Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Putting Our Kids to Bed as it Relates to Past Lives. Also, Flying and Thankful for the Special Needs Community.

Have you ever thought about the correlation between our past lives, and putting our children to bed? No? Ok well, I promise it’s not as freaky as it sounds. Tonight, I listened to my son say “Please don’t leave!” and grab my arm, and tell me “Good Job.” He told me “good job,” for staying.

Sigh.

I vacillate between understanding the Parenting books that tell me to teach my son, while he’s young, that he sleeps alone and that I sleep with his daddy, and the college girl me who knew that when the boy stayed and spent the night, that they really maybe liked me.

I don’t want my son to think that I don’t like him, if I leave, after he goes to sleep.

This little “I will snuggle with you on my terms” boy, who doesn’t like to be snuggled at night because “too hot” wanted me to stay.

And, I got it, and I stayed. But, then, I left anyway, and feel guilty as hell about it, but also feel like I’m doing the right thing.

I remember, in college years, leaving while boys were sleeping, and I remember how it felt waking up alone when they were the ones who left. Is there a parallel in that and parenting?

Gross, but yeah, maybe. It’s not about the physical, obviously, but about the need and our own issues, and how what we do and how we live makes us feel. If you fall asleep next to somebody you love, whether that’s your mom, or somebody else, and she’s gone in the morning, what does that feel like and how does that tie into the import of teaching our children to sleep alone while also ensuring that they feel loved, important, and that we are here for them, all of the time?

I don’t know. It’s just something I was thinking about while putting Tucker to bed tonight.

I thought about how wonderful it feels when he crawls into bed with me in the morning, and how much I know I’ll miss these early years, once he’s grown and him crawling into bed with me would just be weird and whatever. It’s the favorite part of my day, now, and well, it’s the favorite part of my day.

This has been a less than stellar week. First, I’ve done a poor job of acclimating back into my life after being gone for four days to attend BlogHer14. I’ve spent too much time paying sitters and tutors and teachers to Be With my little boy while feeling jealous as hell that I’m paying people to take him to the splash pad, when that’s where I want to be with him.

On the other hand, while at a playground, I feel guilty about my IRL work, and not having been as on top of telling our sales team what’s going on with the latest campaign, when I’m frolicking (and worrying) at a splash pad. Summertime is amazing and difficult, when it comes to kids and work and life.

Splash Pad Tucker

What’s my point? I suppose that my point is that while this is a much more stream-of-conscious post than usual, that it’s time to get my thankful on. I wrote a post about BlogHer14, and how it was both magical and disappointing. The special needs community that came to comment and commiserate and just Be Here, with ME, has been both inspiring and humbling. I’m very very thankful for everybody who related to my hurt and horror. I’m thankful that my words seemed to matter. I got more comments and feedback on that post that most of my others. Crazy, weird, and awesome.

I’m very thankful for all who helped me further develop the conversation and thought process about how to handle speaking to Tucker about his delays, and how to handle respecting his privacy, moving forward. I’m also thankful that the person I wrote about found my post, and apologized. I think that’s pretty big stuff.

I’m big thankful for the fact that while I was at BlogHer14, I learned from Norine (Science of Parenthood) that the incredible Ellen from Love that Max was interviewed by Parenting.com and said that Finding Ninee is one of her favorite blogs! (OMG!!!!!)

Also? For those of you familiar with my BlogHer Voices of the Year Award post, about how Tucker is sometimes not himself, you know that when my little boy gets excited, or agitated, that he often completely loses his words.

IMG_4775

 

During those moments, he has a tendency to become physical, and aggressive. It’s heartbreaking and horrible and well. Sad. This week, an IRL friend of mine let me know that while we thought this issue had pretty much disappeared, that it hasn’t, or, maybe, that it’s returned. I wasn’t very receptive to hearing it at first, but needed to. I’m thankful to her for talking to me about it.

Tucker is much taller than most children his age, so him becoming physical, even when it’s “what all kids do” needs to be closely monitored. He needs to be closely monitored, because the moments in which he feels the need to hit or lash out are ones that could likely be avoided with a sensory break, or ABA therapy words, or even a reminder that it’s never okay to bite our friends.

