Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

This week’s Our Land Series post was written by somebody I’ve never met, but would like to. Why? Because she’s IRL (in real life) friends with my awesome friend Kenya Johnson, author of The Christopher Chronicles, and Live, Laugh, Blog (formerly known as Here’s the Thing which is sure to have a new name – same […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Emily - How strange, I agree, that people make such assumptions about women who are of childbearing age. I for one never wish anyone a Happy Mother’s Day unless I know for a fact she is a mom. I used to worry about my cousins who lost their mom to cancer when they were very young. Think about it: schools always make a big deal about mother’s day and father’s day and they have the kids make cute, handmade gifts or whatever. But what about those kids who had a parent pass away? I say it’s just plain awkward, just like it is when people assume you are desperate to be a mother.May 7, 2014 – 9:38 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily, I so agree that people make assumptions. I remember being 38, recently (re) married and people were asking when I’d have a kid because I was obviously running out of time. I feel so badly for the kids that have to do crafts, not knowing who they are for, and all of that….sigh….May 7, 2014 – 9:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Thank you Kristi for publishing this piece. I knew it was perfect for the Our Land series. When I first read it, it resonated with me because I had a similar experience. I was 29 and had been married for 3 years. I was enjoying the “single” life. I went to church on a Mother’s Day – accepted the rose and then felt sad for the rest of the day. From that day on I wanted to be a mom. Looking back I don’t know if it was more for society acceptance or because that’s what I really wanted. For me it didn’t boom and happen overnight. It took another five years before I got pregnant with Christopher – which seemed like a hundred years worth of “Mother’s Days”. The same goes for having a second child. I don’t have one. Can’t we just leave it at that? It’s interesting when you go through something you have a natural “don’t ask” empathy. That’s why I wanted this piece share here so we can all learn from one another. Thank you!May 7, 2014 – 9:45 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank YOU, Kenya, for sharing your friend’s perspective on Mother’s Day. I can relate to it as well, having been married, had a pregnancy loss basically destroy the marriage, then, loving my career, and not “needing” anything more. Until I did, and well had my one and only baby at the age of 40, almost 41. I’m very grateful for him, and of course want everybody to have the blessing of motherhood, but also realize that it is NOT for everybody, and it’s not fair to assume that it is. I can’t imagine going to church and having somebody tell me that they were praying for me to be a mom before I even said I wanted (or didn’t want) to be one!! As Tucker would say “YISKES!”May 7, 2014 – 11:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I do very much remember before having my own kids and when I did have trouble conceiving that first year, how I abated the way people made certain assumptions. Trust me I heard it all before we were trying then that year, too. For some reason, this topic sometimes does bring out the worst in others as far foot in mouth disease I think (I heard it called that some where and do agree with that). Thank you for sharing with us today and happy to get to know a friend of Kenya’s here 😉May 7, 2014 – 11:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I remember, too, Janine. People suck. I guess that is why we try to raise awareness, for all of the issues right?May 7, 2014 – 11:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L Mckenzie - Excuse me? Condolences and prizes handed out at church on Mother’s Day? Good lord. I applaud you for no longer attending on this Hallmark of all Hallmark card days. I’m a mom and I’m not all focussed on that one day thank you very much. I do understand how you feel. After the early demise of my husband folks would treat my family rather oddly on Father’s Day. Some would get all hushed and hiss to their kids “Say nothing about it. Those two don’t have a dad.” Others would be way over the top and shower my two with invitations. I have worked long and hard at instilling in my kids that they are not to be defined by the early death of their dad. They are big now and doing fine. Hang in there Elizabeth.May 7, 2014 – 12:16 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kelly,
      I know, right? I’ve never heard of that either but do know the awkwardness of being childless when people assume something’s wrong when you’re a certain age. I am so glad your kids are doing fine – there must have been many challenging moments though, when they were younger.May 8, 2014 – 9:14 amReplyCancel

  • Mr. Darling - WOW! Powerful stuff. Thank you! Elizabeth’s Dad.May 7, 2014 – 2:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerith Stull - You may not be a mother (yet, or not). But you seem like the kind of lady who has “mothered” others. Maybe a friend, niece, kid at the grocery story, etc. It takes a village to raise a child and you are probably part of someone’s village. Yep. Mother’s Day is weird. Yep. We can leave you out of it. But, nope. You’re probably a role model for someone and that makes you part of this Mothers Day thing in some sort of way. 🙂 Thanks for sharing and reminding is that not everyone is into this weird holiday.May 7, 2014 – 9:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kerith. I really like the reminder that it takes a village to raise a child. I know that with Tucker, it’s so much easier now that I have moms in my life whose children are similar to him and who understand the quirks and all.May 8, 2014 – 9:20 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Ahh, Kenya’s friend! Lucky, lucky!
    The “You are a mother to someone” is SO weird. What does that even mean? A pet? A godmother? I don’t even know.
    I have a friend who has no children and no fertility issues. She just has no desire to have kids. She has two dogs. Maybe she’s a mother to them?
    Anyway, this is eye-opening – thank you for sharing!May 8, 2014 – 7:55 amReplyCancel

  • Jhanis - Oh my. This is an eye opener. I have to admit, I’m a sucker for mother’s day and I have married friends who do not have kids yet and when people start greeting moms a happy mother’s day around the office, I look at them with a pain in my heart. Thinking she may be feeling left out or she must be hurting because she doesn’t have kids yet, stuff like that. I am an assuming beyotch. Tsk.May 8, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jhanis,
      I think it’s hard to NOT put our own perspectives on every situation and the fact is, the person or people you’re wondering about MAY very well be feeling left out, so I don’t think you’re an assuming beyotch at all. 😉May 8, 2014 – 10:53 amReplyCancel

  • Christy Garrett Parenting Tips - I hope that you have a Happy Mother’s Day.May 8, 2014 – 11:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Brittnei - Oh Kenya! I can totally see what you mean. For me, Mother’s Day is weird and I’m a mom. I think it’s weird that our society sets aside a day to honor moms when parents should be honored ALL THE TIME! In our beliefs, we actually don’t do birthdays or special days for people. We only celebrate the Biblical Feasts which for most people this might equate to Jewish Holidays. But in our culture, we teach our children about honoring parents always, so I thank those who wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and depending on who it is, I might say that I don’t celebrate it. If they are a mother, I always say “I hope you are having a wonderful day.” 🙂 But, I did think today about all of the women who are not mothers who have to hear and see the Mother’s Day buzz. For some, it is not a good reminder, so they will be in my prayers…May 11, 2014 – 7:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - I have two sister-in-laws. One childless by choice, she never had the urge to procreate. The other due to circumstance, what happens when you do not find your mate until you are mid-40’s. Both are wonderful, great women. Neither are moms. Which is fine, for them, for everyone. Yet people seem to either feel sorry for SIL #2 or judge SIL #1. All in trying to promote an inclusion of some sort.

    Which makes Mother’s (& Father’s) day weird for them. This year they just abstained. Took their mom’s out the night before to celebrate in order to avoid the well-meaning, but ill-advised waiters.

    Cheers to you, the woman who is not a mom. For standing up and saying it’s just weird.May 12, 2014 – 1:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Sara - Amen, sister! With you 100%!!May 26, 2014 – 12:59 pmReplyCancel

Four and a half decades ago, there was a young woman, who became pregnant, but not on purpose. She carried a baby inside of her body and inside of her heart for nine long months. She sang to that baby, she prayed for her, and, when the time came, she touched her cheek, not even […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Dyanne @ I Want Backsies - FRIST. I’m NEVER frist.

    I wish I were in the DC area to hear you, Kristi! Your words always touch me.May 4, 2014 – 10:37 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I wish you were too! Been meaning to talk to you about something else…will email. And thank you!May 5, 2014 – 8:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Robin - So wish I were there to hear it, and this was a beautiful post…good luck today! Oh, and I can so relate to suitcases under eyes….if you have a solution, please let me know!May 4, 2014 – 10:48 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much, Robin! I’ll let you know if I find a solution for the under-eye suitcases!!May 5, 2014 – 8:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I do want to come. So badly!
    It’s going to be amazing.May 4, 2014 – 11:27 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I wish you were there!! <3 It was amazing. Everybody was absolutely incredible.May 5, 2014 – 8:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Absolutely beautiful Kristi and wishing you a ton of luck today!! 😉May 4, 2014 – 11:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Janine!!! You should audition next year – it was really wonderful!!May 5, 2014 – 8:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi - Beautiful–the post, and the person, bags or not. May today be a wonderful experience for you and the others in attendance. (Will the show be taped?)May 4, 2014 – 12:56 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kristi, and yes, they taped every performance and will be releasing them on YouTube, but I’m not quite sure when (somebody mentioned July?? which is SO FAR AWAY).May 5, 2014 – 8:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama - You are going to rock that stage with your badass, awesome-just-the-way-you-are self! Wish I could be there!!May 4, 2014 – 1:45 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Nicole!! It was so awesome. I didn’t look good but I was fine with that. For real fine.May 5, 2014 – 8:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Well done you for being a star! The show will be over now, and I am sure you looked great just as you were.
    Beautiful post.May 4, 2014 – 5:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It was so much fun, Yvonne. Like big fun, and just so inspiring. The readers were incredible.May 5, 2014 – 9:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I’m so excited for you – I hope today was an amazing experience (how could it not be?) and I bet you did great with what you read. Can’t wait to hear more about it!May 4, 2014 – 6:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily,
      It was SUCH an amazing experience. I hope you’ll consider it next year. It really was so powerful and affirming and humbling, all at once.May 5, 2014 – 9:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - Kristi, the show was wonderful. You were awesome. Your words were powerful as always, and you looked beautiful. Each of you were perfect in your honesty and your imperfection – that is why each story was one that every woman can relate to in some way, no matter how small. I’m so glad I was able to be there!May 4, 2014 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana!!! I so regret not seeing the Baltimore show!!! Here’s to imperfection and trying out and DOING IT. xo
      and to lunch 😀May 5, 2014 – 10:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Stephanie Faris - What a great event. Sounds like something that almost every woman would enjoy.May 4, 2014 – 8:41 pmReplyCancel

