Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Our Land – The Magical Mix

It’s Wednesday and I am proud to feature another excellent writer in the Our Land Series which began here because you guys were so inspiring. Today’s contribution was authored by my good friend Rachel from The Tao of Poop.  Not only does she have one of the best blog names ever, she is amazing.  Rachel is a blogger that I met fairly early on and one that I’m grateful to have found.  She’s insightful, warm, and genuine.  She’s a talented writer whose integrity and wisdom shine through each time she writes. If you don’t know Rachel, hop on over and get to know her.  You won’t be disappointed. I promise.

The Magical Mix

I stared at the powerpoint slide, refusing to meet the eyes of my teaching colleagues seated around the conference table. I was glad the principal’s office was darkened. It hid my face, which I could feel getting redder and redder. There it was in black and white on the projection screen: my students diminished to a single bar on a bar graph entitled “English Language Arts Test Scores — Fourth Grade.”  I don’t remember exactly how my students did on the test, but it’s safe to say their score was about half of the other classes.

I wasn’t surprised by their scores. After all, I taught a class of students with special needs. It was a requirement that they be considered at least two years behind academically, in order to be placed in my class. I wasn’t surprised but I was angry. I was angry that the principal spent taxpayer money to hire a statistician to present this data, while my class lacked basic supplies like pencils and paper. I was angry that I had to waste my time listening to administrators figure out how to cheat the test. I was angry that the principal chose to present this information in this way. There surely were more thoughtful ways that she could have chosen to do it. I wasn’t surprised that she diminished my students to a single bar on a bar graph, though. She had no idea who they were. And that’s what made me angriest of all.

If she had stepped inside my classroom, she would have seen more than a single bar on a bar graph. The problem was she never bothered. She missed The Land of Empathy and Wonder.

I’m not going to sum up The Land of Empathy and Wonder with some of the sunny platitudes I’ve heard before. I’m not going to say that the children with cognitive delays were always happy or the kids with Asperger’s always shined with a special skill or talent. It wouldn’t be true; and I would be diminishing their complexity, their struggles and the essence of who they truly are. Daniel, who had the most severe case of dyslexia I have ever encountered and a father who was a drug addict (I found a crack pipe in his backpack when he was in second grade), was described by the school’s math coach as “a student with an elegant understanding of math.” Charmaine, who scored “borderline” intelligence on an aptitude testing, was a talented writer, who sought solace in her journal when her day got hard or life at home was too much to bear.  Trevor, who had ADHD, was the unofficial mayor of the class. I would tell him to “use his power for good,” because, when he did, the class would rally around his natural charisma. Keith, whose father was in jail, had a wicked sense of humor and was wise in ways outside the classroom that were sure to take him far in life. Jayden, another student with dyslexia, was the conscience of the class. Fellow students responded to a single lowering of his eyebrow, an ability to be envied by any teacher.

I’m also not going to say that we sat around all day singing “Kumbaya,” like some may think. We struggled to find ways to make space for one another. We had children with impulse control issues who had a hard time being quiet sitting alongside students with Sensory Processing Disorder who couldn’t stand noise. Kids with short attention spans learned next to students with slow processing ability. We rubbed each other the wrong way. We always managed to find our way back together though. Always.

I’m not going to say I was a saint or had some sort of gift to deal with “those kind of children,” as has been suggested to me by too many people. I lost my patience as their teacher too often. I failed my class on occasion. I struggled to figure out how to teach them at times. I could get caught up in worrying about achievements, too. In reality, the students were the saints. Their gift was an unceasing ability to forgive me. For this gift, I am forever humbled.

If The Land of Empathy and Wonder sounds an awful lot like the real world that’s because it is. It is human. It is messy. It is full of challenges and triumphs, fights and reconciliations. The Land of Empathy and Wonder is a world of missed communications and heartfelt connections, disappointments and victories.

There are a few requirements to enter The Land of Empathy and Wonder, though. You need to leave your preconceptions at the door. You need to watch and listen. You need patience and consideration. You need to remember to value relationships over achievements. And when you do, you will see the whole child for the magical mix of uniqueness that he or she is. Just like we all are.

—

See?  I told you that Rachel is genuine and amazing.  Here’s a bit more about her:

About Rachel:
My OB told me I was a “geriatric pregnancy”. I didn’t like that much. Now, I feel lucky to have a healthy daughter, who has no idea I’m old. THE TAO OF POOP, is about life since she was born in 2011. My blog gives me the opportunity to explore the ups and downs of being a first-time mom in her 40’s. I always strive to find the poignancy and humor in the ever-changing, complicated mix of parenthood.

 

 


by Kristi Campbell

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  • Kerri - Rachel is so right, the World of Empathy and Wonder is messy. It is just like the real world. But sometimes there moments of absolute grace, where a child becomes a mayor and one lives their dreams through writing.