Today? Tucker got his hair cut. Alone. As in, without sitting on my lap, or crying, or well, anything. This is big huge news. The woman who cut his hair also totally fell in love with him (because, duh). She was even cool with the fact that he decided that he’d rather not hug her, on the way out. He did agree that his crooked bang haircut was handsome.

Tucker Haircut Aug 2014

I’m thankful that I didn’t wait for my husband to come home from work to take Tucker to a neighborhood carnival. While I spent $60 in less than 2 hours, well. He flew. And that, my friends, is always a thankful and awesome thing.

Tucker bouncing high in the air

Here he is, on the superman ride. Alone, with an unmet friend, who isn’t me.

Superman ride far

OMG they’re high up in the air.

Up close, the same photo:

superman ride close

Flying.

 

Ten Things of ThankfulYour hosts: A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall, Amycake and the Dude, Considerings, Finding Ninee, Getting Literal, I Want Backsies, Mother of Imperfection, Rewritten, Thankful Me, The Wakefield Doctrine

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by Kristi Campbell

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  • Kenya G. Johnson - So much to be thankful for! And it is is hard when we have to make the judgement call for their own good even though we would love to snuggle with them. Christopher is big for his age too – as of Friday officially 5 feet tall at age 9. Though he’s a little boy his almost man height – so yeah weird in the snuggle department. Glad you got a lot of feedback on the last post and received an well deserved apology.August 4, 2014 – 12:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kenya, Christopher is five feet tall? Wow. That’s tall. Tucker is 1/2 an inch short of four feet tall and towers over all of his peers. My husband keeps thinking that will be good for sports later, but for now… well, not sure.
      And thank you! I was glad to have gotten the apology, too.August 4, 2014 – 4:40 pmReplyCancel

      • Kenya G. Johnson - Yes ma’am. You are probably in the same denial that I was that ½ short of four feet is FOUR FEET. When you get that official four foot measurement you’ll be like OMG. 😉 Christopher was 4’11 when school got in June.August 4, 2014 – 4:50 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Of course I’m in denial! Him being so tall makes me want another BABY (and um, I’m 45). But hey – 1/2 inch short of four feet is still three foot something, right? 😉August 4, 2014 – 5:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Mike - This was absolutely spectacular as always, Kristi! I agree with “past lives” in that so very often how we were brought up with regards to sleeping with a parent correlates directly to our own childhood. Trust your gut and continue to follow it. As the old saying goes, “If it’s not broke, don’t fix it..” and what you are doing at this point is obviously working. Of course you will have some trepidation and questions…that is normal. That haircut is great and that’s cute on the no hug…Tucker knows the boundaries he’s comfortable with 🙂 I LOVED the Superman ride experience! That young man is his on young boy with an S on his chest and will only continue to fly off into amazing accomplishments!! 🙂August 4, 2014 – 12:30 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Mike! I just wonder if Tucker wakes up sad when I’m not there anymore, ya know? And I loved the Superman ride experience, too! (as did little man!!!) Appreciate the visit and the share, as always, sweet friend.August 4, 2014 – 5:07 pmReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - Aww, Kristi I truly agree so much to indeed be thankful for, especially the smiling face at the end! Seriously, he looks like he is flying on Cloud 9 and can tell you are doing more then something right here with Tucker more times then not. And also so glad you got that apology and definitely deserved it, but always nice when you do get it.August 4, 2014 – 8:33 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Janine, I LOVE the smiling face at the end! So awesome!! I’m really glad that I got the apology as well, and thank you so much!!August 4, 2014 – 5:08 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Sorry if there are any typos here. My kitten is laying above the keyboard with her little paw draped down and occasionally typing.
    Weird.
    These are my thoughts, though. Not hers.
    The Superman ride is incredible. The woman being big enough to apologize you is incredible. Many people wouldn’t do that.
    You are incredible.
    I’m pretty good at kid haircuts too, by the way. So I can throw that into my deal of free photography and a free place to stay in one of the most beautiful places ever.
    Have I convinced you yet?
    “dkjalf” – Dinah the KittenAugust 4, 2014 – 8:57 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, Dinah the kitten – you wily minx. I agree that the Superman ride is incredible, that getting an apology is incredible and that YOU are incredible. And you’re good at kid haircuts? Sheesh! The list of talents you have gets longer and longer and longer!!
      I’m almost all the way convinced.August 4, 2014 – 5:11 pmReplyCancel