  • christine - I can’t wait to hear how the LTYM went. I’m thinking tears and laughter were involved. 🙂May 5, 2014 – 7:09 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - How I wish I could have been there! I imagine it was such an experience for all involved. There is something so absolutely wonderful about being in a room full of people who get it, who understand, who nod their heads saying,Yes!!! And laughter through tears is a wonderful thing! I am proud of you and all the ladies (and men) who took part in this. Amazing! Truly! XXMay 5, 2014 – 8:55 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sandy! It was incredible. You should write something for it! I keep saying this but it’s so true!! Laughter through tears might be the Very Best Thing. Like for realz, and forever.May 5, 2014 – 11:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - I almost forgot…..I saw your pic with Sarah and I think you looked beautiful 🙂May 5, 2014 – 8:56 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - xoxo Sarah just made me look good because she’s so adorable. also? lighting.May 5, 2014 – 11:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Joanna - Awesome! The show was amazing, you were amazing! Congratulations!! Everyone had such powerful, poignant stories. The show was one hell of an emotional roller coaster- laughing, crying, even both at the same time. I had to drop the roller coaster analogy- (my apologies) but if you have been hearing about roller coasters as much as I have, you would feel compelled as well. Thanks for inviting me, I loved it.May 5, 2014 – 11:06 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I am so honored that you came. Your support meant the world to me, and I don’t ever do a good job of saying that, IRL, but it really did. Thank you. And I’m SO glad you liked the show, and had to laugh at the roller coaster reference because of COURSE it’s on your mind! 🙂 I even asked Robert if he remembered which fairs had them last year and he thinks most, so we’ll have to do them all. Only a few more weeks until they start right? I really liked the show, too. More than I ever imagined that I would. Thank you again you. Also? My blog friends remembered your awesome post 😀May 5, 2014 – 11:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Callie Feyen - Kristi, I LOVED sharing the stage with you yesterday because you are so brave and so funny and so BEAUTIFUL! I am thankful to call you friend, and I’m so glad you didn’t listen to the voice of imperfection because I needed your story. I needed to see that someone else who is scared and sad and DAMN SLEEPY and the rest of it to stand up and tell a story and show me how to be brave so I could do the same thing. You are lovely and I’m so glad to know you. Cheers to you!May 5, 2014 – 11:54 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Callie!!!! I LOVED sharing the stage with you, too!!! You are brave. And powerful. And make me closer to perfect. I am SO so so glad to know you. LTYM is just, well, all that plus the chips and champagne (even though there were no chips but Michelle’s cookies were damn good).May 5, 2014 – 11:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Sp proud of you for participating! I’m sure you did awesome!May 5, 2014 – 12:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Lady Lilith - Looks like a great idea. Good luck.May 6, 2014 – 1:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Robbie - I REALLY REALLY wish I could go!!! I hope you’ll share what you read with us here!!May 6, 2014 – 2:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Robbie, there will be youtube videos of all of the performances released sometime this summer. I’ll definitely share them!May 7, 2014 – 11:56 amReplyCancel

  • Amber - How awesome!

    If I were closer, I’d have gone.May 6, 2014 – 3:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, thanks, Amber! I’ll post the youtube video once the Listen to Your Mother people release them – they taped all of the pieces in all of the shows across the US.May 7, 2014 – 12:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I missed you writing about your experience. I just clicked over from one a recent post. I had no idea you’d already been there done that. Sorry I missed throwing a virtual shoes at you. That means good luck in my family. I have no idea where we got that from or if it’s a thing. Definitely let me know when it’s on youtube.May 19, 2014 – 1:02 pmReplyCancel

When special needs lurks in the shadows of your life, at first, quietly, and then, more forcefully, knock-knock-knocking on your door, you want to slam the front door in his face, and run quickly downstairs to lock the back door before that wily, tenacious asshole figures out his next entry point. You double-bolt the windows. […]

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Mytwicebakedpotato - You are so right! They are not fun!! I love the photo idea because it is hard to have so many people, so much time, so much energy focused on all the numbers and data of bad stuff.
    Yes! It is great to have a good relationship with the IEP team, but if things go south quickly…advocate!!! Research and find experts to help 🙂
    Our IEP meetings were always ok until we challenged their decisions and then we became “those” parents. That’s okMay 1, 2014 – 10:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love the photo idea, too, My TBP, and wish I’d thought of it before. I’ll always remember it now though!
      It’s okay to be “those” parents. Your son is more important and YOU know best!May 2, 2014 – 6:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - I have been in my far share of IEP meetings, but as the teacher not the parent. And honestly, you said a mouthful here and loved the advice you gave. Bottom line, I agree with you 110%, especially about not signing anything that you don’t agree with or think is in the best interest of your own child. Hugs though Kristi and I do very much remember how hard it was to sit through those meetings and like I said I was the concerned teacher, but still many times my heart broke for the parents and the child involved.May 1, 2014 – 10:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Janine! I always like the perspectives of teachers and the reinforcement that it’s okay to disagree with initial proposals and all of that. We got a LOT more hours of support when I explained that there was no way Tucker could do music class without it. And I appreciate your sweet comment! And YOU!May 2, 2014 – 6:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah Almond - I would rather hot glue a rabid squirrel to my armpit than sit through another IEP meeting. Ok they’re not THAT bad, but they are so freaking intimidating! Thank you for this post, Kristi! So TRUE!May 1, 2014 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - Oh Kristi, I’m not really interested in going to another IEP either. I’ve had some doozies…(and to be a fare, I’ve had some good ones, too). I don’t think I’ve ever made it through one with out crying, good and/or bad tears. Remind me to tell you about the one that had people chasing me out to the parking lot!May 1, 2014 – 10:26 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie! I can’t wait to hear abut the one that had people chasing you out to the parking lot! That must have been a big doozie!!!May 2, 2014 – 6:52 pmReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - As someone who works in special education, I’m glad you’re reminding parents that they are the ones in charge. There are a lot of strong personalities working in special ed, and sometimes people like to believe that they know what is best for your child, because they have the most years of experience or the most letters after their name. But it is YOUR kid they’re talking about and YOU know him best, and you have every right to put your foot down about things that are important to you.May 1, 2014 – 10:56 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Angel,
      Thanks so much for the awesome comment and reminder that it’s MY KID and that I know him best. So right.May 2, 2014 – 7:49 pmReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - As I was reading this I kept thinking about how it also relates to someone who has a loved one in hospital. It is so easy to be intimidated by the environment, the docs, the nurses … by everyone who seems to have knowledge you don’t. It is so important for you to ask questions, speak up, have the “professionals” see your loved one – their patient – as a person. Whenever my late husband was in hospital the first thing we did was plaster his walls with pictures of his family. Our dog, our kids, me, his mom, and most importantly him doing healthy, happy, normal stuff. It made him a person. It made him real.
    I shall never forget being pulled into a quiet room “for a little chat” by a locum. That was not what I needed and I spoke up and said what I needed. Things moved quicker than quick after that. Good on you Kristi for getting the word out in your world. Should I ever need to go through such a time again (please no) I’d blog the hell out of it.May 1, 2014 – 11:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kelly,
      I didn’t think about it like that but you’re right. Now, I wish I’d done the whole post more generic, for always asking questions, remembering that the people “in charge” are just people, with egos, insecurities, and all the rest. I’m glad that you had the bravery to say hat you needed when your late husband was in the hospital, and I LOVE that you had so many photos of your family on his walls. Brilliant, important, and full of love.
      xoxo
      Also here’s to you NEVER going through it again.May 2, 2014 – 7:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Misty - there should be a pamphlet entitled, learn to love ARC meetings, and it should be mandatory to give it to all parents on their first of many many many ARC meetings! i have to say, now that Patty is in first grade, and i see most of the ARC team on a regular basis, it’s a lot less intimidating!May 2, 2014 – 6:52 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - There should be a pamphlet! And um, (scuffs toe in dirt) is an ARC the same as an IEP? I’m glad to hear that it gets less intimidating, though, Misty, so thank you for that! I’m loving your new website by the way!May 2, 2014 – 7:59 pmReplyCancel

      • Misty - yep, IEP is the document, ARC is the meeting. i had to look it up in the early days. stands for Admissions and Release Committee. but, maybe that’s just here in KY?!May 3, 2014 – 4:36 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - I just looked on Google and honestly couldn’t figure out if it’s called an ARC here too. Kentucky and Great Lakes came up but not VA. Anyway, thanks! I’ve only ever heard them called IEP meetings here…I’ll have to ask Tucker’s teacher.May 3, 2014 – 10:10 amReplyCancel