    Rachel, you know I think you are super awesome. The fact that you chose to teach a class that was more difficult and felt anger when others didn’t understand just goes to prove how wonderful you are!!June 19, 2013 – 10:32 amReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Kerri,
    I so completely agree! Rachel is wonderful.June 19, 2013 – 10:38 amReplyCancel

  • Janine Huldie - As a former teacher of students with and without learning disabilities, I could truly relate to this and thank you Rachel for sharing. I will say that I remember my first year of teaching when I had 4 sections of students who in regents level math classes and one that the kids had all sorts of learning disabilities and were consider in 11 grade to be in my class, because it was a last chance for them. These kids could definitely be challenging and had been dumped on for so long. It took me time to break down their resistances and gain their trusts, but I did. What did I get for that? I got the district saying I wasn’t conforming to state mandated measures for testing with them. Was I sorry? No, because for the first time ever I saw confidence in kids who were told not to have confidence and that they would never amount to much. I ended up leaving that district at the end of the semester, but those kids taught me more then any textbook or class I could have taken. And I still remember them to this day. The moral is sometimes we have to go against the grain and do what we believe to be right even if those in power don’t agree. Thank you for sharing and didn’t expect anything less here or from you, Rachel!! 🙂June 19, 2013 – 10:40 amReplyCancel

  • Considerer - What a gorgeous post. It leaves me hanging – was anything ever done to rectify her student’s visible status as a bar on a graph? Was the headteacher ever introduced to them?

    I love how their strengths shine through even while their challenges are acknowledged.

    Thanks to Rachel and thanks again, Kristi, for Our Land.June 19, 2013 – 10:45 amReplyCancel

  • Rachel - I am so honored to be a part of this series! Thank you, Kristi. And thank you for your warm introduction. It means so much coming from someone who I admire as much as you!June 19, 2013 – 1:05 pmReplyCancel

  • Jenifer S. - This is such a great message. Thank you for sharing this story with us – and I would like to know too if the school ever came around to understanding these special children don’t fit on a bar graph. They set their own trends and the world is better because of it and people like you Rachel and Kristi.June 19, 2013 – 1:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Deb @ Urban Moo Cow - My favorite part about this post is the idea that the world is messy, whether you are dyslexic or missing a hand or depressed or anorexic or just plain tired. Labels like “those children” make it easy for people to retreat from rather than embrace the world. Your kids were lucky to have had you as their advocate, however imperfect you were. xoJune 19, 2013 – 2:14 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - I always knew teachers were special, but you are extra special, Rachel. As are the kids you teach. Thanks for sharing such an important message!June 19, 2013 – 3:01 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - Just to be clear, the “half” score was actually considered high, when compared to the city-wide special education cohort for that testing year. The school actually got a “bonus”, because my kids had done so “well” in comparison. I had a test analyst from Columbia’s Teachers College ask me what I had “done” to get my kids to score so “well” on the test. It’s all relative and ridiculous!June 19, 2013 – 3:17 pmReplyCancel

  • Maggie Amada - Wonderful thoughtful post.

    I question where our priorities lie as a society sometimes. It seems astounding that a statistician would be more important than pen and paper, but there you have it.

    Schools should be an environment where children are free to explore, learn and grow. We, myself included, can get overly focused on the numbers because they’re easy to understand. They don’t require us to get outside comfortable chairs in familiar environments. But this attitude is unfair to everyone, particular unfair to those with disabilities.

    I enjoy this series, because in a way, it forces me out of my comfortable chair without ever having to leave it.June 19, 2013 – 4:10 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - Another awesome post in the series. I love the tie in and meaning behind the magical miss. It really is a shame that someone was paid to produce data that doesn’t even dot the i or cross the t. This was excellent.June 19, 2013 – 5:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Anita @ Losing Austin - Thank you for another post that brings us in to the land, and makes us never want to leave.June 19, 2013 – 5:51 pmReplyCancel

  • just JENNIFER - I do not like the generalized “data” educators compile on our kids. My daughter has ADD and doesn’t fit neatly into their boxes. They don’t seem to get it, even though there are “accommodations” to allow for her ADD. It’s very frustrating.June 19, 2013 – 6:49 pmReplyCancel

  • jen - Rachel this is such an amazing post! Thank you so much, for helping more people understand the struggles our children face. My son is definitely the mayor, and it is very hard to get him to use his powers for good. When he does, it is wonderful, he can get everyone to listen to him and do just what he wants. When he doesn’t, I get a little scared that he might get “stuck” that way. The other day at the pool we met a boy with delays he was about Isaiah’s age so Isaiah didn’t get it, and was getting really frustrated. When I took him out of the pool to talk to him about it, he said “Oh! Does he have Sensory Processing Disorder?” It was really sweet, and that was all it took. He no longer identifies himself as that kid, he still is, but he feels like he’s licked it. If it helps him to empathize that’s ok by me. Thank you again….June 19, 2013 – 8:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth @ Rocks, No Salt Mommy - What an amazing conglomeration from two beautiful women. Kristi, this little spot on the web is such a place of peace and solace. Kristi, your talent as a writer comes through every single word you write. It is a pleasure to read a post with a smooth flow and the heart that is so obviously behind your thoughts. I was eager to read this the minute I saw it posted and I’m so glad I took the time to sit down and truly soak it in. As a former school teacher, I understand the ridiculous meeting your are describing in this post. I’ve been in those. I’ve had the same feelings about wasted money, wasted time, and wasted resources. You are spot on with your observation that the principal doesn’t know what’s going on in your class. This is such a common problem. What you do on a daily basis is worthy of praise, not humiliation. So keep your head up, forget about those tests, and give those kids your heart and soul. Because the deserve nothing less. Thank you for this beautiful piece of writing tonight. And thank you Kristi for providing the platform for these types of discussions.June 19, 2013 – 10:37 pmReplyCancel