  • Jennifer Steck - He’s flying, Kristi! Every bit of your hard work and his is starting to pay off. Those moments where he reaches out his arms and flies on his own, with a smile on his face, are incredible and inspiring. There will be more of those moments to come. Despite the struggles, he will be okay. That’s fabulous!!August 4, 2014 – 9:12 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Jennifer! He IS flying! My little baby (who is not very little any longer) – is flying. And brave.August 4, 2014 – 5:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Jean - You gave me something new to think about and gave comfort all in one post. Thank you. I’m really happy that woman contacted you- handling conflict with grace is hard but necessary.August 4, 2014 – 9:27 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I am too, Jean! Not an easy thing to do, I’m sure (I suck at apologizing). So happy to see your name here today!!!August 4, 2014 – 5:12 pmReplyCancel

  • Sarah @ LeftBrainBuddha - I love reading your words. It reminded me of how all the sleep books tell you NOT to fall asleep with your kids in their bed with them, because then they wake up in the middle of the night and freak out that you are gone. But the morning snuggles when they come into your bed (provided it’s after 6am)? Lovely. And your comment about guilt — I always remember something one of my colleagues said when she came back to work after maternity leave (and this was even before I had kids) — she said, “when I’m at home, my heart aches for work, and when I am at work, my heart aches to be with him.” That’s our world. xoxoAugust 4, 2014 – 9:38 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Sarah! I suspect that this was too quickly written and rambling so I’m really glad that it reminded you of the books that say not to fall asleep with our kids because that’s pretty much what I was thinking about. Like, is Tucker sad when he wakes up and I’m not there??? And wow – that comment about aching for work while at home and aching for home while at work? Spot on.August 4, 2014 – 5:34 pmReplyCancel

  • Don - Hahaha, sneaking out of girls’ rooms was very challenging in all girl dorms where boys after midnight weren’t allowed, probably. Yay for the apology. Everyone learned something from the ordeal, hopefully. We’ve never let the kids sleep with us, but wife has spent a few nights in Gmans room because he’s been such a douche lately. I doubt it’s going to retard his development too much. Do what makes ya happy, or sane. Whatever.August 4, 2014 – 9:54 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - HAHA – we were actually allowed to have boys in our dorms, but if they wanted to take a shower, we had to put a sign on the bathroom door saying “Man in shower” so people wouldn’t accidentally see a penis if they didn’t want to or whatever. Since I didn’t like making signs, I just said “No, you can’t take a shower! Just get out!”
      And yeah, doing what makes us happy, or sane. Totes. Sorry Gman is being a douche recently. Probably, it’s your fault somehow.August 4, 2014 – 5:38 pmReplyCancel

  • Kerri - Oh my friend….I hate that your IRL friend had to have the “too physical” talk with you but so proud that you are able to process it and be okay with it. Until you are not but then you will have your village to make you deal with what needs to be dealt with. In a way that you are the most comfortable with.

    Even if it means sleeping with your boy. I love your analogies here. Cause I think you are so right. No one wants to feel like they are not good enough to cuddle. I think you have to do what feels right for YOU. Not Tucker or your man or what that freaking no good book says to do.

    Cause none of them are you, warrior mom extraordinaire who is one of Ellen’s favorite bloggers 🙂August 4, 2014 – 12:31 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Me too, Kerri. Me, too. Sigh. You’re the awesomest and I agree that nobody wants to feel like they don’t deserve a cuddle. I just wonder when I sneak out after he’s asleep if he wakes up bummed that I’m no longer there. That was the part that reminded me of college. Gah.
      🙂August 4, 2014 – 5:40 pmReplyCancel

  • Twindaddy - I’m a little conflicted on the sleeping thing, too. Baby C wants to sleep with me and, frankly, I want him to sleep in his own bed. But he wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes and throws the most horrid fit until I let him come to my bed. On a completely unrelated note (sarcasm alert), I’m totally drained and could fall asleep at my desk right now.August 4, 2014 – 12:37 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - TD, It’s hard, right? I mean, obviously we want them to sleep in their own beds, but when I think about later, going to say goodnight to my son and finding some note on his door that says DO NOT ENTER, and I’m going to be sad for these days when he actually needs me and likes me and stuff, ya know?
      And sorry you’re having sleep issues with Baby C. I hope you get it resolved so you can get some sleep too! Also, still waiting on your email to find out what happened and if you’re okay!August 4, 2014 – 5:42 pmReplyCancel

