Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Unchosen Choices

Unchosen Choices

Have you ever wondered about your unchosen choices? Wondered about a cross-country move, the branch of a career path, or maybe a blind date?

Do our decisions, both large and seemingly insignificant, bring us to where we are today?

I wonder how much they matter. I wonder whether they matter at all, or matter even more than I realize.

I’ve made a lot of decisions during this lifetime. Some have been made by not making a decision. Fear of choosing wrongly has, at times, paralyzed me to the point that I wait too long to choose, and have the choice then made for me as my options have run out.

Here are a few of the decisions that I think have mattered:

Saying hi to the girl who sat next to me in third grade and summoning the nerve to call and ask her if she wanted to play.  Even though she said no, at first. She ended up being my best friend for many years.Tenacity pays off.

want to play with me 4 box4

Going to California for college in spite of the fact that I knew I’d run out of money long before graduation announcements were sent.

Not marrying the bad boy who was my world at the wise age of 17.

Walking away. More than twice. More than I want to admit to, and maybe, more than is expected.

Running forward. Hanging on to friends during times when the only thing we had in common was the memory of powerful minutes.

Ordering the nachos instead of the veggie plate.

Saying yes to a job promotion that took me far away from friends, family, and the life I knew.

Saying no to a later job that would have filled my pockets but not my heart.

Rescuing Chief, who ended up rescuing me.

Taking a chance on online dating. Trusting Robert with my once-broken heart.

Ordering the veggie plate instead of the nachos.

Tucker.

Finding my birth mother. Flying across the country to meet her. To meet her daughter. My sister. Looking like people.

Listening to Tucker’s teacher when I wanted to put my hands over my ears. Trusting her when she said that Preschool Autism Class would be the best thing.

Finding Ninee. Reaching out. Finding you.

Auditioning for Listen to your Mother. And being (maybe mostly notreally) okay if they didn’t choose me. Tucker. Did I say that one? Tucker.

Those, my friends, are the choices I’ve chosen. Perhaps there are times when I’ve said yes when I should’ve said no, and said no, when I should’ve said yes. And sometimes, I wonder about them. Mostly without regret, but I wonder.

And then I think about thislife.

Here.

Today. Tomorrow.

And I realize that all of my yeses and nos were the very best decisions I’ve made.

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence was “The best decision I ever made was…” and was brought to you by Lizzi. But, she pussied out and says she’s too busy or whatever. Your hosts: Janine: Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic Kate: Can I get another bottle of whine? Stephanie: Mommy, for Real Me (Kristi): Finding Ninee


by Kristi Campbell

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  • Janine Huldie - Definitely agree about not marrying the jerk I thought was all that and a bag of chips at the rip old age of 17 and the nachos priceless, too!! But seriously, here is to great decisions, which I think we both made to get us to the hear and now 🙂April 24, 2014 – 10:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Janine. Here’s to us both not marring the jerk who was the bag of chips and all the extra dips and and and!!! To the here and now, friend!!April 24, 2014 – 10:26 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie - So many good decisions = wise girl! Your son is adorable.April 24, 2014 – 10:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Allie! Not all of the decisions I’ve made have been the best, but since they all led to here, I’ll keep ’em.April 25, 2014 – 7:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzy - Muddle-Headed Mamma - I nodded my head so many times while I was reading this, Kristi 🙂 I know exactly what you mean about being scared to make a decision and then hanging on for so long that eventually the decision gets made for you because all other options have run out. I think I could write a very long blog post one day about all the times I hung in there because making a decision was too difficult and in the end ended up just cutting off my nose to spite my face! Sometimes walking away is the best decision, but we see it as quitting and don’t want to be quitters. What an incredible experience it must have been meeting your birth mother. I got goosebumps just reading that paragraph. I’m so glad you found Ninee. I’m so glad you reached out. And I’m so glad that somewhere in this crazy world full of billions of people and millions of blog, that I found you.April 24, 2014 – 11:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m so glad that I found you, too, Lizzy (and just sent you a DM on Twitter). It’s so crazy how we wait to make decisions and hanging on and not wanting to quit. UGH. Sometimes I wonder though, if I would have NOT made some of the dumb decisions I’ve made in life, if I’d still have the perspective and life I have now, ya know?
      It really was an amazing experience meeting my birth mother and sister. One of these days, I’ll have to write about it. And I hope you’ll write your post about hanging in there when walking away was best. xoApril 25, 2014 – 7:32 pmReplyCancel

  • Lady Lilith - Lol. Sometimes as kids, we just need the little push to help us though life.
    Love the graphic illustration. Goes perfectly with your post.April 25, 2014 – 12:36 amReplyCancel

  • Meeshie - I was thinking about that last night. I made a ton of bad choices over the years and recovering from all of that now is still a struggle (college again at almost 40 years old!) but if I could go back I wouldn’t change a single thing.