  • Elizabeth @ Rocks, No Salt Mommy - Rachel, I meant that to be directed at you! I wrote Kristi twice. Sorry. It’s late. 🙂June 19, 2013 – 10:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - As the hostertini or whatever you (clark) call it, I want to make an observation. Tucker is on an IEP. It is the “duty” of the IEP teacher to provide continual updates on the data that’s collected for the IEP. Which sounds great but the reality is that the progress reports that come home with numbers on them mean so much less to me than the daily progress reports do. Tucker’s teacher (and she is a great one, like Rachel) provides – every single day! – notes on what the challenges were, what small (and large) successes he had, and how he felt. To me, as a special needs mom, those daily reports mean SO MUCH MORE than the IEP progress reports do. They mean more because they give me reassurance that my son’s teacher sees him for HIM. That she sees my boy. That while IEP data is important for the long term (I guess), it’s really the daily stuff that is important for the long term. Is Tucker struggling with boundaries? Is he sad when people invade his space? Is this a pattern and how should we deal with it at home and at school? I want to know about his daily challenges. I want to know about HIM. MY boy, his quirks, his challenges, his triumphs. I want his teachers to see him. His wonder. The daily progress reports reassure me that they do.

    Thank you Rachel, for being one that sees. And thank you Mrs. M for being like Rachel and not the person who sees barcharts and school ratings. June 20, 2013 – 1:28 amReplyCancel

  • Melissa@Home on Deranged - Not sure I could be a bigger fan of either one of you.
    To Kristi – thanks for continuing to bring us such wonderful posts that work to make us broaden our minds and perspectives.

    To Rachel – Once again, you cut to the heart of it. I’m glad to see you didn’t try to make your class seem all “shiny, happy people,” but instead address what it was: the real world, just like the rest of us live in, where it gets messy and people disagree and make up. My favorite line: You need to remember to value relationships over achievements. Always.June 20, 2013 – 1:31 amReplyCancel

  • Kimberly - Gah I love the power behind your words that leave me wondering what the eff I’m going to say in response.
    You have so much heart kiddo. You really do. It’s teachers like you who make a difference. You see beyond the statistics and right into their hearts. People. They are people.
    Love.June 20, 2013 – 6:15 amReplyCancel

  • SocialButterflyMom - Such an honest post. Thanks for sharing!June 20, 2013 – 7:55 amReplyCancel

  • Jessica Smock - As a former teacher, I totally get this. When standardized tests and evaluative data are used in a one-size-fits-all way, everyone suffers. I remember one year when I was teaching sixth grade (Language Arts and Social Studies), I was placed with a former special education teacher who had worked with kids with behavioral difficulties. She had just gotten her middle school certification in math/science, but the school decided that because she had so much experience with challenging kids, they should put literally every challenging kid in the whole grade onto our team. There was no way that my team could be compared in any meaningful way to the other teams in the school. And things like this happen all the time. Every class of kids is different, student placements are not made randomly, and every year is different.June 20, 2013 – 12:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Diane - Inspirational! My third son, a man with special needs himself, works with special needs adults and we are constantly cheered, encouraged, enlivened, entertained and educated by him and the young men he is privileged to associate with. The term ‘special’ definitely applies to them. And I can’t imagine what our world would be like without these very extra special people in it. Thank you for this amazing post. You’ve brought tears to my eyes!June 20, 2013 – 4:19 pmReplyCancel

  • Rachel - I am in awe of the way in which you have all added to the dialogue in these comments. Thank you so much. I feel so much more “seen” by your words than I ever did by the system. The experience of sharing this post has been so rewarding for me. Kristi, thank you again for this series, for allowing me to be a part of it and for your amazing grace. It’s reflected in your readers!June 20, 2013 – 5:09 pmReplyCancel

  • Kristi Campbell - Rachel, thank you again for contributing. Maybe, with more community understanding, systems and schools and the “decision makers” will gain the knowledge required to get their shit together and realize that all children need to be SEEN and measured using a method that makes sense.

    The teachers who are with these kids each day have such a wiser and more informed overview of each child’s progress. While it may be easier for the “decision makers” to forget about the smaller percentage of special needs kids, some of us mamas can growl pretty loudly. I so very much appreciate your wisdom and insight and that you shared this very important perspective. Your words will help to change the world, friend. To one filled with more empathy and wonder.

    Thank you for helping us to remember that we need to remember to value relationships over achievements.June 20, 2013 – 6:49 pmReplyCancel

  • PJ Greetings - Powerful blog – thank you for sharing!June 21, 2013 – 11:02 amReplyCancel

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