      • Twindaddy - Ohhhhhh….yeah. What’s your email addy?August 4, 2014 – 9:24 pmReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - Um. How can I send it so it’s not here? Because gross reviewers and shit. OH! Can you do the contact me form (upper left, that little black worm there, if you hover over it, is contact????)???August 4, 2014 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

          • Twindaddy - Okay! You should have it now!August 5, 2014 – 8:38 am

  • Emily - I love your stream of consciousness posts, especially because they make so much sense to me, even though you may cover several different topics in one post — that’s true talent! That is SO huge that the woman from BlogHer apologized and now I feel bad (just a little) for calling her a bi-atch. BTW, we got some really good guidance about telling our dude about his challenges, which we did not formally share (in other words, use THE words to describe his challenges) until he was 13. That felt like the right time for him/us and I believe each family’s situation is different. I’d be happy to talk to you about it, but only if you feel you want to hear someone else’s experience. I’m sure you already received lots of great advice about it…And also? I love seeing Tucker fly.:)August 4, 2014 – 1:08 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I felt kinda bad, too, Emily!! Seriously. It really was big of her to come and apologize though and I appreciate that a lot. Hopefully, it’ll translate to a better BlogHer mini-con next year for the special needs group. Seeing Tucker fly IS pretty awesome. And yeah, I’d love to talk to you about how you knew it was time to talk to Big Dude. I don’t think Tucker’s ready but he might be ready for the speech part – I think he notices more that people often don’t understand him, ya know?
      And thank you for getting the stream of consciousness post! I still wonder if it’s too rambly and too quickly written.August 4, 2014 – 5:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Brittnei - Whaaa? I’m so happy that woman came over and apologized and that you got so much support and help from other moms with your questions and concerns! Win Win! A lot of Tucker’s “things” you mentioned I can relate. JR is a little taller than some toddlers his age I’ve seen, but he’s started biting again, mostly when he’s hungry. I’m not loving it but we’ve been closely monitoring him and dealing with him. He isn’t consistently playing with any kids right now so the monitoring is just what he does with us and day to day which is different I guess.August 4, 2014 – 1:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m so happy that she came over and apologized as well, Brittnei, but not nearly as happy as I was to just read your wonderful news!! Congratulations!!! The biting thing is hard and I think all we can really do is monitor it closely. The thing about Tucker is that I honestly thought we were past it. Sigh. Oh well – just need to deal with it again I suppose.August 4, 2014 – 5:51 pmReplyCancel

  • Yvonne - Wow, Kristi, you do come up with some interesting perspectives. I had not thought of a connection between how I felt about boyfriends and how my children felt about waking alone when they were young. (Just knew that the older one wasn’t keen on it, nor on going to sleep alone!) I can relate to how you enjoy those early morning visits though. They stopped for us a while ago now.

    How great that you got an apology from that BlogHer woman. In so many ways it’s great – great for you, and also it must mean she’s thought about how she behaved and realised it wasn’t nice. So maybe she’s learning from it, and that’s good.August 4, 2014 – 3:55 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Yvonee, I think I actually need to rework this one. Not feeling awesome about it but really wanted to participate in TToT this week and well, it was late last night.
      I also think it’s great that the moderator apologized to me. Also? Going to rework this now. I think I missed the mark. But yes, here’s to her realizing that it wasn’t nice, and crappy, so that’s big good.August 4, 2014 – 10:15 pmReplyCancel

  • zoe - I dont know if I ever went back to your blogher post or not… either way Im glad the offender apologized and hopefully gained something from the encounter. I hope she has changed her view some… and might I just say about this post…. FLYING! THE MAN IS FLYING!!!!!!August 4, 2014 – 4:58 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m glad, too, Zoe. Big glad. And yeah, Tucker is totally awesome. Flying, and brave.August 5, 2014 – 12:08 amReplyCancel

  • Allie - So much to comment on…

    Love the “stream of consciousness:).” So think of my comments as stream of blah, blah…

    I write this, my youngest is in bed with me. We have been actively negotiating terms to finally get him in his bed, in his room, full-time! This never happened with the other three, but alas, he is my baby.