    Any change could mean that I didn’t get Poet and my son is worth all of it. Even the really horrible parts that wake me up at night. He is my everything.April 25, 2014 – 7:31 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Meeshie, I think it’s awesome that you are in college again at almost 40 and I hear you about not changing anything because it’s too scary to think about not having what we have now and our kids being worth all of the everything. I love how you phrased it. By the way – was thinking about you today.April 25, 2014 – 7:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - What an adorable video! Aggh!
    I loved all of the times I ordered nachos over the veggie plate, and vice versa. Often, mostly, I order both at once to keep them guessing.
    What a beautiful post!
    I have a feeling that pulling the trigger on BlogU was a decision I will always be happy about.April 25, 2014 – 8:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - SW! I have a feeling that BlogU is going to be amazing!!! I can’t wait to meet you and everybody!! And thanks, sweets. Nachos are good for the soul. Veggies, sometimes.April 25, 2014 – 8:00 pmReplyCancel

  • Michele - Love this post. I’ve been working on a similar one — the “what ifs.” What if I hadn’t taken that job? What if I hadn’t gone out that night? You are so right that the mix of choices — large and small — makes such a difference. Not every choice ends up being the right one, but in the end, they add up to a larger whole. Here’s to lots of twists and turns, and happy tomorrows. 🙂April 25, 2014 – 9:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OOH I can’t wait for your “what ifs” post, Michele. And your line that they all end up being a part of a larger whole is so perfect. It makes me wonder about all of them. Here’s to happy tomorrows – agree.April 25, 2014 – 8:05 pmReplyCancel

  • ThatGirlRyan - I think ordering the nachos vs. veggie platter was probably a good decision by far. Just kidding, I think you made a ton of wonderful decisions! You turned out alright by my standards.
    I always think about the What If’s because your mind can get lost in the thought of it. Creepy, this is such a deep and dark prompt this week…freaking me out!April 25, 2014 – 9:51 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Girl Ryan, you’re so right about getting mind lost in the thought of it. I think mine is still partly trying to figure out how it all works because it kindof doesn’t work and um, yeah. Creepy.April 25, 2014 – 8:06 pmReplyCancel

  • Bianca @ Rant Rave Crave - Love how you looked back on your choices with such wisdom. My favorite was that you turned down a job that would’ve filled your pockets but not your heart. This post hit home too because we will be moving across the country later this year.April 25, 2014 – 10:05 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Bianca, I hope your move across country is as awesome in the long-term as mine was. At first, it wasn’t easy but really really worth it. Really worth it.April 25, 2014 – 8:10 pmReplyCancel

  • karen - blubbering like a fool at work…sniffles…blows nose.

    Okay…love this post. So true…every choice, every outcome has brought us to where we are, where we were meant and need to be.April 25, 2014 – 10:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw Karen, sorry about the blubbering at work part and you’re right – all of our choices, they get us to here. Now. Today.April 25, 2014 – 8:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - So much more to say than my phone will allow. But yes I think about this all the time. All. The. Time.April 25, 2014 – 11:16 amReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - I love you and your view on life. I think that we need to focus on the now and not the things that steered us in this direction. We can make the best of now and find the beauty.
    xoxoApril 25, 2014 – 11:21 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dude, if we have more online love for one another, we might be considered legal wives, but I’m willing to take the risk and say that I love you back. You are brave. And hot. And also yes, to our decisions. Here’s to the now and the beauty.April 25, 2014 – 9:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama - At the ripe and wise ‘ol age of 32, I’m realizing that my time and energy are too precious to waste on the what ifs. Every decision I’ve made, right or wrong, has brought me to where I am today. I can’t change the past, so instead I’m going to focus on the decisions I can make today, for me and my family. Love this, Kristi!! As always, you nailed it!April 25, 2014 – 11:42 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Nicole, you’re right. The what ifs are just a mind trap and not a good one. You’re doing perfectly right for you and your family, I have no doubt. Here’s to being where we are today, right now, today, regardless of the past.April 25, 2014 – 9:18 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life - I do think about this. A lot. I wouldn’t change anything, because the decisions I’ve made are the decisions I’ve made and I don’t ever want to be thinking about what if. Those what ifs could put little seeds of doubt in your mind and who needs that. Our time is short…we can’t be thinking about what ifs. They’re done, gone and probably weren’t the best thing for us anyway. I tend to think we generally make the right decisions for ourselves, at least once we’re older (haha).April 25, 2014 – 11:50 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re so right that our time is short. And that the moments are gone. No doubt, there are decisions I’ve made that were not that great, but if I’d have not made them, would I have gotten here??? And yeah, pooh-poohing the “haha to being older” part because um. Yes. 😉April 25, 2014 – 9:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - This was so sweet – especially all the Tucker parts 😉 I wish I would have eaten more nachos when I was skinny and passed on the nachos for the salad bar. Sigh. The graphic was hilarious. The little kids next door broke Christopher down. They are boys 6 &5, with a little sister who is 3. They ring the doorbell 10 times before we have a chance to answer it and scream like Christopher is celebrity if he goes out to play. He calls them his emergency bored team.April 25, 2014 – 12:23 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, I love that the little boys next door broke Christopher down and that now they are his “emergency bored team.” HA. That’s pretty awesome actually. They’ll probably be talking about him when they’re in college!April 25, 2014 – 11:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Beth Teliho - You and I are evidently sipping the same soup this week! Joy Christi mentioned we had written posts in similar veins so I had to jump over here and see.