  • karen - OMG…I wanted to pinch and kiss his cheeks…then I remembered it was a computer…he’s so flipping cute. I’ve been on both sides of the meeting, as a teacher/reading specialist and as a parent when Anthony was a bit younger. I can tell you that it’s beyond nerve wracking as a parent. I know the routine, know my rights, know all the terminology…but when you are the parent at the meeting…it’s a whole new ball game. Those are great tips and all really do work. I think I may have more meeting with Anthony in the future, now that he will be in kindergarten…my professional instinct is he may need extra support…and the nerves will build once again, LOLMay 2, 2014 – 8:47 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Awe, Karen!! I’ll pinch and kiss them for you and do the same to Dino because EEEP cuteness! You’re so right that even when we know what to do and to expect, that it’s intimidating. Good luck with the upcoming nerves, and I honestly hope you don’t end up needing them!!May 2, 2014 – 8:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Katia - You have a way of making me feel like I take on your experience for a brief moment, whenever I read one of your posts. I either see the similarities between your life and parenting experience and mine or feel immersed in your reality. That was a very powerful description of the lurking disruption to life as you planned and envisioned it. I’m not an expert, but I think that you, with the help of your PAC moms, have identified the stress factors and I love your suggestions of how to tackle them. The part about bringing photos of your child into the meeting just tugged at my heart so badly. I can so relate to that feeling of wanting them to see your child for what he really is. See through those clear cut, one fit all definitions. I love you and your wonderful Tucker and what you’re doing for moms. xoxoxMay 2, 2014 – 9:16 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Katia, coming from you, that is such a huge compliment, thank you. And I see the similarities so much more than the differences too. I think something important to remember is that the whole parenting journey is more similar than it’s not, and that all of us worry etc. Also? I love your comment and I love you and well. Love. Sniff, sniff…May 2, 2014 – 8:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - I’m glad your experience with teacher is better than the experience I had with them. I once had a stepson with a multitude of behavior problems, and yes he was difficult, but his teachers were cold and intolerant, which made things even worse.May 2, 2014 – 9:44 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Ugh to the shit experiences, TD, I’ve heard about a lot of them. I guess we got lucky (so far, anyway. Tucker’s only 4 1/2 so we have years to have our dreams and fluffy warm fuzzies shattered).May 2, 2014 – 8:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - I hated that first meeting. When they came into my home and I felt judged. My house was so clean. Not company clean but hey the President might be stopping by clean. But what I found is if you look at your child’s teacher and therapists as part of the team and respect them they do more than respect you, they involved you.

    Boo’s teacher when we had the first IEP quietly took us aside and told us what to ask for. Her therapists always ask for things before we realize they are even needed.

    You must be freaked about kindergarten, especially given the relationship you have with Tucker’s team. But I think you have the right idea about how to survive them!May 2, 2014 – 10:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG Kerri! That first damn meeting? UGH UGH UGH. They were SO nice but holyshit did I hate the note-taking and seeing Tucker not do shit that I guess (?) “normal” kids can do. We’ve been lucky. This past meeting, the new teacher almost tried to take some hours away but Tucker’s current teachers, and the principal, and SP and OT were awesome and we ended up with more hours of support than they’d even talked about. I’m big freaked out about kindergarten, dude. BIG HUGE FUCKEDUPFREAKED out. But it’ll be okay. I hope. 😉May 2, 2014 – 8:16 pmReplyCancel

  • Natalie D - Ah! That little smile! I can see how it would be so frustrating to speak of your son in terms of delays and disabilities, because obviously your child is so much more than that. I think I would have a hard time not being pissed off, even if those people are just trying to help.May 2, 2014 – 10:46 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s way hard, Natalie, hearing “well, with his severe disability, he ______.” UGH. I don’t see him as disabled. He’s NOT disabled. He just talks funny, and um, some other stuff. Thanks for getting it. I still wish I were in Colorado after your last post and hope that the mountains continue to bring you peace and lyrics. Because you know, awesome.May 2, 2014 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle AKA Dribbles and Grits - I do my IEP meetings over the phone and they send the paperwork home with the kid for me to sign. I pretty much just say, “Yeah, let’s keep speech going. And that too. Sounds good.” It’s so much easier that way. There really is nothing to dread because it’s just the paperwork to get your kid the speech teacher, or an extra aid, or whatever the school offers for kids and you need to have an IEP to get. When it comes to actual goals like, “Could you help my kid understand face expressions better?” That’s easier to do one on one with the teacher without paperwork involved. At least in my opinion.May 2, 2014 – 11:21 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - DUDE, you are WISE. Over the phone? Really? Holy crap. Never thought of that. And really great awesome advice about talking to the teachers individually. I’ve actually done that as well but didn’t really think about it for this list. It’d be a great addition (and not too late to edit, right?). Thanks.May 2, 2014 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Lots of love to you and that adorable face.
    I think of how hard it is in general for me – this letting go and advocating and seeing what’s best in terms of preschool and kindergarten and beyond. I feel like I’m not made of the stuff of it like you are.
    However, I probably am, deep inside. And you inspire me. xoxoMay 2, 2014 – 11:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, SW! Letting go and advocating IS hard, but I promise you with everything that you ARE made of the stuff. You maybe haven’t had to use some of it yet, but it’s there. Really.May 2, 2014 – 8:34 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - And? You inspire me right back. xoxoMay 2, 2014 – 8:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - Great post! When I was a teacher, I was on that side of many IEP meetings. I didn’t have children at the time and didn’t really consider how hard it must have been for the parents on the other side of the table to sit there and listen to me talk all about what their kids couldn’t do. I know things have changed a lot since I was a teacher almost 12 years ago (Ouch!), but one thing is still the same – kids are kids no matter their abilities or disabilities.May 2, 2014 – 3:06 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa! YES YES. Kids are kids. The end, really. Some just need different stuff than other kids. I’m glad for your perspective as a teacher and am still holding you to coming back if I with the lottery and make the Best Special Needs School in the World.May 2, 2014 – 8:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Amber - Great post. My son has Aspergers, so I understand all about IEP meetings.May 2, 2014 – 3:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - UGH to the IEPs. Thanks for getting it and thanks so much for visiting and commenting!May 2, 2014 – 8:50 pmReplyCancel

  • Kate (Shakespeare's Mom) - Back when I taught high school, I would sometimes dread IEP meetings only because we just had sooo many students and sooo many meetings and way too many responsibilities. But then, when a parent walked in, you could always tell how intimidated or at least unsure they were, and I would remember that their only concern right then was their child, and that would motivate me to let them know how much I cared about their child too. Our meetings were always in a drab conference room with terrible lighting and I wished we could have them in my classroom, with art and big windows and kids’ projects everywhere and my desk covered in a mess. I don’t know why they never did that. Anyway, I totally get your lack of interest in going to more IEP meetings. They must be pretty stressful on your end. But if Tucker keeps having good teachers, and keeps being in classrooms that do good things for him, I’m sure the IEP meetings will go well.May 2, 2014 – 3:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know that teachers are understaffed and that that is one of the biggest problems, so I don’t blame you for dreading IEP meetings. Also, I love love that you were able to turn off all of the bureaucracy and focus on the parent, and understand about them (and you) caring about their child. That’s awesome, big awesome.
      Great idea about having the meetings in more friendly places, like the classroom with all the kids’ art around. That’s huge.
      Thanks so much, Kate!May 2, 2014 – 8:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Christy Garrett Parenting Tips - IEP meetings are typically boring but very necessary. I have to attend one in a few weeks for my daughter. I had to overthrow a teachers recommendation for classes last year.

    Don’t be afraid to give your child a challenge, life isn’t going to go easy on them as children. They wanted my daughter to take a class that wouldn’t help her get into college, so I told her that she had to take the harder road. She has done fairly well and does struggle some but I knew she could do it.