    I remember the first time my special guy finally sat for a haircut – it was in the last year or two (after ten years of OMG salon moments). I used to buy him McDonalds French Fries – because I knew he’d hold on to home and eat, and then I would tell the hairdresser to go asap, before they were gone and his hands were free. And of course, a DVD as well.

    I’m having trouble getting re-acclimated into my “real life” as well, after a busy summer. I’m also trying to exercise everyday, which is taking more time than I remember (it’s been 18 mos since I did it with any sort of regularity), and then I am exhausted and don’t feel like writing. Plus trying to get kids ready for school. And unpack…still.

    Okay…I will leave now. I love the carnival pictures!August 4, 2014 – 8:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Allie, thank you for loving the stream of consciousness because I’ve been feeling weird about it a lot. And dude, he’s your baby. It’s FINE. Whatever you do to make life as easy and as wonderful as possible is totally FINE. I remind myself of that all the time. My problem is that – if I let Tucker fall asleep while I’m there – will he wake up sad? Like some one night stand?
      Also freaking haircuts. I totally tried to fix his crooked bangs tonight and for real messed them up. He may now need a buzz cut!!! SHIT!
      Real life and blogging is HARD especially when busy. I almost feel like bloggers and writers should just take the summer off.
      Also? My suitcase from BlogHer is still on the floor of my bedroom.August 5, 2014 – 12:12 amReplyCancel

  • Michele - LOVE the pictures in this post! Flying! You are working through a lot these days – thank you for sharing how you’re working through them (& also a quick trip in the way-back machine to those college days!). I’m so glad you got that apology, too.August 4, 2014 – 8:57 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Michele – glad I got the apology as well and OMG I feel like I’m not working through them at all but just doing the stuff we all have to be doing, I guess. And eeep to college. xoAugust 5, 2014 – 12:14 amReplyCancel

  • Denise - Kristi, you be as stream of conscious as you want or need to be:)
    I feel as if I haven’t “seen” you in ages! Caught some BlogHer pics on the FB. Looks like you and everyone else had an excellent time and! you got to meet Little Miss Wordy!. I always enjoyed reading Leah’s blog. Need to get back there. After catching up with you first, of course lol
    As to the young man at the center of this piece? He is one very lucky kid. Tucker may not realize that now but he will:) There is something totally awesome about the Flying Tucker pic. What is captured in the picture is total….freedom, happiness, love, innocence, childhood….love it.August 4, 2014 – 9:51 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Denise, I guess I haven’t been around in ages, either. It’s been a crazy summer, with traveling, Tucker turning FIVE, and me not really linking up with TToT which is partly why this post is so um, brain dump… I wanted to link up!
      And yeah, there’s definitely something awesome about that photo. Freedom, self, summer, all of it. I still am so happy that he did it alone. I was going to go with him, actually but didn’t have enough tickets and asked him if he wanted to go by himself. He found a really cool kid to be next to who even got up to ask me if I was okay and whether I wanted to take a video. Some kids? They ROCK.August 5, 2014 – 12:18 amReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ Golden Spoons - This is the first summer I have had to juggle the work/kids thing and it sucks! That seems to be all I do. I work and I have kids coming at me all the time. I barely have time for blogging, cleaning, or anything else. I so want to soak up all this time with my girls, but all the other things weigh on me, too and the guilt builds up. That said, your little man is so handsome and happy in that haircut picture! And, I bet he loved flying just like a ninee! 🙂August 4, 2014 – 9:59 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa, I hate the juggling. Hate it. I feel SO DAMN GUILTY when I’m at work, paying a sitter to take Tucker to fun places!! And? I feel so guilty when I’m at fun places (and even more guilty when I’m at stupid 100000 visited playgrounds) about not working. GAH>
      The guilt builds up for sure. Here’s to us letting go and enjoying whatever we’re doing? Is that even possible? And awwwww, love that you said “just like a ninee~” because, well, exactly. <3August 5, 2014 – 12:21 amReplyCancel

  • Aussa Lorens - The sleeping in bed is a tough one… I remember when I was little and there was a thunderstorm, I wanted nothing more than to get in bed with my Mom. At some point it turned into “Okay, you can lay on the floor next to the bed” but that didn’t seem nearly so effective.

