 – 4:34 pmReplyCancel

Today’s Our Land Series post was written by my amazing friend Zoe of Rewritten. Zoe is one of Tucker’s biggest cheerleaders and her enthusiasm over his dare-devilness has brought me smiles and hope and confidence, more often than I can name. I admire her a lot, and appreciate her friendship so much. She’s simply awesome. She’s been […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • zoe - Awe Kristi! You are the best! Well next to my number one adventure man of course! Thanks so much for the intro, but really the opportunity to be on a site like yours is just so perfect… thanks so much! xo me and skipsSeptember 11, 2014 – 10:20 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much for your wonderful words, Zoe! You and Skip are fabulously fabulous.September 11, 2014 – 10:52 amReplyCancel

  • zoe - do I get to say frist when I wrote part of the entry???? tough! FRIST!September 11, 2014 – 10:21 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Totally.September 11, 2014 – 10:52 amReplyCancel

  • christine - Zoe, you are one wise woman.September 11, 2014 – 1:11 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - 0:)… oh wait… you said smart not angelic… now I have you doubting the smart part! Thanks Christine! It was a long read for a woman with as many kids to run after as you do!Although its Thurs and as I recall that is Cuckoo home day!September 11, 2014 – 5:36 pmReplyCancel

      • Kristi Campbell - She actually said “wise” which is different from smart, just saying 😉 But you are both.September 11, 2014 – 7:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Great great post. Wow.September 11, 2014 – 1:50 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - Thanks Elizabeth . I appreciate the read…it was kinda long!September 11, 2014 – 5:38 pmReplyCancel

  • clark - “It doesn’t have to make sense…”

    for a lot of us, that in and of itself, can be the biggest hurdle. Dealing with conditions and conditions are not the problem (for some of us), it getting past the ‘but, that’s just not right!’*
    I get much from the reading this today, which, I guess, is one more element of acquired knowledge. This being one of the gifts I take from this here Post here.

    * being a subset of the ‘it should make sense’September 11, 2014 – 1:52 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - well , I DO have a secondary roger… that just aint right! (another subset of “ít should make sense.” THanks my friend.September 11, 2014 – 5:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I got a lot from reading this today too. And still have a hard time getting past the “BUT THAT’S JUST NOT RIGHT” shit. Because, it’s fucking not just right. It’s NOT okay.September 11, 2014 – 10:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - This is one of those posts that will stick with me for a while. Well done, Weldon. I’ll be off pondering.September 11, 2014 – 1:58 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - Thanks Sarah!! I appreciate it! You are a solid thinker (compliment) so that is high praise indeed…September 11, 2014 – 5:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love well done, weldon. And I’ll be off pondering it for the rest of forever too. Zoe is awesome for this, and for all of the rest of her Zoeness.September 11, 2014 – 10:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - This post was extremely helpful to me. As Kristi knows, my 10-year old son was diagnosed with a type of pediatric cancer last year. My despair has ranged from “why him?” to “please God help him” and so on. Cancer has taught me the same as it has taught you – that it does not discriminate and how we deal with it emotionally, spiritually, and of course medically, makes all the difference. You are an inspiration and I mean that in the most sincere way.September 11, 2014 – 1:59 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - Oh man, that is just soooo unfair! For you to know of this first hand is unfair enough but for your boy to be the reason you do is just awful. Having seen so many young people over the years the one thing I do know is they are the most resilient people of us all! Often they are also the wisest in what their innocence lends to their perspective on the whole situation. One of the funniest things a kid ever said to me in an iv room was “Im not sick anymore cuz I fight dirty!” My best to you and your family… and remember to fight dirty!September 11, 2014 – 5:48 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - FUCKING CANCER. (sorry but really FUCKING CANCER). And thanks Emily. I knew you’d relate to this one… and I wish you didn’t.September 11, 2014 – 10:45 pmReplyCancel

      • zoe - FUCKING CANCER! What can I say… it bears repeating.September 12, 2014 – 6:00 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Asking for the strength to deal with what you already have seems to me to be a very wise thing. It’s very much a “thy will be done” moment.