    yes, the past (good/bad/ugly) brings us to our now and tomorrow. Brutiful past.

    Gorgeous post, Kristi.

    Tucker’s singing is the sweetest thing ever.April 25, 2014 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Beth! I love yours! And you’re so right that yesterday’s ugly bad good whatever brings us here. You’re also right about the brutiful past. I guess we all have them. I love the way you wrote about yours.April 25, 2014 – 11:36 pmReplyCancel

  • K - Wow…I just fell in love with this post, all of it. Your wisdom is astounding. Sometimes life is about ordering the nachos instead of the vegetables, about knowing when it’s time to walk away and when it’s time to take a leap of faith or a leap of love. I’m so grateful for the chain of decisions that led me to your blog!

    And Tucker singing? Adorable. xoxoApril 25, 2014 – 1:10 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - K my awesome friend. My wisdom? Well, it’s more experience, really. Life is so about the balance and the walking away and the love. And the chain that led us to one another and you being my very first awesome Our Land!! Let me know when you want to do another!!!
      xoxoo
      also thanks for thinking Tucker is adorable in his video. I realize he’s not really typical in it. 😀April 25, 2014 – 11:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - How strange is it that our thoughts were similar with this prompt? I struggled with trying so hard to find the decision I made would be the best (there were so few)…only to realize that sometimes not making a decision is the best thing you can do.April 25, 2014 – 1:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I don’t think it’s strange at all any longer because we have shared a brain much too often when it comes to sentences for it to be anything less than fate, which I almost probably don’t maybe believe in based on this post? Or I do? I dunno. But yeah, not making a decision is the best. I’d have done the same as you thought of, as you know.April 25, 2014 – 11:44 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - I loved this – such a great perspective. Do decisions bring us to where we are today, or would we have got here anyway? I wrote a post about this too on my Inquiring Parent blog last week – it does fascinate me! Some scientists reckon that there are an infinite number of each of us, in alternative universes, and every time we make a decision it creates a new one. Some will make different decisions but still turn out very similar to how we are, and others will be further off! Where they get this theory from I’m not sure, but I kinda like the idea!

    I loved that you included the little decisions as well as the big. Who knows, they could be just as influential.
    And then, sometimes it’s almost as if we don’t even make a decision, we just do something. I don’t just mean as you mentioned when you get too afraid to decide so the decision happens that way (though I’ve done that too!) But when you just sort of “know” rather than decide.April 25, 2014 – 2:28 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yvonne, what is the link to the Inquiring Parent post? I’d like to read that and isn’t it just mind-blowing to think about our decisions and how they get us (or not) to where we are??? It fascinates me, too. I love the idea of every decision creating a new one. I’d never thought about it like that, but so true. Like if you decide to stay in a job, in one country, that creates different decisions than taking the new job in a new country. And would we come back to where we are or not? I kinda like the idea too, although it’s bigwow and maybe too complex for the likes of moi.
      And I knew what you meant about the know rather than the decide. Sometimes they’re just as big, right?April 26, 2014 – 12:06 amReplyCancel

      • Yvonne - Hi again Kristi. I thought if I used Inquiring Parent’s url I’d get a choice of posts to select from since I’ve seen that happen sometimes, but must be a different commenting system. So here’s the post I mentioned. Not just about decisions but more about what or who we are… (I’ve been going deep lately, just like you by the looks of things.)