    This comment is weird. Mostly I just wanted you to know that I came, I read, I think you’re a great Mom, I love that your community rallied around you when you spoke out about some not so great things that happened. Etc. Etc. Time for bed.August 4, 2014 – 10:40 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - FINE COME NOW when I have a stupid post up but yeah, you’re right that the sleeping thing is damn hard. You were on the floor next to your mom? That’s kindof awesome. I used to make my bed, and go sleep on the floor of my brother’s room, but um, well.
      I’m glad that people were awesome too. And I’m glad I got to meet YOU middle name chick.August 5, 2014 – 12:23 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know, right? He totally flew and he’s totally well, yeah. Big Stuff indeed. I’m really happy for the apology as well and so hope that it makes a difference next year!!!
      UGH to the mine field. For real. It’s so dang hard to be everywhere we’re supposed to be and it’s even harder to be in the now when we are because all of the other stuff? It’s too much!!!
      And yeah, also. We are enough.August 5, 2014 – 12:30 amReplyCancel

  • Chris Carter - HE FLEW!!!! AND GOT A HAIR CUT ALL BY HIMSELF!!! Big. Stuff.

    And I love that you got so much support from that post- and an apology. Both needed. Too bad it can’t really undo that time spent in the session, but kudos to that person who needed to take responsibility.

    And yes- guilt over any choice, really. Time is unbelievably daunting… and playing with it with our choices sometimes feels like walking on a mine field. I know. I struggle with that too…

    And there is nothing that will ever ease that… but? Believing that we are doing the best we can with what we have and who we are? Is enough.August 5, 2014 – 12:02 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I KNOW!!! Chris!!! He so totally flew. And I know he will continue to do so and thank you for your awesome capitals and exclamation points. 🙂
      HUGE haircut stuff. And thanks – you – I’m really happy that I received an apology as well. Here’s to being enough, knowing that we are, and doing so. Mostly, the knowing that we are part.August 5, 2014 – 12:43 amReplyCancel

  • Roshni - Wow!! I’m so glad that she realized that what she said was wrong!!
    Tucker’s expression in the last photo is priceless..he’s really ecstatic!!August 5, 2014 – 1:01 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I was really pleased that she reached out to apologize and thank you! He truly was ecstatic!!August 5, 2014 – 11:37 amReplyCancel

  • Dana - An apology is awesome – I’m so glad you got one, and that she realized how her words impacted you.

    And completely unrelated to this post, I was looking at the LTYM videos yesterday – most (like mine) have 100-200 views. Yours? Thousands. I’m thankful that I got to see it in person.August 5, 2014 – 11:18 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Dana, I’m really glad that she apologized, too. I was really upset – hurt and angry. I think it was big of her to come here and say that she was wrong and that she’s sorry. Maybe it’ll be a step to making next year’s special needs mini-con better.
    And re: the LTYM video – it was shared on the Autism Speaks website, which is why it got some more views. It’s not because of you know – me, or anything.August 5, 2014 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