    You are your child’s advocate, stand up for what you think is best for your child whenever possible.May 2, 2014 – 3:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You ROCK for throwing away teacher recommendations for your daughter and knowing what she really needs! And thanks for the reminder that I’m the best advocate.May 2, 2014 – 8:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Brittnei - Wow this is so wonderful that you had all of this support on the journey. These are some new terms and concepts for me. I’m so glad that I can learn from a blog friend. Tucker seems to be in great hands. 🙂May 2, 2014 – 5:30 pmReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I think it’s wonderful that you are passing down important information that other mothers of children with special needs will benefit from learning—from you. I’m sharing another one of your posts with my daughter who is almost finished with her degree and interns in a special needs class. I love that she gets to hear the parent’s view!May 2, 2014 – 8:09 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you so much for sharing, Marcia! I appreciate it and funny timing as I just came off Sarah’s site and was wondering what the best link is to share for your awesome new book! I’m so excited for you!!!May 2, 2014 – 11:18 pmReplyCancel

  • that cynking feeling - Know what’s even better than taking a photo of your child? Taking your kid. I was worried how it would go, but I’m so glad Philip was there during the meeting. Sure, by that time it ended 2 hours (2 hours!) later, he was ready to go, but so was everyone else. We, too, were having a kindergarten transitional meeting, so it was important for the new staff to see him. It prompted questions, but it also answered them, too.May 2, 2014 – 9:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I almost brought my son but you know what??? THEY called me and asked that I don’t bring him (he’s pretty disruptive) so we hired a sitter. So not only do I get to do an IEP but I pay somebody to go. This time, it really wasn’t that bad though and hello I LOVE THAT you brought your kid. Classic, genius and really fucking brilliant when I think about it.May 2, 2014 – 11:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Louise - I agree with taking you child. I just had my twins IEP meeting for preschool. We had 2 meetings before that to ask questions and voice concerns. I had some safety concerns that they kinda brushed aside. I brought my boys into the next meeting so they could see how they are. And when we met to write the IEP they had already started working on a plan to keep my boys safe. They wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t bright them in.May 2, 2014 – 10:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - wow, Louise, I’m glad you brought them then!! And so glad they are working to keep your precious boys safe!!May 2, 2014 – 11:29 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Having been to my share of IEP meetings, you are so right that they suck. And YES to them being so intimidating!! But, you were again so right when you said that we are the boss. Sometimes that is hard to remember in a room full of people, but we have to remind ourselves that no one is going to be a bigger or better advocate for our child than us the parents. As for bringing a photo – LOVE that suggestion!!May 2, 2014 – 10:30 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily
      here’s to remembering we’re the boss, that they suck, and that nobody is more important than we are coming to the table. I love the idea of bringing a photo too!!! Going to remember that one forever.May 2, 2014 – 11:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Kat - Kristi, I actually had tears in my eyes as I read this post. I have SO much respect for you and all parents raising special needs kids and all that you go through for your kids. You are his biggest advocate and he’s lucky to have you on his side.May 3, 2014 – 9:18 amReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - I do think you are doing such a great job of supporting Tucker with all he needs to grow and live life to the full. I’ve never had to deal with this, and don’t even know what IEP stands for, so my heart goes out to you.

    I loved “High Heels 2 Hidden Toys” reply to you – perhaps you/her/we all could “crowd source” and get the millions needed for the professional advocates company!May 4, 2014 – 12:01 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Yvonne! IEP = Individual Education Plan, for kids with special needs. It outlines how much support they’ll get, what type of classroom setting is best, and then is used to measure individual goals (Tucker will say xyz on 3 out of 4 occasions measured quarterly). And yes! Cheers to the professional advocates company!!May 6, 2014 – 9:16 amReplyCancel

  • Chronicallysickmanicmother - IEP…man that just brings up so many bad memories… As a child I was an ESE child. Back in the day…the kid went to the IEP as well. I just remember the negative. What I wasn’t doing.

    As a Mother my daughter has very slight ADD. and I don’t label her that very easily or lightly. We are using homeopathic supplements… We have considered therapy but seriously its not severe enough for that. She will have other things to be in therapy in the future I am sure… We have been lucky in that she is in a charter school , a montessori school. Still I make the extra effort to make parent teacher conferences every semester. Even this year in which I am not thrilled with her teachers.

    I appreciate and love your rawness and honesty.May 4, 2014 – 3:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Your daughter’s charter school sounds wonderful and I agree that if she doesn’t need therapy, it’s best to use homeopathic supplements. It’s easy to have bad memories of IEP meetings, from what I’ve gathered from wise internet friends. So far, we’ve been lucky. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!May 6, 2014 – 9:35 amReplyCancel

  • linda Atwell - Out One Ear - you are so wise.
    and that really says it all.May 5, 2014 – 12:09 amReplyCancel

  • Erin - How timely you are my dear Kristi! Evan’s first official IEP meeting will be in two weeks or so. We have had meetings but this will be the biggie where we sit and discuss the big ol’ legal document. And being a special ed teacher AND certified to be a LDTC and be on the IEP team…..phew, it presents a whole lot of things for me to be swirling in my head. You are right, any time you have to sit down and discuss goals, objectives, etc- it is just a reminder of deficits instead of a celebration of ability. Unfortunately so much rests on the actual teachers and therapists that will work with our sons. They are the ones that have the ability to focus on strengths and use them to help out the delays. Thank you again for always writing something that speaks directly to me. 🙂May 5, 2014 – 11:45 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Erin,
      You’re so right that much depends on the teachers and therapists. I hope that Evan has a team that you fall in love with, and they him, (well how could they not fall in love with him – that will be easy). Here’s to remembering to focus on the strengths. I’ll be thinking of you and please let me know how it goes, okay?May 6, 2014 – 9:37 amReplyCancel

  • allison - Poop & hope. Sounds like my life, too, and I hope I never have to go to an IEP meeting. xoMay 6, 2014 – 7:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen Kehl - I love you. EVERYONE needs this post. And when I’m not laying in bed typing on my iPad with my swear finger I will share this on fb because I know a lot of people who need to hear it.
    Next week Isaiah has an eval with a psychiatrist at his neuro’s request. Why it has me worried I don’t know. Ok, I do. I don’t want anyone putting my boy in a box with a label. They don’t know him like I do. How can they make a decision about his needs in 2 one hour sessions? Anyway….I get you my friend. You are the best mama ever. I even think that when I’m not around. Xoxoxo TTT x10May 6, 2014 – 11:42 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love you too Jen. UGH to the eval with the psychiatrist but honestly, I’m sure it’ll be fine and maybe you’ll learn something to help him. Open mind? Still, I’d be dreading it as well… I’ll be sending good thoughts for no labels and a smooth eval.

      I think you’re the best mama ever and I think that when you’re not around too 😉
      TTTx10May 7, 2014 – 12:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerith Stull - OMG. HATE HATE HATE IEP meetings! It was what I dreaded most about sending Brielle back to public school after three years of homeschooling. AWESOME tips and insight here. I’m sure it will help lots of parents. Bravo! (PS LOVE LOVE LOVE the pictures!)May 7, 2014 – 9:43 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerith, I think part of why they suck so much is because they’re so focused on all of the disabilities, which is hard and icky and just feels sad and defeated. I’m glad you like the tips and insight (and photos!!). Thanks, friend.May 7, 2014 – 12:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Jolene Philo - As a former classroom teacher who did special needs inclusion with many children, I attended many, many IEP meetings and annual reviews. Here’s a secret: they’re hard to teachers, too, who have come to love their students and wish they could dwell only on the positives, who know that school is just one dimension of a child’s life.

    Thanks for this post and for adding it to DifferentDream.com’s Tuesday special needs link share today!May 13, 2014 – 7:00 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jolene,
      I know that they are hard for the teachers as well. I know because right now, my son has amazing teachers and his Preschool Autism Classroom teacher actually confronted the kindergarten teacher saying “wouldn’t you rather have the staff you need to accommodate rather than have to add hours after the fact?” We got almost 10 more hours than initially proposed, because of her, and because I said “ok fine, let’s go through Tucker’s day, 30-minutes by 30-minutes.” Initially, they thought he wouldn’t need support in music and gym – which is almost funny, it’s so not true. We have it now. We don’t have playground support. My guess is that it will be added within the first month of school, but we’ll see.
      Thanks so much for the perspective and you’re right. Dwelling on the positives instead of the parent having to hear “disability” over and over and over again would be a big help!!!
      xo to you!May 14, 2014 – 10:47 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - Thank you for emphasizing how the parents are the boss in this process. There is so much experience and expertise in the room that it can be easy to defer to teachers, administrators, specialists.

    But parents are the experts on their own children.

    Two focuses (foci?) I always have: What are the identified strengths my son has that are being used to guide the IEP accommodations and interventions; and time is of the essence. I call IEP meetings whenever I think something is going funny, I don’t wait. Children are amazing, dynamic creatures. They are not static. Their plans can’t be either.July 19, 2014 – 3:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - all 4 of our boys have had IFSPS /IEPS/GIEPS and I do recommend having your child attend even if just for a few minutes. It’s taught our boys to advocate for themselves in the meeting and then later to tell us when they weren’t working on stuff that had been agreed to.
    I also love the reminder that you as the family OWN that meeting. I ask for the room location and show up 10-15 minutes early to set up refreshments and bottles of water. It helps to make everyone work together as a team rather than adversaries and if you need to take a pause, it helps to have a bottle of water to drink while you think of what you want to say.

    I ask for present levels and proposed goals sent to me ahead of time and I do the same for the family input so that we can be on the same page and make good use of everyone’s time. Email is wonderful, but some of my sons’ providers come see me on my lunch break, especially if they have suggestions that are better coming from the parent/family. It can be helpful for me to ask the teachers and therapists what they need to be able to help my sons and then I can put a request in to administration with reasons why it’s appropriate.

    Bring multiple copies of what you see as your child’s needs and strengths to the meeting so that there is less confusion.

    I could say more, but I’d encourage you all in the US to link up with your LICC i(local Interagency Coordinating Council) in Early Intervention and your LTF (local Task Force for the Right to Special Educatuon) in school age. You can find some great help there, and the administrators of programs can be more helpful if they know your family. We also do well with workshops like EI Families in Pittsburgh and others through our Parent Education Center.

