Finding Ninee » Sharing our parenting and special needs stories with heart and humor.

Growing up, my neighborhood was full of open doors; our kid-herd bouncing from one house to another for a bathroom break, a snack, or a bandaid needed due to a roller skating race on the steep blacktop at the elementary school. Sheet forts lined chain-link fences and our parents had no idea where we were […]

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  • SpecialMomma - This post makes me miss you and Tucker even more! Your end of the year birthday celebration for Tucker last year was such a wonderfully awesome event for kids and parents. I love how you go all out for Tucker and invite so many people. (I get anxious with more than 8 kids at my house.) I know that it WILL be EPIC just because you are hosting it! I wish I could be there again because it was my favorite party of the whole school year. So fun, so chill, so sweet!May 23, 2019 – 8:18 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I so wish you and your kids could be at his party! Last years was such fun and I absolutely loved it. I really miss you all too. Sigh. I did get another RSVP today so it’s looking a bit more promising.May 24, 2019 – 4:27 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - Fingers mega crossed for a huge turn-out for lovely Tucker. Bravo for making it happen if at all possible.May 24, 2019 – 7:23 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thank you thank you! From your fingers to reality. I hope it’s fun for him!May 24, 2019 – 4:31 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi - Not having kids show up to your kid’s party is THE WORST. And, in fact, flakiness is the one thing I tolerate the worst in friends. One of my older daughter’s friends had the flakiest mom I know, and she would RSVP yes to things and then either not show up or call during the party to say they weren’t coming. Knowing how it raises my blood pressure, I eased out of that friendship. I don’t like it when plans change, even just taking the guest count from 10 to 8! I hope the party is amazing – great for Tucker and manageable for you. As for my life now: last night was my older daughter’s 17th birthday, and all 8 of the kids I invited to surprise her were there, happy and sweet and all loving on my daughter. The good stuff always rises to the top!May 24, 2019 – 2:33 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I completely agree – it’s like this whole new level of anxiety and worry that you’re (and your kid) is a loser or something. I’m sure that people will continue to reply and enough will come but the huge majority of people invited haven’t let me know one way or another. It’s frustrating! I don’t blame you for easing out of the friendship of the flakey cancelling person. Awww to your sweet girls 17th – I’m so glad she had great kids to help her celebrate. That sounds perfect.May 24, 2019 – 4:33 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I totally have blurry hair!
    And I really love this. It gets harder too, the older they get. My kids have summer birthdays and it makes the inviting odd. Scarlet’s best friend or former best friend is turning out to not be so and she hasn’t realized it yet. And my heart is breaking. This stuff is hard as heck. I hope he has a beautiful party. I wish we could come! Scarlet has blurry hair too and is not a meanie.May 24, 2019 – 9:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Mardra - Oh the things! I predict:Mom will stress, kids will have fun, EPICness will be had because- your team is epic ready. 🙂
    Also, how many of those invites made it to the paper pile on the kitchen counter that never gets seen? Or is that how Friday Folders only worked at our house…May 25, 2019 – 7:42 amReplyCancel

I used to know everything. Or, at least, I thought I knew everything I needed to. About myself, about life. I knew what love looked like. Intense highs and lows were ingredients of passion and being truly seen. I used to be invincible. I dove from planes, got in cars with people I’d just met, […]

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  • Janine Huldie - Kristi, I can do relate and spent part of last night reflecting a bit about how when I was younger I totally thought I was invincible. Ironically, it all started a few days ago with me cleaning some of the files on my computer as I was getting a low storage alert. Long story short I opened a video file I had forgotten I had saved a few years ago from a video cassette that my brother had gotten off the old home movie video and converted for me. It was from Christmas time when I was in high school. My grandparents were in the video alive, Happy and well. I saw it was like I couldn’t breathe for the 5 minutes of video footage as I watched it. But afterwards, I most certainly reflected on what seemed like another lifetime ago. In then long run I must say I only wish I knew then what I know now if that makes sense.May 16, 2019 – 8:20 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That makes perfect sense, my friend. The reflections on past moments are gut-wrenching, and also uplifting. I so wish I knew then what I know now! It’s hard to appreciate what’s happening while it’s happening. Like, when our kids were babies, it felt endless and sleepless, and now? OMG I’d so love to carry baby Tucker around again. Here’s to us being as present as possible, and also knowing that we’re going to miss moments even as they happen. <3
      OMG it'd be so cool for you to link up your grandparent's post I remember reading! They were so involved in your life... xoxoMay 16, 2019 – 8:56 pmReplyCancel