    I rely heavily on my faith to help me make sense of all that is unfair in this world. When I can keep an eternal perspective, when I can focus beyond this earthly life, I can have faith that the atonement of Jesus Christ will overcome not just sin, but also pain, disappointment, and suffering of all kinds. Does that mean that I will have no trials nor struggles? NO! But it gives me the peace and strength to endure the challenges that come.

    (The quote on the lightening photo is well-stated.)September 11, 2014 – 3:47 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - Thanks so much Kristi… Ive really struggled this year with my spriritual life …and whether you know it or not, you (Christine and Dyanne as well) have been so helpful and inspirational in helping me to find my way even part way back. Thank you!September 11, 2014 – 5:50 pmReplyCancel

      • Kristi - I’m happy to hear that I’ve been able to help. I have found in my own life that it is during the more challenging times that I grow the most spiritually. It sounds like you’ve developed deep insights through your years with cancer.September 11, 2014 – 6:33 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I can’t say anything better than Kristi did. So I’ll just say that I’m glad that Kristi, Christine, and Dyanne are so much better at this than I am and that I thank God that you’re here, sharing your words, and your story, and well, this. All of it. If that makes sense.September 11, 2014 – 10:48 pmReplyCancel

          • zoe - YOu make so much sense … its amazing to me how much people who I have met out here have given me in terms of guidance and knowledge that they have no clue about…FOr instance you and advocacy , perseverance and raising a free and adventuresome soul despite (maybe even IN spite of ) your own fears about it… lot we can all learn from that… I read your post about the scribbly pic… thats when you think yeah, conforming is good sometimes but man this is art and no one thought Pollocks art was real art either…my kid sees things differently… there are times that seeing the sky as purple in your world may not be an advantage but do they outweigh the times when you get to say “WOW , cool sky!”September 12, 2014 – 5:58 am

  • Allie - Kristi and Zoe, I don’t know how to comment, yet I want to. Did I enjoy the piece? Hell no! Damn. Did I admire it? Hell Ya! I’m so very sorry for all that you’re going through. And the part about negotiating with the insurance company – just pisses me off! I am a veteran of those wars, sister! Although my son’s future did depend on those battles, at least his mortality did not. God bless you.September 11, 2014 – 4:24 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - Thank you Allie! I understand that insurance thing all too well… it was preparation for dealing with the cell phone company later on I guess… This whole thing has been an adventure in financial survival… sadly , not a unique story.September 11, 2014 – 5:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie. Yes. what you said. I want to say so much more but what? What, really?September 11, 2014 – 10:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Roshni - You write so matter-of-factly, without any hint of self-pity; it’s just amazing and I am in awe! Thank you for putting such a wonderful personal perspective that we can all learn from!September 11, 2014 – 7:11 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - I think long term illness has given me the advantage of being nonchalant. There was a time that wasn’t so….there are still times that are less so, but after this much time I know what im dealing with and that lets me plan for the unpredictable (if that makes any sense!)September 11, 2014 – 8:28 pmReplyCancel

      • Roshni - It absolutely does make sense. I’m sure no one can expect anyone in this situation to be a saint, but given the circumstances, you have a wonderful outlook!September 12, 2014 – 1:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Roshni, Zoe is awesome awesome. Thanks so much for your comment!September 12, 2014 – 11:39 amReplyCancel

  • Josie Two Shoes - Wow, Zoe, this was a POWER piece of writing! So much to reflect on! Thank you for a clearer understanding on what your life entails, what being alive means. I wonder if in your situation I could also say “I want to live”, or would I chicken out and say that I don’t want to? We talk about quality of life over quantity, but I know that each of us measures that differently and relatively. From what I know of you and your blog you, you instill your life with meaning and quality experiences, even when it takes a physical toll to do that. You are not willing to give up and let the boat sink, even when faced with tough realities.