        http://inquiringparent.com/2014/04/who-are-you-what-am-i/April 26, 2014 – 5:45 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Yvonne! I really enjoyed that and think you’re onto something most especially with listening to our inner quietness and stillness. I’m going to try this more often. Thank you!April 27, 2014 – 11:31 amReplyCancel

  • Marcia @ Menopausal Mother - I love all your choices—and they obviously turned out to be the right ones. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as coincidence. April 25, 2014 – 4:07 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I don’t believe in coincidence either. Until I sometimes sorta do… which is weird right?April 26, 2014 – 12:13 amReplyCancel

  • Emily - I love this prompt because it makes us all think about past decisions and the “what ifs.” I touch on this in my memoir, wondering what my life would have been like had I made the decision to stay with my college boyfriend. Too weird and disturbing too think about in some ways, but I forced myself to for the purposes of my book. As for you and that 3rd friend of yours, love your persistence!!April 25, 2014 – 5:47 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Emily, I want to read your memoir. Told you that before because I know it’s going to be amazing. That it is amazing. Isn’t it weird to think about the “what ifs?” Way too weird and disturbing for sure, but also fascinating. I can’t wait to read your book.April 26, 2014 – 12:16 amReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - It’s amazing how many decisions truly change the course of our lives for the better. I’m not sure how we do it, but things seem to work out. I loved the video of Tucker. He is adorable!!April 25, 2014 – 7:11 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Jennifer, I’m not sure how we do it, either but it is amazing how many decisions affect our forevers. And thanks. I think he’s pretty adorable too but may be a wee bit biased.April 26, 2014 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

  • Kerith Stull - This is absolutely brilliant! Love your take on this. I think we’ve all made those unchosen choices. I’d hate to admit my list like you did here. You showed a lot of guts, Lady, sharing here. But, as always, you do it with flair and draw us all in!!April 25, 2014 – 9:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Kerith! I think we’ve all made those unchosen choices too, and well…not sure it’s really guts as hoping I’m not alone in the dumb choices, ya know? But thank you!!! xoApril 26, 2014 – 12:20 amReplyCancel

  • Linda Atwell - Out One Ear - Yes! I’ve often thought of my life as the PacMan game and how the eating machine turns suddenly and some people are saved, while others are eaten. I think, if I were a person in the clouds and looking down, there are days I turned right and met someone but missed meeting the person(s) if I’d turned left. I don’t know why I think of this kind of stuff–I’ve really got enough junk in my head. I love the stuff you come up with. I do believe the choices we make (or don’t make for that matter) do bring us to who we are today. And we are all ok. Happy Friday to you. P.S. Nick is home from the hospital and we believe he is finally on the mend. Crossing our fingers.April 26, 2014 – 12:48 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Linda,
      I love that you use PacMan to think about your life and how turning left instead of right means that you don’t meet somebody, or do meet somebody. That wasn’t worded very well but you know what I mean. I’m SO glad to hear that Nick is home.April 27, 2014 – 11:34 amReplyCancel

  • Tarana - Do we really make the choices we do, or are we unconsciously following a grand design? That’s the thought which crosses my mind often. Loved reading your list!April 26, 2014 – 6:56 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I wonder about that too, Tarana. If somebody tells you, would you please let me know?April 27, 2014 – 11:34 amReplyCancel

  • Kat - I’ve always been a big believer that each decision that we make alters the course of our lives. It’s the butterfly effect – every little ripple moves forward and changes the surface of the future.

    That doesn’t mean that I’ve always made the best decisions but I’m not sure that I’d go back and change them if I could because then I wouldn’t be where I am now and I kind of like who I am (for the most part anyway).

    ps It’s okay to put Tucker in your list twice; he even deserves to be there a few more times 😉April 26, 2014 – 8:00 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - The Butterfly Effect is really fascinating to me, Kat, in part because it’s so difficult to wrap my mind around what would have changed, and how, had I done some things differently. I know what you mean about having decisions that aren’t the best but being unsure of going back to change them if we could because of where we are today.
      Thanks for the reassurance that Tucker can be in the list multiple times!April 27, 2014 – 11:36 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - I felt too overwhelmed to write on this prompt this week, but if I had I would have wanted to handle it like you did. Except I would choose dessert over veggies AND nachos. I have many times.April 26, 2014 – 11:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Dana,
      Well your week seems like it was pretty amazing! An awesome spring break and LTYM last night! WHOOT!April 27, 2014 – 11:38 amReplyCancel