  • Dana - This makes me think about all the things our kids think they know…sometimes I catch myself wanting to tell them they won’t always think that way, or say “just wait until you’re older…”

    But hindsight is 20/20, and with age comes reflection, and as you say, ” to meet our gazes with power, content, and occasional hard-won peace.” I’m trying to do that, too.May 17, 2019 – 11:27 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s funny because I was actually planning on going there, with the things Tucker is oh-so-sure of now. The things my step daughter thinks she knows, and thought she knew in high school, but, as so often happens, it went in another direction (in part because even for me, I had too little time – Robert was supposed to take Tux to cub scout graduation an hour and 1/2 before this went live and then had to work… Here’s to us meeting our gazes with love, too, for who we used to be and are and will become.May 17, 2019 – 8:21 pmReplyCancel

  • SpecialMomma - I love the flow of your writing, how you string words together so seamlessly. I’m just glad that I found you and that our paths crossing helped shaped both of us. Yes, relationships really do matter. You’ve given me the courage to speak up, and a safe place to be vulnerable. And that has changed me, my friend.May 17, 2019 – 7:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - That’s so kind! I thank you! I’m glad our paths crossed too, and helped shape us and our amazing kiddos. And I’m really happy that you’re feeling like you’re speaking up more and that you have a safe place to be vulnerable. That’s HUGE. xoxoMay 17, 2019 – 8:25 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Such a somber thing but I remember my sister used to tan all day long. We’d warn her that when she turned 40 her skin would look like leather and she said, “Well, I don’t plan to live that long anyway.” Sheesh! She just turned 40 and has two kids three and under and plans to live long now.
    I miss those feelings of invincibility. It’s like I thought I was a chosen person and bad things couldn’t and wouldn’t happen to me. Even though they did with my father’s untimely death so maybe I thought the worst had already happened and I was owed smooth sailing after that.May 18, 2019 – 12:15 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I used to tan all day too when I was 17. I wish I’d never have gone there, so badly. I really didn’t plan to live this long but OMG so so glad I have, you know? I love the invincibility feelings. I miss them too. Now I worry I’m just afraid all the time, which is dumb but also makes sense to part of me.
      Also? In my opinion, you DO deserve nothing bad happening forever. I know how much your dad’s death affected all of these thoughts and wish you lived next door so I could give you a big hug and a bowl of sprinkles.May 19, 2019 – 8:53 pmReplyCancel

  • Allie Smith - It’s so true that we don’t have the power to mold our children’s anxiety. I see so much of my anxiety in Hunter and my youngest – and Audrey has all my impatience. God bless them!

    Miss you and enjoyed reading your words.May 19, 2019 – 6:34 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It IS true but also doesn’t it feel true? Like we wishing for it means it won’t affect them or something? And Audrey. Please tell me you’re doing a road trip. I’d so love to see all of them and YOU again soon. I miss you.May 19, 2019 – 8:54 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya - This is a powerful sentence, “To be able to look ourselves in the mirror and meet our gazes with more than resignation.” It definitely gave me pause.

    OMG lice on toilet paper. Is that a thing???May 20, 2019 – 5:44 amReplyCancel

It’s funny how sleep is both endless and a finger-snap* in time. On endless-feeling nights, I know I must be resting, because surely I’d have felt bored had sleep eluded me from 2:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m. I check the clock to see whether I’d been out for five minutes or five hours, hoping for […]

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  • Janine Huldie - Aw, I know this feeling well and most days it really does just boil down to those six more minutes and just hope that I do make the most those minutes overall ❤️May 9, 2019 – 8:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - Heheh funny. I get up in increments and alarms of five minutes. Six sounds better.May 10, 2019 – 2:46 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - He’s just like you!
    Remember when we didn’t have to wake them up? They’d be up early as heck. Des is still like that. I usually sing to Scarlet. Badly. Like I’ll sing the Sleeping Beauty Waltz because she’s working on it both for a piano recital and for the school talent show.
    Or whatever is going on that day, I’ll make it into a half holiday. “Happy Walk to School Wednesday!” “Happy, I’m Making Waffles with the New Waffle Iron Today!”
    That works for now.. ask me again when they’re teens and I’ll probably burst into tears.May 10, 2019 – 7:12 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG yes, I do remember when we didn’t have to wake them. They woke us (some nights over and over and over again as babies… I miss those days but also GAH). I love that you sing to Scarlet (and everything I sing is sung badly). Love the half holiday! Walk to School Wednesday sounds awesome! And OMG the teens and tears. Yup.May 12, 2019 – 8:21 pmReplyCancel