    Hang in there everyone, and ask for an new IEP meeting or NOREP (placement) — check out your Procedural Safeguards for good information.April 22, 2015 – 8:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think having our kids attend is really good advice. I’ve been wavering on that because my son already asks to go to the doctor because he thinks his words are broken 🙁
      He likes speech though which is a huge plus. Here’s to OWNING the meeting – you’re so right. It can be very very intimidating and scary and frankly, it’s awful hearing “disability” and “delay” over and over. I love that you bring water – what a great idea!!!
      We had pretty great experiences with Early Intervention as well but those services ended at age three, which is when Tucker started Preschool Autism Classroom (which I still credit to helping him to speak with the ABA therapy they used). Thank you!! Huge thank you for your advice and insight – I really appreciate you sharing it all here!April 22, 2015 – 10:35 pmReplyCancel

  • Allison B - As someone who has been on both sides of the IEP table I like your list. But I would add talking to the teacher before the IEP about your concerns. I was able to talk to my son’s teacher multiple times before the IEP and we were on the same page before we even got to the meeting. I knew her concerns and she knew mine. I told her what goals I wanted for my son and she listened and included them. The meeting went smoothly and I wasn’t stressed at all, unlike every previous IEP. From now on I’m going to make sure I talk to his teachers before we meet.April 22, 2015 – 6:04 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree that talking to the teacher before the IEP is huge and makes a big difference. That, to me, anyway, felt easier when my son was in a more contained and smaller classroom. Now, he’s mainstream kindergarten and I feel like his needs get a little lost there, although he’s thriving… thank you!!April 22, 2015 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

I feel incredibly lucky to be able to type the words that today’s Our Land post was authored by another awesome IRL friend.  Her son Jack (not his real name) joined Tucker’s Preschool Autism Classroom more than a year ago now, I think. I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know her through play-dates, school […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Kenya G. Johnson - I think it’s wonderful that the siblings are coming around and that the oldest in particular is trying to understand. None of us were born to know what to do but so glad there’s are communities that can help one another and that “motherly instinct” is a thing 😉April 30, 2014 – 9:28 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m so glad that “motherly instinct” is a real thing too, Kenya, because you’re so right – none of us really know what we’re doing. Until we realize that we actually do.April 30, 2014 – 9:52 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - My heart went out to your friend here today, Kristi. And even though neither of my children have had this or any other real delays, I had Emma as a baby who had colic just scream and scream for the first few months of her life. I can honestly say that at the time I felt so helpless and will never forget just doing the best I could for her as her mother. I know it isn’t the same at all, but I guess what I am saying as moms we do the best we can and as Kenya said above, it is just our “motherly instinct’ to do just that. Hugs to you and your friend. And thank you again for sharing here with us today.April 30, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Janine,
      The one thing I’ll say is that it’s enough the same to matter. Any child who is screaming will make mom feel helpless and frustrated! I can’t imagine actually – Tucker was pretty quiet as a baby…
      And you’re right – we are just all doing the best we can and thanks so much for reading Janine! I hope you’re having a great day!April 30, 2014 – 10:39 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh my…I’m in tears. This post is lovely, just so lovely. And I am feeling so very lucky. Your experience is just what I was afraid of with my girls and am so thankful (to my bones) that I have never had to have that talk with my oldest. I think the 5 years btwn them makes it easier. But still, I am sorry. So sorry that your heart has to break as you see the relationships the siblings have and that it gets put back together by faith is just awesome.

    I am making a muck of this. But I want to thank you. For sharing. For being Kristi’s friend. For being a warrior mom. For never giving up on your beautiful son.

    Simply awesome addition to the Our Land SeriesApril 30, 2014 – 10:47 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerri! You didn’t make a muck of your comment at all. In fact, the only thing I can think of that you’ve mucked up is poor Jen’s Twisted Mixed Tape Tuesday 😉
      I’m so glad for you that Abby is such a Boo fan, and agree that my IRL friend is awesome for sharing, being my friend, and for being a warrior mom who will never give up on her little boy!April 30, 2014 – 7:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Liz Pema - Being a mother is a challenge day after day. I can’t imagine the challenge of having four children and then one that has special needs. This is one strong mama! Thank you for sharing and for stating that as mothers, we “are evolving too” BeautifulApril 30, 2014 – 10:53 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree Liz that she is strong and that we are evolving too! Love that part.April 30, 2014 – 8:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Lady Lilith - How wonderful. As I was reading this post I know I can use it to help some of the families I work with. Thanks for the inspiration.April 30, 2014 – 11:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Lady Litlith! I hope it will help a lot of the families you work with!!April 30, 2014 – 8:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I know a few families who have multiple children, each with one child who has special needs. The siblings are some of the kindest, most compassionate, and caring people you will ever meet. Some of that is likely due to parenting, and some due to their own personalities. But I’m sure that some of it is due to the fact that they have a brother or sister who needs something different than most siblings. As crucial as his siblings are to Jack’s development, Jack is an integral part of theirs too. It sounds like your friend is doing a wonderful job of evolving as a parent, Kristi. So glad she shared her story!April 30, 2014 – 11:19 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana,
      I love reading that the siblings you know of special needs kids are some of the kindest and most compassionate that you know. Although I’m willing to bet Gwen fits there too 😉
      I think she is helping all of us to evolve as parents and thanks, Dana! I’m glad she shared her story, too.April 30, 2014 – 8:04 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - A beautiful post matched by that beautiful boy pictured at the end.:) It’s true that Jack’s siblings will grow to be such empathetic kids and adults – I see it with my younger two, even though they too become very frustrated with their brother at times.They are old enough to understand his challenges and yet they also just see him as their brother, who picks on them and annoys them, as any older brother would do.:)April 30, 2014 – 11:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love the photo at the end, too, Emily!
      And I love that you’re so kind and helpful to always offer the perspective of how your boys are with an older sibling. I think it’s really helpful to not only me, but to everybody here who wonders how things might be for our kids in a few years. And for the reminder that he picks on them like any older brother would!April 30, 2014 – 8:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerith Stull - This is just beautiful! I often worry so much about my own daughter’s older sister. They are 18 and 20 years old now, so I can talk to them in ways I couldn’t when they were younger. Back then, I wish I had a crystal ball to know what my oldest was thinking. Now her thoughts are muddled by time and a different perspective. Great post!April 30, 2014 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerith, I think your older daughter’s perspective is really valuable to those of us who are raising little kids (me older than you, I believe but you know um cough ok), because it really helps to know that one day, siblings (not that Tucker will have this experience but it helps me anyway) can give us insight that we’d never have seen otherwise.April 30, 2014 – 8:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - The line about still evolving. LOVE. I often feel so unequipped. I have to remind myself I am smart, and I can learn as I have learned before. Ugh, but it’s so HARD!April 30, 2014 – 1:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You can. You will. You are. Plus, well, you’re freaking awesome, Sarah. I think we all feel unequipped so often, ya know?April 30, 2014 – 8:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Joanna - Such an important issue to talk about- empathy. For everyone but also with the kids. It is really brave of you to bring it to life in your writing. I love it, and am thrilled that your guys have such a strong, patient, and loving mom!April 30, 2014 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Empathy is huge with the kids and I agree that it was brave of her to bring it in her writing, and that it’s awesome her kids have such a strong and patient mom! Who obviously adores them! Thanks, Joanna.April 30, 2014 – 8:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Aw, he’s beautiful! And I laughed at the idea of you not mentioning that your daughter is wearing a Rapunzel costume and just letting us all believe that’s her real hair!
    Empathy is such the word here and it’s interesting how you are all learning as a family. Jack is learning. His siblings are learning. You are learning.
    And look at how much you have unlocked in just a few years.April 30, 2014 – 9:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHAH to that being her real hair, and thanks, Tamara. He IS learning. As we all are, from posts like this one.April 30, 2014 – 10:38 pmReplyCancel

  • JenKehl - My Skewed View - You are right! You should keep having faith, and he will start to understand how to behave more appropriately! Sensory Processing Disorder is not something that can be cured, but the right parents and therapists can teach a child AMAZING coping strategies that help them get through each day and eventually do it without getting in someone’s face, or getting overly excited.
    I totally understand where you are coming from, and secretly wish there was a “cure” because the truth is, it is always with us in some form or another.
    But there are moments when things “click” and you realize. Okay, this works, let’s remember so next time we’re in this situation we can do this again!
    Also…Isaiah had to be swaddled to sleep until he was almost a year old! So the tight thing, totally get it!
    And, now Isaiah watches TV standing on his head at the foot of my bed!
    Great minds, huh?May 1, 2014 – 12:28 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love that Isaiah stands on his head to watch tv! That kid is just awesome. Thanks so much for all of your insight and support for my IRL friend, Jen! You’re the bombdiggity. Here’s to amazing parents and amazing kiddos.May 2, 2014 – 6:50 pmReplyCancel

  • thedoseofreality - A beautiful post. And I absolutely love that photo in front of the fish tank. It is just perfect. :)-AshleyMay 1, 2014 – 10:02 amReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - So beautifully said. I love how Robbie is trying to understand and learn how to help Jack. Life is all a learning process…it sounds like Jack is blossoming!May 1, 2014 – 2:36 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I love how Robbie is helping Jack too, Michelle!! And he is blossoming – he’s a super cool kid.May 2, 2014 – 6:51 pmReplyCancel