    While on the surface and on my blog I sometimes appear to be an optimist, in truth I don’t see myself as that, I prefer to call myself a realist… I try to deal with what life brings. The hardest lesson to come to with for me is that life is not fair. I wish it was, and I think it should be, but it’s clearly not. That being said, it’s still not a dark world devoid of love, light and joy! The harsh realities, the brutality of life often makes me cry, and yet I can look at the sunrise, or a laughing baby, or a playful pup, and smile in the goodness that coexists with evil here. I prefer to focus on the good, believing that I can attract more of that to my life if I do.

    For several years now I have formed my prayers not around the specifics of “I want, I need, please do this”, because I know it really doesn’t work like that, at least not for me. I pray for clarity, strength, and courage, for me and for whoever is in need of that in their life. I pray for grace and compassion, I pray for surrender where it is needed, I pray that God will use me to be a missionary of kindness and comfort. Often I just pray to surrender my will and desires to the greater will of God, knowing things will work out if I reach that place of acceptance and stop trying to steer the sinking boat!

    As you can see, post really got me thinking. Zoe, it is an honor to know you, I learn so much from you, and above all I appreciate your ability to find joy and laughter in the lifeboat!September 11, 2014 – 9:46 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I so very much agree that Zoe is one incredible writer and I admire her so much for sharing this story here – and honored that she knew it was a “safe” (if that makes sense) place to do so…
      I don’t know what I would do either, which, I think is the guts of this entire piece. I want to say YES HELLYESSSSSFOREVERYES I wantToNeedTo live… but I also understand that there’s a point to the pain and the everything else when that stuff slips away a bit, which is both terrifying and powerful and mostly terrifying…
      I really relate, too, to your “life is not fair” comment, Josie and Zoe… because it’s not. In my world, it’s NOT fair that at parent teacher night, I immediately knew my kid’s drawing because it was so much more um, scribbly than the others. BUT, it was also perfect, and I knew it was his immediately so it was his, if that makes sense.

      I agree. Zoe, it is an honor to know you. Here’s to lots of laughter in the lifeboat. For all of us. But for you especially now.September 11, 2014 – 10:56 pmReplyCancel

      • zoe - “I want to say YES HELLYESSSSSFOREVERYES I wantToNeedTo live…”
        Now that Ive had a few really close shots at death I realize I havent exactly made a choice to live as much as just done what I would naturally do… So unless there is a volition Im not aware of beyond the obvious of being suicidal( which I would never wish the agony of on anyone)…I dont think living was a choice for me… I remember being in an er PRAYING to die because I was soooo ill… but nope… kept going… energizer bunny-ish I guess….

        …and you can bet that with both of us in a lifeboat there is sure to be a lot of really sick humor floating around out there!September 12, 2014 – 5:42 amReplyCancel

    • zoe - Josie, thanks as always… what a great comment! I often pray for surrender in circumstances… acceptance probably as I havent yet learned enough humility. I hope to have time to learn to ask for strength to be a missionary of comfort… I do it but often am forgetful when angered ( which is more than I would like) … Thanks for your kind words and friendship! xo me PS…September 12, 2014 – 5:38 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - While I’m not too sure of the details, a friend of mine has a cancer that is years or lifelong.. but livable. I didn’t know that existed until she got it.
    And my father-in-law has a similar type of thing. He was told he can live with this kind of cancer for decades with certain medications. He’s almost 73 so.. it’s an interesting thing for him. Would he live for decades anyway, cancer free?
    All I hope for is his longevity, and importantly – his happiness and comfort during that. So far, so good.September 12, 2014 – 12:23 amReplyCancel