  • SpecialMomma - Snoozing for an extra 6 minutes is the icing on the cake when you’re all warm and cozy in bed. I think it’s so nice that you don’t rush T out of bed either. It probably helps him ease into his morning without the yucky stress of “get up and get moving NOW!” I love how you wake him up so gently with your soothing momma voice.May 10, 2019 – 7:13 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I can’t imagine how grumpy and sad he’d be if I yelled, although I remember my dad being frustrated with us as teenagers and yelling and taking ALL THE COVERS (!!!) off when we weren’t up on time. xoMay 12, 2019 – 8:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I keep forgetting that I haven’t seen Avengers so I’ll get the “finger-snapping” reference later. The first thing I think about when I wake up and don’t have to is “why am I up?” Particularly this time of year on the east coast our bedroom is very light at 6am. I’m a morning but I don’t that at all on the weekends. One of these days you have to have your camera ready and tiptoe in and get the picture before Nugget leaves the bed 😉May 11, 2019 – 3:24 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - So how far are you on Avengers? None of them yet? They’re SOOOO GOOD. I think you’ll love them. I actually saw my first one on Mother’s Day years ago and was surprised how much I loved the movies. I think I’m still a few missed, but the last few have been amazing.
      As for the morning light, part of my pillow nest is designed to block the light out. 😀 And yes, I definitely need to get up and sneak in one morning to capture her on the end of his bed. It’s too sweet.May 12, 2019 – 8:24 pmReplyCancel

      • Kenya - I’m all caught up now, so I thought of you on the finger snap scene. Endgame was the only one I hadn’t seen yet. I’ve read so many spoilers – the main one following the finger snap so I didn’t cry. But there were enough happy suprises. I need to know more about your pillow nest. Sounds comfy.May 13, 2019 – 9:18 amReplyCancel

        • Kristi Campbell - You already knew what would happen with the finger snap? Dang. I don’t know if that’s good or bad… I was so sad! LOL the pillow nest – it’s just that. I have four that I use to cover my eyes (but not nose or mouth), one under my arm, another angled up behind my head… come visit and I’ll show you!May 17, 2019 – 8:42 amReplyCancel

  • Yvonne Spence - Interesting how you noticed thinking of Virginia as “home.” I have a theory that when we move about (as I also have) there’s home everywhere and nowhere.

    And yes, I can relate to sleep being both long and short and to thinking I’ve lain awake a long time and then realising I couldn’t have. Once I woke up at 4 or so, went to the bathroom and back to sleep, then woke up and looked a the clock and it was 3 am. It took me a while to realise I dreamed the other wakening and meantime my mind came up with all sorts of crazy ideas about what had happened.May 12, 2019 – 10:11 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - You’re so right about home becoming everywhere and nowhere when you move around. There are, of course (as I’m sure you know), positives and negatives – a new place is always a challenge with friends and familiar restaurants etc. But it’s good, too. A new start. Those dreams where you dream you woke are bizarre and always leave me feeling other-worldly!May 13, 2019 – 1:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - I’m jealous you can fall back asleep into a dream! I rarely dream or rather remember a dream nowadays, which is weird…I feel like I used to remember dreams a lot more when I was younger. I’m wondering if it’s old(er) age/anxiety which prevents it?May 13, 2019 – 3:53 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It only happens with those weird morning dreams, where you’re kind of in and out of sleep enough to remember. During the night though, I am either tossing and turning or almost dead. It’s kinda scary. I think I remembered them more during the night when I was younger, too. It can’t be old age though because we’re not THAT old!May 17, 2019 – 8:43 amReplyCancel

“What do I love about myself?” I ask. The devil on my shoulder is quick to answer.  “NOTHING. You’re mean to you and you don’t know how to love you.” she says. Which is, of course, completely ridiculous because everybody knows how to love themselves, right? (and er, no, not like *that* pervos)I mean, sure, […]