Have you ever wondered about your unchosen choices? Wondered about a cross-country move, the branch of a career path, or maybe a blind date? Do our decisions, both large and seemingly insignificant, bring us to where we are today? I wonder how much they matter. I wonder whether they matter at all, or matter even […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Janine Huldie - Definitely agree about not marrying the jerk I thought was all that and a bag of chips at the rip old age of 17 and the nachos priceless, too!! But seriously, here is to great decisions, which I think we both made to get us to the hear and now 🙂April 24, 2014 – 10:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Janine. Here’s to us both not marring the jerk who was the bag of chips and all the extra dips and and and!!! To the here and now, friend!!April 24, 2014 – 10:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - So many good decisions = wise girl! Your son is adorable.April 24, 2014 – 10:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Allie! Not all of the decisions I’ve made have been the best, but since they all led to here, I’ll keep ’em.April 25, 2014 – 7:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - I nodded my head so many times while I was reading this, Kristi 🙂 I know exactly what you mean about being scared to make a decision and then hanging on for so long that eventually the decision gets made for you because all other options have run out. I think I could write a very long blog post one day about all the times I hung in there because making a decision was too difficult and in the end ended up just cutting off my nose to spite my face! Sometimes walking away is the best decision, but we see it as quitting and don’t want to be quitters. What an incredible experience it must have been meeting your birth mother. I got goosebumps just reading that paragraph. I’m so glad you found Ninee. I’m so glad you reached out. And I’m so glad that somewhere in this crazy world full of billions of people and millions of blog, that I found you.April 24, 2014 – 11:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m so glad that I found you, too, Lizzy (and just sent you a DM on Twitter). It’s so crazy how we wait to make decisions and hanging on and not wanting to quit. UGH. Sometimes I wonder though, if I would have NOT made some of the dumb decisions I’ve made in life, if I’d still have the perspective and life I have now, ya know?
      It really was an amazing experience meeting my birth mother and sister. One of these days, I’ll have to write about it. And I hope you’ll write your post about hanging in there when walking away was best. xoApril 25, 2014 – 7:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Lady Lilith - Lol. Sometimes as kids, we just need the little push to help us though life.
    Love the graphic illustration. Goes perfectly with your post.April 25, 2014 – 12:36 amReplyCancel

  • Meeshie - I was thinking about that last night. I made a ton of bad choices over the years and recovering from all of that now is still a struggle (college again at almost 40 years old!) but if I could go back I wouldn’t change a single thing.

    Any change could mean that I didn’t get Poet and my son is worth all of it. Even the really horrible parts that wake me up at night. He is my everything.April 25, 2014 – 7:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Meeshie, I think it’s awesome that you are in college again at almost 40 and I hear you about not changing anything because it’s too scary to think about not having what we have now and our kids being worth all of the everything. I love how you phrased it. By the way – was thinking about you today.April 25, 2014 – 7:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - What an adorable video! Aggh!
    I loved all of the times I ordered nachos over the veggie plate, and vice versa. Often, mostly, I order both at once to keep them guessing.
    What a beautiful post!
    I have a feeling that pulling the trigger on BlogU was a decision I will always be happy about.April 25, 2014 – 8:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - SW! I have a feeling that BlogU is going to be amazing!!! I can’t wait to meet you and everybody!! And thanks, sweets. Nachos are good for the soul. Veggies, sometimes.April 25, 2014 – 8:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Michele - Love this post. I’ve been working on a similar one — the “what ifs.” What if I hadn’t taken that job? What if I hadn’t gone out that night? You are so right that the mix of choices — large and small — makes such a difference. Not every choice ends up being the right one, but in the end, they add up to a larger whole. Here’s to lots of twists and turns, and happy tomorrows. 🙂April 25, 2014 – 9:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OOH I can’t wait for your “what ifs” post, Michele. And your line that they all end up being a part of a larger whole is so perfect. It makes me wonder about all of them. Here’s to happy tomorrows – agree.April 25, 2014 – 8:05 pmReplyCancel

  • ThatGirlRyan - I think ordering the nachos vs. veggie platter was probably a good decision by far. Just kidding, I think you made a ton of wonderful decisions! You turned out alright by my standards.
    I always think about the What If’s because your mind can get lost in the thought of it. Creepy, this is such a deep and dark prompt this week…freaking me out!April 25, 2014 – 9:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Girl Ryan, you’re so right about getting mind lost in the thought of it. I think mine is still partly trying to figure out how it all works because it kindof doesn’t work and um, yeah. Creepy.April 25, 2014 – 8:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave - Love how you looked back on your choices with such wisdom. My favorite was that you turned down a job that would’ve filled your pockets but not your heart. This post hit home too because we will be moving across the country later this year.April 25, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Bianca, I hope your move across country is as awesome in the long-term as mine was. At first, it wasn’t easy but really really worth it. Really worth it.April 25, 2014 – 8:10 pmReplyCancel

  • karen - blubbering like a fool at work…sniffles…blows nose.

    Okay…love this post. So true…every choice, every outcome has brought us to where we are, where we were meant and need to be.April 25, 2014 – 10:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Karen, sorry about the blubbering at work part and you’re right – all of our choices, they get us to here. Now. Today.April 25, 2014 – 8:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - So much more to say than my phone will allow. But yes I think about this all the time. All. The. Time.April 25, 2014 – 11:16 amReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - I love you and your view on life. I think that we need to focus on the now and not the things that steered us in this direction. We can make the best of now and find the beauty.
    xoxoApril 25, 2014 – 11:21 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dude, if we have more online love for one another, we might be considered legal wives, but I’m willing to take the risk and say that I love you back. You are brave. And hot. And also yes, to our decisions. Here’s to the now and the beauty.April 25, 2014 – 9:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama - At the ripe and wise ‘ol age of 32, I’m realizing that my time and energy are too precious to waste on the what ifs. Every decision I’ve made, right or wrong, has brought me to where I am today. I can’t change the past, so instead I’m going to focus on the decisions I can make today, for me and my family. Love this, Kristi!! As always, you nailed it!April 25, 2014 – 11:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Nicole, you’re right. The what ifs are just a mind trap and not a good one. You’re doing perfectly right for you and your family, I have no doubt. Here’s to being where we are today, right now, today, regardless of the past.April 25, 2014 – 9:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - I do think about this. A lot. I wouldn’t change anything, because the decisions I’ve made are the decisions I’ve made and I don’t ever want to be thinking about what if. Those what ifs could put little seeds of doubt in your mind and who needs that. Our time is short…we can’t be thinking about what ifs. They’re done, gone and probably weren’t the best thing for us anyway. I tend to think we generally make the right decisions for ourselves, at least once we’re older (haha).April 25, 2014 – 11:50 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re so right that our time is short. And that the moments are gone. No doubt, there are decisions I’ve made that were not that great, but if I’d have not made them, would I have gotten here??? And yeah, pooh-poohing the “haha to being older” part because um. Yes. 😉April 25, 2014 – 9:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - This was so sweet – especially all the Tucker parts 😉 I wish I would have eaten more nachos when I was skinny and passed on the nachos for the salad bar. Sigh. The graphic was hilarious. The little kids next door broke Christopher down. They are boys 6 &5, with a little sister who is 3. They ring the doorbell 10 times before we have a chance to answer it and scream like Christopher is celebrity if he goes out to play. He calls them his emergency bored team.April 25, 2014 – 12:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, I love that the little boys next door broke Christopher down and that now they are his “emergency bored team.” HA. That’s pretty awesome actually. They’ll probably be talking about him when they’re in college!April 25, 2014 – 11:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Beth Teliho - You and I are evidently sipping the same soup this week! Joy Christi mentioned we had written posts in similar veins so I had to jump over here and see.

    yes, the past (good/bad/ugly) brings us to our now and tomorrow. Brutiful past.

    Gorgeous post, Kristi.

    Tucker’s singing is the sweetest thing ever.April 25, 2014 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Beth! I love yours! And you’re so right that yesterday’s ugly bad good whatever brings us here. You’re also right about the brutiful past. I guess we all have them. I love the way you wrote about yours.April 25, 2014 – 11:36 pmReplyCancel

  • K - Wow…I just fell in love with this post, all of it. Your wisdom is astounding. Sometimes life is about ordering the nachos instead of the vegetables, about knowing when it’s time to walk away and when it’s time to take a leap of faith or a leap of love. I’m so grateful for the chain of decisions that led me to your blog!

    And Tucker singing? Adorable. xoxoApril 25, 2014 – 1:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - K my awesome friend. My wisdom? Well, it’s more experience, really. Life is so about the balance and the walking away and the love. And the chain that led us to one another and you being my very first awesome Our Land!! Let me know when you want to do another!!!
      xoxoo
      also thanks for thinking Tucker is adorable in his video. I realize he’s not really typical in it. 😀April 25, 2014 – 11:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - How strange is it that our thoughts were similar with this prompt? I struggled with trying so hard to find the decision I made would be the best (there were so few)…only to realize that sometimes not making a decision is the best thing you can do.April 25, 2014 – 1:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I don’t think it’s strange at all any longer because we have shared a brain much too often when it comes to sentences for it to be anything less than fate, which I almost probably don’t maybe believe in based on this post? Or I do? I dunno. But yeah, not making a decision is the best. I’d have done the same as you thought of, as you know.April 25, 2014 – 11:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - I loved this – such a great perspective. Do decisions bring us to where we are today, or would we have got here anyway? I wrote a post about this too on my Inquiring Parent blog last week – it does fascinate me! Some scientists reckon that there are an infinite number of each of us, in alternative universes, and every time we make a decision it creates a new one. Some will make different decisions but still turn out very similar to how we are, and others will be further off! Where they get this theory from I’m not sure, but I kinda like the idea!

