Thankful for the Moments

It’s been almost four years and nine months since Tucker was born.

Early on, I was fearful. Of dropping him, of not being worthy of him, that he might stop breathing, that he was too thin, that he wasn’t sleeping enough, and a thousand other things. I kept track of how often he ate, how much he slept, whether he’d peed enough, and called friends and family to find out whether it was normal for a baby to sleep 16 hours in 24.

Looking back at those early days, I realize how in the moment I always was. Relishing many, but also lonely and unable to see the bigger picture – one that now has become a bit fuzzy. Whereas four years ago, I could tell you to the minute how long Tucker had been awake, now, when people ask when he started napping by himself, I’m a little fuzzy. Funny how perspective works.

As time went on, I became less scared. More secure. I was relieved when the soft spot on his head was no longer soft, and relieved when his neck was strong enough that I no longer had to say “Watch his head!” in a panicked voice.

Sometimes, though, I miss his little baby self. His new baby smell and the weight of him on my chest. His arms are now longer than his entire body was at birth. Missing all of the younger hims, is, I suppose, a common feeling for parents. It also makes makes me realize that while I’m thankful to have the perspective of a larger picture now, that today’s moments will also later be missed.

This weekend, I’ve been resolved to live in each moment. To be thankful for the minutes as well as the months that speed by much too rapidly.

Here are some of those moments. Moments that I’m thankful for, while still in this one.

1. An Easter Egg Hunt at a friend’s yesterday.

2. That while Tucker’s words were not understood the girl who was asking him his name and how old he was, that she, and all of the kids, accepted him, and played with him.

3. His joy, at finding a tiny container of bubbles in a plastic egg.

   

4. Tucker doesn’t usually enjoy swinging. He’ll spin around and enjoy it to the point where other people would have fallen sick from the dizziness, but swinging hasn’t ever been one of his favorite things, or even something we bother with at playgrounds. At yesterday’s Easter Egg Hunt, his friend’s two-person swing was something that he really enjoyed. Him wanting to go “faster!” was plain old awesome.

   

5. Some of the kids wore utterly adorable Easter outfits. Tucker wore his ugly  favorite Spider Man shirt and a pair of sweats. Nobody thought that was weird. Or, if they did, they didn’t say anything about it.

6. Tucker’s grandparents sent him a cool bike for Christmas. We haven’t put it together, in part because he doesn’t get peddling, and in part because we’ve had 11 snow days and the weather has plain old sucked. It was gorgeous out yesterday, and we assembled the bike. While he still doesn’t get peddling, and claims he is too little to do so, he rocked his cool bike helmet.

   

7. Tucker’s excitement at finding a Yoda Easter basket containing a Lego Spiderman by his door this morning. Priceless.

   

Happy Easter.
Whether you celebrate Easter, Passover, both, neither, or your own brand of a day full of jelly beans and chocolate, I wish you a day, and life, full of memorable moments.

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Your hosts: A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall, Amycake and the Dude, Considerings, Finding Ninee, Getting Literal, I Want Backsies, Mother of Imperfection, Rewritten, Thankful Me, The Wakefield Doctrine