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  • Kristi - I don’t know if I’ll get around to writing a post to link-up, but I wanted to let you know that this is a topic I’ve thought about quite a bit lately. I always thought I was mostly positive, had good self-esteem, etc., but I recently realized the thing you mentioned about self-deprecating humor. Also the fact that every morning I started the day with “Ugh” when the scale didn’t cooperate, which was most mornings. I’ve been making a conscious effort to think about what I am thankful for about being me. I don’t know if this topic comes to the forefront because middle-age, moving to another state, or (in my case) having an empty-nest after years of child-rearing, but whatever the reason, I can relate! (Oh, and for a quick partial answer to the “What do I love” question, I love that I have a strong body and that I can almost every day quickly solve the Cryptoquip puzzle in the newspaper!)May 2, 2019 – 9:44 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Kristi, I hope you will link-up. This topic isn’t something I’ve thought much about until recently. I started therapy and have realized that (aside from being Tucker’s mom), that I don’t do much for myself, and certainly need to work on loving myself more.
      I’d say forget the scale – the amount of hugely difficult runs you’ve done is inspiring and awesome. Strong body for SURE. And being able to quickly solve the Cryptoquip puzzle is nothing to sneeze at! xoxoMay 3, 2019 – 5:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Jena - I love this.May 3, 2019 – 5:08 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw thanks, Jena. It’s shocking to me how hard it is to just be loving with myself. xoMay 3, 2019 – 5:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - I love that you asked Tucker! I asked Scarlet what she thought I would write her and I should have asked her what she’d answer about herself! Doh! Not too late.
    And I love that you do these last minute. Me too! I think I’m mentally incapable of doing creative things with time in advance. I just can’t!May 3, 2019 – 8:22 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I’m glad I’m not alone in the last minute thing. I just canNOT when it comes to the in advance thing. I want to know what Scarlet says about loving herself! Not too late!May 3, 2019 – 5:23 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - That is a great “exercise” in self-love and one that we should all do more often!! Tucker’s answers were awesome too. 🙂May 3, 2019 – 11:54 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - It’s only been recently that I realize how easy it is for me to dismiss any positive qualities, etc. This exercise just shouldn’t be this hard, you know?May 3, 2019 – 5:24 pmReplyCancel

  • SpecialMomma - Your humor. That is definitely what hooked me to you when we first met. Anyone who can find the real humor in boring or stressful situations is someone of strength and creativity. Tucker clearly loves your humor and how hard you let yourself laugh. It’s so good for our kids to see us be funny and even laugh at ourselves. This post makes me miss you even more!!May 3, 2019 – 8:32 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Aw, I miss you too! A LOT! Here’s to being silly and awesome for our kids. I know you get it because I’ve seen you be that way with yours! It’s good for us and them.May 3, 2019 – 9:28 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - There was a time you wouldn’t even have allowed this topic for FTSF because it would have been so tough. I’m proud of you for it and definitely agree there is lots and lots of good about you for you to love, and I’m glad you’re seeing it (even with a few ‘mostly’s chucked in) xxMay 4, 2019 – 3:07 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I know! I chose it because of how icky it felt and because I *know* that it should not feel icky, you know? xoxoMay 5, 2019 – 5:39 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya G. Johnson - I laughed at (Robert). And I’m pretty uptight about being on blog on time, I guess that’s why I couldn’t keep up with having to post once a week on purpose. Sorry x one million for bailing. If the day doesn’t get away from me, I’d love to try to write a post for this – 10 things style. I’d really love to know that I can come up with 10 things.May 5, 2019 – 12:59 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Hey no worries for bailing! I promise that I completely and totally understand. I’d love to read your list if you end up posting! One of them can be your new haircut and another that you learned to like football. Those are pretty cool things!May 5, 2019 – 5:41 pmReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - I have a devil on my shoulder telling me so many things I don’t like about myself so… I get THIS. But I love that you see those incredible things to love about yourself too. There are SO MANY MORE, but that’s a good start. <3May 8, 2019 – 8:58 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Why are our inner voices so mean to us when they’re so forgiving and loving of others? We need to be nice to us right? Here’s to loving ourselves better! xoMay 9, 2019 – 8:23 amReplyCancel

While I don’t remember the year, I remember waking up ecstatic. In my dream, I could hear my son speak. I turned to my husband to say “He can talk!” before realizing the sun hadn’t yet risen, and neither had my son’s voice. His words were so clear, though. Now that he speaks, I wonder […]

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  • Rebecca Vaughn - Oh Kristi, I love how reflective you are about what really matters when you’re a parent – being present in those vivid moments and soaking them in as much as possible.April 25, 2019 – 8:39 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Rebecca! It can be hard to be present but when I am, I feel so much better about everything!April 26, 2019 – 6:02 pmReplyCancel