    I loved that you included the little decisions as well as the big. Who knows, they could be just as influential.
    And then, sometimes it’s almost as if we don’t even make a decision, we just do something. I don’t just mean as you mentioned when you get too afraid to decide so the decision happens that way (though I’ve done that too!) But when you just sort of “know” rather than decide.April 25, 2014 – 2:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yvonne, what is the link to the Inquiring Parent post? I’d like to read that and isn’t it just mind-blowing to think about our decisions and how they get us (or not) to where we are??? It fascinates me, too. I love the idea of every decision creating a new one. I’d never thought about it like that, but so true. Like if you decide to stay in a job, in one country, that creates different decisions than taking the new job in a new country. And would we come back to where we are or not? I kinda like the idea too, although it’s bigwow and maybe too complex for the likes of moi.
      And I knew what you meant about the know rather than the decide. Sometimes they’re just as big, right?April 26, 2014 – 12:06 amReplyCancel

      • Yvonne - Hi again Kristi. I thought if I used Inquiring Parent’s url I’d get a choice of posts to select from since I’ve seen that happen sometimes, but must be a different commenting system. So here’s the post I mentioned. Not just about decisions but more about what or who we are… (I’ve been going deep lately, just like you by the looks of things.)

        http://inquiringparent.com/2014/04/who-are-you-what-am-i/April 26, 2014 – 5:45 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Yvonne! I really enjoyed that and think you’re onto something most especially with listening to our inner quietness and stillness. I’m going to try this more often. Thank you!April 27, 2014 – 11:31 amReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I love all your choices—and they obviously turned out to be the right ones. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as coincidence. April 25, 2014 – 4:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I don’t believe in coincidence either. Until I sometimes sorta do… which is weird right?April 26, 2014 – 12:13 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - I love this prompt because it makes us all think about past decisions and the “what ifs.” I touch on this in my memoir, wondering what my life would have been like had I made the decision to stay with my college boyfriend. Too weird and disturbing too think about in some ways, but I forced myself to for the purposes of my book. As for you and that 3rd friend of yours, love your persistence!!April 25, 2014 – 5:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily, I want to read your memoir. Told you that before because I know it’s going to be amazing. That it is amazing. Isn’t it weird to think about the “what ifs?” Way too weird and disturbing for sure, but also fascinating. I can’t wait to read your book.April 26, 2014 – 12:16 amReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - It’s amazing how many decisions truly change the course of our lives for the better. I’m not sure how we do it, but things seem to work out. I loved the video of Tucker. He is adorable!!April 25, 2014 – 7:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jennifer, I’m not sure how we do it, either but it is amazing how many decisions affect our forevers. And thanks. I think he’s pretty adorable too but may be a wee bit biased.April 26, 2014 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

  • Kerith Stull - This is absolutely brilliant! Love your take on this. I think we’ve all made those unchosen choices. I’d hate to admit my list like you did here. You showed a lot of guts, Lady, sharing here. But, as always, you do it with flair and draw us all in!!April 25, 2014 – 9:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kerith! I think we’ve all made those unchosen choices too, and well…not sure it’s really guts as hoping I’m not alone in the dumb choices, ya know? But thank you!!! xoApril 26, 2014 – 12:20 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - Yes! I’ve often thought of my life as the PacMan game and how the eating machine turns suddenly and some people are saved, while others are eaten. I think, if I were a person in the clouds and looking down, there are days I turned right and met someone but missed meeting the person(s) if I’d turned left. I don’t know why I think of this kind of stuff–I’ve really got enough junk in my head. I love the stuff you come up with. I do believe the choices we make (or don’t make for that matter) do bring us to who we are today. And we are all ok. Happy Friday to you. P.S. Nick is home from the hospital and we believe he is finally on the mend. Crossing our fingers.April 26, 2014 – 12:48 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Linda,
      I love that you use PacMan to think about your life and how turning left instead of right means that you don’t meet somebody, or do meet somebody. That wasn’t worded very well but you know what I mean. I’m SO glad to hear that Nick is home.April 27, 2014 – 11:34 amReplyCancel

  • Tarana - Do we really make the choices we do, or are we unconsciously following a grand design? That’s the thought which crosses my mind often. Loved reading your list!April 26, 2014 – 6:56 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I wonder about that too, Tarana. If somebody tells you, would you please let me know?April 27, 2014 – 11:34 amReplyCancel

  • Kat - I’ve always been a big believer that each decision that we make alters the course of our lives. It’s the butterfly effect – every little ripple moves forward and changes the surface of the future.

    That doesn’t mean that I’ve always made the best decisions but I’m not sure that I’d go back and change them if I could because then I wouldn’t be where I am now and I kind of like who I am (for the most part anyway).

    ps It’s okay to put Tucker in your list twice; he even deserves to be there a few more times 😉April 26, 2014 – 8:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The Butterfly Effect is really fascinating to me, Kat, in part because it’s so difficult to wrap my mind around what would have changed, and how, had I done some things differently. I know what you mean about having decisions that aren’t the best but being unsure of going back to change them if we could because of where we are today.
      Thanks for the reassurance that Tucker can be in the list multiple times!April 27, 2014 – 11:36 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I felt too overwhelmed to write on this prompt this week, but if I had I would have wanted to handle it like you did. Except I would choose dessert over veggies AND nachos. I have many times.April 26, 2014 – 11:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana,
      Well your week seems like it was pretty amazing! An awesome spring break and LTYM last night! WHOOT!April 27, 2014 – 11:38 amReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - Oh that video. So glad I made the decision to click on it and watch. What a happy chappy. Love the reactions you included at the end too!
    One huge thing I hope to instill in my kids is the ability to make a decision. So far so good. Will they always make the RIGHT one? Of course not. Have I? Of course not. But I truly believe that ability is a key component in life’s toolbox.
    Now off to have breakfast. Porridge or Toast with Nutella? …April 26, 2014 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kelly,
      Having the ability to make a decision is huge. I think it’s much too easy to worry about making the wrong one and then not making one at all so the fact you’ve instilled that into your kids is HUGE and awesome. Toast with Nutella, I hope!!!April 27, 2014 – 11:40 amReplyCancel

  • GirlieOnTheEdge - Yes and Yes.

    Having answered those questions it reminds me of my favoriate Rush lyrics…. “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice”. Which totally sucks. Not to make the choice. Because, as you say, it is better to make one (choice/decision) however things turn out than to sit around feeling like shit because you let fear steal from you yet again.April 26, 2014 – 9:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - This is awesome, Kristi. It’s definitely hitting me in a huge way to think about this – our unchosen choices. There is no way to know what life will bring (or not) and every choice we make or don’t leads us in a particular direction. It’s fascinating, really. I really loved reading this.April 27, 2014 – 12:29 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Lisa. It really is fascinating to think about how our choices affect what will happen down the road. I always wonder about things like “would I have still met my husband if I hadn’t xyz” because I like to think I would, but maybe not. Which is weird to think.April 27, 2014 – 11:46 amReplyCancel

  • Callie Feyen - Kristi, I don’t know how you do the cute/funny and serious/pulling at the heart strings, but every time I come here I laugh and I cry. Reading your posts are like sitting down with a great friend.

    I love how the flow of this post – how the lists tell a story. I may have to steal this idea. 🙂April 27, 2014 – 7:58 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Callie! I really appreciate your kind words! Feel free to steal away!April 27, 2014 – 11:47 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - So many of these hit home for me, Kristi (and I’m not really surprised). I did marry the bad boy at 17 and have paid for it every single day since. Even today. Fortunately, I’m not the same person I was then and can handle it today…most days anyway. Thank God for Finding Ninee and for finding you! You are the chiz 🙂
    Let me not forget the nachos….sometimes a girl just has to have her nachos….April 27, 2014 – 8:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - NACHOS! They must be one of my favorite foods ever, Sandy. When there’s cheese on every chip…mmmm…. Sorry to hear about the bad boy at 17 and that you’re still paying for it. But I have to wonder – is part of why you’re so amazing today, with such a lovely outlook on life due – at least in part – to the past you? That’s the stuff I wonder about…April 27, 2014 – 11:49 amReplyCancel

      • Sandy Ramsey - I would guess it has a lot to do with the who and why of me today. It took me a while to get here though 🙂May 1, 2014 – 10:46 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa - I think they all count. All the choices. They all matter, the ones you make on purpose, and the ones you choose by choosing not to choose. And I think somehow, you always make the ones that bring you precisely to the place where you are supposed to be. But, that’s just my opinion 😉 Nice post, friend. I am glad I chose to do this LTYM thing…a little nervous (particularly that it will be captured on Youtube, frozen in time for all of eternity)…but I am glad and excited…see you SOON!!!April 27, 2014 – 7:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa,
      I think you’re right, my friend. They do all count, and I’m so glad that we both made the decision to do LTYM – it’s going to be amazing. I mean, if I don’t faint, or pee, or anything like that. And if you remember your writing. And if somebody makes sandwiches! 😉April 30, 2014 – 9:30 amReplyCancel