  • Rebecca - I can relate in more ways than one on this. Dylan has been sleeping in his own room since he was a newborn and now he is an “on my terms” cuddler. He kicks me out of his room when it’s bed time with a wave and “buh bye.” When he IS in the mood to cosleep, I don’t take the opportunity even though I really want to. And on another note, I want to be the one spending summer days with him but I’m at work. Babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood are the shortest times of their lives and I want to soak up every bit of it I can…but the real issue is I want to soak up every bit that I cant, too. Sigh. Dylan and Tucker are about 3-4 years apart but the physical aggression is all too prevalent right now. It’s so defeating and often times humiliating even though everyone around me justifies it with “oh he’s just a baby.” I feel your pain sister!August 5, 2014 – 12:05 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I so relate to your comment, Rebecca!! Tucker did the “nite, bye-bye” for a while but only recently has been wanting me to stay again. On one hand, I so want to stay because my little boy wants me!!! but on the other, I have to wonder if it makes him wake up earlier, looking for me. And yeah, I also get the guilt over work and wanting to soak up all of the moments. There are days when I’m beyond sad that it’s our sitter who is getting to witness the awesomeness of a splash pad, but also, when I’m at the splash pad, I feel guilty for not checking into work (I only work part time, and don’t feel AS guilty being as I traded better salary for flexibility but still).
      I hope Dylan gets over the physical aggression soon – for Tucker, it seems to come out more with certain friends, and in certain situations, such as really intense physical play, like bounce houses and stuff like that. Not sure if that helps. But well, hang in there. I’m having a glass of wine right now.August 5, 2014 – 8:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth - I still snuggle my boy at age 9. I know the time to end that will be sooner rather than later, so I cherish each time. What we do is read together in my bed before we fall asleep and then Autism Dad carries him back to his own bed. Love love love the pictures of Tucker flying! He looks so happy!August 5, 2014 – 12:43 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I think we should just cherish the time, honestly. It’s going to be much too soon when the day comes that we encounter “KEEP OUT” signs on our kids’ bedroom doors, and on their lives. I like that Autism Dad carries the Navigator to bed. Love.August 5, 2014 – 8:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Why why WHY do I get to the end of your posts and find myself crying my stupid little eyes out??? Today I think it’s because first of all, that little man is so beautiful in those pics – especially the flying. How ever did you let go of him long enough to let him do it? I don’t think I could.
    And then there’s the part where I could have written part of this – how the best part of my day is when Kidzilla is snuggled up next to me in our bed at night and my Hub is saying we can’t make it a habit but oh we so can because really what’s the big deal? He carries her into her room, she rolls over and sighs, and all is well. I don’t want to lose those sweet, precious, sleepy moments. When she squirrels her way into bed between us in the morning…drives me nuts but oh I don’t want to get to the day where yesterday was the last time. Aack!
    I’m blessed at the moment with the luxury of not having to work in summer, but I often struggle with the I should be with her/I should be doing work thing, whether it’s for job or for chores or my own writing, etc., whatever. I know. And I’m glad to know you think exactly those same things because then maybe I’m not a totally goofed up Mom after all! 😀
    I love this – and you!August 5, 2014 – 11:52 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Lisa,
      I like to think it’s because little man is so beautiful but well, ok fine, it’s because he’s amazing. And I only let go because I have also not let go in other ways, and see it, if that makes sense. I so love the snuggles, too, but too often, they come at 4am when I just want to be sleeping, and have him be sleeping, but I also lie there, awake, realizing that I need these snuggles and that they are what make me able to thrive on four to six hours of sleep, when my body wants more.
      And ugh to the struggles of wishing we could be everywhere at once. You’re not goofed up – you’re here, and imperfectly perfect. I promise.August 6, 2014 – 10:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Out One Ear - Linda Atwell - Oh Kristi, does Tucker ever comment about you not being there when he wakes up? If not, he has probably forgotten. I know I would stay with my kids (on occasion) and leave when they went to sleep. They never mentioned anything about not being there when they woke–maybe Tucker is the same way–maybe he just needs that companionship for a moment in time, and that’s enough. Every kid is different and I don’t mean to speak for Tucker. He may have a totally opposite philosophy. Although I don’t think a mommy leaving is the same as tiptoeing away from a lover in the middle of the night. But what do I know? lol

    His new haircut is adorable and sitting alone to have it done, like you said, big step! congrats. Of course I enjoyed your list, AGAIN.August 6, 2014 – 1:37 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Linda, he’s never commented on me being gone. But, he seems to be crawling into my bed earlier than he used to back when he (for like 2 months) told me to go to my own bed (my bed only). Not sure if it’s related or not, but yeah. I love the snuggles and I think you may be right that he needs it only for the moment (again, hope so!!). HAHA to the mommy tiptoeing away from her kid and her lover not being the same – completely agree. I just thought about it when I was oh-so-gently removing myself from Tucker’s bed. It’s not a feeling (the OMG DONT WAKE) that I’ve felt in a bazillion years…August 6, 2014 – 11:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Jen @ Born Just Right - I’m so glad you’ve gotten so much response from your post. I think it’s awesome to see the discussion from the mini-conference continuing. I’m hoping to keep the conversations going as well on my site… social media and wherever else I can find to keep it going. I really hope we can turn the mini-con into a positive experience for you and everyone else who attended!August 6, 2014 – 11:32 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Jen. I’m glad that I did as well, and so appreciated meeting you there. I agree that it’s amazing and awesome to see the conversation continue – in many ways, that’s probably the ultimate point. That we find birds of a feather and forge relationships and talk about the hard and the easy and the in-between stuff. In that sense, this has been really empowering and great for me. I do wish the session had been different, but as a fairly new blogger (less than 2 years) and a first time BlogHer attendee, I didn’t know really what to expect. I’d heard amazing things from the year before and am jealous that I wasn’t there for that. Maybe next year, we can make it amazing again. Thanks so much for coming here to comment and for sharing your perspective.August 6, 2014 – 11:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Michelle Liew - I am so thrilled to see him grow. He is an amazing young man!August 7, 2014 – 8:06 amReplyCancel

  • Herchel Scruggs - I struggle with the same thing when it comes to my little boy. He’s getting older so I try not to stay at his bedside too long but I hate seeing the hurt in his eyes when I leave. I hate seeing the hurt just as much as I love seeing the joy!