    • zoe - weird right!? THe odds of living longer have changed so much even in my short time with CA. WHen I was diagnosed I was given until 32 ish… Im now 51 (not so ish) and granted end stage but even that can last years… I suspect your dad and I may have the same illness… I was told it was rare for a young woman to get this… at that time I was one of 19 or 20 woman below 60 with it.Typically older men get it… hmmmm… go figure…September 12, 2014 – 5:46 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I didn’t know this type of cancer existed until Zoe shared her story with me either, Tamara.September 13, 2014 – 1:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Well. I don’t know that I have anything to add here that has not already been said. I’ve come back here three times to read this and I still have so much to take in and mull over. I’ve been really griping about my body and my RA these last few days…but at the moment I kind of feel like “who the hell are you to do that?” But then I remember that everyone’s struggles are their own and they are all different…then the other voice takes over again. Like I said…lots to think about still.
    Here’s what I do know – you are brave and you are awesome. I don’t know you as long or as well as some of these awesome ladies, but I can tell even from that short time that you are wise. You get it, so to speak.
    My Grandfather always used to tell us “yup, life’s unfair. That’s just the way it is.” He used to say spend less time complaining about that and wondering why and more time figuring out what to do with the hand you were dealt. That’s all. Makes sense.
    Anyway, thanks for sharing this, Zoe – there is so much wisdom to take away here. You nailed it!September 12, 2014 – 12:35 amReplyCancel

    • zoe - SoLisa, if you got to the beginning where it says Im not really all that different than people with other chronic illnesses… I am not lying or kidding when I say I was thinking of you… Life is unfair but man is it relative… dont let that other voice bring you down … you have enough to struggle against without listening to untruths…Thank you so much my friend… listen to your grandad… wise man there!September 12, 2014 – 5:48 amReplyCancel

      • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - You’re very right, Zoe. It is all relative – one person’s good day is another’s bad. What people need to do, I think, in general, is respect one another and support one another wherever they are. It’s about empathy (which is what we’re doing here at the Our Land thing) and really just being able to say “I’m sorry this sucks for you right now and I’m here to do whatever will help.” Honestly, when I have a bad day or even a full-out flare, all I really want is those around me to recognize, understand, help me if I need it and let me be if I don’t.
        My Grandfather was so wise…so wonderful.September 12, 2014 – 4:20 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I agree with Zoe, Lisa. Each of our struggles are our struggles and we can’t dismiss our own because somebody has worse ones… BUT I do think it’s good to put some of our complaints in perspective if that makes sense by knowing and helping other people through theirs. Here’s to remembering to be here for everybody who needs to hear “I’m sorry this sucks right now,” no matter what the suck is.September 13, 2014 – 1:16 pmReplyCancel

          • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - I like that – no matter what the suck is. 😀September 13, 2014 – 2:17 pm

  • Lana - Wow – this is one of the wisest pieces of writing I have ever read. So well done. Thank you for sharing this perspective with us. I think any other comment I make would be inadequate – so thank you, brave Zoe, and I’m sending every positive thought your way.September 12, 2014 – 1:04 amReplyCancel

  • No Hands SEO - I’m going to quickly understanding your current rss feed after i cannot find your e mail request hyperlink or ezine service No Hands SEO. Accomplish you may have any kind of? You should let me understand in order that I possibly could register. Cheers.September 12, 2014 – 2:57 amReplyCancel

    • zoe - Ah yes, the jellied canned meat of the blogosphere! How you sustain me!!!September 12, 2014 – 5:51 amReplyCancel

      • Kristi Campbell - Zoe, I was going to delete this but I love your reply so much that I’m keeping it. “Jellied canned meat of the blogosphere” = HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA 🙂September 13, 2014 – 1:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - First of all, I love that you replied to the spam comment! Classic, Zoe!