  • May - This is really thought provoking. As I read your list I was also thinking about my own choices. Life could have been very different, maybe sometimes easier;but given all I know now there isn’t much of anything I would change if I had the chance. And that is the sense I had reading your list as well.April 30, 2014 – 12:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - May, isn’t it cool (and a bit disturbing) to think about how our choices bring us to where we are? And I know what you mean about how different life may have been but not wanting to change anything. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment.April 30, 2014 – 9:31 amReplyCancel

  • Robbie - I love this. I too have been frozen by indecision…and realized long ago that not making a choice is actually a choice. Nachos are almost always the RIGHT choice.May 6, 2014 – 2:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Robbie, thanks for the confirmation that nachos are usually the right choice. They rank up there with perfection, in my book. And yeah, the frozen by indecision thing is hard because then circumstances make the choice for us. But sometimes, it’s still the right choice, or so I like to think!May 7, 2014 – 12:01 pmReplyCancel

Today’s Our Land was authored by my IRL BF Joanna, who I met through Tucker’s PAC (Preschool Autism Classroom). Her son Michael was officially diagnosed fairly early on, and, as many of you know, Tucker was not. I was lost. Confused. Alone and lonely and Joanna was the parent that I bonded with. At first, […]

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by Kristi Campbell

Whatcha think, peeps?
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  • Kerith Stull - Oh my goodness… I see that forest and just want to cry, too! What a beautiful and heartfelt description of brokenness. Can I please send Joanna a hug??April 23, 2014 – 10:06 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Definitely can send Joanna a hug, Kerith. I think the thing I love most about this piece is that while the forest is confusing and can feel like brokenness, she and her son really had an amazing connection of absolute love – a really meaningful exchange.April 23, 2014 – 11:47 amReplyCancel

  • Kerri - First, the next time I am in your area you need to invite Joanna to our play date. 🙂

    But can I say that sometimes I hate the forest? That is is so hard to be in that moment you cannot see the trees because you are battling the landscape with all your might. Joanna I think you need to allow yourself to cry. To piss off your husband and your friend. Because you just need to. This life isn’t what we planned on. The bonus is you know they will get it. It might take them a moment but they will.

    And if not, Kristi will punch them in the nose for you 🙂April 23, 2014 – 10:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kerri, absolutely to having a playdate! Of course, the FIRST step in that would be that you actually let me know you’re coming before you’re like HERE and stuff… 😉
      And yeah, they WILL get it. But (scuffs toe in dirt) I might have been that friend. Maybe. Just saying. But I’ll punch other people in the nose! 😀April 23, 2014 – 11:49 amReplyCancel

  • Katia - What a beautiful love letter to your son, Joanna. You write so beautifully and with the forest metaphor you’ve made your struggle so relatable, almost palpable.The bags under the eyes broke my heart.

    What I love about Kristi’s blog is that even though I think I understand the special set of challenges that comes with the territory of raising a special needs child, whenever I read a post on this topic, I realize that I don’t and that there is still a lot to learn. The part where you talk about how you initially thought that an “I love you” from your child is all you needed felt extremely relatable, even familiar and I knew that this would have been my reaction to a similar situation. I’m glad that your “I love yous” are still being delivered, although in the most unexpected ways. “Unexpected” has been the defining trait of parenting for me, in the last four years, that I’ve been doing it 🙂April 23, 2014 – 10:50 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree Katia about Joanna’s writing and the forest metaphor. Also, can I just say that you’re awesome? That you care so much and are learning about special needs kids means you’re doing your children, and the world, a great service because you already are willing to accept and embrace. That’s huge.
      And yeah, I think that “unexpected” is something ALL parents can relate to – whether special needs or not. The fact that none of us had any idea what parenting was like before we became parents is what makes us all more similar than different. xoApril 23, 2014 – 12:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Michele - What a beautiful post about genuine LOVE. And great pictures of such a cherished friendship!April 23, 2014 – 10:50 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Neither of my children have autism, but bath time here is absolutely awful and can relate to having more then a few of our daily baths turn into all of us crying, because neither of my girls like getting bath water in their eyes. So, that alone has left me feeling quite helpless and definitely upset, too. But I loved how this ended for both you and Michael and I think moms in general could very much relate. Thank you so much for sharing.April 23, 2014 – 11:27 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Janine. I think moms in general can relate too, and I love the ending.April 23, 2014 – 12:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah - The forest metaphor is so well-used. So apt for so many situations. Joanna, I also appreciated your honesty about fights with your husband. Having a child with special needs adds another element of stress to a relationship. I’m so glad Michael and Tucker have each other!April 23, 2014 – 12:13 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Sarah, I agree about the forest metaphor and yeah, special needs does add stress to a relationship. Sigh. And I am SO glad Tucker and Michael have each other (and that their moms have each other too!).April 23, 2014 – 12:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle Liew - That trek through the forest is a tough one many will not undetstand unless you’ve been there, done that. Wonderful metaphor!!April 23, 2014 – 12:27 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Michelle! I know Joanna is reading everybody’s awesome comments. Thanks for yours!April 24, 2014 – 8:51 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - As others have already mentioned, the forest metaphor is a great one. I used to pray for that “I love you” too and even though he’s older and can express himself extremely well, using words to express emotions doesn’t come easy. However, you are so so right that love is felt and shared and does not need to be spoken with words. Thank you for that important reminder.April 23, 2014 – 12:59 pmReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - These boys are absolutely adorable…and precious. It is so hard when our kids don’t communicate the same way as we believe to be “typical.” There are so many times that Lindsey doesn’t seem to “get it,” but then she does. She suddenly does. And there is such relief (on my part) because we are finally, finally, finally on the same page. Often it is only for a moment, but that moment is so special. Joanna did an incredible job with this piece, taking me along on the journey. I wanted to cry too. Thanks for sharing Kristi.April 23, 2014 – 1:22 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Linda! I love that you have those moments with Lindsay now – even when they’re brief. I agree that Joanna rocked this! Also know that Nick (and all of you) have been in my thoughts – I hope they’re finding some answers and help for him!!!April 24, 2014 – 9:06 amReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - I am always trying to find ways to understand what my nephew goes through and this metaphor is so beautiful. He is such a precious child with a heart of pure gold.
    Each child has intricacies…each one is different…and different is beautiful. xoApril 23, 2014 – 1:36 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - I love the metaphor of the forest and I think it is a beautiful description of a difficult struggle. Thanks for sharing your words with us, Joanna. Both the boys are precious and their friendship is such beautiful gift!April 23, 2014 – 1:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Tarana - This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing I’ve read in a long time. I hope your days are filled with bright sunshine as you navigate that forest.April 23, 2014 – 3:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Please tell me that Michael can come along on our photoshoot!
    This is such a beautiful and vivid way of describing this “forest.” I felt like I could understand so much more.
    I hope the light shines in a lot, in this forest.April 23, 2014 – 3:29 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Tamara, I’ll ask if Michael can come along! And I hope the light shines a lot too!April 24, 2014 – 9:58 amReplyCancel

  • Joanna - Thanks to everyone for the amazingly kind and supportive comments(and hug), I am sort of blown away! I am deeply touched that so many moms/parents can relate whether your child has special needs or not. And, of course, thanks to Kristi for giving me the chance to share my story via FN, and … well, the intro was super nice too! Thanks again.April 23, 2014 – 5:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks for sharing your story and everybody’s right – it IS really beautiful. I love it. And the intro is all true stuff!! <3April 24, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I remember reading about autism in college, and the textbooks talked about how children with autism don’t make personal connections. Granted that was twenty years ago, but how wrong that was. Is. But hearing it from you, Joanna, is so much more powerful than reading any textbook. Keep defying what we “know” about autism – we all need to know something new and hopeful.April 23, 2014 – 8:17 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana, when I first wondered whether Tucker has it, I thought definitely not because of what I learned so many years ago. And I agree that Joanna’s words are much more powerful (and REAL) than some old textbook.April 24, 2014 – 10:09 amReplyCancel

  • Angel The Alien - I’ll never believe anyone who says people with autism can’t feel empathy. People might not be able to verbally communicate that they feel your pain, or they might not know a “socially acceptable” way to show that they feel your pain, but they do feel it and they do care. Michael sounds like a very sweet little boy. I’m glad he has a mama like you to guide him through the enchanted forest!April 23, 2014 – 8:32 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Angel – I know you get it and I appreciate the reminder from you that just because some can’t show how they feel others’ pain doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. And Michael is a super-sweet boy!April 24, 2014 – 10:11 amReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - Lovely story. I love the sentiment that sometimes words don’t matter. In fact, often, words are limiting when love is, in reality, boundless. Your little boy is beautiful.April 24, 2014 – 1:58 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - Absolutely beautiful. I think moms everywhere can relate. Our struggles may be different, but they are there. Michael sounds like a wonderful little boy. He’s adorable!April 25, 2014 – 8:05 amReplyCancel

  • K - Wow….So so so beautiful. Your words really resonated with me. I’m not a mom, so I can’t directly relate to the challenges (and joys!) you must experience, but your writing brought me to that forest and allowed me a little glimpse into your life with your son. Tucker and Michael are so lucky to have each other. (: Thank you for sharing this with us!April 26, 2014 – 1:03 pmReplyCancel

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