    Mom guilt sucks but Tucker knows that you would rather be with him.

    PS
    I am happy you got an apology after Blogher.August 7, 2014 – 10:10 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks big for visiting and commenting and ugh I know. The joy and the hurt. I tend to stay because I’m not sure that Tucker gets it and also? I want to sleep!!! Selfish I know but sometimes, he comes to get me and I’m like “fine let’s go to your room” even when it’s 5am because I know I can sleep for another hour there. I’m happy I got the apology, too, and thank you!!August 8, 2014 – 12:25 amReplyCancel

  • Lana - This post brought me back to when my boys were little, and I had the exact same sleep debate with myself all the time. Now they’re at the “it would be weird if they crawled into bed with me” age, and I do miss those days! I love how you focused on the good things that are going on in your life. I have been having so much anxiety lately, but writing down what I’m grateful for helps bring me back.August 7, 2014 – 12:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s so hard, right, Lana? I mean, probably not for you now, but still, this stage, and this life, goes so quickly… and I’m so very sorry to hear about your big anxiety lately and happy that writing helps. Please let me know if I can do anything to help???August 8, 2014 – 12:30 amReplyCancel

  • jaklumen - The special needs community really is a blessing. Right now, however, Cimmy and I haven’t been utilizing it as much because resources for us is a slightly higher priority. Even though he’s stretching our patience this summer, we can’t help Boy if we aren’t getting help for us, if that makes sense. Also, resources are limited to us because of finances, and I’m just not in the best of health to jump through all the paperwork. (The resource center nearest to us does a different system than ABA– I can’t remember the name right now.)

    I can’t wait for school to start, really. More structure, input from his classroom teacher, etc.August 7, 2014 – 8:41 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I agree that the special needs community is incredible and such a blessing. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles for resources and so very much hope you get the ones you need. The paperwork part is awful and I’ll be curious to hear what they do instead of ABA (there’s floor time?? maybe that’s it? I don’t know much about it but know that some districts practice it). Also, tried to get to your site and got a message that I need an invite? Thanks much for coming by and for your comment. I really hope you get what you need and please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.August 8, 2014 – 12:35 amReplyCancel

      • jaklumen - Yes, Kristi, I marked my site private. I’ll send you an invite. I… have some issues with trust and there’s been some… problems of late, and I felt I needed to hide.

        Not sure how to explain it more than that.August 8, 2014 – 7:41 amReplyCancel

  • clark - last… (no, not competitive! what makes you thing that??!)

    lolAugust 8, 2014 – 6:26 amReplyCancel

  • Joy @ icansaymama - Kristi, I finally found the time to visit and WOW, you won an award at the conference!!!! I am beyond words and so happy for you, you absolutely deserve it! So proud of you, my friend!

    Feel yourself hugged! I miss our conversations! xoAugust 12, 2014 – 8:07 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks Joy! And yes, I actually was not going to go to BlogHer but I had to see that award in person 🙂
      Thank you for the hug and I miss you, too!! Looking forward to catching up!August 12, 2014 – 9:41 amReplyCancel

  • Becka - WOW! congrats on the award! 🙂 That is amazing. That is alot to be thankful for. I love the pictures of the fair. My son also begs me to stay with him,not so much now as he used to, and I feel the horrible guilt of leaving him after he falls asleep but there is the guilt of leaving the hubbie alone or the baby alone.. a mother’s life is full of guilt. 🙂August 12, 2014 – 11:09 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Becka! And yeah, a mother’s life truly is full of guilt. Here’s to us letting go of it and realizing that we’re doing the best that we can and that it’s okay to sneak out after our little guys fall asleep at night!August 14, 2014 – 11:49 amReplyCancel

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