  • Kelly L McKenzie - Oh that video. So glad I made the decision to click on it and watch. What a happy chappy. Love the reactions you included at the end too!
    One huge thing I hope to instill in my kids is the ability to make a decision. So far so good. Will they always make the RIGHT one? Of course not. Have I? Of course not. But I truly believe that ability is a key component in life’s toolbox.
    Now off to have breakfast. Porridge or Toast with Nutella? …April 26, 2014 – 12:49 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kelly,
      Having the ability to make a decision is huge. I think it’s much too easy to worry about making the wrong one and then not making one at all so the fact you’ve instilled that into your kids is HUGE and awesome. Toast with Nutella, I hope!!!April 27, 2014 – 11:40 amReplyCancel

  • GirlieOnTheEdge - Yes and Yes.

    Having answered those questions it reminds me of my favoriate Rush lyrics…. “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice”. Which totally sucks. Not to make the choice. Because, as you say, it is better to make one (choice/decision) however things turn out than to sit around feeling like shit because you let fear steal from you yet again.April 26, 2014 – 9:13 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - This is awesome, Kristi. It’s definitely hitting me in a huge way to think about this – our unchosen choices. There is no way to know what life will bring (or not) and every choice we make or don’t leads us in a particular direction. It’s fascinating, really. I really loved reading this.April 27, 2014 – 12:29 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Lisa. It really is fascinating to think about how our choices affect what will happen down the road. I always wonder about things like “would I have still met my husband if I hadn’t xyz” because I like to think I would, but maybe not. Which is weird to think.April 27, 2014 – 11:46 amReplyCancel

  • Callie Feyen - Kristi, I don’t know how you do the cute/funny and serious/pulling at the heart strings, but every time I come here I laugh and I cry. Reading your posts are like sitting down with a great friend.

    I love how the flow of this post – how the lists tell a story. I may have to steal this idea. 🙂April 27, 2014 – 7:58 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Callie! I really appreciate your kind words! Feel free to steal away!April 27, 2014 – 11:47 amReplyCancel

  • Sandy Ramsey - So many of these hit home for me, Kristi (and I’m not really surprised). I did marry the bad boy at 17 and have paid for it every single day since. Even today. Fortunately, I’m not the same person I was then and can handle it today…most days anyway. Thank God for Finding Ninee and for finding you! You are the chiz 🙂
    Let me not forget the nachos….sometimes a girl just has to have her nachos….April 27, 2014 – 8:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - NACHOS! They must be one of my favorite foods ever, Sandy. When there’s cheese on every chip…mmmm…. Sorry to hear about the bad boy at 17 and that you’re still paying for it. But I have to wonder – is part of why you’re so amazing today, with such a lovely outlook on life due – at least in part – to the past you? That’s the stuff I wonder about…April 27, 2014 – 11:49 amReplyCancel

      • Sandy Ramsey - I would guess it has a lot to do with the who and why of me today. It took me a while to get here though 🙂May 1, 2014 – 10:46 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa - I think they all count. All the choices. They all matter, the ones you make on purpose, and the ones you choose by choosing not to choose. And I think somehow, you always make the ones that bring you precisely to the place where you are supposed to be. But, that’s just my opinion 😉 Nice post, friend. I am glad I chose to do this LTYM thing…a little nervous (particularly that it will be captured on Youtube, frozen in time for all of eternity)…but I am glad and excited…see you SOON!!!April 27, 2014 – 7:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa,
      I think you’re right, my friend. They do all count, and I’m so glad that we both made the decision to do LTYM – it’s going to be amazing. I mean, if I don’t faint, or pee, or anything like that. And if you remember your writing. And if somebody makes sandwiches! 😉April 30, 2014 – 9:30 amReplyCancel

  • May - This is really thought provoking. As I read your list I was also thinking about my own choices. Life could have been very different, maybe sometimes easier;but given all I know now there isn’t much of anything I would change if I had the chance. And that is the sense I had reading your list as well.April 30, 2014 – 12:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - May, isn’t it cool (and a bit disturbing) to think about how our choices bring us to where we are? And I know what you mean about how different life may have been but not wanting to change anything. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment.April 30, 2014 – 9:31 amReplyCancel

  • Robbie - I love this. I too have been frozen by indecision…and realized long ago that not making a choice is actually a choice. Nachos are almost always the RIGHT choice.May 6, 2014 – 2:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Robbie, thanks for the confirmation that nachos are usually the right choice. They rank up there with perfection, in my book. And yeah, the frozen by indecision thing is hard because then circumstances make the choice for us. But sometimes, it’s still the right choice, or so I like to think!May 7, 2014 – 12:01 pmReplyCancel

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