    This is not the first time I have read an incredible piece of your writing regarding your cancer. I have read through the thread and know that there is nothing I could add. There really isn’t anything I can say that will do this justice anyway. It’s beautifully and bravely written. Well done, my friend.September 12, 2014 – 7:56 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I loved that too, Sandy! “Jellied canned meat” made me laugh out loud. And yes. It is beautifully and bravely written.September 13, 2014 – 1:33 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - Sandy, thanks so much… Like Kristi, it your site wasnt there I dont think I would ever write this stuff down! …and spam… yeah, spam…September 14, 2014 – 5:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - This is so beautifully written and you are incredibly brave. I’ve had many loved ones go through chemo–some survived and some did not. It was a brutal experience for every one of them, but it was interesting to see how they each handled it differently. You are one of the strong ones and your attitude is amazing. XOSeptember 12, 2014 – 10:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Marcia, I agree. Oh chemo, and all that it means. It sucks but today, seems like the best shot for life, which is terrible.September 13, 2014 – 11:33 pmReplyCancel

    • zoe - Like anything, the experience of chemo is relative I suppose… its the longterm aftereffects that are especially disconcerting to me while others would be sitting in the room getting sick immediately and couldnt wait for the next day… go figure… Ive had time to adjust my attitude which is most days as you see here but often enough NOT!September 14, 2014 – 5:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - There is so much wisdom in this post, I don’t even know where or how to begin to honour it. I agree wholeheartedly that confidence in a higher power lends confidence to the self. The more I live, the more I realise that life is full of paradox. People are always reminding us that bad experiences make us stronger but sometimes that just makes me want to shout ‘I’d rather be weak and happy!’ Sometimes I think that God gives us these enormous challenges in life to beak us down so we will come back to him through prayer because we’ve tried everything else and all we have left to do is prayer. Thank you for writing this Zoe and thank you for sharing it here Kristi.September 15, 2014 – 2:18 amReplyCancel

  • My Info - “I’d rather be weak and happy”….haha love that!! Finding happy in the ick seems to be the goal…..dunno….thanks for the great comment liza!September 15, 2014 – 6:21 amReplyCancel

    • zoe - MY PHONE IS SUCH A FREAKING LOSER! So… Lizzy… LIZA???? WHO IS THAT????? forgive me, but I do thank you for commenting and I love the rather-be-happy-and-weak comment! zoeSeptember 15, 2014 – 7:18 pmReplyCancel

When Listen to Your Mother DC Show producer Stephanie Dulli shared my What it Feels Like to be a Special Needs Mom video on Facebook, she said that the quote that most resonated with her was when I said “You realize that not only do you have the wrong parenting books, but that you’re in […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Haven’t read that one, but just one the title I like it! Your five points are good ones and if they are a good representation of the book, it may be worth looking at.
    I know what you mean about being in the wrong library – what a great way to put it. Zilla isn’t delayed, but has her own set of exceptional. We knew very early that she was ADHD with a few co-morbidities alongside. My parenting books read like who’s who in the ADD world. Some of what makes Zilla “her” makes her very different from other kids and knowing early on and getting info we needed and wanted was awesome.
    I love your dad – what a smart guy! Learning to learn is exactly it! I often have had to answer students questions about why they are learning something and I usually tell them because you have to learn to think.
    Hope Kindergarten is going well! Guess the big question is does Tucker like it??September 9, 2014 – 2:38 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa,
      Yeah, my dad is pretty awesomely smart. I think he gave me that nugget when I was in high school and I still think about it weekly. I love the “have to learn to think” too – perfect answer!
      Tucker – so far – seems to like kindergarten. He happily gets on the bus each morning and is always happy when he gets off. We had back to school night last night and his teachers and aides said he’s doing amazing!!September 10, 2014 – 11:14 amReplyCancel

      • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Happy to go and happy when they come home is HUGE, Kristi!
        Do you do what I do when teachers say he’s doing amazing…breathe a huge sigh of relief? I’m always so worried about how well Zilla is doing, learning, getting along, handling herself, etc. etc. etc. I know logically that the worry accomplishes exactly nothing, but still…I worry.September 11, 2014 – 9:13 amReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - “Catch them doing good” is one of my favorites because for us it is a way to reinforce the tools and lessons learned that he really struggles with. When I see him using them, I really try to notice and praise him!September 9, 2014 – 3:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Elizabeth – I LOVE “Catch them doing good!” Such a core to ABA and was so lovely to be reminded that it’s true for all kids.September 10, 2014 – 11:21 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I am SO happy to hear about kindergarten and the thriving. Scarlet is on day three and she says every day is better than the last.
    I’m still not adjusted.. but I’m learning.
    I have this book to review, in fact! I can’t wait! Love the happiness tip.September 9, 2014 – 6:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - YAY for Scarlet and YAY for you because you’re learning and hanging in and it will get better! I love the happiness tip, too.September 10, 2014 – 11:22 amReplyCancel

  • Alison - You’re absolutely right in saying that the book is common sense, but the kind we DO need to be mindful of. Thank you for saying yes to reviewing the book, and I’m glad you got something out of it.

    So glad Tucker is doing well in kindergarten!September 9, 2014 – 6:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks for asking me to review it, Alison. I did get some great nuggets and reminders from it – I love the reminder that we are not responsible for our kids’ happiness and to celebrate them so much when we catch them doing good. And yay for Tucker!September 10, 2014 – 11:27 amReplyCancel

  • Susan Maccarelli - I am reading it now! I like it so far – especially how it addresses kids of all ages since mine are little. She is very common sense, and I like being reminded since common sense often slips my mind when I am in it up to my eyeballs.September 9, 2014 – 8:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - So true that common sense slips our minds when we’re up to our eyeballs, Susan! Are you doing a review? If so, I look forward to reading it!!September 10, 2014 – 11:27 amReplyCancel

  • Allie - Great review Kristi! I too have put away my parenting books – because they came from the same library:). Funny thing is, the tricks I learned in my new library also help with my other kids.September 9, 2014 – 9:19 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA Allie – and good point that the ABA books help with all kids!September 10, 2014 – 11:30 amReplyCancel

  • Pattie - Kristi,

    My daughter is 29 – years – so I am not in the market for a parenting book but I will add that her elementary school embraced “Caught Being Good” and any teacher or aid could give a slip to any kid. It worked really well because it kept all the kids on their toes! At the end of the day the kids that had been’caught’ were called to the office to pick a prize (cool pencils, erasers, etc) the principal kept in his office.

    I am so happy that Tucker is happy at school. I really am.September 10, 2014 – 1:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - WOO HOO Tucker!!! And I totally get the catharsis of throwing away those perfect baby books and calling the e-mails spam. Great review my friend!September 10, 2014 – 1:57 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I haven’t read a parenting book since my kids were potty trained. I’m not saying I don’t need to, but just that I haven’t. Of the tips you mentioned, the first one resonated with me. I need to remind myself of that more often. Particularly with two teenagers for whom sullenness is the default mood, I have to remember that it’s not my job to make them happy.September 10, 2014 – 3:24 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - First, I’m sooo happy that Tucker is doing so well in kindergarten already…that’s such GREAT news! I haven’t read the book (but I love the title). I SO love the first point of stop trying to make your kid happy. I struggle with this A LOT and it’s so hard to let them find their own happiness, but it’s true that we have to let that happen. I think I’ll buy the book just to read that chapter!September 10, 2014 – 9:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Brittnei - I’ve never heard of this book, but I like the idea of it. It does sound like common sense things that we could totally use reminders to think about on a daily basis. I just had to let you know that you are not alone on the milestone things! My son hasn’t been diagnosed as special needs and I noticed that the spectrum is soooooo much bigger than what is considered to be normal that I, too, was starting to make myself crazy. After talking to other moms who are homeschooling and have had multiple children, I learned that all of our kids learn and grow at different levels so we just have to work with them and love them on that level and not try to compare them to others. It doesn’t benefit them in the long run and let’s just face it, it makes us all lunatics! 🙂September 14, 2014 – 4:09 amReplyCancel

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