  • Emily - Oh I miss those hand-holding days! My youngest dude still gives me great, long hugs (and I hope always will!), but the hand-holding with any of my dudes is no more. 🙁April 26, 2019 – 6:35 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Great, long hugs are amazing and I fear the hand holding days are pretty limited. 🙁April 26, 2019 – 6:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Oh my gosh do I love that ending. Self-imposed time limits, but we stick to them!!
    Yes, each of our moments matter. And yes, we’re writing.April 26, 2019 – 6:45 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - Thanks, Tamara. Yes, writing. That counts for a lot, I think, even rushed between working and life.April 26, 2019 – 6:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Debi - My girls (13 and NEARLY 17 OMG) still hold hands with me in public, and they have a couple of guy friends who will do the same with their moms. You never know!April 26, 2019 – 9:38 amReplyCancel

  • Christine Carter - Ah, I just love that you got picked to go on the field trip and gurrrrrrl, I have since crossed over to the no-touching in public zone with Cade, and it’s so hard. BUT I bet Tucker will be your snuggle bug like Cade is when he gets older. There’s always room for that in the protected walls of our homes. <3

    Also- Cade still says he loves me in front of anyone at any time and feels NO SHAME in that. I'll take it! I bet your sweet boy will do the same.May 8, 2019 – 8:04 amReplyCancel

My first thought upon seeing my son’s classroom at his new school wasn’t marveling at how far portable classrooms have come, now complete with their own heating and cooling systems. It wasn’t joy at him being close to the playground, or awe over the view of Pikes Peak from right outside his door. On the […]

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  • Janine Huldie - I am not sure what more to say than what you already said as I think you summed up my own fears for my kids here sadly. I am beyond words though at this point and scared and frustrated with the way things are and not sure what it will take. But something has to give and definitely needs to be done. And yet it doesn’t seem to matter to those in power, which is truly unfathomable and not right at all.April 18, 2019 – 8:35 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - OMG this whole world (country, world, all of it) is terrifying these days. I agree that it so doesn’t seem to matter to those in power. Those in power just admitted to lying and cheating and that doesn’t seem to matter either. It’s disgusting. But, our kids are totally amazing, so there’s that!April 19, 2019 – 8:45 pmReplyCancel

  • Lizzi - It’s horrific. That’s all there is to it.April 19, 2019 – 5:00 amReplyCancel

  • Tamara - Perfect response to the prompt because this is honestly one of my most plaguing things to be afraid of, more so than cancer, meteors, climate change, and death. Well it’s related to death but it’s not my own that I’m afraid of anymore.
    Our not so little littles need so much more. xoxoApril 19, 2019 – 11:16 amReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - To be totally transparent, I was thinking it was Mardra’s week (it’s next week – March having five weeks messed me up), so I did it knowingly, if that makes sense. Maybe that’s not fair, but your post was utterly perfect with it, so maybe fair doesn’t matter, and it’s about being ourselves and admitting to the parenting fears being so much larger than our ourselves fears… I so get it. Because YES.April 19, 2019 – 9:43 pmReplyCancel

  • Kenya - Australia took swift action. I was like WOW. I really hoped for some resolution last year when those Parkland students went to Washington. All I can hope for is that they have not given up as they approach the age to vote. I hope they are going to vote hard and against all that is wrong in our country. I’m sorry your heart had to endure that worry this week. Every time I hear of a student taking a weapon to school and someone alerted someone that the person was a threat, I wonder what WOULD have happened. And I wonder WHY they still continue to do it – throwing their lives away or ending it or ending others lives. I don’t know what else to say. It all breaks my heart. Wow to the prompt coinciding with having this story to share.April 19, 2019 – 5:25 pmReplyCancel

    • Kristi Campbell - I was like WOW with Australia too, and so jealous! I mean, what if this had happened in the US back when Columbine happened? Or the too many events after???? I follow a lot of the Parkland students too and think they’re hopeful in a billion ways… even our kids, you know? I mean, Tucker asks me why people are prejudiced, why some men don’t like women even though they all have moms… but still, I’m so with you with the students taking weapons to school – what’s happening to them at home or school or church or wherever that they feel the need to kill people and then, themselves. It breaks my heart and also I’m so tired of feeling afraid. Oh, and to the prompt coinciding… disclosure – I thought it was Mardra’s week (Marach had five weeks is my excuse) so then did this prompt after being scared and afraid to take my kid to school…April 19, 2019 – 9:48 pmReplyCancel

  • Lisa @ The Meaning of Me - Nothing I can say or add except…I know. xoApril 22, 2019 – 8:16 amReplyCancel

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